CSI: Bikini Bottom

(Scene cuts back to Haddock Brown and Nick Sturgeon in their S.U.B. outside the Thug Tug. Nick spots former Judge Conch getting out of his boatmobile and going in.)

Nick: Won't be long now...

(Haddock nods and rumbles his fins, when his shell phone rings. After the second ring it goes dead. Several seconds pass. It rings once, and then stops ringing.)

Haddock: That's the signal. We're up.

(Nick and Haddock grab their bubble guns and discreetly make their way towards the back of the Thug Tug. They find the open window. They get down on all fours and crawl up to the window and lift their heads only high enough to see former Judge Conch drinking a beer and engaging in some serious planning with several unsavory looking tough guys. Judge Conch's back is to the window.)

(Nick and Haddock give eachother the thumbs up signal with their fins and then place the bubble guns on the window sill. They let loose a couple of streams of bubbles that make their way in under former Judge Conch's chair and start rising up around him. Scene cuts to inside of the Thug Tug.)

Tough Fish with eyepatch: HEY! WHAT THE BARNACLES IS THIS?

Fmr Judge Conch: Huh? What're you talking about?!?!

Big green Fish with Seahorse Tattoo: EVERYONE KNOWS THE RULES IN THIS PLACE!!!

Eyepatch Fish: EVERYBODY LINE UP!!!! RIGHT NOW!!!!

(Judge Conch is perplexed by all this but hurriedly gets in line for fear of angering the other, tougher fish in the bar.)

Eyepatch Fish: WHAT'S THE NUMBER ONE RULE OF THE THUG TUG?!?!?!

Everyone but Fmr. Judge Conch: ALL BUBBLE BLOWING BABIES WILL BE BEATEN SENSELESS BY EVERY ABLE-BODIED MAN IN THE BAR!!!

Eyepatch Fish: TIME FOR THE TEST! DJ--START THE MUSIC!!!

(DJ Fish puts on a record and we hear the piano/banjo introit for the Goofy Goober™ theme song!)

Eyepatch Fish: NO BABY CAN RESIST SINGING ALONG TO THIS!!!

Singer on Record: Oh, I'm a Goofy Goober, yeah! You're a Goofy Goober, yeah! We're all Goofy Goobers, yeah!

(Eyepatch fish makes a slashing motion across his neck to the DJ, who stops the record.)

Fmr. Judge Conch: (singing) Goofy-goofy goober-goober, yeah!!!

(The eyepatch tough fish runs up to Conch, who suddenly realizes what he's done!)

Eyepatch Fish: WELL, WELL, WELL! IT LOOKS LIKE OUR FORMER JUDGE WHO WANTED US TO BEAT UP THOSE TWO CRIME LAB DWEEBS ISN'T TOUGH AT ALL--HE'S A BUBBLE-BLOWING BABY!!!

Conch: No! WAIT! You got it all wrong! I've been hearing that crazy song in my head all week long! I don't know why...

Tattooed Fish: Time to take yer beating like a MAN!!!

(Loud roaring and then every tough guy in the whole bar piles on Conch and starts beating him senseless, while Nick and Haddock watch from outside the window, laughing their tails off)

Nick: We really should call 911.

Haddock: We will... in about five more minutes...

(And the beating continues....)

Conch:
 
(We cut back to the lab to Sara Sailfish's workstation. We see her, in a time lapse montage, dig her way through copies of documents, highlighting certain items, pulling info off of some webistes and computer databases and more. The scene then cuts to Gills Grunion's office as she walks in.)

Sara Sailfish: Grunion--I have one name that has come up repeatedly in conjunction with these various orders, complaints, payroll and other items. Wanna take a look? (She hands him a sheet of paper.)

Grunion: (looks at it seriously) Thus far, the usual suspects--family especially--haven't panned out. This name, however, is another story. All these people who died very likely had interaction with this person during the day before they were all murdered. Get as much info on this person as you can, give it to Bass and both of you pay him a visit.

Sara: Okay, Grunion. (She leaves)
 
sorry Hankster if i haven't read your thread for a while! but OMG it is so good. i can't wait for more!!! keep up the excellent work!
 
(We see the field office of Boulabase Construction at the Tentacle Acres site. It's a trailer with the usual archetetural plans on the walls, a modest secretary's desk in front, some hardhats going in and out as they're working with various supervisors and engineers. The door opens and in walks Capt. Jim Bass with CSI Sara Sailfish in tow. Bass walks up to the secretary's desk and shows his badge.)

