CSI Fan Fiction Critique Group.

Later reviewers? Hell, that's me! You know I'm not the quickest but as long as we get them out there, all is well.

How nice of you GreenEyes, to offer to PM the critique. See, that's what we like about our group here, we're all so friendly and considorate!

100 things at once is never good LLK, let me know if ya need any help babe!

Jodie xx
 
lostladyknight said:
Well that's good to hear. I'm sorry I did it to you. I honestly expected you to be one of the later critiquers... because I hadn't heard from you all day, since I got the link for your story from you.

So when trying to accomodate CalleighD into the setup I guess I just messed up my whole schedule.

It didn't occur to me until right now that I could have critiqued her story and given her the one I was doing... and that way everything would have worked out without bothering anyone. Oh well.

Sorry and thanks for being so nice about it!
Click to expand...

Sorry about all this- I believe I was the cause of this confusion :S. I really do appreciate being let in at the last minute though :)

Question-Do the critiques have to be a certain length?, because I'm pretty new and don't want to write a sucky one when everyone's been so nice :D thank you.
 
General TQ: When used properly, elements can grant the writer an opportunity to explore aspects of a characters life they may otherwise never have approached. It can be difficult to use them effectively, and not make the prose disjointed, fitting around the elements rather than the elements becoming part of the story.

The can be used both literally and metaphorically, for example, ‘a duck’ could be perceived as an actual duck, or a representation of something deeper. It depends entirely on how the writer uses and the audience perceives it. Elements can open up a world of possibilities.

For example, in my entry, I use the element to create some humour in an otherwise angst-y story. This glimpse at comedy forces the audience to sit back and think, ‘but is that really funny?’ Elements can do a many things, including forcing the reader to take note of the underlying messages and morals.

It depends entirely on how successfully they are used.

Specific TQ ( Do you find it better to plan out longer stories before writing them?): Personally, I do both. When writing a story that involves a case or complex ideas, I like to out line the story before starting it, just to make sure I don’t leave any plot holes or things undone. When writing a long one-shot or 2/3 part-er, I tend to jump right in and see where it takes me; usually because these are explorations of characters and set structures are too rigid.

Story Title: Friends and Family
by: GreenEyes
Critique by: adorelo
Critique By Challenge: Project #1.

Hey there, GreenEyes. Well done on a fantastic first story! If this is a marker to measure your standard, you have a wonderful future in writing.

Little instances of humor were tastefully added.(‘…what they really needed to go any further with an investigation was probably a team of archaeologists, a forensic anthropologist, and better weather. Not necessarily in that order.’) leaving the reader chucking at the situation rather than death (it’s more light humor than dark humor). I like your style.

Characterization was dead on. Greg with his ‘never-ending optimism and energy’ and the others’ irritation was genius! I really enjoyed this. Ecklie was wonderfully characterized, if not a little parodied.

I notice only a couple of punctuation errors, so small I can only find one of them when I go back to look (‘ “…the lab” Greg answered…’ . You missed a comma) So great work in that department too.

(‘...and it sure beats the pants off old Sponge Bob, there.’ ) I though this line was genius! Such a good pun, :lol: fantastic!

Nice change of mood half way through. Changing from the laughter and humor of Girssom’s answer to the spider question (again, very in character) so Sara’s recollection of holidays in foster care was interesting. And then my heart really did squeeze when Nick got his truth question, not many writers can do that but the moment was really believable. I often find changing tone in the middle of a piece can be tricky, it either works really, really well; or it destroys the whole thing. Yours worked. Really well.

Lovely inclusion of the element ‘I want to break free’- I couldn’t stop giggling, purely because it is something I can imagine Greg doing! Gosh, you’ve got me all festive and gooey! But then I was reminded of the horrors other people go through and the fact that Christmas is not always a happy time of year for everyone. You haven’t just got a nice story here; you have a deep political and moral message.

I really implore you to continue writing; you have a definite talent I hope you continue to share, well done.

--Jodie xx
 
I hope it's okay to just pot the answer to the general TQ first- i haven't quite finished the critique yet.

TQ:

When a challange is answered, do you find the elements that must be included break up the flow of the story, making it seem 'jerky?' Or do you find it is an exciting new way for both reader and writer to explore a fascet of the story or fandom that they otherwise may never have tried?

