CSI:NY..."The Rebel Side" Comedy Skits

MacsLovlyAngl

MacsLovlyAngl

Head of the Graveyard Shift
Some of you will remember several months back I did a series of skits called CSI:MIAMI "The Rebel Side". Which most Miami fans seemed to enjoy. Well...I've decided to do one on CSI:NY. During these skits there will be crossovers with Miami.


Welcome to CSI:NY..."The Rebel Side".

IF YOU DON'T LIKE TO SEE YOUR CHARACTER'S PICKED ON OR TEASED THEN DON'T READ THESE SKITS. YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED.

This is based on CSI:NY character's but the Rebel Side. We will see our favorite CSI's reeking havoc on NY. You will find humor and rudeness between our CSI's as they insult each other in little comedy skits. All under the PG-13 meter of course;)

So sit back, enjoy and get ready to laugh.



It was a cold NY night when Mac and his team arrived on the crime scene.

"For Christ sakes Mac. I was in the middle of getting me some when you called."

"Listen Flack. I don't care what the hell you were doing. We have a victim laying in a bunch of horse manure. Now help me get her out."

"Screw you Mac. She stinks. Get Stellaronie to help you. She likes playing in the mud."

"*Listen you jackass. Just because you got called away from your little piece of action is no reason to take it out on me."

"Bite me Stellaronie."

"No thanks. I don't eat expired meat," she laughed.

At that moment Danny came walking over and slipped in the horse manure.
"Ahh shit. What the hell Mac?"

Flack and Stella were in stitches. Danny looked and smelled like farm.

"Oh Danny....laughed Stella. You could do a commercial for a new donut store. You could call it "Dung and Donuts".

"Frik you Stella. At least I don't do commercials for "Anorexia is Us"

Picking up a hunk a dung. She threw it on Danny.

"There. Now you have something to bitch about. Such a child Messer."

"Enough. Let's get this body back to Sid. I want to head out and have a drink."

After dropping the body off to Sid they headed out for a drink. When they arrived at the bar they seen Adam and Lindsay.

"Hey...if it isn't the Lab geek and the wanna be CSI Lindsay."

"Screw you Stella. What the hell is that funky smell?"

"It's Messer. He's been playing with the pigs again." laughed Stella.

Sitting down Mac ordered three beers.

"What the hell you looking at? Christ Lindsay you have a mental problem?"

"Why you always picking on me Mac?" whined Lindsay.

"Why? Cause you are a whiner. Listen to you Lindsay. This is you...."I can't handle it Mac. I can't deal with him Mac. I can't do this. I can't do that. Waa,waa,waa."

Getting up from the table Lindsay threw her beer at Mac and missed hitting Flack's new Flugly tie.

"Christ Lindsay. You damn country bumpkin. Look what the hell you did to my tie those TalkCSI girls gave me."

"Whatever Flack. It's an ugly tie anyways. They send them to you cause they like to make you look like a idiot on TV."

"That's it Monroe. You are just jealous. Cause the only thing you get on TalkCSI is a Why Lindsay must go thread."

Just as Lindsay was about to throw another drink. This time at Flack. Mac recieved the call.

"Talyor."

"Mac...that better be you you son of a bitch. You have a body over here waiting for you and your team. Get you honky ass back over here now."

"Screw you. Bite my nine mil. Let's go guys the Chief is on his way."

"Ummm...Mac? Turn around."

As Mac turned around he seen the Chief.

"Sinclair...umm...want a drink?"

As Sinclair stared at Mac, Danny tied his laces together.

"Let's go Mac."

Taking off out of the bar Stella looked behind her and seen Sinclair fall flat on his face into a plate of nacho's and dip.

"Haaa,haaa, haaaa....too funny."

Yelling Sinclair said.....

"I'm going to get you CSI's, and your little Adam too."

End first skit
 
The following morning Mac was nursing his hang over when Sinclair walked in.

"Taylor you son of bitch. I've got an assignment for you and your loser gang. Pack your bags and head to Miami. Horatio needs help on case."

"WHAT!! Why don't you go yourself. You self centered egotistical piece of crap."

"Cause it's pay back time Taylor. For the little stunt your gang of rebels caused last night.

"Whatever Sinclair. Get the hell out of my office before your laces get tied again."

"Turning to leave the team walked in.

"Hey..if it isn't the "Nacho,nacho man," laughed Stella singing in the tune of "Macho man".

"Now you listen to me you little witch. You behave in Miami. I'll be recieving reports from Stetler."

"Haa..the cross dressing freak. You two should get together Sinclair. He can teach you to wear the appropriate clothing for big girls."

As the rest of the team laughed. Sinclair stormed out.