Secretary: (Nasal voice) How can I help you?

Bass: Detective Jim Bass, BBPD. This is Sara Sailfish with the crime lab. I'm needing to see Mr. Ham Dorsally. Is he in?

Secretary: Just a minute. (She hits the button on her intercom) Mr. Dorsally?

Ham Dorsally: (voice on speaker) Tina! I'm busy right now. Whaddaya want?

Tina: I'm sorry to disturb you Mr. Dorsally, but there's a Detective Jim Bass with the BBPD to see you.

Dorsally: (voice on speaker, almost chokes) Uh... (hastily) gimme just a minute! I'll beep when it's okay to send him on in.

Tina: Okay Mr. Dorsally. (Looks at Bass) You two have a seat. Want some coffee?

Bass: No thank you. (Sara shakes her head and the two sit down.)

(Suddenly, a heavily made up female fish comes out of a door that is presumably Mr. Dorsally's office. Her clothes are disheveled. She's wearing sunglasses and she makes as discreet an exit as she can.)

Sara: I've heard of fooling around on the job, but spawning on the job?

(Bass shrugs. The intercom beeps.)

Tina: Mr. Dorsally will see you now. (Bass and Sara get up and are led into the office by Tina. Mr. Dorsally is adjusting his shirt and pants unconsciously and puts on an overly obsequious grin.)

Dorsally: I'm sorry to keep Bikini Bottom's finest waiting! I uh... had... uh... an important conference call that I was in the process of finishing up when you came by!

Sara: (to herself) Like that surface president Clinton?

Bass: (Shoots her a look) That's okay, Mr. Dorsally. We don't want to take up too much of your time. We know you're busy.

Dorsally: Tell me about it! I've got a couple'a more dozen houses to build here, and 6 sites are still off limits due to your investigation. But, we want to make sure that the dirty rotten bottomfeeders that did this are taken to justice, so we're cooperating fully. Mr. Boulabase wants us to all be good citizens.

Bass: I'm sure he does. Since you want to do your civic duty, I need to get to the bottom of something: The four victims: Arthur Fishley, Johnny McScales, Melvin Finler, and Mahi Lopez all have had some affiliation with your company.

Boulabase: Fishley and Finler I know about all too well. They were both dirty, rotten no-good cheats. They were stealing money and stealing building supplies from Mr. Boulabase and from Bikini Bottom Building supply. They were both caught in the act and got what they deserved. They had their sorry tailfins FIRED! As for McScales and Lopes--they both worked for us for a long time and were good employees. They just one day stopped showing up to work and we didn't know what happened until they were identified in the news. The boys here took up a collection for McScales' mom and Lopez's wife to help pay for their burial at Floater's Cemetary. It was so sad.

Sara: Getting caught in the act seems to be happening a lot around here...

Bass: ANYWAY... we were going through some paperwork on the four victims and there was a name that popped up tangentially on items related to every single one of them: Melvin Snaggleteeth.

Sara: Coincendentally, Mr. Snaggleteeth was the fellow who called in to report the body dump.

(Sara and Bass look at eachother and light bulbs appear above their heads.)

Dorsally: Melvin? He's a geeky auditor whom one of the higher ups called in. He was the one who FOUND the inconsistencies and reported them to me and Mr. Boulabase. He's a nice enough guy, but boy is he a GEEK! He's the president of that Mermaid Man and Barnacle Boy fan club and hangs out at Weenie Hut Jr.'s when he's not at work.

Bass: Would you happen to have his address, phone number and other relevant info?

Dorsally: I'd like to provide it for you, but you know how it is with privacy laws and all. I'm gonna need a warrant.

Sara: Fortunately, Judge Mussel agrees with you and provided us with a blanket warrant for all your payroll and personnel information and files, primarily focusing on Mr. Snaggleteeth.

Dorsally: (takes the warrant, looks it over and nods.) This looks good to me. (Opens the door) TINA! Get what we have here at the site on Snaggleteeth. What we don't have, call the main office and have them courrier it over here! Doubletime!

Tina: Yes Mr. Dorsally.

(Bass and Sara look at eachother, knowingly)
 
(Back at BBPD headquarters, Nick Sturgeon and Haddock Brown are looking smug and self-congratulatory as they shuffle on into the lab, ready to see what's awating them there. Gills Grunion steps out, shoots them both a look that shows he's not pleased about something."

