CSI Fan Fiction Critique Group.
- Thread starter lostladyknight
- Start date
Amanda_Ruth
Witness
Oh, I'm absolutely here for the long haul. I'm bored out of my mind, uninspired, and definitely need a way to get my frustrations out. Critiquing worked perfectly. I can't wait to do the next one. 
Zelda49
Rookie
TQ: Tell me about writing comedy! Tell me about reading it! What do you look for?
When I read comedy/humor, I read all types as long as they are done well: I like fluffy humor, physical comedy, heavy sarcasm--anything that will make me laugh or smile.
When I write, I tend to make a distinction between comedy (laugh-out-loud funny) and humor (smile- and giggle-producing), and I generally stick to humor. I don't fancy myself very good at writting stuff that will make people fall out of their chairs laughing, but I am (like LLK) the funny one in my family, the oh-so-sarcastic friend, and I like to write that way sometimes. It helps, too, that my favorite characters share those traits with me
Thanks so much for the critiques this week!
Jennifer and Jodie, you know just how to make a fanfic author happy, talking about characterization. That always seems to be the hardes part for me (and I know it is for a lot of you, too), so it's wonderful to hear that I got Ryan and Calleigh right!
LLK, I share your affinity for Ryan and his (current )clothing, which is where the idea for this fic came from.
Amanda, I have to thank you for putting so much effort into your critique! I love that you took the time to cover all kinds of details of my little story (including the "withdrawing" thing--that was a typo that I missed). A couple of the things you mentioned that could be improved I actually did on purpose (switching POVs, not putting a space between scenes), but I do agree that the piece could handle a little more detail. I'm a bit of a minimalist when it comes to words--I hate when people go overboard--and you picked up on that.
Okay, so I'm ready for the next one now! Is it going to be one of Jodie's angst pieces for contrast? :lol:
When I read comedy/humor, I read all types as long as they are done well: I like fluffy humor, physical comedy, heavy sarcasm--anything that will make me laugh or smile.
When I write, I tend to make a distinction between comedy (laugh-out-loud funny) and humor (smile- and giggle-producing), and I generally stick to humor. I don't fancy myself very good at writting stuff that will make people fall out of their chairs laughing, but I am (like LLK) the funny one in my family, the oh-so-sarcastic friend, and I like to write that way sometimes. It helps, too, that my favorite characters share those traits with me
Thanks so much for the critiques this week!
Jennifer and Jodie, you know just how to make a fanfic author happy, talking about characterization. That always seems to be the hardes part for me (and I know it is for a lot of you, too), so it's wonderful to hear that I got Ryan and Calleigh right!
LLK, I share your affinity for Ryan and his (current
)clothing, which is where the idea for this fic came from.Amanda, I have to thank you for putting so much effort into your critique! I love that you took the time to cover all kinds of details of my little story (including the "withdrawing" thing--that was a typo that I missed). A couple of the things you mentioned that could be improved I actually did on purpose (switching POVs, not putting a space between scenes), but I do agree that the piece could handle a little more detail. I'm a bit of a minimalist when it comes to words--I hate when people go overboard--and you picked up on that.
Okay, so I'm ready for the next one now! Is it going to be one of Jodie's angst pieces for contrast? :lol:
CalleighD
Lab Technician
I made it, just. Sorry if this makes no sense, I've been at the hospital all night, but it's still only 11.58, so it's still Saturday (just).
TQ: Tell me about writing comedy! Tell me about reading it! What do you look for?
I haven’t really read all that much comedy to be honest, and I don’t think I could ever ever write it. Some people just seem to have a natural ability to make people laugh and others try too hard (which would be me if I tried writing it). I think that comedy fics can go way OOC and I like my characters in character so if that’s one thing I would be looking for in potential fics. When people work with the humorous aspects of the characters that have already been established I find it usually works better, like if I was writing a comedy piece the characters I’d pick would be Ryan and/or Valera just cause they’re funnier naturally. But as I haven’t really delved into the subject much, I can’t really go into much more detail.
Critique:
I really, really enjoyed this I don’t usually read very many friendship fics as I’m a little attached to my pairing(s) but this was a really nice change. I like that you picked Calleigh and Ryan as it’s not a romance pairing I would read normally so it kept my wandering brain in the friendship zone.
I think the friendship aspect of it is what made it such a great story, it’s believable, and you really nailed Ryan’s character, and I think, apart from Horatio he is the hardest one to write, so well done on that
And for me (who’s in love with her angst), you really made me laugh with this fic, I actually LOL’d (hehe) at this line-
“Calleigh, you can not be in here!” he hissed in a harsh whisper
(the people I was with thought I was weird) but it was just so ‘Ryan’ and I could totally picture him saying that. Oh and his socks, haha, that was too funny, again I can just picture it in my head.
You chose a great place to stop and I was left thinking (and chuckling to myself) about what would happen once they got there, and it left a goofy smile on my face
One thing I noticed was the ‘withdraw’ thing but that’s already been mentioned I think so I can’t really offer any criticisms, it was just a great story. I loved it.