As I've never written fanfiction before my answer to this question is based on my experience of answering this challenge. I found that the elements made it easy for me to plot the story, and they were incorporated in a small way but important way in my story (they set the scene). However I can imagine that if there are lot of elements that have to be included, it would be hard to fit them in and still keep the story flowing nicely.
As a reader, I find that challenge fics tend to explore sides of characters we don't often get to see and can put them in situations that they wouldn't normally be in, and it's fun to take a break from the norm.
 
General TQ:

I think that the success of a challenge fic definitely depends on the skill of the writer. I’ve seen challenge fics of all shapes and sizes and some definitely seem to have a choppy manner to them. Then again I personally tend to give some rather bizarre and cruel challenges. Just as my friend... But in all honesty there are some fanfic writers that just lack the ability to incorporate specific elements into their stories. Other people, however, do amazingly well at it. I’ve read every story that was submitted for this challenge and though everyone went about it in a different way, every single story almost expertly managed to fit in all of the elements. So... I guess my answer for the first part of the question is that sometimes they are choppy but with the right writer they can be pretty amazing. I do indeed find it as an exciting new way for the reader and writer to explore new facets of writing. I mean.... I know I probably would never have written the fic that I did if it weren’t for the challenge.

Specific TQ:

I know that I personally find my own inspiration in all sorts of places. I find it frequently when I’m talking to other people about their everyday problems or my own. Bits of inspiration all kinds of ways. But you can usually tell what it is that I’ve been reading/watching or interested in the week the project starts. Just before really taking on my story “Elaborate Lives” I had read the book “My Sister’s Keeper” by Jodi Piccoult and also had just seen the episode of CSI, “Harvest.” So, that inspired the end of that story... even though I had still just begun it. I had spent a lot of time reading fics over at An Evident Gamble when I decided to take on my first Yobling oneshot... it was heavily inspired, also, by my personal idol John Keating’s adage from “Dead Poet’s Society.” But generally it comes out in just about anything. Sometimes I feel like writing friendship pieces when one of my friends does something that just amazes me. I have really amazing friends and they love me... a lot. Sometimes I forget that though... and when they remind me it’s just such a great feeling. So that shows a lot too. I dunno... I think that there is an overwhelming amount that goes into inspiration for any person or any story.


Critique:

My Mother Said So
By: Jennifer
Critique By: lostladyknight
Critique By Challenge: Project # 1.

Well I absolutely love the way you interpreted the challenge. I think it’s amazing how very different the five stories that were submitted truly are. I mean, I know that I started in a totally different direction than the way I ended. However, your way of doing this is really good.... it’s something I never would have thought of myself. I like that the perception of family you gave this piece was almost negative for a long time but in the end you gave the idea of light and of the possibility of something more. I never imagined that one of the writers for this challenge would take the idea of family and give it that darker depiction, not that there’s anything at all wrong with that. Like I said, I loved your interpretation of the challenge. I also loved that you included some lyrics from the song. I actually think it would be a great song to have playing in the background of doing something like shooting a gun for a release of frustration. I don’t know if you’ve ever really heard it... but it was amazingly fitting for the way you used it.

I guess the only thing I didn’t like was that it didn’t include MORE of the song... but then again I don’t think I put too much of it into my fic. I think I barely even alluded to it. I had wanted to come back to it... but I was over on words. I stopped at 27 hundred and something. But I would really have loved to see more of the song in this fic... just because and since I can’t think of a single other thing I would have changed I’m going with that as my gripe. The song is just so good. Freddy Mercury is basically amazing. I’d call him a God among men... but I just don’t know how I feel about making that kind of comparison in this situation... because it could be seen as inappropriate.

I never usually like it when, in fics, the main character walks through the lab or wherever like a man or woman on a mission and just plants a big fat kiss on the object of their obsession’s lips. But somehow here it worked. It was almost similar to the way Sara did it to/for Grissom in the episode where she left but at the same time... not quite. This time I wanted it to happen so much more. I felt like cheering when she did it. It just seemed like the ultimate way for her to ‘Break Free.” I dunno... I guess you had me all wrapped up in the moment because I was just so happy when the ending came around. So uh... overall great job and fantastic moment there.