Grunion: Nick, Haddock--in my office, NOW!

(Nick and Haddock shoot eachother confused looks, but shuffle on in as they're told. They go in, and sit down at Grunion's gesturing. Grunion pulls all the blinds down, closes them and then locks the door. He sits on the corner of his desk and shoots both of them a scowl before he speaks.)

Grunion: Boys, I got a call today from Seargent O'Reefy that former Judge Conch was back in town and got his dorsal fin kicked up street and down alley at the Thug Tug.

Nick: We don't hang out at the Thug Tug.

Grunion: Oh really? Then why do surveilance photos from an undercover officer on a narcotics stakeout have this Black Tahoe Sport Utility Boatmobile with a Las Vegas exempt tag on it, registered to the crime lab for your use smack dab in the picture, Nick?

Nick: Well, we don't hang out IN the Thug Tug, but we were in the parking lot on a case.

Grunion: The only case that we're all supposed to be working on is the multiple murder/body dump over at the Tentacle Acres construction site. The two of you have pulled some paperwork and done some lab work on this case, but otherwise, you've not been putting in any overtime and have been conspicuously absent otherwise. And now, I find out that the two of you just happen to be at the location of the assault of a former judge?

Haddock: (sighs) Okay, Grunion. This one is on me. Nick was only helping me out. Conch showed up on Bubble Bowl Sunday, making his usual vague threats. He's been gone for three years and now he shows up, out of jail and looking for trouble. Saying once again that he "owns my tailfin." Nick and I called in some favors from Undercover and they had spotted him over at the Skid Reef motel, so we took advantage of the situation.

Grunion: (really angry) You two know how I HATE POLITICS!!! I put my own tail on the line for you when that stuff with Conch went down after Holly Grubbs was killed. While there's no evidence to directly tie you to the assault, the fact that the two of you decided to play cowboys and didn't tell me that Conch was back in town puts me on the frying pan and I DON'T LIKE BEING ON THE FRYING PAN.

Nick: If you're going to come down on anyone, it should be me. I'm the one who encouraged Haddock to do something about this and not go to you because Conch is an ex-con, he's violating his parole seven ways from Sunday and I figured if we could help the process along at getting him back into jail, it would take care of the problem.

Grunion: Well, since he was caught at a bar, in violation of his parole, he has been sent back to jail--to the HOSPITAL WING of the jail!!! As he was hanging out there anyway prior to your actions that led to his being assaulted, we can consider that matter closed.

Haddock: That's it?

Grunion: No, that's not it. As soon as we finish the current case, the two of you are suspended for one week, without pay. That's going to put a heavier load on Cat, Sara, Greg and myself, but it can't be helped as you know how the day shift feels about working with us. I need to know I can count on my team and up until this happened, I knew I could count on you both.

(Both Nick and Haddock look remorseful, and don't say anything.)

Grunion: Now let's see if you two might be able to prove you want to earn my trust again by handling this: Spongebob Squarepants called me up because the President of the Mermaidman and Barnacle Boy Society, Melvin Snaggleteeth, is missing. He also hasn't been seen at Weenie Hut Jr.'s in days. His name showed up on a bunch of documentation in relation to Boulabase construction, and he is the one who called in the 4 dead bodies that were dumped. Bass and Sara did some digging and it turns out he had ordered a large set of Ginsu knives about a week before the DBs were found over by Weenie Hut Jr's. It also turns out that Mr. Snaggleteeth trained in the art of filleting at the Bikini Bottom Culinary institute and was described as being like a surgeon by his professors. (Grunion pulls out a sheet of paper.) I have a warrant here to search Mr. Snaggleteeth's apartment for evidence. The two of you are to go with a black and white to serve the warrant, and then do a complete sweep of the place for evidence, bring it back and then run it through the lab yourselves. No delegating to Greg, Codges or anyone else. You two work it from start to finish and give me the results. Once I'm satisfied you've done it completely, you will turn in your badges, guns and ID cars, go home and think about what you did during your unpaid vacation.

Nick: (Starts to speak but Grunion holds up his fin.)

Grunion: The only reasons why the two of you aren't standing in the Unemployment line are because Conch was in violation of his parole, and because the rest of us were sloppy and didn't follow the number one rule of Crime Scene Investigation: first witness equals first suspect. Now get out of here and do your jobs.

