CSI Fan Fiction Critique Group.

I wrote this last night, but, for some reason, it wouldn't let me post it :(.

TQ: Did you find it easy, or hard to write about friendship? Was it difficult straying away from your norms? Do you think your writing was influenced by the show, or was it primarily an ‘off screen’ friendship?

TQ: I found it surprisingly easy to write about friendship. When LLK and myself decided on friendship, I was looking forward to seeing which friendships people chose. Always one to make things difficult for myself, I chose to focus on not one, but five. I was influenced by moments in the show, drawing on things I’ve seen and enhancing them. The show doesn’t focus on it’s characters as much as it should, but that’s why we have Fanfiction. I drew on the small moments of the show and made them bigger within my story. Me being me, I couldn’t stay away from angst too much, even while writing about friendship and I enjoyed how I could write about five different types of friendship. I didn’t really stray away from my norms as everything I write included an element of friendship somewhere, be that strained, happy, sad, not enough… I had fun with this challenge, so thank you all for taking part.


Story Title: Where everybody knows your name
By (Authors name) Zelda
Critique by (your name) adorelo
Critique by challenge - Project #3

Well, let me start off by saying, great song choice! And so wonderfully incorporated with Ryan, how you made the pain of being ‘new’ radiate through the piece. It’s like one of those ‘coming of age’ stories, where the character is still tying to find out where he belongs. It was perfect.

I liked how it was about his name. About how, at the bank, he’s ‘Mr. Wolfe’; to H, he’s ‘Mr. Wolfe’ but to some, he’ll always be ‘Ryan’. Secondly, I will have to commend you on making me like Ryan. When I first noticed who I was critiquing I though, ‘Ohhh, I have Zelda!’ but then, I noticed who the main character was and I was a little worried. I normally hate Ryan. On the show, he’s not too bad, but I hate the way people write him in fiction. He always comes across wrong and I’ve never seen anyone get his character bang on.

And then you arrived and changed my mind. I thought you captured his character perfectly. I actually found myself liking him so, well done!

Also, great incorporation of the ‘it’s stranger than fiction’ line. I was excited to see how everybody would use it. I think yours was the funniest, a guy killing himself pretending to be Tarzan. Funny, but still with that serious undertone.

Then, you changed tones again very successfully, I may add) by adding a hint of melancholy to the moment (Ryan wanting to go somewhere where everybody knows your name). It can be tricky, changing tone in a scene (something Miami only pulls off well occasionally). But I thought you did it very well. Primarily because you never really lost that slight hint of sadness underneath, even during the more light hearted moments. Very well done.

I love how you ended. Horatio finally calling Ryan by his first name, making their relationship just that little more personal. I enjoyed how you didn’t focus on just one friendship but, like me, incorporated elements of many. It’s funny to think of the lab being like a ‘cheers’ hehe. But I’ll think of that next time I watch the show.

Thanks Zelda, I really enjoyed this.
 
:D

I always love when critiques come in. It feels very similar to getting reviews on FF.net. Even when it's not my story that's being critiqued. I guess I just love how successful you guys have made this group.

Thanks for that.

-llk
 
I know this post won't seem like it's in my boundaries, so I'ma go ahead and do it:

Alright, it's Saturday, y'all, and it looks like we've gotten all but one critique as of yet! That's great, but we need to get that final critique in. It's not fair to the final person waiting if the critique is not done. It still must be in by midnight tonight, so hop to it! Make the girl happy, please! It breaks my heart to realize that this waiting hurts so much! Good luck with the critique to the person that needs to get it done, and thank you so much to everyone who has finished their critiques already. (Especially to a certain someone who critiqued my story ;))
 
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Kazalene said:
Hey, I have it if you want me to send it to you somehow?
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I can't believe I spent all that time tracking it down, and you already have it! :guffaw: Mine is on its way, so that just leaves MaryMagdelene. One of us will have to make sure she get it.

adorelo said:
I hate the way people write him in fiction. He always comes across wrong
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That was exactly why I chose Ryan for this challenge. He's always the screw up or the comic relief, or he's just written out of character, but it happens all the time. I didn't know if I'd be able to do any better, but I felt compelled to try. I'm glad it turned out okay! :D And thanks for the kind words--you always know just how to make me feel good about my work :eek:

lostladyknight said:
I always love when critiques come in. It feels very similar to getting reviews on FF.net. Even when it's not my story that's being critiqued.
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Me too, and don't we all love that feeling? :lol:
 
Sorry for waiting, here`s my review. It will not be as long or as good as others, but I`ll try my best.

Story Title:To Rise Above and Beat It
By lostladyknight
Critique by Marija Magdalena
Critique by challenge - Project #3

First of all let me say that this is my first Nick story I have ever read.

