CSI Fan Fiction Critique Group.

TQ: How does the portrayal of a relationship change when showed through fan poetry as opposed to fan fiction? What about when it is shown through a cross of both?

The portrayal of a relationship changes when told via poetry vs when told via a fanfiction story because in poetry it's not really a story being told, but the feelings being expressed. We know how one character feels toward another in a poem, but I think it would be hard to show the real meat of a relationship, the things that can happen between two people, how a relationship evolves, when it is done via poetry. I admit I'm not a poetry kind of person, so I rarely read poetry, but I would think that any good poem shows one point of view...one person's feelings. So unless there was a series of poems about a couple, then it would be hard to show the evolution of a relationship. A story on the other hand contains the drama, the happenings, the feelings of both parties (depending on the POV), and thus can much better portray a relationship. With both in the same story it can portray the relationship even better, for poetry gives a much deeper look at the feelings, how one person feels toward another.

Critique: "I am Nothing Without You" by Adorelo

What a sweet ending! I loved how the story started out with Eric wanting to comfort Calleigh, but it ended up with her comforting him, telling him that she would never leave and that she is nothing without him.

As I said above in the TQ response, stories with poetry added in can really add to the story, giving a deeper view of a character's feelings...as it did in this story. You start out the story with Calleigh saying how she was waiting for Eric to come save her from her tormented soul, that she loves and needs him...but that she keeps pushing him away. I don't think you could have expressed that quite as well if the poem hadn't been there.

Through the story we see how Calleigh's been hurt by the various men in her life, even Eric. And we see Eric's resolve to help her rebuild the pieces, trust herself when it comes to men...and then Calleigh's realization that Eric was always the one to hear her plea to be saved. This part of the story could not have been effectively told in a poem. Likewise, this "story" part of the story could not have told Calleigh's deeper feelings of wanting Eric to save her from her tormented soul, as it did in the poem.

So...by having both the poem and the story in one, you gave the deeper feelings, plus the backstory on Calleigh's issues and the resolving of those issues with Eric's prodding. And the beautiful ending where the tables are turned and it's Calleigh comforting Eric, letting him know she'll always be there, with her realization that she's nothing without him.

Well done!

Suggestions for improvement...none. I can't think of a single thing you could do differently that would make this story better than it already is. I didn't see any grammar or spelling errors either.

So...as I said...well done!
 
TQ: How does the portrayal of a relationship change when showed through fan poetry as opposed to fan fiction? What about when it is shown through a cross of both?

When showed through fan poetry as opposed to fan fiction, it's moreso about the emotion and the sensations depicted which gives the reader a feeling of intimacy with the character and/or author. It may tell a story, but it's not your cut and dry plot/character/setting, etc. There are many deeper levels in fan poetry--kind of like ripping the layers from an onion depending how far the author goes.

When it's shown through a cross of both, the reader may be given more than one perspective or more than one way of experiencing the story, which in many cases is beneficial to poetry readers and fiction lovers alike. So while the reader may be experiencing the emotions and intimacy of the poetry, the actual actions/plot/conflicts are being experienced through the fiction. The portrayal in this case may be stronger as both elements compliment each other.

Critique: I had a lot of fun reading this one. I'll admit, I'm not into poetry fics because a lot of the ones I've read have been flat and meaningless. However, I loved reading yours.

I really felt the words being expressed and it went together really well with the story. Usually with song and poetry fics, I notice that one or the other just doesn't fit and ruins most of the substance but I didn't feel a separation between your poetry and fiction. I felt they were supporting each other, making the story whole.

The only thing I would say needed to be improved upon was some of the sentence structure. I felt myself doing a double take on some of it, trying to understand what I had just read. It distracted me a bit, but didn't take away from my enjoyment of the fic.

The connection between Calleigh and Eric is very strong and you displayed this very well. It's not a perfect relationship and will probably never be but they realized they both need each other despite the hardships they've both faced--including with regards to each other. (The history and references were a huge plus. I didn't feel like I had to search around for why there was this initial difficulty)

You did a really great job. It's totally not as bad as you made it out to be. :eek:

(And it's 5 in the morning so if none of this makes sense, you now know why)
 
TQ: How does the portrayal of a relationship change when showed through fan poetry as opposed to fan fiction? What about when it is shown through a cross of both?