(Nick and Haddock nod and shuffle quickly out of Grunion's office, holding their heads down and looking very remorseful. Grunion stays in the office, stares into space angrily and then slams his fin down on his desk.)
 
(Cut scenes kick in. We see Nick and Haddock outside of The Shell Ridge aparments, warrant in hand. They knock at the door, with a Uniformed Officer not far behind them.)

Haddock BBPD, Criminalistics! Open up!!!

(they wait and knock a second time.)

Nick: Mr. Snaggleteeth--you okay?

(Still silence despite the knocking and calling. Haddock nods to the uniform who draws his gun as Nick and Haddock grab the Ram and bust the door open. They get out of the way as the uniform rushes in, gun drawn with flashlight mounted on the scope.)

Uniform: Bikini Bottom Police Department! We're here to serve a...

(The camera pans to show Melvin Snaggleteeth, hanging from a noose strung over the rafter in his apartment, clearly dead.)

Uniform:...warrant.

Haddock: Clear the aparment, Garcia. This is now a crime scene!

(Nick picks up his shell phone and calls David Fishlips.)

Nick: David, it's Nick. We need you out here with a bag and some tags ASAP.

(Time cuts kick in and we see a body bag being wheeled into an Ambulance with two orderlies and David Fishlips following.)

David: One I've done the autopsy, we can get a timeline. Based upon the limpness, rigor mortis has already passed. Best guess is he's dead at least 36 hours.

Nick: Thanks, David. Now let's scour this place and show Grunion that he can count on us to do our jobs right.

Haddock: (Nods and the time lapse of printing, gathering knives from the kitchen, swabbing for blood, use of luminol, etc. kicks in.)
 
wow. this stuff is addicting. i finished it all in one go.

it was absolutely hilarious. good job trying to portray both csi and spongebob squarepants. kudos!
 
(We see the interior of Gills' Grunion's office. Haddock and Nick come in carrying stacks of papers, evidence bags and other materials.)

Haddock: I'm sure you heard about what we found at Mevlin Snaggleteeth's place.

Nick: The only thing is, we've spent the last 18 hours going over it with a fine tooth comb, processing and reprocessing a massive amount of evidence, but something doesn't feel right.

Grunion: We don't go with feelings, we go with the evidence. Break it down for me, Mr. Brown and Mr. Sturgeon.

Haddock: Here's the highlights. A set of Ginsu Knives, containing blood residue on them, 4 different sets of DNA and scales on the handle.

Nick: Blood residue and DNA match the vics. Scales match Mr. Snaggleteeth. Cerration of the blades match the filleting job on the victims.

Grunion: Well then, the evidence confirms that Snaggleteeth is the killer.

Haddock: The only thing is, Snaggleteeth is dead. We found this note (holds up a second evidence bag, a piece of paper is seen inside), that's an apparent suicide note written by Snaggleteeth.

Nick: The handwriting matches the samples that Squarepants kid provided from some Mermaid Man & Barnacle Boy Society paperwork.

Grunion: Well then, Mr. Snaggleteeth wrote the note.

Nick: In it he says he's sorry for what he did and couldn't live with himself. He left the money in his bank account to the Mermaid Man and Barnacle Boy Society. He had an account balance of $50,000.00 that had only been deposited over the past few weeks in increments of about $2900.00 each.

Haddock: All the deposits were in cash, but the increments were small enough to avoid CTR forms being filled out. Also, it seems to be a bit too convenient that the perp was dead just as we were closing in on him.

Grunion: Have you found any other evidence otherwise?

Nick: We found residue of latex rubber, consistent with medical rubber gloves on the rope and on Snaggleteeth's body. We found no finprints, scales or fibres anywhere in the apartment after all the work we put into it.

Haddock: The Doorknob had smeared prints and latex residue on it as well. None of the prints could be identified other than the victim's.

Grunion: Whomever murdered Snaggleteeth was a pro. As it is, we don't have anything to go on. I'm going to look over your work, but it looks pretty thorough at first glance. (pauses a beat) Very well. Your suspension begins now.

(Nick and Haddock pull out their bages, IDs and guns and set them on Grunion's desk.)