Likes:

I think it`s great that you chose to write from the dog`s perspective. It is very original and interesting. I also liked how you portrayed Buck`s feelings. I could totally connect with them and understand them. I was able to feel everything while I was reading and that is something only a few writers can do well.

"Dark brown eyes lifted slowly off the couch when the sounds of keys started jingling on the other side of the door knob. Watching with an eerie alertness there was no preventing the shaking sensation that overcame him every time someone got ready to walk through the door."

I like these sentences so much. Your stile is great. I like the way of writing where you can enjoy, not just the plot, but the sentences as well.

I think that the way you wrote about the relationship between Nick and Buck is beautiful. I`m also glad that you didn`t finish the story like in a fairytale.

"People always got angry, eventually, and they always punished you mercilessly.But something told him Nick just wasn’t like that."

This was a great way to finish it.

It`s admirable how you wrote about Buck`s past without going to some horrific details, but still wrote enough for us to imagine what did he go through.

One more thing: the line "It was stranger then fiction" was inserted nicely. It didn`t feel odd and if I didn`t know that this was a challenge I would have thought that you actually thought of it yourself


Dislikes:

I really couldn`t find anything. I honestly enjoyed this story.

Song:

I almost forgot this one. That song is great. I love it.



OK, so that`s my review. I haven`t wrote anything about characterization because I haven`t watched CSI in years (it stopped airing a long time ago here in Serbia), so I can not remember anything about Nick (well except his face), but I think that it was nicely done.

TQ: Did you find it easy, or hard to write about friendship? Was it difficult straying away from your norms? Do you think your writing was influenced by the show, or was it primarily an ‘off screen’ friendship?

Well, I wrote about friendship in a romantic relationship so it wasn`t that hard. I actually wanted to write strictly friendship EC story, but my shipper heart just couldn`t do that. Eric and Calleigh are not a couple in the show (yet, I must say) so it was an 'off screen' relationship.

So, that was it. I`m sorry for keeping you waiting, Lostladyknight...
 
CSI Critique Fanfiction # 24: CSI: Crime Scene Investigation. Nick S. "Helpless" By:Zelda49.


***** ****** ***** ***** ***** ***** *****

TQ: As writers we've all had times when we've sat down and looked at our older work for the sake of nostalgia if nothing else. So, tell me, when you look back at an old piece have you ever been tempted to "fix it" do you often wish that you'd written something a little differently? What do you do next? How do you go about "remodeling" your work? OR do you find yourself simply pleased with the way a specific piece turned out even months later?

***** ***** ***** ***** ***** ***** *****

It's a pleasure to be back guys! I hope you missed me! I'm sure you didn't though, Jodie did a wonderful job in my absence. :D

Everyone thank her.

Please remember that all work is due by next Saturday. Please also keep in mind that the next featured fic will be featured on Sunday, May 11th, 2008.
 
Okay, I'm new to this critiquing thing, so if it's not that good, I apologize.

Story Title: Helpless
By: Zelda49
Critique by: Racefh853629

Likes:
First of all, I like the plot. Seeing Grave Danger from the eyes of someone on the outside is nice, and a refreshing change of pace. The fact that it was a girlfriend, too, that wasn’t part of the team is also something I like seeing. Again, it’s something new.

I like that the character was an OC. LeeAnn is something different from most OC’s I’ve seen. The Air-Force Engineer is a good angle, and makes for an interesting character. I like that you developed her background with Nick, but didn’t overdo it. I also like that you see it through her eyes, as she speaks, so you get a good feel for the character as well.

I like that it’s a one-shot that could easily get expanded into more. You go through the story and, while it ties up all the loose ends presented in the story, there’s still room to continue. Further development, what happens next… I think leaving readers satisfied yet, at the same time, being capable of saying more- that makes a good one-shot to me.

Dislikes:
I don’t see anything in this story that I didn’t like. I think characterization was good, the writing was good, and the grammar was good. Structurally, the story was sound, the characters were round and not flat. I think it was a good story.

TQ:
Depends on the piece. Honestly, I’ve had some that I’ve gone over months later, and wanted to scrap or change everything. With a couple of my stories, I actually have done that. Just rewrote them because I didn’t like how they turned out. And even sometimes, after it’s posted, I look at something or someone and go, "well, I could’ve done this differently."

Most of my one-shots, though, I usually like how those turn out, even months later. I love going over them. It’s when I expand into chapters that I get into trouble and wanna look over again… lol.
 
*TQ*
Gah, how did I know that eventually you were going to force me to talk about my older work, LLK? I JUST KNEW IT! *splodes* Oh well, so much for leaving the past where it belongs.