Okay, I have to admit, I’m not very big into poetry. I muddled through the units in English classes and even wrote a sonnet once (for an assignment, of course!), but poetry has always been more difficult for me to deal with. It takes a lot of work to understand the meaning of each word, each line, and I’m sure many of the nuances are completely lost on me. Because of this, I find that fan poetry generally has less of an effect on me than straight fiction does…when I even read it at all. A cross between poetry and prose often leaves me feeling as though the poetry had taken something away from the fiction, that the fiction would have better off on its own. Very rarely, though, I will find a poem or a cross that hits my brain (or my heart) just right, and the relationship change being described makes total sense. That’s when the poem actually enhances the prose for me.



Critique

Things to work on:
I have only 2 minor issues for you to chew on in this piece. This first is one of my own obsessions—sentence structure and grammar. There were a couple of occasions when it seemed that words were missing (“transfixed her beauty” should be “transfixed by her beauty”), and there were some places where sentences ended when they shouldn’t have (‘“Calleigh, honey. You’re ok, don’t cry.” he soothed, rocking her gently. Reveling in the feeling of her in his arms.’ should be one complete sentence instead of three). The second issue is even more trivial. Eric’s use of the words “honey” and “baby” when comforting Calleigh made total sense to me, but at the same time I couldn’t see (or hear, as the case may be) him actually saying them.

Things that were good:
The feeling this piece had was amazing. You hit all the right notes in describing Calleigh’s mental and physical state, and the love with which Eric approached and comforted her. Your characterization of each was spot on, including Calleigh’s internalization of her pain and Eric’s strong desire to “re-build the pieces” as you put it. The poem was a great addition to the fic (or perhaps, the fic was a great addition to the poem!), which I can honestly say even after whining in the TQ about how much I dislike poetry. You captured all the emotion of the poem in the fic, and vice versa, so that they complimented each other in the best way. I truly enjoyed reading!
 
You know, I can honestly say you guys cofuse me totally with how much good stuff you managed to pull out of this!

It was written a long time ago when I first started writing, and it, in my eyes, is not good at all.

I appriciate ya'lls opinions and they have most certainly been taken note of.

Yep Zelda, that was back in the day when I though commas didn't exist :lol:

Keep em coming, I'm ready for the second critique of the New Year :D

J x
 
I'm sorry this is so late in the week again, and so short. I've been battling whatever is going around and just haven't felt up to being online and writing.

TQ: How does the portreyal of a relationship change when showed through fan poetry as opposed to fan fiction? What about when it is shown through a cross of both?

I really can't do justice to this question since this is the one and only fan poetry I've ever read. I really enjoyed it, but I don't have a broad enough base to really say how it would change how a relationship is shown as opposed to prose form fan fiction. Sorry for wimping out on this one!



I think the poetry added well to this story. The poetry gave us a deeper view into Calleigh's feelings than I think you could have done in straight prose. By having just words and phrases, you can sum up the heart of the feelings without having to tie it together into sentences with a lot of extra words that would just bog it down and water down the deeper feelings.

I liked the way we see some of her feelings through Eric's perceptions of them, when he's thinking about the unnecessary guilt she carries around. And I like your symbolic description of the walls Calleigh has built around her heart. I think it was a very descriptive way to explain that, so that it makes the readers understand a bit how that feels.

I like the way you portray both the friendship and gentle romantic relationship between them. It's stories like this that make me find new ways to view and enjoy CSI Miami. Which is something I've been struggling a bit with in recent weeks with some of the other characters starting to become almost comic portrayals of their earlier selves.

The grammar and commas could have used a bit of tweaking, but you've already said that it was long time ago before you fixed that stuff. And I know the more recent writing of yours I've read is very good in that respect.

Anyway, I'm sorry this is so short, but great story!
 
CSI Critique Fanfiction #12: CSI Miami, All Characters. "It's My Nature." By: Speed_Cochrane
***** ***** ***** ***** ***** ***** *****

TQ: Where do you prefer going for fanfiction? Either as a reader or an author?

***** ***** ***** ***** ***** ***** *****

I am SO sorry I didn't write a critique this week. I just got so bogged down with my other responsibilities.

I picked that story because I actually really loved it. And, I thought a poetry fic was a rare treat. So... Jodie... I picked it because it was fabulous. :D !