TQ: Tell me about writing comedy! Tell me about reading it! What do you look for?
I haven’t really read all that much comedy to be honest, and I don’t think I could ever ever write it. Some people just seem to have a natural ability to make people laugh and others try too hard (which would be me if I tried writing it). I think that comedy fics can go way OOC and I like my characters in character so if that’s one thing I would be looking for in potential fics. When people work with the humorous aspects of the characters that have already been established I find it usually works better, like if I was writing a comedy piece the characters I’d pick would be Ryan and/or Valera just cause they’re funnier naturally. But as I haven’t really delved into the subject much, I can’t really go into much more detail.
Critique:
I really, really enjoyed this
I don’t usually read very many friendship fics as I’m a little attached to my pairing(s) but this was a really nice change. I like that you picked Calleigh and Ryan as it’s not a romance pairing I would read normally so it kept my wandering brain in the friendship zone. I think the friendship aspect of it is what made it such a great story, it’s believable, and you really nailed Ryan’s character, and I think, apart from Horatio he is the hardest one to write, so well done on that
And for me (who’s in love with her angst), you really made me laugh with this fic, I actually LOL’d (hehe) at this line-
“Calleigh, you can not be in here!” he hissed in a harsh whisper
(the people I was with thought I was weird) but it was just so ‘Ryan’ and I could totally picture him saying that. Oh and his socks, haha, that was too funny, again I can just picture it in my head.
You chose a great place to stop and I was left thinking (and chuckling to myself) about what would happen once they got there, and it left a goofy smile on my face
One thing I noticed was the ‘withdraw’ thing but that’s already been mentioned I think so I can’t really offer any criticisms, it was just a great story. I loved it.
Zelda49
Rookie
^^It's still early here on the East Coast, so you're good And I hope everything's okay!
Thanks for mentioning the two things I have the most trouble with--characterization and endings. This was my first Ryan fic, so I'm really excited to hear that I got him right! And I'm thrilled that the ending has gone over as well as it has because I really struggled with where to stop in this one.
I'm definitely glad, too, that you LOL'd. Ryan seems to have that effect on me, and I'm happy to have passed it on :lol:
And I hope everything's okay!Thanks for mentioning the two things I have the most trouble with--characterization and endings. This was my first Ryan fic, so I'm really excited to hear that I got him right! And I'm thrilled that the ending has gone over as well as it has because I really struggled with where to stop in this one.
I'm definitely glad, too, that you LOL'd. Ryan seems to have that effect on me, and I'm happy to have passed it on :lol:
TQ: Tell me about writing comedy! Tell me about reading it! What do you look for?
I am going to assume here that in the context of our fan fiction, you're talking more about light humor rather than full-on comedy. At least somewhere in my mind there is a distinction! I probably wouldn't read or write something that was way too comedic within the framework of CSI fan fiction, but I enjoy humor. When writing or reading it, one the most important parts of it for me is that the writer keep in character for the story.
I'm actually a little different in real life and in writing. In real life, I'm someone who is frequently finding a joke about situations very much like LLK said in her post. And in non-fiction writing, I do tend to write humorously a lot of the time. However, For writing humor in fiction, for me, it has to be something that comes to mind naturally for the scene I'm writing. Humor is hard to force, and I'm sure if I tried to be humorous in a situation where I didn't feel it, it would come out looking really forced. I'm more likely to combine humor with something else rather than write something entirely humorous as far as fan fiction goes.
Review
This was a cute, enjoyable story. I laughed at the mental image of Calleigh trying to follow Ryan into the dressing room! I could just picture it. Any guy, even one in a marriage or relationship, would be unhappy about a woman trying to follow them into a public dressing room -- just imagine what the other men would think! But at the same time, I could imagine him confiding in her and that she'd be willing to help.
I thought the characterizations and details were very good, especially with your description of Ryan's mannerisms. I think it worked well at this length, but a little longer with more detail would have been good, too. I don't see the lack of additional detail as a problem, just as a choice between what I think is called a ficlet and a longer story. Sometimes you feel like writing something really short, other times you feel like doing something longer. (*)
There really wasn't a lot that I would consider things to work on. You had a couple of typo words that would have passed a spell checker, but were actually the wrong word. Waiving should have been waving, for example. One thing that bothered me was the use of “godforsaken sweater vests" - godforsaken is usually used to describe a desolate place somewhere or something where a person or group of people are neglected or pitiable. I'm not sure it's technically wrong to describe sweater vests that way, but it just sticks out and doesn't seem to fit. I think something like dreadful, out-of-date, or even godawful would have fit much better.
* = That is, it's a choice Unless LLK imposes a word count on you in a challenge. The first time I didn't know it was a hard and fast rule and went through cutting out words to bring it below count because I was over by 80 words or so. Yes, I do tend to worry too much, why do you ask?
I am going to assume here that in the context of our fan fiction, you're talking more about light humor rather than full-on comedy. At least somewhere in my mind there is a distinction!
