Poetry, Anyone?

*bumping this up


Now new postings here? So, how about discussing my latest works? Still hoping for the feedback I kindly requested.
 
Alright Detective_Burn requested it lets bring some life here.

[Dedicated to a lost friend.
R.I.P.]



If I knew that Friday would be our final day
I swear I would have told you
what we all wanted to say.

I remember that at the time
All I could do
was sit and cry
Nothing can express the pain I felt
When I herd the news
You were gone
you were no more

Take it one step at a time
thats what they told me to do
When it was me who knew
there was no time.

No more words
or silly games
No more seeing
your smiling face

I can't stand being here without your smile
Without your laugh
I swear this life is nothing more
then an open file

They say we all have a chore
but did you finish yours?
Is that the reason you had to go ?
only god will ever know.

You know
there was only a little while left to go
and we would have been corporals
You didn't make it
but we did
I swear that
it wasn't fair.
accepting the ranks
it was painful
I remember that you got yours
but that was at your funeral.

Cadets forever remember?
It was what we all said.

just one more thing
before I go
They Say your gone
but in my heart
you will always live on.

and At the gates
please wait for me
Save me a place
because on that day
when I get to see your smiling face
thats when I'll know
that I've finally found
my rightful place.
 
future_cop said:
Alright Detective_Burn requested it lets bring some life here. (...)
Click to expand...

Okay, actually I was intending feedback on my past three poems. :)

However I want to say I like what you wrote. I totally see what you talk about.

So - what do you think about my poems? :(
 
I actually think you have a great way with words. :D Your poems are awesome and I have to say that I really and truly like them :)
 
Not quite sure what this is, but I think it's close enough to a poem that it can go here.

Shadow
She walks along the midnight sidewalk, wondering where her shadow has gone. Nothing surrounds her. Silence and plain black sky is all that she can sense. She is worried. Her shadow is gone and she can no longer hide her true self. He walks by, he sees her in her purest form. She turns away from him. Ashamed. Frightened. He stops and stares.

Light returns and she has found her shadow again. He returns to find her. This time, she looks happier. She wears a smile, but the girl he saw last night is in her shadow, following his footsteps home. She can’t see, and he can’t see her. She’s trying hard to be someone that she doesn’t even know.

She’s lost. Just like her shadow.
 
Okay , here is one of my poems (warning , is pretty stupid) :
I love you so much , I adore you my dear
I feel so happy , so in love when you’re near
You’re the one person I’ve always thought of
The only one with whom I knew I’d fall in love

You make my heart beat faster and faster
You messed up my mind , my beautiful disaster
When you look at me your eyes say too much
When you’re far away I’m craving for your touch

Only my heart knows how much I love you
And I smile at the thought you feel this too
We are two wandering souls made to be together
In this silent world , with each other forever .
 
The Man In My Mind



He stands there everyday
he walks towards me
i have no clue what to say
he says hi
and I could nearly cry
his eyes so soft
his eyes so blue
i dont think he has a clue
he is the man on my mind
i just want to hug him
and he is so kind
he cought me when I fell
oh god, the way he smell
he smells so good
if i could tell him how i feel
I would


[[written by me...I actually got dared to make a peom and write it on our Jr.High science teachers boards.]]
 
The pain, the tiredness,
I'm forced to live with everyday.
The shadow's, the darkness,
that weave into my mind and play.

The prodding, the poking,
the medicine's and sounds.
The tubes, the machines,
the toxin they feed.

Into your sad body,
that know's it only wants to rest.
Away from all these people,
who you and your body want to reject.

You trudge forever forward,
for family, for your kids
Knowing they need you,
to fight and forever live.

So you keep moving forward,
never allowing your soul to give up.
Keeping it strong, tight,
so it doesn't leave to go above.

LMH
 
dedicated to Neverending Story the movie :)

come with me
my friend well find
a place beyond reality
take this trip
on the wings of Falcon
and lets go
there up the sky
and find dreamlands
fly with me to the morning sun
you will see what lies beyond the sky
place with wonder castles
where theres no fear
no need to shed any tears
 
You go through life thinking,
you have a dozen or so friends,
But as it shows, and turns out,
is that you only have one, about.

The one who forever stands,
right beside your shadowed form.
When ever you feel frightened,
from your fears, or lonely storm.

So why do I feel all alone again,
like you've disappeared, abandoned
me on my own again, not knowing, the
why or the how, God! I'm screaming inside.

From the torture, the agony, and pain,
and the way you left, my soul insane.
Leaving me to fight this demon alone,
as it tears, and pulls at my hurting soul.


By LMH. (Hmmm...just some words.)
 
We do a dance, of romance,
we move together, taking a chance.
On love, on hope, on splended dreams,
that you and I, will forever keep.

Laughing as one, crying as two,
we take our chance, and kiss anew.
Hoping to spark, that flame once more,
as we walk, hand in hand, along the shore.

Alway's together, we will be each others rock,
never releasing, the passionate bond.
Of our friendship, that's built on truth,
the truth of me loving, only you.

LMH :)
 
You must log in or register to reply here.
Back
Top