Because I wrote the challenge and I love Queen/Freddy Mercury/I Want to Break Free so much I decided to do a little extra with this critique. I’m going to include the lyrics to the song and a link to the video on youtube. Because I think everyone should have the chance to experience it the way I do. If you want me to fill you in any more on Freddy Mercury or Queen or anything related ask me any questions you want. My roomate and I both adore Freddy, something we discovered on a road trip together this past may, so our home is filled with little tidbits and interesting little things regarding him. So... I guess since I have a poster of him over my fish tank that makes me some sort of expert.... not really but I do have a lot of info. So... if you are curious... let me know. My failure to utilize that part of the challenge was really because I ran out of space.

I Want To Break Free
By:Queen.

I want to break free
I want to break free
I want to break free from your lies
Youre so self satisfied I dont need you
Ive got to break free
God knows God knows I want to break free

Ive fallen in love
Ive fallen in love for the first time
And this time I know its for real
Ive fallen in love yeah
God knows God knows Ive fallen in loveIts strange but its true
I cant get over the way you love me like you do
But I have to be sure
When I walk out that door
Oh how I want to be free baby
Oh how I want to be free
Oh how I want to break free

But life still goes on
I cant get used to living without living without
Living without you by my side
I dont want to live alone hey
God knows got to make it on my own
So baby cant you see
Ive got to break free

Ive got to break free
I want to break free yeah

I want I want I want I want to break free...


Thank you Jennifer and everyone else who participated this week. I had a lot of fun and I look forward to doing something similar in the future. I’m already making plans for a Valentines day challenge... and maybe even a few other things mixed in there.

-LLK
 
Great critiques and TQ responses so far guys.

Don't forget December 9th is the deadline. :)

--Jodie xx
 
Sorry this wasn't posted sooner, but real life has kept me busy the past couple of days!

I answered Adorello's TQ in an earlier post. I didn't realize we were supposed to wait until our review to answer that one, too.


TQ "Do you tend to stick to one genre (eg.angst) when you're writing/reading fanfics or do you write/read a mixture of genres?"

I definitely read a mixture of genres. I'm interested in seeing where a writer is going to take me, and to feel the mood that they create with their story, more than I'm concerned with specifically which genre it falls into. Sometimes, the genre I choose to read depends on my current mood, but I'm probably a little more picky within a genre about what I'll read.

With writing, although it has been years since I've written fiction at all and this challenge was my first fanfic, I know myself well enough to know that I'll probably stick with a small set of genres that suit my style, my thought processes, and my emotional perception of things. I'm an odd combination of a sentimental person and an engineer, so I'm stuck with the warring feelings of needing to look at things logically yet also having an irrational sentimental streak. I'm sure that's going to have an effect on what genres I write in.


Story Title The Night Before Christmas
by: Author’s SN('s) LeAnne-Duquesne (CalleighD)
Critique by: GreenEyes
Critique By Challenge: Project #1.


I really loved reading your story. It was a wonderful love story, and it's one of those stories that gives you a warm, happy feeling when you read it.

I liked the surprie of finding out part way into the story that Eric and Calleigh were married, and then the additional surprise that it had been a while because they've got a 5-year old daughter. You worked that very smoothly into the story, and doing it that way added a dimension to the story. By making it several years into their marriage, you made it a romance that showed that it was an enduring love, which is a very nice approach. It seems like sometimes people can forget that romance isn't just the beginning of a relationship, but something that continues and grows.

Your interpretation of the personalities and manerisms of both Calleigh and Eric was very good, which made the extended parts of their personalities that we don't usually see very believable. I can really believe that Calleigh could be calm and cool on the job, yet get flustered about family gatherings, as so many of us do, and I could just picture Eric going upstairs with his daughter and checking for monsters under the bed. And that's not a way I would have thought of Eric before.

There were a couple of small typos that spell-checker wouldn't find "...raising a family in the was she always..." (should be 'way') and "bowel" instead of "bowl". No major thing, and words that a spell checker don't catch are hard to notice yourself. ( I once wrote to "Dear Hon" instead of "Dear Jon" in a business e-mail to a someone at another company. Of course, it was copied to several people at my company. :rolleyes: )

You also had some problems with commas, particularly in relation to quotations, which is something having someone proofread/beta for you could help with. You had a few places where you had a comma instead of a period before a quotation mark at the very end of a sentence. Also, there were places where it would have been better to break it into more than one sentence, rather than tie it together with commas. For instance:

“Your window doesn’t open from the outside now does it?” Eric said, smiling and picking his daughter up. “And little girls who don’t go to sleep don’t get presents from Santa, do they?”