I probably wouldn't read or write something that was way too comedic within the framework of CSI fan fiction, but I enjoy humor. When writing or reading it, one the most important parts of it for me is that the writer keep in character for the story.I'm actually a little different in real life and in writing. In real life, I'm someone who is frequently finding a joke about situations very much like LLK said in her post. And in non-fiction writing, I do tend to write humorously a lot of the time. However, For writing humor in fiction, for me, it has to be something that comes to mind naturally for the scene I'm writing. Humor is hard to force, and I'm sure if I tried to be humorous in a situation where I didn't feel it, it would come out looking really forced. I'm more likely to combine humor with something else rather than write something entirely humorous as far as fan fiction goes.
Review
This was a cute, enjoyable story. I laughed at the mental image of Calleigh trying to follow Ryan into the dressing room! I could just picture it. Any guy, even one in a marriage or relationship, would be unhappy about a woman trying to follow them into a public dressing room -- just imagine what the other men would think! But at the same time, I could imagine him confiding in her and that she'd be willing to help.
I thought the characterizations and details were very good, especially with your description of Ryan's mannerisms. I think it worked well at this length, but a little longer with more detail would have been good, too. I don't see the lack of additional detail as a problem, just as a choice between what I think is called a ficlet and a longer story. Sometimes you feel like writing something really short, other times you feel like doing something longer. (*)
There really wasn't a lot that I would consider things to work on. You had a couple of typo words that would have passed a spell checker, but were actually the wrong word. Waiving should have been waving, for example. One thing that bothered me was the use of “godforsaken sweater vests" - godforsaken is usually used to describe a desolate place somewhere or something where a person or group of people are neglected or pitiable. I'm not sure it's technically wrong to describe sweater vests that way, but it just sticks out and doesn't seem to fit. I think something like dreadful, out-of-date, or even godawful would have fit much better.
* = That is, it's a choice Unless LLK imposes a word count on you in a challenge.
The first time I didn't know it was a hard and fast rule and went through cutting out words to bring it below count because I was over by 80 words or so. Yes, I do tend to worry too much, why do you ask? 
lostladyknight
Pathologist
GreenEyes said:
* = That is, it's a choice Unless LLK imposes a word count on you in a challenge.
Yeah... I'z evil! I find my challenges quite exciting actually.
I haven't decided what the next one will be like yet. We still have 7 more weeks until it's that time again but I like to get started thinking about it early.
I think it's going to be hard. I liked the last one being so hard. But... I think I'll be nice-er. We'll see.
Anyone feel like writing a fanfic for me for fun? I'll give you a challenge.
-LLK
lostladyknight
Pathologist
CSI Critique Fanfiction #17: CSI: Crime Scene Investigation. Greg Sanders. "When Greg Met Sarah" By: Amanda_Ruth
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TQ: We all know that the more we write the better we get. What about your writing has changed most over your time writing fanfiction? What habits do you still have? Which habits do you have or have had in the past are ones you would call bad? Good ones?
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I'd like to welcome our new member by featuring one of her stories. Welcome Amanda! I hope you get as much out of the critique as you put into it yesterday and I look forward to your participation in the future.
I understand this is a longer fic. Please feel free to only critique a certain chapter if you feel that's necessary due to lack of time.
Everyone also please remember that this story will be featured for a week only and all critiques are due by Saturday. The new story will be featured on Sunday, March 2, 2008.
Amanda please feel free to answer the TQ if you like, we encourage our featured members to answer it.
***** ***** ***** ***** ***** ***** *****
TQ: We all know that the more we write the better we get. What about your writing has changed most over your time writing fanfiction? What habits do you still have? Which habits do you have or have had in the past are ones you would call bad? Good ones?
***** ***** ***** ***** ***** ***** *****
I'd like to welcome our new member by featuring one of her stories. Welcome Amanda! I hope you get as much out of the critique as you put into it yesterday and I look forward to your participation in the future.
I understand this is a longer fic. Please feel free to only critique a certain chapter if you feel that's necessary due to lack of time.
Everyone also please remember that this story will be featured for a week only and all critiques are due by Saturday. The new story will be featured on Sunday, March 2, 2008.
Amanda please feel free to answer the TQ if you like, we encourage our featured members to answer it.
Amanda_Ruth
Witness
*TQ*
As I got more into writing fan fiction, I started getting more detailed. The first story I wrote, when I did a flashback to a scene from one of the episodes, I only wrote the dialogue. Then, in my second story, I started adding what the characters were doing as they spoke. After finishing that story, I went back to my first and reread it. When I finished, I practically screamed, "THAT WAS TERRIBLE!" I've gotten more comfortable with adding detail to scene.
I think a bad habit I have is leaving chapters in a cliffhanger, which tends to have different effects on different people. Some people will want to see what happens next for a while, but when it happens ten chapters in a row, I'm almost positive they get tired of it. Knowing this, I still can't help but do it.
My good habits are very hard for me to admit, because I don't really think they are that good. I'm told I keep everyone in character, which is nice, but I never really think I am. That's really all I can think of >_<
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Oh well... I hope you all enjoy my story. It's not finished, and I'm writing Chapter 6 as of today, so it may be up by the time you start reading. Hopefully I can finish it, lol. But I do have to go back to college soon.
