~Quotes You WON'T Hear #2~

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Here's one I came up with just after I posted that one ^^up^^ there. I didn't wanna double post. I didn't wanna edit and add it to that one. So I saved it as a Draft Email. Now, it's my pleasure to share it with all of you.

I have 3 posts in the Horatio/Alexx ship thread. All 3 posts are in favor of a Horatio/Alexx pairing. Well, anyway, this is based on those 3 posts of mine. :D

Horatio down on one knee with a ring in his hand
Horatio: Alexx Woods. Will you marry me???
Alexx: Oh, Horatio. Yes. Absolutely.
Frank Tripp who has been in the shadows and heard all of this comes out.
Frank: Wait a second, Horatio. What about Alexx's husband???
Alexx: Franky boy, didn't you hear??? We got divorced about 4 months before Speedle was killed. Then he moved to a little town in Virginia called Coeburn. 6 months ago he got remarried. 2 months ago he died. Turned out his new wife killed him.
Frank has a straight, slightly embarrassed expression on his face.
Frank: Oh. Well. In that case... *now a big grin comes over Frank's face* CONGRATULATIONS you 2.
*Frank hugs Alexx then Horatio. The 3 go out and celebrate.*
THE END!

Just wait till you read my twisted version of a scene from season 4's Felony Flight. :lol:
 
[flips out cell]
Horatio: Hello?
[2 minutes later]
Calleigh: What’s wrong H?
Horatio: Woman keep on calling me!
Calleigh: …To ask you out?
Horatio: No! Well. Some. But, woman keep on calling me to see if I can baby-sit their kids!
Calleigh: Huh. I figured they would be asking you out.
*awkward silence*
Calleigh: Not that I…would be… *clears throat* asking you out….

Horatio: Ok guys. Here are your NEW guns. Don’t do anything immature or stupid with them.
Eric: *takes gun* Thanks H!
*BANG*
Speed: My bad.
*BANG BANG*
Calleigh: Heh, sorry…
*BANG* *glass breaking*
Speed: Me again.
*BANG*
Eric: AH MY FOOT!


Horatio:Dispatchjustcalledandweneedtogotothescenefast.
DelkomeetmetherenowaityoutagalongwithmeandWolfegowithCalleigh.
Team: *stares*
Horatio : Whatareyoulookingat?Ihadtoomuchcaffeine.



TV reporter: Lt Caine now that you have arrested Clavo Cruz what are you gonna do next??
Horatio: I'm going to Disney World!!!


Horatio: So, I hear you have the sniper surrounded by the SWAT team. Tell me the name of the officers.
Eric: Yes, I have Who on the rooftop, What's on the fire escape...
Horatio: That's what I am asking. Who's on the fire escape?
Eric: No, Who's on the roof, What's on the fire escape…..
Horatio: I don't know.
Eric: He's in the alley.
Horatio: Who's in the alley?
Eric: No. Who's on the roof.
Horatio: I don't know.
Both: Alley.
Horatio: Tell me the name of the officer behind the squad car.
Eric: Tomorrow.
Horatio: Not today?
Eric: No, he's the driver of the SWAT truck.
H: *walks off* I’ll come back when you start making sense…


Suspect: How would you like it if I made your life a living hell?
Horatio: Well, miss, I'm not quite ready for a relationship right now, but maybe I'll give you a call sometime.

Horatio: Alright Frank, give it to me. What'd the wintnesses say about what happened at the farm?
Frank: Well first there was a moo moo, then a quack quack and an oink oink. But one of the winesses say that he heard a bah bah but everyone else told him he was crazy....
 
This post is 2 posts in one. Here they are.

CALL ME RYAN
Ryan has Horatio tied to a chair.
Ryan won't untie Horatio till Horatio calls him Ryan. :D
Horatio: Mr. Wolfe, untie me right now.
Ryan: Sorry, I can't do that right now, Mr. Caine.
Horatio: Mr. Wolfe!!!
Ryan: Yes, Mr. Caine.
Horatio: Untie me!!!
Ryan: Not yet, Mr. Caine.
Horatio: RYAN!!!
Ryan: OK...Now I'll untie you, H. :lol:



Carolyn318 said
Just wait till you read my twisted version of a scene from season 4's Felony Flight. :lol:
Click to expand...
Now as promised...here ^^it^^ is.