Let's start with wanting to write something a little differently: FRICK YEAH! Awhile back, when I was writing a little story called Interrupted, I went back to my first story, The Aftermath. Basically, I wanted to take it down right then and there, but didn't. For some reason, I didn't have the heart to do it. BUT I did want to fix it. I started the rewrite somewhere around the time I finished Irony. So basically, yeah. I have been tempted to fix a piece that I deem horrific, in every sense of the word. Looking back, I want to change a lot about Interrupted as well, because some of it was terribly out of character and poorly written. When you're picky like me, you tend to want everything perfect. Frankly, nothing I write is ever going to compare to Irony, because that was, in my opinion, my best story. Two months later, and I still shiver when I reread it. I know it sounds vain, but that's how I feel.

Now, I understand it has only been a week and one day, but I must say that I am still quite proud of What He Wants, my challenge story. For a first try at a New York story, I was very proud of it. Not to say that it was perfect, because I know for a fact that it wasn't. But it was my best effort, and I think that it paid off in the end. (Thank you to everyone who reviewed, by the way! Means a lot!)

But when I reread The Aftermath, the first thing I did was grab a spoon, intent on gouging my eyes out. But, alas, I realized that wouldn't fix the story... SO, I decided to rewrite it. And by that, I mean tear it apart, cause it indescribable amounts of pain, and then put the taped up, finished version of it down in words. Basically, it is now something that I'm sure I'll be proud of once I post it.

But that'll have to wait until I finish my Miami story (Eric/Calleigh shippers be warned! I have crossed over to the darkside. What can I say, I'm a sucker for a cute Puerto Rican playing a Cuban?)

*Critique*

Alrighty, Zelda, you get to see my dark side! *evil grin* Mwahaha... ahem, by that, I mean you get to see the very few mistakes you made, and the one thing about it that I didn't like (which is strictly me, and by no means does it say that you did a bad thing by writing it).

Alright, let me just do what I did for my last critique with the grammar stuff you did wrong:

Original Quote
...had been out with Nick and I...
My Edit
...had been out with Nick and me...
Explanation
Okay, now I could be wrong about this, but I just cut out Nick, and I didn't make sense by itself. So I changed it to me. You may have it right anyway, but this is just what I think it should be.

Original Quote
My breath caught in my throat as I watched Nick banging on the top of the box with is fists...
My Edit
My breath caught in my throat as I watched Nick banging on the top of the box with his fists...
Explanation
I don't think this really needs it, but you just dropped an 'h'... I think that'll suffice.

Okay, so now I'm just going to run through the thing that I didn't like. That would be when you put LeeAnn in the scene where Warrick is watching Nick readying himself to fire his gun. When I first saw "Grave Danger", I saw that as a very private, personal scene for Warrick. It was showing how badly the situation was affecting him, but it was keeping it from the eyes of anyone else. It was the slow decline of his control that ended him up with Tina (in my opinion). That said, when LeeAnn was there, it took away the effect the scene was supposed to have, and it made less of an impact on me than it could have. Again, this is just my opinion, and is not to be taken as anything more than such.

Now to the bright side! I thought the rest of this story was told in that beautifully angsty way that I have been accustomed to reading in Adorelo's stories. It had all the drama that made my heart clench with mixed emotions that made no sense together. I felt the love LeeAnn had for Nick, and how terrified she was that she may lose him.

I believe my favorite scene would have to be what was my favorite scene in the episode, which was when Sara realized where Nicky was. You told it wonderfully, and added to it in a way that truly made it perfect. Grissom was very in character during the bit you used him in, and if this had actually happened on the show, this is exactly what he would have done. The reinforcement of his denial, rather than the "Okay, fine. You can come. But stay out of the way" collapse of his morality was just so... Grissom. It was also great how you had LeeAnn break down just before they discovered Nick, rather than when she first found out. It was very human. And I also love how she screamed at no one in particular at the beginning of the breakdown. To be honest, that is something that I would do (I promise I didn't picture myself as LeeAnn, honest ;)). And the end line was excellent, because you could have had anyone say it, because it is such an impersonal line with such a deep, personal meaning behind it, if you know what I mean by that.

And that's the end of the rambling critique by Amanda_Ruth. I hope it helped!

Oh, I'm an evil biotch! How could I forget to thank Jodie for keeping us ducks in our row! You rock!
 
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:D

Wow.


I'm impressed to say the least. Two critiques in a few hours after I post the new featured story. I'm quite pleased.

I'd like to welcome our new member. It's only taken about six months of attempted coersion to get her to join! I don't think that's too bad at all. :D

Well... that's all for the moment. I'll be back with my critique tomorrow, probably. I would have done it tonight but Iron Man was in theatres and I had an invite to see it and it was AMAZING and totally worth being a late critiquer! Everyone should see it.
 
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