As I say at the end of all my notes at the beginning of chapters... Enjoy!
As I got more into writing fan fiction, I started getting more detailed. The first story I wrote, when I did a flashback to a scene from one of the episodes, I only wrote the dialogue. Then, in my second story, I started adding what the characters were doing as they spoke. After finishing that story, I went back to my first and reread it. When I finished, I practically screamed, "THAT WAS TERRIBLE!" I've gotten more comfortable with adding detail to scene.
I think a bad habit I have is leaving chapters in a cliffhanger, which tends to have different effects on different people. Some people will want to see what happens next for a while, but when it happens ten chapters in a row, I'm almost positive they get tired of it. Knowing this, I still can't help but do it.
My good habits are very hard for me to admit, because I don't really think they are that good. I'm told I keep everyone in character, which is nice, but I never really think I am. That's really all I can think of >_<
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Oh well... I hope you all enjoy my story. It's not finished, and I'm writing Chapter 6 as of today, so it may be up by the time you start reading. Hopefully I can finish it, lol. But I do have to go back to college soon.
As I say at the end of all my notes at the beginning of chapters... Enjoy!
Jennifer
Lab Technician
TQ: We all know that the more we write the better we get. What about your writing has changed most over your time writing fanfiction? What habits do you still have? Which habits do you have or have had in the past are ones you would call bad? Good ones?
Hard question. Without a doubt, my writing has improved over the years. By no means do I rank myself up there with some of the best writers I read on ff.net, but I wrote my first fanfiction about 12 years ago or so, and when I look back at it I cringe. They aren't the most awful pieces of fanfiction out there (I've read much worse), but they certainly weren't good.
Its hard to say what has changed over the years...I guess maybe I'm more descriptive, setting the scene so to speak. I do plan out my stories before I write them, not in any organized outline, but I do write notes about what I want to happen before I even begin to type it up...didn't do that before.
One thing I have had a hard time improving on is love scenes, T or M rated...they're hard to do, and take longer to write than any other parts of my stories. I try to make them sensual and romantic, not pornographic smut, and it's hard to do.
As for habits...dunno. I guess one habit I have (bad one) is I tend to use the same descriptive words...words to describe how a person says or does something, words to describe how a person is feeling, or how they look.
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Critique:
To be honest, when LLK said we didn't have to read the whole story, I wasn't going to. CSI:LV isn't a show I regularly watch, and I tend to not read stories surrounding its characters. I was only going to read a couple chapters...but I have to say, by the end of the 2nd chapter I was hooked! I read the entire 6 chapters...and clicked on the "story alert" button. I want to know about Greg's connection with Sarah, why she's visiting him in his dreams, and what will happen between him and Erin.
This is a really good story, and must have been well thought out. You've got a good plot and I like how you're bringing it out. You started with a crime scene, went to the crash, then the hospital where he meets Erin, and realizes she is Sarah's sister, then the crime victim's aunt. All woven together so very nicely. You didn't just start with the crime scene and him meeting the sister, you brought it out slowly, weaving in the relationships. That's how I know this must have been well thought out before you started writing it. And it's what makes it such a good story.
I like how you've involved other characters from the show...Nick, Warrick, Grissom, Sara. So many other chapter stories involve just 1, 2, or 3 characters from the shows and leave all the others out...but you've got most of the CSI:LV characters in there...if not all.
I can't comment on characterization. I don't watch the show that much so I don't really know the characters well enough to say how well you portrayed them.
I didn't notice any glaring spelling, grammar, or punctuation errors either.
So...job well done!
Jennifer
Hard question. Without a doubt, my writing has improved over the years. By no means do I rank myself up there with some of the best writers I read on ff.net, but I wrote my first fanfiction about 12 years ago or so, and when I look back at it I cringe. They aren't the most awful pieces of fanfiction out there (I've read much worse), but they certainly weren't good.
Its hard to say what has changed over the years...I guess maybe I'm more descriptive, setting the scene so to speak. I do plan out my stories before I write them, not in any organized outline, but I do write notes about what I want to happen before I even begin to type it up...didn't do that before.
One thing I have had a hard time improving on is love scenes, T or M rated...they're hard to do, and take longer to write than any other parts of my stories. I try to make them sensual and romantic, not pornographic smut, and it's hard to do.
As for habits...dunno. I guess one habit I have (bad one) is I tend to use the same descriptive words...words to describe how a person says or does something, words to describe how a person is feeling, or how they look.
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Critique:
To be honest, when LLK said we didn't have to read the whole story, I wasn't going to. CSI:LV isn't a show I regularly watch, and I tend to not read stories surrounding its characters. I was only going to read a couple chapters...but I have to say, by the end of the 2nd chapter I was hooked! I read the entire 6 chapters...and clicked on the "story alert" button. I want to know about Greg's connection with Sarah, why she's visiting him in his dreams, and what will happen between him and Erin.