Mac Taylor steps out of the elevator.
Mac(walking towards Horatio): Lieutenant Caine.
Horatio(extending his right hand to shake hands with Mac): Detective Mac Taylor.
They shake hands then suddenly they both at the same time pull the other to themselves. They start passionately kissing and their hands going all over each other.
Stetler comes up and YELLS...
Stetler: WHAT THE HELL IS GOING ON HERE???
Horatio and Mac nervously fidgeting straightening themselves up.
Mac: Nothing.
Horatio(echoing Mac): Nothing.
Stetler: That didn't look like "nothing" when I came up.
Horatio: What's the matter, Rick??? Feeling left out???
Horatio pulls Stetler close and kisses him...on the lips.
Stetler breaks free and YELLS...
Stetler: HORATIO CAINE!!!
Stetler sees Horatio's sad face and Mac standing there snickering.
Stetler: Horatio, if you promise never to do that again, I'll pretend I didn't see what I saw when I came up.
Horatio: Promise. Cross my heart.
Stetler grumbles softly then leaves. Mac and Horatio go to the men's restroom and, in the handicap stall, pick up from where Stetler interrupted them.
 
Hunter said:



Horatio:Dispatchjustcalledandweneedtogotothescenefast.
DelkomeetmetherenowaityoutagalongwithmeandWolfegowithCalleigh.
Team: *stares*
Horatio : Whatareyoulookingat?Ihadtoomuchcaffeine.
Click to expand...


:lol: :lol: :lol: :lol:

Oh...my sides hurt from laughing so hard. I can so see that. He's all twitchy and jumping around like Fry from Futurama when he drank 100 cups of coffee. Red hair and all!
 
Kerosene said:
Hunter said:



Horatio:Dispatchjustcalledandweneedtogotothescenefast.
DelkomeetmetherenowaityoutagalongwithmeandWolfegowithCalleigh.
Team: *stares*
Horatio : Whatareyoulookingat?Ihadtoomuchcaffeine.
Click to expand...

:lol: :lol: :lol: :lol:

Oh...my sides hurt from laughing so hard. I can so see that. He's all twitchy and jumping around like Fry from Futurama when he drank 100 cups of coffee. Red hair and all!
Click to expand...

:lol: *taps head* Same image. Just not the Futurama bit. :lol: But that's one of my favs too. :lol:

I'm still waiting for this line to appear in the show. *points down*

Horatio: What time is it, Mr. Wolfe?

:lol:

Ryan: God i hate traffic.
Horatio: I can't control the traffic Mr. Wolfe.
Eric: All you have do is wave your shades and it will be gone.
Horatio: It' doesn't work like that.
Ryan: Or you can run them all over.
Horatio: That would be murder.
[pause]
Ryan: Hasn't stopped us before.

Calleigh: Hey. Where is he, where's Horatio? Did you ditch him?
Speed: Yeah right after we stole his lunch money and gave him a wedgie. What's the matter with you, he's parking the Hummer.

Horatio: Team, i got terrible news. The Teletubbies, they've, they've been assasinated.
Everyone: No!
Calleigh: Who? Who did this??
Horatio: The bunnies on the grassy knoll.

Eric: I'll bring the booze.

Stetler: Screw you.
Horatio: Get bent.

Natalia: Can you describe this person?
Suspect: Sure, he was about medium height and had a beard.
Natalia: Was this a male or female? ( :lol: )

Speed: I can't beleive we have an ouiga board as evidence.
Eric: C'mon! Let's ask it a question!
Speed: *silence* Your kidding right?
Eric: No... *puts hand on*
Speed: *sigh* Fine. *puts hands on* Ouija board, will i become Leiutenant?
Eric: It's moving! "G...O...D...F...O...R...B....I...D."
Speed: *knocks board away* When i want editorial i'll ask for it you stupid board! *walks out*
Eric: ...Way to spoil the fun.

Speed: Ya' know, i've never really liked racing games.

Speed: OMEGA3 showed up on the charts.
Cal: What's OMEGA3?
Speed: It's like MP3 but not as good sound.
*crickets chirp*
Speed: Ok so i suck at jokes. Sue me.

[Horatio and Ryan are in the Hummer]
Ryan: What music do you listen to, H?
Horatio: Anything with a beat.
*Ryan stares*
Horatio: *drums hand on wheel* You know, ba-ba bata.
*Ryan turns the CD player on*
Horatio: *singing along* His palms are sweaty, knees weak, arms are heavy..

:lol: H singing along with Eminem. *scoffs* THAT'LL be the day...

Eric: Where's Tripp? He was supposed to be with me during the interiagation. (sp, i know)
Alexx: Eric honey... he got his hand stuck in the printer.
Eric: Oh God no! Where is he now?
Alexx: I.C.U.
Eric: ...I see you too Alexx....
Alexx: What?
Eric: I said, I see you too Alexx. Now where's Franky?
Alex: I.C.U like I said.
Eric: Really, Alex this is no time to play games.
Alexx: *louder* I.C.U.
Eric: ....And they let you perform autopsies.
[Alexx grabs Eric by the shirt coller]
Alex: *slowly* Intensive Care Unit, you moron.
*walks off*
*silence*
Eric: ....Oooohhh....
 
