CSI Fan Fiction Critique Group.

Discussion in 'Fan Fiction' started by lostladyknight, Sep 30, 2007.

  1. lostladyknight

    lostladyknight Pathologist

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    I've had my weeks where I didn't critique. Weather it was deliberate or not, it has happened. Sometimes I get too busy and other times, I admit, it was just too much work.

    :)

    You're allowed to miss a week here and there. I'll still love you.
     
  2. adorelo

    adorelo CSI Level Two

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    *snuggels* I know, but I don't like to miss. This may be your group but I like to keep it spiffy with new critiques hehe *pats thread*.

    I'll be taking part this week, though. Although whoever it is will probably have some form of psychological evaluation in there; I'm over-studying for my exams. But I'll have one in.

    pwwomise
     
  3. lostladyknight

    lostladyknight Pathologist

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    I am 90% positive that I won't be critiquing next week. But, that's a personal matter.

    I haven't posted yet because I guess I'm wasting time. My boyfriend is still here, so I'll blame him. The new fic will be up today though. :) Promise.
     
  4. lostladyknight

    lostladyknight Pathologist

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    CSI Critique Fanfiction #25: CSI: Crime Scene Investigation. Warrick B./Catherine W. "Just A Little Fun" by Amanda_Ruth.

    ***** ***** ***** ***** ***** ***** *****

    TQ: I got the idea for this one as I was writing my TQ answer yesterday. What is the greatest compliment you've ever recieved as a writer? Why was it so significant to you?

    ***** ***** ***** ***** ***** ***** *****

    Thanks everyone for your wonderful participation and all. Special welcomes to our new members, Racefh and Kaz! It's a pleasure to have you here.

    Please everyone remember critiques are due by this coming Saturday. Please anyone with a piece they want featured, PM me.

    The new fatured fic will be up on Sunday, May 18th, 2008.
     
  5. racefh853629

    racefh853629 Pathologist

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    Story: Just a Little Fun
    Author: Amanda_Ruth
    Critique by: Racefh853629

    Strong points:
    It's a really cute story. I like how he spells his name with the letters. I didn't see it coming, and it was completely adorable. I like that at first she was annoyed by it, because I think that adds a certain humor to the story, in a very good way. Also, it makes it that much more sweet.

    It's short, it's to the point, and there's not much dragging it out. I like that, to an extent. It's well done, and the grammar is good as well. The little sayings were cute and romantic, and it was just a really good story. I liked it.

    Not as Strong Points:
    The ending seemed a little too short. There was a lot of build up to her figuring out it was him, but not too much development into him confronting it. I felt there could have been a little more there, but other than that, it was a really good story. :)

    TQ:
    I think the greatest compliments I get are the ones that say they could feel themselves as the characters. Like, I wrote it well enough for someone to think what the characters are thinking, feel what the characters are feeling. I like hearing people say that, because then I feel I'm doing a good job. :)
     
  6. Amanda_Ruth

    Amanda_Ruth Witness

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    O_O There's already a critique up! HOLY CRAP! *thud*

    Ahem... yes, I'm a little overexcited. I'll do what Zelda did last week and wait for a few more critiques before I reply completely, but... ^_^ Glad you liked it :D

    Amanda Ruth ^_^
     
  7. Kazalene

    Kazalene Rookie

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    TQ: What is the greatest compliment you've ever recieved as a writer? Why was it so significant to you?
    Oh God, that implies that we have to pick just one. Uh, well there's actually three that I can't pick from so I'll talk about all of them :p

    The first one came from ladyd10:
    The reason that it was so significant was because, as is mentioned, it was about my first fic and I think that kind of encouragement when you're just starting out and from one of my favourite authors over at ff.net was hugely...well, significant. I was grinning like an idiot when I read that.

    The second was from somethingsdont:

    Again, it was from an author that I view as a million miles away from my work and there was a time when I actually hated the fic in question, but comments like this made me reassess the piece and start to like it again. And it also made me realise how great reviews can be, so from then on, I strived to review everything that I read.