This is a really good story, and must have been well thought out. You've got a good plot and I like how you're bringing it out. You started with a crime scene, went to the crash, then the hospital where he meets Erin, and realizes she is Sarah's sister, then the crime victim's aunt. All woven together so very nicely. You didn't just start with the crime scene and him meeting the sister, you brought it out slowly, weaving in the relationships. That's how I know this must have been well thought out before you started writing it. And it's what makes it such a good story.
I like how you've involved other characters from the show...Nick, Warrick, Grissom, Sara. So many other chapter stories involve just 1, 2, or 3 characters from the shows and leave all the others out...but you've got most of the CSI:LV characters in there...if not all.
I can't comment on characterization. I don't watch the show that much so I don't really know the characters well enough to say how well you portrayed them.
I didn't notice any glaring spelling, grammar, or punctuation errors either.
So...job well done!
Jennifer
lostladyknight
Pathologist
TQ: We all know that the more we write the better we get. What about your writing has changed most over your time writing fan fiction? What habits do you still have? Which habits do you have or have had in the past are ones you would call bad? Good ones?
Well my writing in general has changed so much over time. I remember my first fan fiction, written based on the book Wicked: The Life and Times of the Wicked Witch of the West, and I remember all of the mistakes I made with it. I was so eager to write and finish my updates I don't think I even cared that such a thing like grammar even existed. It was shameful. Spelling too. The funny thing is that that book is intellectual, completely unlike the musical that was based off of it, and though I'd read such a fine piece of literature my writing didn't live up to it.
I did, however, pick up a few habits even back then that I've kept. One of which is my obsession with canon, though that too has morphed a bit over the years. Back when I was writing fan fiction based on Wicked I refused to have anything to do with the Musical because I felt it wasn't canon, now that I've moved on to CSI, I still see that passion showing. I will almost always stop reading a fan fiction when I discover that it deviates from canon, it just seems silly. I think that's because of my theatre training. I don't think I ever realized how significant that was in my life, but I think it was. One of the biggest rules of improv in theatre is that you never deny the other person's reality. If person A says there's a door there person B has to see that door and speak/react to it for the rest of the scene. I think that's kind of the same way I feel about keeping things canon. If the show says that Catherine's toe was cut off in a horrible accident as a child (the show doesn't say that) well then she can't magically have ten toes. That's denying reality. You just don't do it.
I mentioned that my view of canon has morphed a bit. It hasn't really... but at the same time I realize that as I'm writing for a show that hasn't finished being filmed yet. (Thank GOODNESS) Things do change. I try to make sure that everything I write can fit into canon, be believable with the time line of the story. Sometimes that's just impossible though. When the thing your writing for is ever changing you're never going to be 100% accurate.
Like I said my bad habit was my lack of love for grammar. My good habit was my love of canon. Now, I adore both. Obviously I still have bad habits, like procrastinating and doing most of my work in the dark AM hours. I also take way too long to update and tend to write way more than I need to. Still, I don't receive many complaints about my stuff being too long, so I'm not worried.
Critique:
Most of the fics we see around here are Miami but I don't make it any secret that I'm not really a fan of that particular show. That's what this group is about though, pressing people to go a little further and better ourselves. Even if it is just learning how to appreciate stories from a genre you don't usually read. This, however, was a rare treat. I think this is only maybe the 3rd or 4th non-Miami fic we've featured in seventeen weeks running. The fact that it wasn't a romance was even rarer.
I've been agonizing over what to say in this critique all week. This was so well put together and written that it's hard to think of something to talk about that's less than perfect. There are, however, a few things that I disliked about this fic so I'm going to just start talking about them right now.
One of those things is the fact that I just can't decide if everyone is in character or not. I know that must sound strange, me not knowing if everyone is in character or not... but it's true. Take Sara for instance, the way you write her isn't exactly like I've seen her on the show but I still envision her being similar to the way you've written her, off camera. Perhaps you've captured more Jorja than Sara? She just seems a little too playful. Nick and Grissom both also seem off. Almost intimidating. Perhaps that was all intentional? It's no secret that Sara and Greg are close friends, or that he had a sort of God worship of Grissom in earlier seasons. I never really considered that you might have written them to be the way Greg would see them.
I'm not sure how to best go about this next slight gripe without spoiling certain things in the story. Though, given the title, I'm going to be bold. I don't understand, nor am I sure I like, Erin's presence. Other than her connection to Greg's victim I can't see how she really pushed the story forward.
This next gripe you had to see coming. I don't get why Warrick was involved in the accident? You haven't explored or outlined that in any way. You barely even mention him in subsequent chapters. The accident and introducing Sarah was obviously incredibly necessary, but Warrick's involvement seems superfluous. I just think it could have been avoided. Now, granted, I don't know what your intentions are with this later on... but for now it seems like a cruel trick. And, I swear I'm not just saying that because I adore him so much. I actually caught myself questioning it when I was in the shower earlier today. Yes, I think about fan fiction in the shower. Yes, sometimes it's not even my work. I'm usually reading/writing it before I get in.
Now, on to the good stuff. First I'll have you notice that I've been able to come up with top ten lists for every chapter. That alone speaks volumes about the work. I don't know if you realize this about me or not but I'm a very critical person. The very fact that I can find ten, sometimes more, things to like about your chapters every time is a feat.