Those things really didn't take away from the impact of the story, though. It was such a sweet family story, and I loved Calleigh's gift to Eric. That was done so well. I know that in the show that Eric and Calleigh have had their "moments" together, but I always had a hard time actually picturing a relationship between the two of them. Your story made it really believable for me.


I like your style and I really look forward to reading more stories from you!
 
Sorry this is horribly late, school, everything sucks so much :(

I already answered the general TQ :S

Specific TQ:

When writing a fic by challenge how does you overall writing process change?

The first fic I ever wrote was for a challenge (this one) and I found that as soon as I saw the elements that had to be included a plot instantly formed in my head and sort of fell in to place.
In contrast with a couple that I’ve written since, I’ve found that I’ve planned them out carefully rather than writing them straight down, and developed the story over a few hours and re-writing them a couple of times before I was happy with them..
The elements that have to be included in a challenge fic made it easier for me personally to figure out what the story would contain.

Story Title Pulling Strings
by: Author’s SN('s) Adorelo
Critique by: CalleighD
Critique By Challenge: Project #1.

First of all I’d like to say that I really liked the way that you approached the elements in this challenge. It may not be the most traditional way to structure a story, but I felt it really worked and allowed me to get deep in the mind of the character.

I can really imagine that Calleigh would be the type of person to write her feelings down in a journal, she doesn’t scream, shout or cry, and you got this aspect of her character really well.

The diary entry itself makes so much impact because it is so much more personal and conveys so much more emotion than if you had just described the events of her past. It really feels like it was coming from Calleigh and it was fantastically written.

The inclusion of the element in a humorous situation was well placed (and after all, everyone has to have some happy memories) and it didn’t break up the flow of the story at all. It was a nice little break from the angsty-ness.

I liked that after the diary entry the fic continued and there was a little more description to explain Calleigh’s feelings but the emotion was never lost.

This has to be my favourite paragraph of the whole story-

‘It’s times like this you wish you had strings, controls attached to your arms and legs that could do the work for you. A puppet master, calling the shots, making your decisions, pulling you this way and that. Making you do things because you don’t want to hope anymore, you don’t want to rely on a feeling to get you by. Feelings are irrational, they cannot be quantified or studied, they don’t fit. Hope doesn’t fit. But hope is all you have’.

I can’t really explain why I like it so much, I know I just do (that’s probably not very useful to you, but I just wanted you to know I liked it a lot).

The ending is great, leaving it open like you did, gave me the opportunity to imagine the conversation Calleigh was having with her mum. Sometimes when a story is ended quite abruptly it ruins the ending a bit, but this was the perfect ending to this story.

Overall I only found one tiny error-
‘You mind says the beginning’ should have been ‘your’, but apart from this, I found absolutely nothing wrong with this fic at all.

It delves deep into Calleigh’s mind, opens up her emotions and really takes you in to a previously under-developed aspect of her character.

I’m not sure if you meant for this fic to be sad, as in upsetting sad, but the first time I read this, it made me cry (and I may have been over emotional at the time) but only a few things are able to make me cry and fanfic is not usually one of them. I think I really did feel what Calleigh was feeling in the story. It was well thought out and fantastically written. A brilliant job :)

I'm sorry if this critque is not really very good. It's my first one and I hope to get better at them. I have read all the fanfics and they were all brilliant :)
LeAnne x
 
Wow, thank you so much for all the kind things you said! I really appreciate your feedback, and I'm so happy that you liked my story. :)

One thing that occurred to me well after I posted it was that using an outdated pop-culture reference my ending was probably a poor choice. Although a little cliche, it would still be a humorous thing that I can picture Greg doing. However, I didn't think at the time that many of the younger people on the forums might not have a clue what that was about. Although that phrase went well beyond "The Walton's" and really was a pop-culture reference, it probably should have stayed in the last century rather than in my story.
 