Please keep in mind that members will have one week to post their critiques for this week's featured fic, meaning all critiques are due by this coming Saturday. The new featured fic will be featured on Sunday, January 13, 2007.

Please feel free to PM me and volunteer a fic if you would like to be featured next week, or ever. Thank you.
 
Okay, so I offcially suck, I just read throgh this weks critiques and I thought I'd posted mine but I didn't. I have it saved in word if ya wanna read it though Jodie, I thought it was amazing story :D

LeAnne xx
 
TQ Winner Week 10

TQ: As a fanfiction reader how do you go about deciding which stories to read and which ones to ignore? Once you've finished reading how do you go about deciding which ones to review/favorite/alert or any combination there of?

Winners: It really had to be two. These two gave wonderfully detailed answers - great job!

GreenEyes

Background to my answer: I haven't read a huge amount of fan fiction in the past. The other show I read fiction for, my reading was mostly limited to a few authors. With CSI-related fan fiction, I'm trying to be careful until I'm caught up on the shows. I'm current with CSI Miami, but am only in mid-season 3 on CSI: NY. With CSI, we were catching up with Netflix, but had been spoiled enough by commercials and the like that we decided to watch season o8 though we hadn't seen season 7 yet, so I'm at least trying to be careful not to read ones that deal with a few of the more major happenings in season 7 until I see those episodes.

Actual answer: If I have found an author I like, I will check out their other stories. Other than that, it is more hard to define -- a lot of it is just gut-feeling about the story. I look first at the synopsis to see if it sounds like something I'm interested in. I avoid stories with a synopsis that says "I'm too lazy to write a synopsis, so you'll have to read it to find out..." or has messages that vaguely insult the reader such as "... and if you don't like this pairing don't leave me negative reviews because you shouldn't be reading this anyway." Generally, once I start reading the story, the first few paragraphs will tell me if I want to continue reading. If the writing is full of spelling and grammar mistakes and looks like it wasn't even spell-checked, I'll generally stop reading. Next is the content of the story -- if the characters are too far out of line with the way I view them, or if the characters are acting in a way most rational adult people wouldn't act, I also won't read it. And sometimes, I will leave a perfectly well-written story. I have had a couple of situations where I've started reading a story that had a romantic pairing that I just couldn't deal with once I started reading it, even though it was well written. That's no fault of the author, more just my own internal views of those two characters and a romantic relationship. I try to be open to different relationships and such, but sometimes the relationship or story about it just doesn't click -- I started reading a well written story that got into a relationship with Calleigh and Horatio and I just found that actually reading it, I couldn't deal with that relationship.

I'm trying to get better about leaving reviews, but I generally only leave reviews for the stories I like. I would feel bad about leaving a review for a fiction that I bailed out of because of poor spelling and grammar. Do others leave gently worded reviews for those?

AND

LLK

The process of selecting a new fanfiction to read is inherently different from the process which I follow in deciding which new story ideas I should write. When deciding what to write I rely completely on myself and what stories I think just HAVE to be told. Reading is very different. Sometimes I want to read between a couple of characters in particular, like Warrick and Catherine, sometimes I’m looking for a really long, really complete story. Other times I might want to read a oneshot or two. And sometimes I realize that there isn’t much I have going on that I’m reading at the moment and I’d really like to get into a new story. That just narrows down the search criteria, but then there are a lot of other factors that come into play.

Good use of grammar/spelling in the summary and title of the story are a must. If the person can’t even take the time to see to it that the parts that publically advirtise the story are grammatically sound I can’t imagine what kinds of flaws they will have not-so-hidden away in their story. Summaries play another big role, if the story says something like “I know this sucks” or “this isn’t very good” I’m not going to bother with it. Why should I read a story that the author him or herself doesn’t even like?

Another thing that can make or break the story for me, before I even really start reading, can be the author’s notes. Long or short doesn’t bother me.... but if the author threatens to hold their story hostage until they get a certain number of reviews there’s no chance that I’m going to continue on with my reading. I have better things to do than read a story put out by some ass.

Lastly it’s all in the story itself. I really don’t enjoy reading stories where the writer obviously didn’t even take the time to run a spell checker over it. The better the grammar the easier it will be to keep me interested. Characterization is also a must. If the characters aren’t being like themselves you sure as hell better have me laughing or I’m probably going to walk away from your story and never come back. I’m a busy woman and I don’t have time for crummy stories.