Moving on to more specifics I love, love, love that this story features Greg. He doesn't have enough screen time and not enough fan fiction. I have said time after time that I adore that you're giving him his time in the spotlight and I'm not kidding. It's absolutely refreshing to realize that Catherine, Grissom, and Sara aren't the only characters people are paying attention to these days.
I said something earlier about the fact that I enjoy that this fic isn't a romance. I think I ought to explain what I mean a bit more. Obviously I know that it is or that it's going to be. Well, I assume as much. However you're not making it an unrealistic relationship with Catherine, Sara, Sofia, Mandy, or Wendy just because they have the right parts. Can you honestly really see Greg with any of them? I can't. You're slowly developing an original character that I feel sure the readers are going to fall in love right along with Greg.
Another thing I've adored all along are the dream sequences. I've read your work before and in your story “Interrupted” you implemented flash backs where you worked in actual scenes from the series. I always looked forward to more of those but I'd be lying if I said that I enjoyed them, even half as much, as I've loved your dream sequences. They have become the most telling, most thrilling, most exciting part of your story all along. The way they tell a whole different story of their own. I griped about your implementation of certain things that didn't move the story forward, well these do. I only wish they were longer and more frequent in the chapters.
If I hadn't already had this story on alert I would be setting it to alert this instant. This story is absolutely amazing. I may not have been as kind or flattery as this story so eminently deserves but that's just because there aren't enough words in the English language to do this story the justice it deserves. You're talented. Extremely so. It was a pleasure to read your story and a pleasure to feature it. Again, welcome to the FCG. I hope that you stay for a long time and continue to write stories for us to have the privileged of reading.
Well my writing in general has changed so much over time. I remember my first fan fiction, written based on the book Wicked: The Life and Times of the Wicked Witch of the West, and I remember all of the mistakes I made with it. I was so eager to write and finish my updates I don't think I even cared that such a thing like grammar even existed. It was shameful. Spelling too. The funny thing is that that book is intellectual, completely unlike the musical that was based off of it, and though I'd read such a fine piece of literature my writing didn't live up to it.
I did, however, pick up a few habits even back then that I've kept. One of which is my obsession with canon, though that too has morphed a bit over the years. Back when I was writing fan fiction based on Wicked I refused to have anything to do with the Musical because I felt it wasn't canon, now that I've moved on to CSI, I still see that passion showing. I will almost always stop reading a fan fiction when I discover that it deviates from canon, it just seems silly. I think that's because of my theatre training. I don't think I ever realized how significant that was in my life, but I think it was. One of the biggest rules of improv in theatre is that you never deny the other person's reality. If person A says there's a door there person B has to see that door and speak/react to it for the rest of the scene. I think that's kind of the same way I feel about keeping things canon. If the show says that Catherine's toe was cut off in a horrible accident as a child (the show doesn't say that) well then she can't magically have ten toes. That's denying reality. You just don't do it.
I mentioned that my view of canon has morphed a bit. It hasn't really... but at the same time I realize that as I'm writing for a show that hasn't finished being filmed yet. (Thank GOODNESS) Things do change. I try to make sure that everything I write can fit into canon, be believable with the time line of the story. Sometimes that's just impossible though. When the thing your writing for is ever changing you're never going to be 100% accurate.
Like I said my bad habit was my lack of love for grammar. My good habit was my love of canon. Now, I adore both. Obviously I still have bad habits, like procrastinating and doing most of my work in the dark AM hours. I also take way too long to update and tend to write way more than I need to. Still, I don't receive many complaints about my stuff being too long, so I'm not worried.
Critique:
Most of the fics we see around here are Miami but I don't make it any secret that I'm not really a fan of that particular show. That's what this group is about though, pressing people to go a little further and better ourselves. Even if it is just learning how to appreciate stories from a genre you don't usually read. This, however, was a rare treat. I think this is only maybe the 3rd or 4th non-Miami fic we've featured in seventeen weeks running. The fact that it wasn't a romance was even rarer.
I've been agonizing over what to say in this critique all week. This was so well put together and written that it's hard to think of something to talk about that's less than perfect. There are, however, a few things that I disliked about this fic so I'm going to just start talking about them right now.
One of those things is the fact that I just can't decide if everyone is in character or not. I know that must sound strange, me not knowing if everyone is in character or not... but it's true. Take Sara for instance, the way you write her isn't exactly like I've seen her on the show but I still envision her being similar to the way you've written her, off camera. Perhaps you've captured more Jorja than Sara? She just seems a little too playful. Nick and Grissom both also seem off. Almost intimidating. Perhaps that was all intentional? It's no secret that Sara and Greg are close friends, or that he had a sort of God worship of Grissom in earlier seasons. I never really considered that you might have written them to be the way Greg would see them.
I'm not sure how to best go about this next slight gripe without spoiling certain things in the story. Though, given the title, I'm going to be bold. I don't understand, nor am I sure I like, Erin's presence. Other than her connection to Greg's victim I can't see how she really pushed the story forward.