Grunion: See you both in a week. Trust me, there'll be PLENTY for you to do when you get back. Now get out of my office! (Grunion spins his chair around so his back is turned to them as he starts looking into the files Nick and Haddock gave him.)

(Nick and Haddock look at eachother, hang their heads down for a beat and then leave the office and head down the hall. The camera follows them.)

Haddock: You wanna go get a Krabby Patty, bro?

Nick: I am a little hungry. I just hope that Spongebob kid isn't geeking out on us too much today!

Haddock: He always geeks out on us too much! But, he's a good kid, so I can stand it if you can!

(the two do a soulshake with their fins and then hustle out of the lab to start off their suspension with a Krabby Patty. The camera pans out of the lab, showing people bustling in and out of labs and offices, then catches Grunion with his head out of his office door watching his two protegé's leave. Grunion's face looks a bit disgusted, but also a bit proud as well.)

Grunion: (under his breath) Subliminal programming of the Goofy Goober theme song. That may have been wrong, but I can't say it wasn't genius. (smiles a little and goes back into his office.)

(Guitar riff from "Who are you?" kicks in and ending credits roll. Final credit shows "Produced by Jerry Bruckheimer and Stephen Hillenberg. A CBS/Nickelodeon Production.")
 
man, i want to see the soulshake!

i really wanted to see who killed Snaggleteeth. why is it that NO ONE can catch Sam Boulabase (Braun)? >.<

anyways, i'm loving this. please update with the next episode soon!

Elanor.
 
(We see shots of a small city that's partly underwater, partly on land in a coastal area that looks somewhat like Bikini Bottom, but not exactly the same. Salsa music plays in the background and we see a very diverse batch of humanoid waterfoul, amphibians, amphibious mammals and reptiles. The camera passes by a billboard that says "Welcome to Ukulele Bottom." Cut scenes kick in and we see a long, tall, thin, almost emaciated bird that's mostly white but has ruffled reddish feathers on the top of his head--he's a Crane in fact. He's wearing a nicely tailored suit and a pair of VERY COOL sunglasses. He's just stepped out of a monstrously armored Sport Utility Boat that has a shield on the side that reads Ukulele Bottom/Spade Crime lab. He dramatically approaches a rather tough and stocky looking turtle with a shiny head who's standing just outside a perimeter of yellow tape that read "Police Line-Do Not Cross.")

Tall Bird Detective: So... Frank... what do we have here?

Frank: (Texas accent) H, we got a couple'a DBs. Really gorey scene. Looks like someone went over them with a weed whacker that had razor wire on it!

(A uniformed rodent--like a Nutria--officer approaches)

Officer: (To the tall bird detective) Lieutenant Crane! (To the Turtle Detective) Detective Terp! Boy am I glad you're both here!

Lt. Crane: Officer Ratzenberg.... I wish we could... stop... meeting like this.

Off. Ratzenberg: No joke! I was first on the scene and secured the perimeter. I haven't seen a mess like this since hunting season in 1998!

(The three get under the tape and head towards the crime scene. We see a pair of Dolphins--one male, one female, in touristy clothes, all gashed up, blood everywhere, X's on their eyes.)

Det. Frank Terp: We ran the plates of the rental Boatmobile next to them and got copies of the IDs provided to the agency. Photos match the vics. They're Don and Wendy Adolphus. A couple of Tourists from Bikini Bottom in for the weekend for a vacation, Horatio.

Lt. Horatio Crane: Unfortunately, it looks like their vacation... just became permanent.

Officer Ratzenberg: There's something oddly familiar about this scene. I seem to remember seeing someing on Cable News about some kind of killing like this before--total mutilation, 2 victims... I think it was in Bikini Bottom.

Det. Frank Terp: Don't you have a couple'a contacts over in Bikini Bottom? The vics are from there. Maybe there's a connection.

Lt. Horatio Crane: Yes... I do... I need to make a call... Get Alexx out here in the meantime and work the scene. Call in Dolpho and Dugong if they're not busy. (Crane pulls his shell phone dramatically out of his coat pocket and dials a number.)

(Scene Cuts over to Catfish Willows, at Seaside Park with her daughter Findsey, enjoying a day off when her shell phone rings.)

Cat: Go ahead and swing some more honey, I gotta get this.

Findsey: Mom, you promised you wouldn't let work interrupt us this time!

(Cat shoots her a look and Findsey poutily goes to play some more, giving her mom the stinkeye as she does.)