Deciding which stories go on my favorites and alerts is another thing altogether. I’ll alert a story that I only kinda like if I’m curious to see how it ends. Favoriting however is only awarded to the stories that really blow me away, the ones that make me laugh and cry and smile. There are several that I’m reading right now that I enjoy but just aren’t good enough for the favorites list. As for reviews, I try to review every single chapter of every single story that I like. The ones I don’t like so much, however, tend to get skipped when the LLK review fairy comes to town.


TQ Winner: Week 11:

TQ: How does the portreyal of a relationship change when showed through fan poetry as opposed to fan fiction? What about when it is shown through a cross of both?

Winner

Speed_Cochrne

When showed through fan poetry as opposed to fan fiction, it's moreso about the emotion and the sensations depicted which gives the reader a feeling of intimacy with the character and/or author. It may tell a story, but it's not your cut and dry plot/character/setting, etc. There are many deeper levels in fan poetry--kind of like ripping the layers from an onion depending how far the author goes.

When it's shown through a cross of both, the reader may be given more than one perspective or more than one way of experiencing the story, which in many cases is beneficial to poetry readers and fiction lovers alike. So while the reader may be experiencing the emotions and intimacy of the poetry, the actual actions/plot/conflicts are being experienced through the fiction. The portrayal in this case may be stronger as both elements compliment each other.

:D


Great Job everyone. You all have such wonderful insights, and manage to come up with such wonderful responses!

And LeAnne ? I'd love to read, I'm always up for improvment, feel free to PM me :)

Jodie x
 
I am terribly sorry for my lack of participation in the last couple of weeks. I've been increadibly busy. That, however, isn't a good excuce. I promise you guys that I'm going to sit down and try to think of 3 ways I can devote myself more to this FFCG because, I loves it so!

Anyway... I'm terribly sorry.

I'll have my critique completed and posted either before I sleep tonight or first thing when I wake in the morning. I know I shouldn't wait so long... but I've been busy. I even missed CSI last night. :(
 
Aww, poor thing.

I too will have mine up soon. I just ahve to go to class now.

Ugh, my excuse for not posting? Some damn test about sickle-cell aneamia!? Hell, we can cure it now, why do we need to know about the errors on the Nth whatever?!

Anyway, I'll be home later and I'll post it then. :)

J x
 
Yey, finally got down to do this.

TQ: Where do you prefer going for fanfiction? Either as a reader or an author?

I go to Fanfiction.net as an author, although I recently branched out to an X Files forum to post my first XF fic (as well as on FF). As a reader, I still stick to ff.net, but I’ll read on here sometimes. The thing I like on ff is that the reviews are separate. On talk, you have to scroll though the reviews to find the actual fics, which can be irritating, especially if you are reading a long story from the beginning. However, sometimes I don’t mind. I just like reading.


Firstly, I love the story as a whole. I think your characterization was bang on and you should be proud of that. I don’t say it to just anyone and few can characterize all the characters that well.

I’ll do the areas for improvement first, just so I can get back to raving about this :lol:. The only issue I have to with punctuation and capitalization. For example,

“…it's no stretch to say there'll be evidence of a sexual assault." She explained, running her hands methodically across the clothes and pants of the child.

Should be:

“…it's no stretch to say there'll be evidence of a sexual assault," she explained, running her hands methodically across the clothes and pants of the child.

You see how the comma and capital have been changed? This is because Alexx is speaking, and the dialogue before ‘belongs’ to her so a full stop is not needed. A full stop would be needed if you had missed out the ‘she explained’ part and simply said ‘Alexx ran her hands…’ instead.

One thing I really, really loved was the fact I could hear each and ever line you wrote being said by the character. At one point, I scrolled back up to find a part and I just read a line of dialogue. I was surprised to find I knew exactly who it was without even looking for the speaker.

I like your use of fragmented sentences, the really add to the pace and often seem quite sarcastic (or maybe that’s just how I’m reading it) but I think that works really well.

And your evil criminals are very well developed. She seem like the ones you get on the show… not all ‘fake’ and ‘make believe’ like some of the ones in fics do.

I’m with your reviewers: SEQUEL! SEQUEL!
 