This next gripe you had to see coming. I don't get why Warrick was involved in the accident? You haven't explored or outlined that in any way. You barely even mention him in subsequent chapters. The accident and introducing Sarah was obviously incredibly necessary, but Warrick's involvement seems superfluous. I just think it could have been avoided. Now, granted, I don't know what your intentions are with this later on... but for now it seems like a cruel trick. And, I swear I'm not just saying that because I adore him so much. I actually caught myself questioning it when I was in the shower earlier today. Yes, I think about fan fiction in the shower. Yes, sometimes it's not even my work. I'm usually reading/writing it before I get in.
Now, on to the good stuff. First I'll have you notice that I've been able to come up with top ten lists for every chapter. That alone speaks volumes about the work. I don't know if you realize this about me or not but I'm a very critical person. The very fact that I can find ten, sometimes more, things to like about your chapters every time is a feat.
Moving on to more specifics I love, love, love that this story features Greg. He doesn't have enough screen time and not enough fan fiction. I have said time after time that I adore that you're giving him his time in the spotlight and I'm not kidding. It's absolutely refreshing to realize that Catherine, Grissom, and Sara aren't the only characters people are paying attention to these days.
I said something earlier about the fact that I enjoy that this fic isn't a romance. I think I ought to explain what I mean a bit more. Obviously I know that it is or that it's going to be. Well, I assume as much. However you're not making it an unrealistic relationship with Catherine, Sara, Sofia, Mandy, or Wendy just because they have the right parts. Can you honestly really see Greg with any of them? I can't. You're slowly developing an original character that I feel sure the readers are going to fall in love right along with Greg.
Another thing I've adored all along are the dream sequences. I've read your work before and in your story “Interrupted” you implemented flash backs where you worked in actual scenes from the series. I always looked forward to more of those but I'd be lying if I said that I enjoyed them, even half as much, as I've loved your dream sequences. They have become the most telling, most thrilling, most exciting part of your story all along. The way they tell a whole different story of their own. I griped about your implementation of certain things that didn't move the story forward, well these do. I only wish they were longer and more frequent in the chapters.
If I hadn't already had this story on alert I would be setting it to alert this instant. This story is absolutely amazing. I may not have been as kind or flattery as this story so eminently deserves but that's just because there aren't enough words in the English language to do this story the justice it deserves. You're talented. Extremely so. It was a pleasure to read your story and a pleasure to feature it. Again, welcome to the FCG. I hope that you stay for a long time and continue to write stories for us to have the privileged of reading.
adorelo
CSI Level Two
TQ: Oh dear, here I go….
When I first started writing fanfic, I was, well, terrible for lack of a better word and I like to think I have improved since then. My readers have certainly stuck by me, and have continued to give me solid reviews. I’ve noticed that, as time has gone by, my reviews have gone from ‘this could be improved’ to, ‘I saw little wrong with it’ which I think is a good example of what a writer should aim to do. I mean, no one can be perfect, but improvement is the key. For me, the thing that has changed the most is probably my grammar, spelling, characterization, genre ( ) and…. Well, everything.
I’ve learnt what a semicolon is; I’ve begun caring about my spelling; characterization is now the most important thing in my stories and my genre… Well, we all see how that’s turned out. Not sure if that’s a good thing or not, though.
I used to tell everything as though I was God, I don’t do that anymore. I used to post ridiculously shot and meaningless chapters, just to post; I don’t do that anymore. I’ve now added more detail to my work. And discovered the wonders (I hope) of short sentences which, used in moderation, can really add to a piece.
Since I started studying psychology in more detail, I have become a lot more comfortable exploring the characters minds (mainly because I spend the majority of my classes applying all the theories to my characters haha) and I like to delve really deep and consider areas that others may not have.
Critique: Yours is quite long, so I’ll split it into sections.
Characterization: I don’t watch LV as often as I used to, but I can comment a little. You did very well for the most part, I felt I could tell whom all the characters were without reading names, and that says a lot. There were some parts, particularly with Sara, where I think you went a little off. Sometimes, you had her a little too happy and hyper, she generally gets smiley, but doesn’t push that any further, it takes a lot to get her really ‘woo’. I enjoyed that there was everyone in there; it is rare we get ‘case’ stories that do not have an element of romance to them (guilty as charged). Erin’s cool, I like her in the story, but at times, she plays too big a role in the workings, and she feels unneeded at times. But only at times, other parts, she’s perfect.
Plot: Very good. Kept me interested. Only thing I’d say (well, repeat. LLK already said it) is I don’t see why Warrick was there? Maybe you could have him play a bigger part in future chapters. You draw it out, reveling little tit-bits of information when the reader least expects it and that really works well.
Future? I will most certainly be reading. I’m impressed. Your spelling and grammar was near perfect. I have a habit of being able to notice everyone else’s errors, but not my own hehe. It’s annoying, but I spotted hardly any in yours. And those I noticed were, I guess, open to opinion.
I’ll be keeping an eye out for your update, very well done.
