TQ: Where do you prefer going for fanfiction? Either as a reader or an author?
I've only recently discovered FanFiction.net. That is a good place to go. I've also found web pages of a few authors whose stories I've liked just through Google or through a link in a forum. I'm still relatively new to fan fic, so I tend to take recommendations from people and such as starting points, depending on which of a couple of shows or families of shows (like the 3 CSI's) it is.
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There was some really good stuff in this story and some not so good stuff. To be honest, the spelling mistakes and capitalization and punctuation errors made it difficult to read the story. This is something that having a beta and a spell checker would really help, because the actual content of the story was really very good. The plot was well developed and it held your interest from chapter to chapter.
There were a lot of spelling errors and occasionally just wrong words that could have been fixed with a spell checker and made the story much more readable. In just the first couple chapters, some of the spelling errors and typos I found were:
fantasty (fantasy), devestatingly(devastatingly), prevelant (prevalent), particularily, (particularly) recieved (received), outter (outer), dishevled (disheveled), explainined (explained)...
I'm really not trying to pick on you, honestly, but it is something that really distracts readers and makes it hard to concentrate on the story.
You have a few problems with punctuation and capitalization in regards to quotes. First, each speaker always gets his own paragraph. And, when the sentence isn't finished after the quote marks, you don't capitalize the next word. Also, if the quote is a statement, a comma, rather than a period, goes before the quotes. So, for example, your paragraph that looks like this:
"Having fun?" He asked, obviously noticing his friend's tense demeanor. Eric stood straight and crossed his arms. "I printed every inch of that bathroom. I've still got nothing." He answered. Speed tilted his head and walked further into the room. "Well I think the percentage of children in AFIS is pretty low anyway."
... should look like this:
"Having fun?" he asked, obviously noticing his friend's tense demeanor.
Eric stood straight and crossed his arms. "I printed every inch of that bathroom. I've still got nothing," he answered.
Speed tilted his head and walked further into the room. "Well, I think the percentage of children in AFIS is pretty low anyway."
As far as the characters themselves, you captured their personalities and mannerisms very well. I'm sometimes reluctant to read Miami fics that include Horatio because his mannerisms and speech patterns are fairly unusual compared to most people's and in fics sometimes he is almost a caricature and other times his unique ways of talking are ignored. But you managed to capture him perfectly without doing either of those things. You really did well with every single character you had in your story. As others have said, you can really almost hear them saying their lines.
The plot was very good, and in keeping with the style of CSI Miami. I enjoyed the story revolving around a crime, which doesn't seem to be something that a whole lot of fan fictions do. Most seem to revolve around the characters in other settings, (which isn't a bad thing, either, of course.) I'm glad this was a longer, chaptered fiction to give the story and characters a chance to develop, but kept to a reasonable length so that the story wasn't dragged out too long so that people would lose interest.
I would also enjoy reading a sequel!
I've only recently discovered FanFiction.net. That is a good place to go. I've also found web pages of a few authors whose stories I've liked just through Google or through a link in a forum. I'm still relatively new to fan fic, so I tend to take recommendations from people and such as starting points, depending on which of a couple of shows or families of shows (like the 3 CSI's) it is.
*******************
There was some really good stuff in this story and some not so good stuff. To be honest, the spelling mistakes and capitalization and punctuation errors made it difficult to read the story. This is something that having a beta and a spell checker would really help, because the actual content of the story was really very good. The plot was well developed and it held your interest from chapter to chapter.
There were a lot of spelling errors and occasionally just wrong words that could have been fixed with a spell checker and made the story much more readable. In just the first couple chapters, some of the spelling errors and typos I found were:
fantasty (fantasy), devestatingly(devastatingly), prevelant (prevalent), particularily, (particularly) recieved (received), outter (outer), dishevled (disheveled), explainined (explained)...
I'm really not trying to pick on you, honestly, but it is something that really distracts readers and makes it hard to concentrate on the story.
You have a few problems with punctuation and capitalization in regards to quotes. First, each speaker always gets his own paragraph. And, when the sentence isn't finished after the quote marks, you don't capitalize the next word. Also, if the quote is a statement, a comma, rather than a period, goes before the quotes. So, for example, your paragraph that looks like this:
"Having fun?" He asked, obviously noticing his friend's tense demeanor. Eric stood straight and crossed his arms. "I printed every inch of that bathroom. I've still got nothing." He answered. Speed tilted his head and walked further into the room. "Well I think the percentage of children in AFIS is pretty low anyway."
... should look like this:
"Having fun?" he asked, obviously noticing his friend's tense demeanor.
Eric stood straight and crossed his arms. "I printed every inch of that bathroom. I've still got nothing," he answered.
Speed tilted his head and walked further into the room. "Well, I think the percentage of children in AFIS is pretty low anyway."
As far as the characters themselves, you captured their personalities and mannerisms very well. I'm sometimes reluctant to read Miami fics that include Horatio because his mannerisms and speech patterns are fairly unusual compared to most people's and in fics sometimes he is almost a caricature and other times his unique ways of talking are ignored. But you managed to capture him perfectly without doing either of those things. You really did well with every single character you had in your story. As others have said, you can really almost hear them saying their lines.
The plot was very good, and in keeping with the style of CSI Miami. I enjoyed the story revolving around a crime, which doesn't seem to be something that a whole lot of fan fictions do. Most seem to revolve around the characters in other settings, (which isn't a bad thing, either, of course.) I'm glad this was a longer, chaptered fiction to give the story and characters a chance to develop, but kept to a reasonable length so that the story wasn't dragged out too long so that people would lose interest.
I would also enjoy reading a sequel!