I admit, I was a little lost :S. But, thanks to google I got it.

Anyway. TQ winners!

I decided to do the winner based on the general TQ, seeing as you all had different, specific TV’s (which, by the way, were answered very well). I also thought it would be interesting to see two POV’s on this. So I posted a view that conflicted with the winner, just for debates sake.


General TQ: When a challenge is answered, do you find the elements that must be included break up the flow of the story, making it seem 'jerky?' Or do you find it is an exciting new way for both reader and writer to explore a facet of the story or fandom that they otherwise may never have tried?

Winner: Jennifer

When a challenge to write a story with specific elements is given and answered, I don’t necessarily find the elements break up the flow of the story. Nor do I necessarily find it an exciting exploration of another facet of fanfiction. Simply put…it’s hard! At least for me it is. I find it hard to write a story with elements that are required, versus getting an idea in my head and running with it…putting my own elements in it. It’s kind of like it was when I was in school and had “required reading”… required reading was never as fun as reading a book I chose to read on my own. Perhaps it’s because my stories are always romance stories…and teachers never required me t o read a romance story, darn it. In writing a story with required elements I find myself wracking my brain trying to come up with a story that will fit all the required elements. Luckily, for this challenge it was easy as it was only one required element.

Also, GreenEyes said:

“This was my first completed fanfic at all. I used to enjoy writing in school, but it's been quite a few years since I've tried to write anything fictional at all. One episode we watched through Netflix inspired me to join the forums and post my thoughts on the review thread and inspired me to try a fan fic. I really wasn't getting anywhere with that, and I saw this challenge. It was actually the elements in it that inspired me to try it. I think the process would be different, though, because rather than starting with a story idea, I started by thinking about those elements and how I could see them fitting with different characters from the different series.”

Though you didn’t actually post this, you sent it me in the PM when you reviewed hehe.

Well done to everyone this week, you all did amazingly well and I think this challenge was a great success. I think everyone deserves a big clap and a hug for your great responses. We should be proud :lol:

On with the next, I say! And I hope we keep you all on board! :D
 
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CSI Critique Fanfiction #8: CSI: Miami, No pairing, “This Time of Year.” by: CalleighD


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TQ: When reading and writing fanfictions that utilize flashbacks to help tell the story what do you expect the story to depict? Have you grown accustomed to flashbacks bringing with them some sort of negative feeling? Do you find them a welcome distraction to the text around you or an unecessary stop in the flow of the story?

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Thank you everyone for all the wonderful participation and patience with our activities over the past two weeks. It was really enjoyable to break the mold and try something new and I look forward to trying something like that again in the future.

It was a resounding success and I know that I owe that 100% to you guys and your willingness to try new things and go with the flow. I had a lot of fun over the last two weeks and I really look forward to working with you all on this critique group more in the future.

I do have long term goals for this group. I’d like to send it to it’s own website, independent of Talk CSI, in the future. You know... if we get enough people participating. I think it would be really fun to be able to keep more people involved. But that’s not for a while yet. So far we usually only have about 4 or 5 critiquers a week. I’d like to try to get those numbers up to about 10 or so. So please tell your friends.

Anyway... thanks for everything guys. That goes out to everyone. Each and every critiquer that has ever posted.

Please keep in mind that the new featured fic will be posted on Sunday, December 16th, 2007.

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Hey guys,

Okay, LLk and myself noticed that some people are posting/critiquing once, then disappearing and not coming back. We'd like to change this but, of course, we'll need your opinions. So if you could take part in this quick poll, we can make some changes and, hopefully, improve. Again, if there is anything you wish to discuss in private, our doors are always open. Thanks.


EDIT: I forgot to say, please give us some resons so we can actually make some changes :lol:. Thanks in advance
 
I'm sorry to admit I'm one of those disappearing critiquees (critiquers? I haven't a clue). RL's been a pain in the rear lately, plus since there isn't much of a concrete structure for writing the critiques I find it perhaps a little too open to interpretation. If there was a structure that ID'd what exactly we were supposed to look for in this story (ie. Spelling, plot, char descriptions) perhaps it would be easier? :confused:

Allright, enought with the dazed-and-confusedness and my ramblings. I was just about to write my critique for this incredible FF so... yeah...
 
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