Jodie x
When I first started writing fanfic, I was, well, terrible for lack of a better word and I like to think I have improved since then. My readers have certainly stuck by me, and have continued to give me solid reviews. I’ve noticed that, as time has gone by, my reviews have gone from ‘this could be improved’ to, ‘I saw little wrong with it’ which I think is a good example of what a writer should aim to do. I mean, no one can be perfect, but improvement is the key. For me, the thing that has changed the most is probably my grammar, spelling, characterization, genre (
) and…. Well, everything. I’ve learnt what a semicolon is; I’ve begun caring about my spelling; characterization is now the most important thing in my stories and my genre… Well, we all see how that’s turned out. Not sure if that’s a good thing or not, though.
I used to tell everything as though I was God, I don’t do that anymore. I used to post ridiculously shot and meaningless chapters, just to post; I don’t do that anymore. I’ve now added more detail to my work. And discovered the wonders (I hope) of short sentences which, used in moderation, can really add to a piece.
Since I started studying psychology in more detail, I have become a lot more comfortable exploring the characters minds (mainly because I spend the majority of my classes applying all the theories to my characters haha) and I like to delve really deep and consider areas that others may not have.
Critique: Yours is quite long, so I’ll split it into sections.
Characterization: I don’t watch LV as often as I used to, but I can comment a little. You did very well for the most part, I felt I could tell whom all the characters were without reading names, and that says a lot. There were some parts, particularly with Sara, where I think you went a little off. Sometimes, you had her a little too happy and hyper, she generally gets smiley, but doesn’t push that any further, it takes a lot to get her really ‘woo’. I enjoyed that there was everyone in there; it is rare we get ‘case’ stories that do not have an element of romance to them (guilty as charged). Erin’s cool, I like her in the story, but at times, she plays too big a role in the workings, and she feels unneeded at times. But only at times, other parts, she’s perfect.
Plot: Very good. Kept me interested. Only thing I’d say (well, repeat. LLK already said it) is I don’t see why Warrick was there? Maybe you could have him play a bigger part in future chapters. You draw it out, reveling little tit-bits of information when the reader least expects it and that really works well.
Future? I will most certainly be reading. I’m impressed. Your spelling and grammar was near perfect. I have a habit of being able to notice everyone else’s errors, but not my own hehe. It’s annoying, but I spotted hardly any in yours. And those I noticed were, I guess, open to opinion.
I’ll be keeping an eye out for your update, very well done.
Jodie x
lostladyknight
Pathologist
CSI Critique Fanfiction #18: CSI Miami. Eric/Calleigh, “The End Justifies The Means” By: Adorelo
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TQ: What genre of story do you most often write? What genre do you most often look for to read? What makes you choose those genres?
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Everyone please be sure to read and critique our featured story! Thanks for all of the critiques for last week!
Please remember that you only have until Saturday to critique this week's featured story. The new featured submission will be featured on Sunday, March 9, 2008.
***** ***** ***** ***** ***** ***** *****
TQ: What genre of story do you most often write? What genre do you most often look for to read? What makes you choose those genres?
***** ***** ***** ***** ***** ***** *****
Everyone please be sure to read and critique our featured story! Thanks for all of the critiques for last week!
Please remember that you only have until Saturday to critique this week's featured story. The new featured submission will be featured on Sunday, March 9, 2008.
adorelo
CSI Level Two
TQ:
What genre do I normally write? Haha, do you even have to ask? Angst, of course. I love it. I rarely write anything else which is why I'd appreciate your opinions on this fluff controversy I created :lol:. I chose angst for a serious reason, actually. I've never been one to be able to express emotion very well. In fact, I think the last time I cried was about six years ago when my mom died. For me, writing is a way of expressing things I'd normally repress. To be honest, if I didn't write, I think I'd be a lot more crazy than I am now. It's an outlet. I just have to make sure I don't go OOC when I do this. Particularly if I'm writing something very personal.
For reading, I don't have a preference, I'll read anything. I don't actually like fantasy and sci-fi stuff, but I'll try anything once. It's more the authors I look out for than the genre because there are different areas within genres. Like, an 'angst' fic could mean romantic angst, actual fear angst, personal angst; there are so many different links behind each label. I like to try as many as possible.
What genre do I normally write? Haha, do you even have to ask? Angst, of course. I love it. I rarely write anything else which is why I'd appreciate your opinions on this fluff controversy I created :lol:. I chose angst for a serious reason, actually. I've never been one to be able to express emotion very well. In fact, I think the last time I cried was about six years ago when my mom died. For me, writing is a way of expressing things I'd normally repress. To be honest, if I didn't write, I think I'd be a lot more crazy than I am now. It's an outlet. I just have to make sure I don't go OOC when I do this. Particularly if I'm writing something very personal.
For reading, I don't have a preference, I'll read anything. I don't actually like fantasy and sci-fi stuff, but I'll try anything once. It's more the authors I look out for than the genre because there are different areas within genres. Like, an 'angst' fic could mean romantic angst, actual fear angst, personal angst; there are so many different links behind each label. I like to try as many as possible.