"What's going on Macamania?"

"Stop calling me that Stellastien. Head home and pack your bags. It seems we are headed to Miami."

"Get out...awesome. I wonder if Horatio has a new Betsy yet?" howled Stella.

"Betsy..what's a Betsy?"
"It's Horatio's name for his hummer. It got sunk in mud a few years back. God what a sight. A grown man crying over his hummer."

"Just get packed. Our flight leaves in an hour."

While they waited at the Airport. Stella bought a magazine to read on the flight.

"Woman's Day? What the hell Stella. Couldn't you find something better then that cheesy magazine."

"Sorry Danny. they don't carry your favorite "Playgirl".

"You know what Stella? I hope you get chased by friggin cows again."

"STOP!!! Christ you bunch of half wits. I have a smashing headache."

"Oh suck it back Taylor."

"Bite me Stella."

"Been there. Done that." as she stuck her tongue at him.

"Flight 107 to Miami now boarding at Gate 7."

"That's our flight. Let's go."

When they landed in Miami. They seen Horatio's new shinny hummer.

"Whoa...cool Hman. Love the new hummer."

"Don't mess with her."

"Her? What's he talking about?" asked Lindsay.

"Horatio likes to name his hummer's. He has a sexual thing for metal."

Turning to his side. He put on his sunnies and said...."Screw you Stellastien, screw you."

Whispering to Stella. Lindsay asked.

"Why does he say everything twice?"

"Oh no...here we go."

"Why do I say everything twice? Let me tell you why. "It's incase you don't hear me the first time. Understand you dumb ass. Christ Mac how do you work with such a loser?"

"You need to talk H. At least I don't have a dumb blonde, Cuban Don Juan, or sissy boy."

As they entered Horatio's hummer. He watched them get in.

"Hey Messer! watch your damn feet on Betsy 2. Or you will be licking her clean."

"Whatever Super H. Just get in and drive. Oh..and avoid the mud."

As they drove toward the station Stella took out a piece of gum and began chewing in Horatio's ear.

"For christ sakes Stella. Spit that damn gum out."

Looking at Horatio she said..."FINE." As she spit it out it landed on Horatio's sunnies.

"My sunnies. You dumb bitch. That's two hundred and fifty bucks you owe me for a new pair."

Laughing insanely Stella said..."I'll buy you two pair at the Kiddies R us Store."

As everyone laughed they pulled up in front of the Miami-Dade Lab. Getting out Horatio noticed the stain on the back seat.

"What the hell is that on Betsy?"

"Sorry Super H. I got hungry and spilled my soup."

"Auuuuuuuuuugh....you dirty piece of crap. Clean it now and appologize to Betsy."

"I'm not appologizing to a piece of metal. Screw you. Such a damn loser. Grow up it's just a car."

"It's not just a car. It's a hummer. Her name is Betsy 2."
As the team watched Horatio pamper Betsy they laughed when Eric showed up and crushed Horatio's sunnies.

"Auuuuuuuugh...you cuban idiot. You broke my sunnies. That's another two hundered and fifty bucks you owe me Eric."

"What ever Super H. Suck it back. Stetler called. Wants us all in his office for briefing."

"Briefing. Why? I have my own hanes. I don't need his briefs," said Danny.

Everyone howled. Trust me Danny. You won't find Stetler in briefs. He prefers flowered panties."

"Huh...said Lindsay. "Flowered panties? why?"

"Cause he's a cake boy. It's all he wears."

"A cake boy? So what's wrong with likeing cake?"

"Christ Mac. Were did you find this one?"

"Montana. Don't worry Eric it's from smoking to much wheat."

Walking into the station they all laughed.

End Second Skit
 
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ROFL I forgot how much I missed these...they should meet up with Vegas and talk about "Ecklie's a bigger cake boy...he wears pink thongs" Stetler: He is not, I'm a bigger one!" Sara "Oh be quiet!...how would you know that, Grissom? Darnit, I knew going away was a bad idea...and that something was up w hen you said you were playing with your bugs" Grissom "Well I had to keep busy somehow"
 
I never read your miami ones and I didnt really know what to expect....I actually enjoyed it more than I though I would :lol:
 
After they were briefed by Stetler. They headed out to the swamps.

"Why is it everytime we visit you Horatio we end up in the swamps?"

"Well son...this is Miami. Most murders take place here."

As they walked along Flack fell into a swamp hole surrounded by pussy willows.

"Frik me. Hey a little help Danno. Pull me out."

"Oh no..that last time Mac got stuck in a hole we all ended up covered in swamp mud."

"Come on man. You can't just leave me here. Danno? Danno?