(Cat hits the send button on her shell phone)

Cat: Catfish Willows.

Lt. Horatio Crane: I recognize those sweet... dulcet tones!

Cat: Lt. Crane! This is a suprise! How're things in Ukulele Bottom?

Lt. Crane: It's Horatio, Cat. However, I wish... I were calling for more... personal reasons.

Cat: This can't be good, then.

Lt. Horatio Crane: It isn't. We have a couple of victims from your area here in Ukulelel bottom. They were sliced up as though they were cut with razor wire...

Cat: Anything I can do to help.

(Guitar riff hits. "Who are you?" by The Who starts playing. We see our montage of aquatic characters that resemble our favorite CSIs. Final Credit reads "Created by Anthony Zuiker and Stephen Hillenberg.")
 
CSI: Bikini Bottom Episode 4 "Cross-Currents"

(The camera zooms in on the Ukulele Bottom Crime Scene from above. We see a red undersea bus parked on the road that's been blocked off by the UB/Spade PD due to the crime scene. Nets are bouncing up and down and voices are heard chanting from the bus.)

Voices: JELLYFISHING! JELLYFISHING! JELLYFISHING! JELLYFISHING! JELLYFISHING! JELLYFISHING!

(The camera zooms in on the driver-side window where we see a very frazzled fish-man bus driver in a water helmet pleading with the UB/Spade Officer)

Bus Driver: Please! Can't we go around? I need to get these Jellyfishing Conventioneers off of my bus before I go nuts!

Flamingo Policewoman: Sorry pal. Until the Crime Lab and the Coroner clear the scene, you're not going anywhere! (She stalks off)

(Inside the bus, we see Spongebob Squarepants and Patrick Star laughing with their friends.)

Spongebob: It looks like we'll be here a bit longer. Let's sing The Campfire Song Song! (He whips out his guitar)

Bus driver: (under his breath)At least it's not more chanting...

(The camera zooms outside as we hear the beginning of the Campfire Song Song and cuts over to a Beaver Woman with long black hair, dark brown fur, sunglasses and a bit of an attitude. She's closely examining the bodies of the Dolphuses. She is Dr. Alexx Wood, one of the Ukulele Bottom/Spade County Coroners)

Dr. Alexx Wood: What happened to you two?

(The camera unfocuses on Alexx and focuses on Lt. Horatio Crane in the background.)

Lt. Horatio Crane: I wonder what... the good people of Spade County... would think of their coroner talking to dead bodies.

Dr. Alexx Wood: They wouldn't care as long as I do my job well.

Lt. Horatio Crane: And you do... at that...

Dr. Alexx Wood: (Gets up from her squatting position) They've been dead about 18 hours. COD was exansguination resulting from evisceration by a sharp yet rusty object. Likely a harpoon. I found flecks of iron rust all in their wounds.

Lt. Crane: Same MO... as that case 6 months ago... in Bikini Bottom.
 
(a blonde haired Manatee woman and a dolphin man with short cropped black hair approach carrying field kits. They are CSIs Calleigh DuGong and Erik Dolpho.)

Erik Dolpho: H! We found a couple of items in the rental boatmobile we think you might be interested in:

Calleigh DuGong: (Thick Southern accent) First of all, we found a bus ticket to Ukulele Bottom on the express from Bikini Bottom dated 2 days ago. Based on the route number and ticket ID, it's a round trip ticket with an open-ended return date.

Dolpho: Second, we have more rust flakes all over the backseat, along with scales and various clothing fibres.

Crane: Keep at it. If we can check the bus station for surveillance video, we may be able to spot the perp as he got off the bus.

DuGong: Ryan's already headed over there with Frank to see about gettin' it.

(Horatio Crane pulls out his shell phone again and dials a number. Scene cuts back to Catfish Willows at the Krusty Krab with Findsey.)

Cat: Catfish Willows.

Horatio: Cat, it's Horatio again. Thanks fir the info you had Nick provide earlier. I'm sorry to continue to intterupt your day off, but this is important.

Cat: You've got my attention.

Horatio: The MO is the same as that unsolved case Greg sent me...

Cat: Evisceration with a rusty sharp object like a harpoon. I'm sorry that we somehow sent him your way, H.

Horatio: We're on a tight timetable to try to find him. Otherwise, he's pulling a boomerang... back to you. We have evidence he has an open-ended return ticket on Continental Shelfways Bus line back to Bikini Bottom.