    And the third was from you LLK :) and about the same fic.
    It was significant first off because of how ridiculously I felt about this fic and how this comment helped to ease that insecurity, but mostly because you took the time to do it, after you'd seen me review someone else's work and forgive me for sounding so sappy but it really made me smile :)

    End of very long TQ!

    Critique

    Likes: You promised fluff and you delivered :) Who doesn't like a bit of good old angst free fiction in a little while! I also liked that from the very first secret message, through Catherine's thoughts and actions you made it clear how soppy and cheesy some of the lines were. It was like you weren't taking it too seriously and the tongue-in-cheek humour was great. At one point I was almost expecting her to find something like a box of matches with the message "I'm hot for you" inside of it. ;)

    I like that you chose to go for a not overly romantic approach, but something more understated and fun. It was really refreshing! I also loved how all of the messages spelt out his name. That was cute and really clever too; I totally didn't see that coming so great job!

    Characterisation and grammar were of course good too! And I could see Catherine acting like that and getting increasingly annoyed/frustrated as the notes started to build up.

    Basically, I just loved all of it. It put a smile on my face and made me happy!

    Dislikes: Uh...there were two things, but I wouldn't say that they were serious. The first was that I felt the scene changes were very abrupt. It was kinda like "this happened and then so did this." I don't know if you wrote it that way intentionally and the more I think about this point, I think that it might be that you wanted to keep the pace up. But as this fic was meant to be a "fluffy little one shot" I think you could afford to have the quick scene changes...it did work :)

    The second was that I, too, felt that the ending just stopped. I was kind of expecting more but that could be taken in one of two ways; pure genius on your part for teasing throughout the fic and ending on another tease, making me want more...or that you just wanted to end it, be direct and get straight to the point and that was that. But again, it did suit and work with what you were aiming to create; fluffyness that makes you go "aww" and where you don't have to think too hard; escapism. :) And regardless, I still loved it.
     
    Last edited: May 12, 2008
  8. Jennifer

    Jennifer Lab Technician

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    TQ: I got the idea for this one as I was writing my TQ answer yesterday. What is the greatest compliment you've ever recieved as a writer? Why was it so significant to you?

    The compliments that mean the most to me are the ones that come from the writers whose work I love and enjoy reading myself. When I get positive comments from a writer whom I consider to be so very good, it makes me feel that my work is good as well, I truly feel as if I can believe in what they tell me, including when they offer constructive criticism...it is that criticism that I take most seriously. I do enjoy getting reviews from people whose work I feel needs help (and whom I wish would join this group), but the reviews mean so much more when it comes from writers I enjoy reading.

    But, this is a double edged sword. There are writers whose work I truly do enjoy and respect who have NEVER written a review for any of my stories. This makes me feel that my work just isn't good enough. So...my source of greatest compliments is also my source for a letdown.

    **********************************************************
    Critique:

    Amanda Ruth...I'm so glad to read another one of your stories. I swear, between you and LLK, I'm about ready to jump into the Warrick/Catherine ship!

    I've said before, I'm a hopeless romantic, so I really do enjoy fluff pieces, those stories that are just fluff, no angst. Most of the stories I write are solely fluff pieces, rarely any angst (hmmmm..perhaps that's why some writers I enjoy never review my work...they don't like to read fluff-only stories ;)). You definitely did not disappoint with this story. You took a holiday that usually generates a host of cliched stories and give us something original...cards that leave the recipient trying to figure out who sent them, and using the first letter of each card to spell out who the person is.

    I do agree that the ending seemed rushed, like there was supposed to be more to it. I found myself wanting to read more...but that could just be the hopeless romantic in me wanting to read what happens next ;):lol:.

    I really liked the words that Warrick wrote on the cards. Did you get those from somewhere, or did you really come up with those? If you came up with them, I'm impressed! Really! I really liked these two the most:

    Reach for my hand when you fall: I promise I'll catch you.
    and
    If you doubt the path your heart leads you down, turn around and come back to me.

    I didn't find any grammatical or punctuation mistakes, and since I rarely watch CSI anymore, its hard for me to comment on characterization.

    So, other than a seemingly rushed ending, the story was really good!
     
  9. adorelo

    adorelo CSI Level Two

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    TQ: I got the idea for this one as I was writing my TQ answer yesterday. What is the greatest compliment you've ever recieved as a writer? Why was it so significant to you?