Halloween At The Lab.
Speedle: Hey new guy.
Ryan(runs off screaming): AAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH
Speedle: Hey!!! What's wrong with you??? You act like you just saw a ghost.
*Hagen appears to Speedle's right*
Hagen: Speedle. You are a ghost. So am I.
Speedle: Oh yeah. I forgot.
Hagen(smirks when he says Calleigh): Come on. Let's go scare the pants off Eric...and Calleigh.
Speedle: You'd love that. Wouldn't you??? To literally scare the pants off Calleigh.
Hagen: Speedle, I may be a ghost but I'm still a guy.
Speedle(snickers): Yeah. And the fact that Eric has the hairest legs of anyone here.
They both laugh, give each other a ghostly high 5 and then go to find Calleigh and Eric...in that order. :lol:
 
Continued Halloween at the Lab
Hagen floats into the firearms room to find Calleigh. He finds her shooting rounds and floats behind her.
Hagen: BOO!!!!!!
Calleigh turns around a freaks out.
Calleigh: What the.......? How's there?
She pulls out her gun.
Calleigh: Show ypurself!
Hagen floats up to her face.
Hage( smirking \): Hi Calleigh
Calleigh squints to try and see who's in fromt of her.
Calleigh: OH my God! Hagen? Is that you!?
Hagen: Yeah it's my ghostly form!
Calleigh: You bastard scared the hell outta me!
 
*The team was at a funeral*
H:today we say goodbye to a very godd friend
Eric:H......
H:she was always there...
Eric:H......
H:she never let us down.
Eric:H........
H:she will be missed
Eric:HORATIO!!!!
H:what!?! i'm trying to say goodbye to a friend!!!!
Eric:H it's just a hummer.
H:*punches Eric* Betsy was not just a hummer!!!! she was my baby!!!!!!!!
Team::rolleyes:
H:hey i saw that!!!
*Team runs away*
 
Quotes are in bold type. Thoughts and actions are NOT.

Halloween at the Lab...Part 3
Speedle finds Eric...with Horatio.
Speedle decides to scare both of them.
Speedle(thinking): 2 birds with one stone. Well, one scare.
Speedle taps Horatio on the right shoulder.
Horatio whirls around quickly trying to see who it is.
Eric: What's the matter, H???
Horatio: Did you see someone tap me on the shoulder???
Eric: No. I was looking right at you. All I saw was you whirl around.
Speedle now taps Eric on the left shoulder.
Horatio: Let me guess. Someone tapped you on the shoulder???
Eric(with a confused expression on his face): Yeah.
Horatio: I'm like you, I didn't see anything except you whirl around.
Speedle now taps both of them on the same shoulders he already tapped them on.
Eric & Horatio(in unison): What the hell???
Speedle appears between them and yells...
Speedle: BOO!!!
Eric runs off screaming and nearly hits Ryan who is still running and screaming.
Eric and Ryan(running down the hall): AAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH!!!
Horatio: Speed???
Speedle: Yep. Ghostly little ol' me. Tell me something, H. Does anything scare you???
Horatio: Nope.
Raymond appears in front of and a little to the left of Speedle.
Raymond: Hi, big brother.
Horatio: Raymond?! uhhhh...*faints*
Raymond: Guess I scared him.
Raymond and Speedle laugh, high 5 each other then leave.
Horatio wakes up and looks around.
Horatio(to himself): No more Vietnamese food. Makes me see and hear things. Oh great. I just realized. Now I gotta go track down the 2 screaming CSIs. Eric and Mr. Wolfe.
 
Guys, these quotes are beginning to get a tad too long again. Please refer to my previous post on the last page:

Also, since these are 'quotes' and not 'scenes', please keep them under 5 lines. (4 lines or less) Again, anything substantially longer should be kept in Fan Fiction. Here are the rules from the first page:

1. Please keep all 'quotes' to 4 lines or less. 'Quotes' longer than that really belong in the Fan Fiction forum as opposed to this forum.
Click to expand...

Thank you. :)
 
*reads all of these halloween thingies*

WTF?

CSI Miami Chat:
H: all the evidence points to the wife.
Speed: O RLY?
H: YA RLY.
Speed: NO WAI!
H: YA WAI!
Speed: SRSLY?

I just HAD to do that....

Horatio: I can't wait for the FBI to come.

But Geni's right. You might as well start a fic then post these huge 'scenes'. ;) I've just been coming in here more often since a couple days ago. Haven't been in here since about 1500 posts ago. :lol:
 
Here's a short one.
Horatio uses the f word that rhymes with luck.

Calleigh, Eric, Ryan, Natalia, Frank, Valera, Cooper and Stetler are all wearing shades exactly like Horatio's.
Horatio comes in and sees this.
Horatio(loudly): What the f_ck is going on here???
Everyone faints...into a pile.
Calleigh, who is on top of the pile, wakes up first.
Calleigh: Horatio, did you just say a dirty word???
Horatio: I said "What the f_ck is going on here???"
Calleigh: You did say a dirty word. *faints again*
Horatio:)confused:): What??? What did I say???
 
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