Cat: (looks more stern) Thanks for the heads up. If you can somehow get a description, we can be ready to catch him at the bus station. I'll let Bass know immediately.

(She hangs up)

(Horatio hears a commotion going on over at the rental boatmobile. He heads over there to see what's happening. He notices the trunk hood is open and hears crying.)

Dolpho: Somebody call an ambulance--this one's dehydrated, but alive and awake.

Calleigh: You okay, hon?

(Camera pans over to show a little dolphin boy, probably about 10 years old, sniffling in the trunk, covered with sweat.)

Dolphin Boy: Are you guys the police?

(Lt. Horatio Crane approaches and slowly removes his sunglasses)

Horatio: Yes, son.... we are. My name's Horatio. I know that's a.... funny name. What's your name?

Dolphin Boy: (Sniffles a little) Donny... Donny Dolphus... Are my mom and dad... dead?

Horatio: (Squats down so he's at eye level with the boy) Unfortunately... yes... they are. I'm sorry.

Donny: Are you going to catch the bad guy who did it?

Horatio: I promise you, Donny... I will do my best to see that we do. You can help me do this, Donny.

Donny: I can? I'm just a scared kid! What can I do to help?

Horatio: This lady here (gestures to Calleigh), is Calleigh DuGong. Ms. DuGong has a friend who likes to draw. If you can remember anything about the bad guy who did this... anything at all... he can draw it and that can help us get him.

Calleigh: I bet you're tired and hungry. You think something to eat might help now.

Donny: I guess so... (Horatio Crane helps Donny out of the trunk, then Calleigh DuGong takes Donny's hand and leads him over to an Armored Ukulele Bottom/Spade County BUMMER S.U.B. where Ryan Poolf, a Shark-dog man, has just brought in some takeout from a local Taco Shell. Ryan gives Donny a taco and a Soder Cola and then approaches Lt. Crane)

Ryan Poolf: H! I see we have a survivor who may have seen something.

Horatio: Yes.... we do. We've got a sketch artist coming in shortly to get a picture of this perp. Meanwhile, it's entirely possible he's on the way back to Bikini Bottom. Did you get the video?

Ryan: Sure did. Frank's running it back to the lab right now. Reed'll get a look at it and use the facial recognition software to look for known felons in the Oceanwide Database.

Horatio: (Slowly and dramatically puts his sunglasses back on) Excellent. We're going to catch this eel in the kelp... in a net he can't escape from.
 
(The scene cuts back to Bikini Bottom, skyline shots from the Sea Needle to the BBPD building to the crime lab. Interior of Gills Grunion's office. We see our intrepid Night Shift supervisor putting in some overtime at his desk when his shell phone chirps.)

Grunion: Grunion.

Catfish Willows: Gills, it's Cat. I just wanted to check in with you to see if you've heard about what our counterparts on the Day Shift in Ukulele Bottom have been up against.

Grunion: Yes, Nick filled me in when he had to pull the files on that double homicide from 6 months ago. Sounds like Ukulele Bottom's Day shift is scads better than ours.

Cat: They're top notch. I just tried to call Bass, but couldn't get through. My contact there, Lt. Horatio Crane, is trying to get the UB/Spade PD to put a dragnet on the suspect as he's a flight risk.

Grunion: That sounds like bad news.

Cat: It is because he's a risk of flying back to us. I've asked their crew to fax any descriptions, sketches, etc. to us so that Bass and the boys in blue might get him at the bus station, or if we miss him, we have the visuals so he can be found by our own.

Grunion: Sorry this is happening on your Day off. Give Lt. Crane the shell numbers for me, Nick and Jim so you can at least have some time with your daughter without any more interruptions.

Cat: Will do. And thanks, Gills.

Grunion: It's about time at least one of us was allowed to have a life outside the lab. (They hang up)
 
Cross-currents. Horatio Crane. You crack me up.

are you going to focus on LV or are you going to write about all three serieses? you might want to start a new thread because it could get a bit confusing. ^^

Elanor.
 
It's gonna get kicked back to Bikini Bottom and Grunion's team. I just wanted to introduce the Ukulele Bottom team for a future thread. NY's version will be CSI: Rock Bottom, if I ever get around to it. I'm going to primarily focus on Grunion & Co. in Bikini Bottom though...

Back to the script....
 
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