    The best compliment came from a friend of mine over here who stumbled across something I'd written but not typed up. She read it while I was getting ready and, when I came out, I found her in tears. She didn't say anything to me, just held up the piece I had written. Her reaction was one of the greatest compliments I have ever received and it meant so much because I know how hard it is to make her cry (not that I've tried).

    Review-wise, I received one from somethigsdont the other day, to the challenge piece I submitted to this group. The fact that my challenge was one of the most rushed pieces of work I think I've ever completed and the fact that reviews from her are like finding gold, it meant a lot.

    One of the first stories I posted (and one of the first reviews I got) was from the Bones fandom. My third (I think) review came from Jemb. One of the reasons I liked it wasn't because she praised me, but because the constructive criticism was ever so helpful. It's because of people like this that I've managed to improve:

    I review I received for Resolute Breath was also a great compliment. I am a great advacate for characterization so this made me happy.

    Fianlly, Shining Zephyr said:

    The fact that I received that review to a story (So She Did it Again) I really wasn't confident about made my day. I love it when people like reading what I've written. It's one of the greatest compliments we as writers can get.

    I must say, LeAnne gives the best reviews ever, I don't think she's missed a story, bless her. She's a star. Always helpful.


    Critique:

    Wow. I really loved this. Hehe, If you hadn’t put ‘Catherine’ and ‘Warrick’ as the set characters at the top, I wouldn’t have a clue. Though I admit, I’d make a good CSI - when the letter stressed ‘beginning’ I put two and two together.

    I liked the fluffy romance (yes, even I like fluff every now and then), though it was too short for me. I’d have liked it even more if you’d have dragged aspect out a little. Like, focused more on her realization of her secret admirer, and on finally letting Warrick know she knows. It was great as you did it, but from reading some of your other stories I know how good you are at things like that; it’s a shame you didn’t do it here.

    As a Valentines Day fic, it wasn’t too corny. The really cheesy lines were taken as that and there was no ‘cliché of the cliché‘, if that made any semblance of sense, I did just construct that term.

    Characterization was, as usual, very good. Though at times I felt Cath was a little abrupt with her reasoning. Still, very in character despite this. The scene change were, as someone up there mentioned (*hits self for being so lazy*), a little abrupt also. If you’d have kept that ‘this then this then this’ all the way through it would have a really worked as a little funny one-shot, but, at times, it seemed like parts linking two sections were missing.

    Grammatically perfect, as far as I can tell, though I’m not necessarily the best person to comment on this. I loved your slight complexity.

    I loved the messages he sent, they were very sweet. Perfect. Actually something I can see Warrick doing, bless him. You brought out the romantic side, but didn't over-complicate it by telling it from his point of view. I think that would ave ruined it. Great choice with Cath, and it also kept that surprise.

    Well done on this, dear, it was great stuff! :D I loved every moment.
     
    Last edited: May 13, 2008
  10. lostladyknight

    lostladyknight Pathologist

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    I refuse to critique this fic and if anyone has any question as to why, PM me and ask, I’ll be happy to answer. The author knows how I feel about this fic and how I felt about it being featured and I’m sure she can infer as to why I am making a public refusal to critique it. So, I just wanted to get that out there before I began.

    TQ:
    I got the idea for this one as I was writing my TQ answer yesterday. What is the greatest compliment you've ever recieved as a writer? Why was it so significant to you?

    Over the years as a fanfiction writer I’ve received hundreds of reviews but even I have to admit that some of them just tend to mean a whole lot more than others. I’m going to give you all a list of reviews and comments that I’ve received over the years, even the ones that may not have been positive criticisms.

    The first isn’t something I can quote. There is a story on my profile which I obviously need to re-work desperately, but I’ll take the time to do it eventually. However, aside from the obvious grammatical errors, someone I know liked the piece enough that they submitted it to a writing contest. I recieved an email a few weeks later saying that I’d won.