TQ:
As both a writer and an author, I almost exclusively go to fanfiction.net. I find the way the fics are laid out on the site easier to follow as opposed to fics posted on a messageboard. I like the features of ff.net such as the story and author alerts, so you get to know about a new chapter/story as soon as it’s posted, and also the review facility, where the reviews are separate to the story. I have read some fics on LJ communities, but I have a hard time navigating LJ that I don’t usually bother. Because of that, I’ve never posted anything on LJ either.

Critique:
Let me just say, I had a really good time reading this fic. I don’t often read fics that primarily revolve around a case as I’m more of a ‘shippery’ person, but this was a pleasure to read.

I liked that all of the team were featured in the fic, and it felt that they were all there for a reason (instead of just being randomly written in for a line or two like you get in some fics), and the team dynamic was well presented. Involving all these characters and still managing to get the characterization spot on earns a lot of respect from me. It’s really hard to get the mannerisms etc right for every character. You showed this especially well in your dialogue-every line that you wrote sounded just like them.

The plot line was really good and well thought out, the twist of the principle being involved was well placed and added another dimension to the story. It wasn’t too rushed or drawn out and had just the right amount of suspense to keep me interested until the ending- which by the way was great. I liked the fact that only one of the girls was found alive, in this respect you made it all the more believable. I don’t usually like ‘cliffhanger’ endings, but this one only made me think more about the possibilities of what could come next. (I think you should write a sequel, I would definitely read it:))

I don’t often comment on grammar and spelling because I am the world’s worst offender, but there were a few misplaced capital letters. Apart from that I really can’t find a fault with this story.

It was a refreshing change for me to read something with no romance whatsoever, as I said before I don’t usually venture into that sort of fic, but reading yours was such a pleasant experience I might take a look at some others in this genre.

LeAnne xxx
 
I apologize for the lateness of my critique. I was out of town on business all week, got home last night. I spilled water on my laptop Tuesday and FRIED it. So...I spent the rest of the week WITHOUT a laptop in the evening (and I can't really use work computer for reading and critiquing fanfiction :(). So, I'm sqeezing this in inbetween running errands and getting ready for date night with my husband...so it's likely to be short.
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TQ: Where do you prefer going for fanfiction? Either as a reader or an author?

I prefer fanfiction.net for both reading and writing fanfiction. The CSI Miami archive has a wonderful story filtering thing where I can choose the rating, genre, and characters I want to read about. And I can filter by "update date" to get those that were recently updated. Sometimes I'll go to websites, but since those stories are usually on ff.net it's rare that I visit the websites. As for reading ff on Talk CSI, I rarely do that, as quite honestly the few that I've clicked on were very poorly written and involved characters I really didn't care to read about.

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This was a very well written story!

- good plot...even when using an older character from the show and a previous storyline, you still made your story very believable with the prison escape, Evan interviewing Stuart, etc.
- excellent characterization...so good that, same as Adorelo, I could actually *hear* the characters say the words
- suspense...it kept me reading until the very end, not something that is easy to do when I'm as exhausted as I am
- showed a good knowledge of CSI terms and procedures

There were some very minor punctuation and spelling errors, but so minor as to not affect the story.

I second Adorelo...SEQUEL, SEQUEL
 
Hey guys. Kathy’s critique time! Yayy!

Sorry this is even later than I said. I’ve been really ucky busy lately.

TQ: I’m a member of several sites for fanfiction. Falib.com is a newish site that I joined a while back. I enjoy posting and reading there but the review count is so low it almost makes it feel worthless to do it. However... the people are all very nice. They have contests frequently... aaand they have great forums where you have a lot of wonderful discussing to do. So... it has its perks and down sides. I don’t do livejounal because I still keep that very private for myself. Mostly, however, I hang out on ff.net. I find it to be the best organized... I just like it better.

Critique: There’s a funny little thing about characterization for a semi-fan of a show. You pick up on a lot even if you don’t know the back stories to the characters too well. I think that your depiction of them here seemed to fit the mold very well for my interpretation of the characters. Therefore... I’m going with... you did really well characterizing them. They seemed just exactly like the Horatio and everyone else I watch on Monday nights.

Another thing I loved was all the detail you put in. I’d believe you if you told me you were walking around in Miami as you were writing it. You gave us a lot of material to visualize exactly what was going on. I loved that!

My only problem with it is that there wasn’t more. You are writing a sequel right?
 
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