Let's Talk Gay

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^Maybe the best thing to do is take it slow and start out by maybe telling her about a random (made up) friend who's gay and see wht her reaction is. I mean, of course you shouldn't lie to her or anything, but you could just try to work something like that into the conversation, it doesn't necessarily have to be a friend, maybe you can find some other way to find out about what she thinks of gay poeple in general, because if she's not gay herself you might want to know before telling her you have feeligns for her :p.

I don't know if that made sense at all, sorry ;).

You know, there are certain things my girlfriend and I look for in other women to determine whether or not they're gay. First, there's a certain vibe, I don't know how to explain it, and I don't know whether everyone is as tuned in to people as I am, but it sure helps with recognizing lesbians :p. So anyway, there's this certain "I can handle myself, I don't need a man"-vibe, it's really impossible to explain, it's soemthing I feel when being around straight friends (female), to a certain extend I feel that they're all kind of helpless in cetain situations, even though they sure don't realize it themselves...I have found that I'm almost always the only one who "feels" this.

It's like, take Jorja for example, you see the way she walks, right? Dead give-away. I have not encountered one straight woman walking that way ever. But I've met a lot of gay women, and noticed it in a lot of gay women on TV, some of them have the male-walk, which I totally dig :D.

ANother thing we're looking for, except the lesbain haircut ;), are short fingernails. And pants that aren't tight but still nicely fitted at the butt :D. Now I know that either of these signs doesn't mean anything, but taken together they are sure signs of lesbianism ;).

Other than that, I don't think that there's really a way to know for sure, it's all about the vibe, and you have to feel that, try to tune in to that, I had to learn it, too, took me maybe about a year, but now I'm almost always right :D.
 
Well, she has pants like those, only she likes to let them sag. And my friend has a very masculine walk. She's an art major, so she keeps her nails short.
Thanks for your advice, though. It's very helpful :)
 
thanks for your advice. id just like to support the fact that i am not just presuming its a phase and trying to sweep it under the carpet. I fully support him being gay but i have lesbian and bi mates and there nothing like this. hes always asking me for answers that i cant give him.

jora rain. i am not wondering why hes gay just wondering wether he is. Im not the type that thinks that your straight until proven otherwise. But yes i do sort of know my sexuality. Even though im straight i have kissed lots of girls and even though i kind of like it i still think im straight.

btw i fully agree that tramatic experiences do not make you gay, i was just wondering if my friend was and i needed help.

thanx for clearing that up

xxxxxxxxxxxxx
 
btw i fully agree that tramatic experiences do not make you gay, i was just wondering if my friend was and i needed help.
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That is something some people around me think of me, that because of a traumatic experiences i turned gay.. I hate it when people think that because i was already in love with woman before those things happend to me.. grrr :mad:
 
Yeah, that will always bother me. I went through something tramatic, and I can still do normal stuff. Everytime I see a guy (if you catch what happened to me) I don't go running away screaming. It didn't screw me up that much, I'm gay because I am. Not becasue of something that happened.

But Berylla, if you're still trying to break up with her, it never really will come niceley. Just don't do the following: Over a text message, an email, or a phone conversation, and do not use a poem! My ex girlfriend used a poem, yeah, I've never been so depressed in my life I'm pretty sure. Just you know, take something that's already going to hurt me, and make it into something even more sad. Yes, I wouldn't sudjest that :p

What I'd do is just, break it to her gentley, just tell her that things aren't really working out between you two. And mention that you still want her in your life (if you do) or something like that. Uhh, my advice sucks :p
 
Berylla Nienna said:
btw i fully agree that tramatic experiences do not make you gay, i was just wondering if my friend was and i needed help.
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That is something some people around me think of me, that because of a traumatic experiences i turned gay.. I hate it when people think that because i was already in love with woman before those things happend to me.. grrr :mad:
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I heard that before as well. People saying that what happened to me has made me gay. And it upsets me cause I know its not true!

I am a strong believer of the thought that you are born gay and not "made" gay. There is the possibility that you find out at a young(er) age or when you are older and already married and have kids. But I don't think society makes me or someone else gay, neither does experience.. good or bad. You are born gay. Its not some behaviour you teach someone. Cause that means that it can be undone and everyone in his right mind knows it can't.

No matter how hard some people scream they have found a way to convert gays to straight life. The gays who now live their straight are, IMO, are making a choice. Being gay is not a choice. You're born like that. Living a gay lifestyle is a choice, I believe. You can be gay and decide not to have gay sex. Many straight people dón't have straight sex. But they were still born straight.
 
I fit all the criteria for being a lesbian then, :), my friends have even said I walk like a man!

It's like, there's this girl at my school, completely strikes me as gay, but no-one in our year would ever say that because they just think she is "cool" and stuff. I mean, on one non-uniform day she wore braces (the things that hold your trousers up) and a tie! I mean, if I wore that I would immediately be marked as gay. But no-one seamed to notice.

Ok so rant may have been because she is unbelievably pretty but would never go out with me in a billion years. *grins* You all have permission to smile and shake your head at my innocent teenage crush!
 