    The piece is "To Days of Inspiration" it’s a RENT fanfiction featuring Benny as the main character. Apparently I touched on something profound, without even noticing it. I request that none of you read the piece, as it’s really terrible. But winning the grand prize in a contest with it, even given that it’s as grammatically inept as I’ve ever written, meant a whole lot. I won three hundred dollars, a t-shirt, and a free pass to the movies for a year. I still have the shirt! The fact that I never believed in the piece, but someone else did (and cleaned it up and submitted it) and then I won, well that really meant a lot. I never would have guessed that I had any talent before that point. That’s the only reason I haven’t taken it down from ff.net yet.
    Now I’ll start with actual comments I’ve received in reviews on the actual website. :D

    This was the first review I received for my piece "It Wasn’t All Bad," which was the first of a few very emotionally charged pieces I’ve written. Though it’s one of the shortest I’ve ever penned out, it was probably the most profoundly important to me that I’d ever written, at the time.

    The fact that this reader said that it was real and that she thanked me for capturing my feelings made me really feel like I’d written something worthwhile. Again, I never thought the piece was very good, but it was this review that made the difference. I really wanted to express something significant in writing that piece, and it was this review that really made me feel like I might have done that. I guess my goal was to touch my readers and I felt like I might just have done that because of that review.

    Submitted to my story, "Frozen," it was the second challenge piece I wrote. I received a lot of great reviews for that story, both on and off ff.net, but it was this one that really effected me the most. I strive to have a unique writing style, to be just a little different. When someone points out the phrasing of my work and says that it’s especially good, that means more than most other compliments I’ve ever received. I try to be poetic in my prose, not rhyming mind you, but poetic. I fee like the line that person pointed out had that, and it really hit me that someone else saw that too.

    Also submitted to "Frozen." I admit that there are a few authors out there in fanfiction land that I have a deep seeded respect for. Zelda is one of them. Ever since her first critique of any of my pieces, where she found both incredibly kind, and incredibly helpful things to say about my work I’ve had a profound admiration for her. :)

    The fact that she, of all people, had such wonderfully kind and positive things to say about my piece struck a deep joy in me. I may never have said anything about it, but it was one of the most truly amazing moments for me as a fanfiction writer. :D

    I’m working up my list on ff.net but I realized that my best review from someone for "Things Fall Apart" may have just been something someone said to me in conversation. They told me that the way I write my prose is distinctive and one of the things they liked best about me as an author. It was always clear that I was writing, weather or not my name was on the piece, and I should take pride in that. Well, I do.

    Also, another person told me, via PM for some reason, that I had the characters more in character than they’d seen in a long time in that piece. They said that I had an "incredible grasp on characterization" and that I "shouldn’t take that for granted." According to them I’m talented. *shrugs*

    Submitted to my last challenge piece, "To Rise
    Above and Beat it." Honestly, I laughed out loud at that review. But, it was one of the most important I’ve ever received. I’ve been messaging back and forth with that particular reviewer since I received the review, hoping that she could help me with my characterization.

    Unfoturnately, the best she could do was to tell me to "watch a couple of episodes and try to figure it out myself." So, honestly I’m not taking her very seriously. I think that this is an attack towards my writing staged by former friend of mine, butterflygal9070, but I could be wrong. However, it did make me re-read all of my work, I’m proud of my characterization. So, this review made me as egocentric as any of the others I’ve mentioned.
    I talked briefly a few days ago about the effect that my friend Hanna’s telling me she goes to me for inspriation had on my actual resolve that I’m decent, so I won’t go into that again. I’ll just give you guys to final examples of things people have said to me that have made me all warm and fuzzy inside.

    One, a favorite author of mine from middle school wrote me a letter a couple of years back. T. A. Barron. He’d read a fanfiction piece I’d written based on one of his novel series and wanted to sit down and have a chat with me. According to him I had a gift for fantasy and a raw talent for writing. He said that I shouldn’t give up on that. He gave me a seven page explanation on exactly how I would best advance in the writing world and beseached me to try. I’ve never lost the letter, and more than anything it’s made me want to succeed in the writing world. Someday, I will.
    The last thing I have to talk about, however, was probably one of the greatest achievements in my tiny little life. :)

    Several months ago now, nearly eight, the forum I’ve been a member of for more than two years went into crisis mode. All of our current members of the time had decided to leave, to walk away, and never look back. Well I wrote a long "speech" about how much our time together had meant to all of us (the ones who were standing by my side and not leaving and the ones who were fed up) and that in the end we’d all be missing a part of us if we gave up on the forums.

    Well, a few days later, Gregory Maguire (the author the forum was dedicated to) stumbled upon my post. I received the following email.

    The reward I received was an autographed special edition of the novel, Wicked. I’ll keep the internal caption to myself, however.

    Gregory Maguire is the one author I respect more than any other. To receive such kind and inspiring words from him was the greatest compliment in my life. The fact that it was my speech, my determination, and my love of those forums that inspired him to help us was a truly amazing feeling. I must have been on the ball when I wrote that post. I guess I do have a way with words, after all.
    And... that’s really about it. There is more I could talk about, bu this is probably already one of my longest post in this thread. :) And I haven’t even critiqued. Oh well.

    Some of the encouragement I’ve been given over the years was truly inspiring.

    -LLK
     
  11. Zelda49

    Zelda49 Rookie

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    I don't judge the worth of any of my pieces by the number or quality of reviews I get, but the 3 LV fics I wrote just seemed to get so much less attention than those I wrote in any other fandom, and I couldn't figure out why. This makes perfect sense to me--thanks Kaz!

    First of all, wow! My words may have been kind, but this right here is one of the nicest things anyone has ever said about me, and I'm having trouble finding the right words to respond (ironic for a writer, I know!)--"glad I could help" just doesn't seem to cut it. But I am...thrilled, in fact. You just made my week :D

    And secondly, the respect is totally mutual. :cool:
     
  12. Kazalene

    Kazalene Rookie

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    I'm glad it made sense! I couldn't help but feel I was rambling a little when I wrote that small insight :D.
     
  13. marymagdalen

    marymagdalen Lab Technician

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    TQ:
    I got the idea for this one as I was writing my TQ answer yesterday. What is the greatest compliment you've ever received as a writer? Why was it so significant to you?

    Hmmm... not an easy question for me to answer. It’s not that I’ve never received any compliments for anything I’ve written, it’s just that compliments are a very personal thing and sharing them like this feels a bit like singing my own praises, and I guess I’m just not comfortable with that! :(

    However, for you guys, I’ll try!

    What and why? When I wrote my first fanfic I was having trouble working out how to post, how to upload chapters, etc, and I decided I needed help from an expert. The one writer who had really impressed me with her writing and her reviewing of other writers was Jodie (Adorelo), so she became my first friend in the fanfiction world! She helped me whenever I asked, and was gracious no matter how stupid my questions. She also offered to review my story, and in that review she wrote (amongst other things):


    “It's rare someone impresses me so much with a first story.”​


    That really meant a lot to me as I was quite new to all this, and it was the first time I’d shared anything I’ve written with other people. For someone whose work I admired to be so generous was what encouraged me to continue writing. So... thanks, Jodie! :thumbsup:


    Critique
    Just a Little Fun, by Amanda Ruth

    I thought, as others have said, that the story was a bit “hit and run” from one scene to another, and the ending was a bit abrupt. But that was the only not-so-good thing that struck me about the story.

    Spelling and grammar were excellent, as usual. I’ve come to expect nothing less from you! :)

    The notes, and using them to spell out W-A-R-R-I-C-K was a clever idea. I think we all liked that.

    Your characterisation was very good, especially of Catherine. I could just imagine down-to-earth Ms. Willows getting increasingly annoyed with the anonymous romantic, whilst at the same time deep down rather enjoying it. I like the line, “Catherine rolled her eyes: that was the lamest line she'd ever seen”.

    The scene at the locker had me intrigued. Was Sara in on it? Or had she just caught Warrick in the act and was covering for him? Or was Warrick just hanging around to throw suspicion off himself or to see how Catherine reacted to the next note? And most of all, Catherine says, “It can't be him.” Who’s “him”?! She could have been thinking about anyone – Rick, Nick, Grissom, the weird guy in the mortuary (erm... David? :wtf:Can’t remember...). So I liked the ambiguity there.