SaraSidle_girl said:

I am a strong believer of the thought that you are born gay and not "made" gay. There is the possibility that you find out at a young(er) age or when you are older and already married and have kids. But I don't think society makes me or someone else gay, neither does experience.. good or bad. You are born gay. Its not some behaviour you teach someone. Cause that means that it can be undone and everyone in his right mind knows it can't.

No matter how hard some people scream they have found a way to convert gays to straight life. The gays who now live their straight are, IMO, are making a choice. Being gay is not a choice. You're born like that. Living a gay lifestyle is a choice, I believe. You can be gay and decide not to have gay sex. Many straight people dón't have straight sex. But they were still born straight.
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Well, when I was born I wasn't very gay... I don't remember sexual orientation at all until I was a decent age... just to clear that up.

For me it was a choice I made, I was just always repulsed by the idea of being with a guy and chose to only fall for women, I've always liked them better anyway....

I've never been assaulted in any way, so I don't really know how it would affect a person, but I don't think it would actually stir the desire to be with a woman, just suppress the desire to be with a guy.

I've heard of girls who have been raped and still were straight afterwards. Just as there are many lesbians who have never even been touched by a guy. It's really sad that so many people feel the need to find excuses or explanations for homosexuality.
 
You could say my life up until this point has been pretty typical; I was never abused or anything like that, and in junior high I thought I could have had an attraction to girls but I wasn't sure. In high school, I dressed such that everyone thought I was lesbian (I'm quite the tomboy) but I was too distracted with other things to pay attention to feelings or anything.
I personally think that people are born gay, but because we're conditioned to act our gender early on (for example, parents encourage boys to play football and girls to join Girl Scouts and bake cookies and such...at least where I live it's that way), we're not aware of our true selves until we gain some independence and begin to search for our true identities. That's what I believe.
So today was an up and down day with the girl. I was walking to my TV production class with my radio show co-host when we spotted her walking into the building, and immediately my heart began to race and I totally did an Horatio and ducked my head :p
She spotted us and nodded hello...I think I smiled (I can't remember). We walked over to her and she began to carry on conversation about which class we were headed to and all, and I noticed she was listening to her iPod. Being nosy, I tilted the iPod screen over to where I could see what she was listening to, and I could feel her fingers grace mine not once but three times before I finally saw what she was listening to. I don't know if it was intentional or not, but it totally made my day.
However, later on I went to lunch with her and her friends (some of them were my friends too), but she only spoke to me like five times for the entire thirty minutes I was there. It may have been that other people were talking to her and I wasn't being very sociable, but I wanted to kick myself for not starting a conversation.
So...I messaged one of her good friends on Facebook and told her that I needed to talk to her. I know she won't tell this girl anything if I ask her to. Gosh, I don't know what to say or do.
 
midnightbellzza said:
But Berylla, if you're still trying to break up with her, it never really will come niceley. Just don't do the following: Over a text message, an email, or a phone conversation, and do not use a poem! My ex girlfriend used a poem, yeah, I've never been so depressed in my life I'm pretty sure. Just you know, take something that's already going to hurt me, and make it into something even more sad. Yes, I wouldn't sudjest that :p
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Thanks for that, i now its painful to do it anyway but I am going to. I had it planned for today but she disaperd so soon on me that i even couldnt say goodbye to her at all. So i have to do it next time i see her.. Grr when i finaly had it okay in my head she is gone..
 
Nathalie, since there are so many things that you want to tell her I'd suggest you write a letter. You don't necessarily have to give it to her, it could just be for yourself. That way you can collect your thoughts and write them all down, so you have an overview of what you want to tell her.
You could read the letter to her then, I believe it is much harder to receive a break-up note when you're alone than it would be to be told in person. That way you can also explain it to her in case she has questions about your decision.


I personally think that people are born gay, but because we're conditioned to act our gender early on (for example, parents encourage boys to play football and girls to join Girl Scouts and bake cookies and such...at least where I live it's that way), we're not aware of our true selves until we gain some independence and begin to search for our true identities.
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That might be very true but in my belief that has to do with gender roles, not sexuality. I am gay, completely, but I am still a girl. I do enjoy baking cookies sometimes, and do certain "girly" stuff. Furthermore, I've never had the desire to go and play football or any other sports. If I had though, I would have been allowed to.

I wore dresses as a kid occasionally by choice, not because my mother put them on me (she actually didn't like me in dresses :p)

A lot of kids grow up a little gender-confused, only a minority of them turns out gay. At least that has been my observation...
 
Uhh, okay, well, I don't think you are born gay. I think when you are young you really don't have that "I like girls" or "I like boys". I think you figure it out as you grow up. I mean, as I grew up I noticed I was more attracted to girls, and now well, look at me! I don't think I was born gay though.

I was a very girly little girl. And it was my choice. I always had my dad trying to get me to do boy stuff. Cars, football, all that stuff. But I would wear dresses, paint my nails and play with barbies. And I do believe I am still quite girly, I talk like Paris Hilton still :lol: And I won't leave the house until I look at myself in the mirror 20 times. :lol:
 
Someone should lock this :D

I'll post again really fast about my gay day.

Today, I was out of my little town and saw my first older lesbian couple. I was so excited!! Than, I was walking down the street in a skirt and sweatshirt. And a girl honked at me! It was the most exciting thing ever! I almost wet myself.
 
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