    Although I absolutely DO NOT make it a habit of reading other people’s work and thinking “it would have been better if...”, and I'm DEFINITELY not saying that here, I honestly couldn’t help imagining an alternative ending to this story. It goes like this: Catherine works out that it’s Rick who’s left all the notes, but decides not to let on that she knows it’s him. She could then “have a little fun” herself with him, talking about her secret admirer, puzzling over the messages, playing all innocent, just to see how long it took him to crack and yell, “It’s me, stupid!”

    But maybe that’s my cruel streak comin’ out to play! :devil:

    Leni
     
  14. lostladyknight

    lostladyknight Pathologist

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    Wooow! Thanks for all of the critiques this week.

    I need anyone who wants to be featured tomorrow to please PM me and request that your piece is.

    Thank you!
     
  15. Zelda49

    Zelda49 Rookie

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    TQ: What is the greatest compliment you've ever received as a writer? Why was it so significant to you?

    My answer is going to repeat what a lot of you said before me, in that the greatest compliments I’ve received as a writer are those given to me by the people I respect the most. Whether it’s another fanfiction writer, or a professor (back in the day when I was still in school!), or whoever, I found the compliments that mean the most to me come from people whose opinions I value the most. To have some random stranger or little teenybopper say “great story—I love your writing!!” is still a thrill (and it really is a thrill, at least for me), but when someone who knows your subject in depth and writes it with real skill tell you that you did good has a deeper meaning because of their knowledge and skill. You know what this person’s qualifications are, and for them to think your work is any kind of good at all, or for them to offer suggestions and constructive criticism, is high praise indeed.

    The best actual example I have is last week’s critiques of my Helpless. I hadn’t read it in a while because I didn’t like it, and I didn’t want to remind myself that I had actually written and posted that particular piece. I built it up to be such a piece of junk in my mind that I actually had a tiny little freak out when LLK picked it to be featured. I re-read it again to assure myself that it wasn’t that bad—and it wasn’t—but it was the critiques you all submitted that have actually convinced me that’s it’s more than “not that bad”. Every one of you is a capable author that has the ability to allow me to lose myself in your work, and to hear from you that Helpless was good, that there were things about it you liked that I didn’t even consider, really broomed away my dread precisely because I knew that you guys knew good work when you saw it.


    Critique

    Things to work on:
    I have only three small quibbles with this piece, emphasis on small. First, grammar-wise, your use of a colon on the two occasions you put one in (“Reach for my hand when you fall: I promise I'll catch you” and “Catherine rolled her eyes: that was the lamest line she'd ever seen…”) didn’t seem right tome. Now, there isn’t technically anything wrong with your punctuation of choice, but it seemed to me that a comma or semi-colon, or even a dash, might be a better choice in each case. Secondly, as everyone else has mentioned the ending seemed too abrupt. I liked the “hit-and-run style” (as MaryMagdalene put it) in the rest of the story, but at the end Warrick was waiting at her home and then bam! he kisses her. Maybe a little more detail could have been included there.

    The third quibble I had with this story might be due to my own background and have nothing to do with your writing, but I’m going to mention it anyway. I was actually a little creeped out in the beginning when Catherine found the flowers on her doorstep, then another card inside her house. It was emphasized, I think, by the fact that you used the word “stalker” right off the bat, and I unconsciously shuddered a little bit. The creepiness seemed to fade about halfway through, though, when Catherine began to suspect her admirer was someone she knew. I guess a complete stranger leaving notes and flowers for someone just seems kinda threatening to me.

    Things that were good:
    As I mentioned, I liked the quick hits, the short bursts of story. It was a nice style and worked well for this piece, keeping it from getting bogged down in details, but providing enough info to keep the reader going—and guessing, too! I was suspicious of Warrick as soon as he was mentioned, but then again, the way the scene was written he could have been an innocent bystander. I thought it was clever, too, to use the first letter of each card to spell out his name, and how Catherine figured it out with the additional help of the word “beginning”. I didn’t :p Your characterization of her was right on target, as was that of Warrick, and it was a very easy little fic to read—just the thing for tired eyes or a short attention span, so it was right up my alley. Good work!
     
    Last edited: May 17, 2008

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