Turning around everyone looked and began laughing. For Flack's one leg was straight out, while the other was in a hole.

"Now that's what I call a pussy. Damn Flack your flugly tie fell off, laughed Stella... the pussy willow is wearing it."

"When I get out of here Stella....Oooooooooooooowwww!!!!!

"Help me. Something is nipping at my leg. Get me the hell out of this frikin hole."

As they began to pull. Lindsay lost her footing slipping into the swamp.

"Auuuuuuuuuuuuuugh....look at me. I'm covered in swamp guck. I wanna go home"......she cried.

"Oh stop your whining sissy country girl. you should be used to rolling in filth. You were born in a barn for crying out loud."

When they finally got Lindsay out she looked like a swamp thing. And as they turned around they seen three giant boars stalking them.

"What the hell. Look at those giant pigs," said Danny.

"Run....those aren't pigs. They are boars."

As they headed for the hummer they all jumped in dirt, mud, swamp and all.

"Noooooooooooo...not in Betsy. Get out. Everyone get out of poor Betsy."

"Look out behind you H, here comes the boars."

Turning around he seen the boar miss his ass by a minute. slamming the door the boar banged its head against the hummer denting it.

"Waaaaaaaaaaaaa, waaaaaaa....my poor Betsy. I'm so sorry Betsy." said H as he stroked her.

"Come on H let's go. Step on it."

"No...poor Betsy is hurt."

"That's it H." Stepping on the gas Eric floored the hummer right into a tree.

"Gooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooood nooooooooooooo!!!! Oh my Betsy. I hate you all. You can walk back to Miami-Dade."

Trying hard not to laugh Mac called for a tow.

"Check Flack's leg Blondie. See what bit him."

"Screw you Macaroni. I have a name use it."

Walking over Calleigh seen Flack's leg was swollen like a balloon.

"Umm...I think we need to get him to a Hospital before his leg blows up." she giggled.

As Sheldon checked Flack's leg he could see the bite marks.

"Looks like a snake bite. Who has their kit here?"

When no one answered Sheldon took Flack's tie off the pussy willow and tied it around his leg.

"Relax Flack. I'm going to suck out the posion."

"Forget...screw you Sheldon. No way in hell are you sucking on me."

"I have to Flack. We need to draw out that posion."

As Flack closed his eyes so he wouldn't have to watch. Sheldon began sucking on his leg when Stetler showed up.

"Mmm...what have we here? A little afternoon frolic. And you didn't invite the Stetman. Look out there Shelkon I'll take over."

"My name is Sheldon you cross dressing fruitcake. Get the hell away from him."

When Stetler neared Flack. He jumped up on one leg.

"Oh come now you sexy blue eyed devil. The Stetman won't hurt you."

"Maaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaac....Maaaaaaaaaaac. Help me. Get this frikin piece of fruitcake away from me."

Walking over Mac pushed Stetler into the swamp."

"There you go Stetler. Suck on some mud."

"Hey. There was no need to push the Stetman. If you wanted to share a bath with me all you had to do was ask Macky poo."

"Fer Christ sakes. Come on flack the tow is here."

"Hey....hey...what about me?"

"We'll send the pansy patrol when we get back to Miami-Dade."

Laughing they all headed into the tow truck. All except H. He sat in poor Betsy caressing her interior.

End Third Skit
 
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LOL, yeah. H with his Hummer reminds me of that Shania Twain song: "I can't believe you kiss your car at night. Come on baby tell me: You must be joking, right?" :lol:
 




When they arrived at Miami-Dade Horatio and the gang took Betsy into the shop.

"Not again Horatio. How many times have we told you?"

"Listen. Listen. It wasn't my fault. We were chased by wild boars and this cuban Don Juan decided to floor poor Betsy 2 into a tree."

"Fine. Come back in a few hours. We should have most of the dents out of her by then."

"Most...I'm sorry son. Did you say most?"

"Listen Horatio. It's not our fault you can't take care of these hummers. Maybe you should invest in a little punch buggy."

Laughing Ryan said..."there ya go H. You can call it "Buggy Betsy".

"I'm the Lt. I will not be seen driving an upside down mushroom."

Putting on his sunnies. He turned and said...."Now I need a drink."

As they walked out of the garage they seen Stetler with Sinclair.

"Shit...get down."

"Oww...you didn't have to push Mac. You stupid jackass."

"Shh...look. It's Sinclair. We need to get the hell out of here."

"Oh I know a way out."

"Oh Christ watch out. Dumb blonde alert."

"Suck a melon Eric. God knows your lips are big enough."

Pulling Calleigh's hair as they wrestled. She let out a scream.

"Auuuuuuuuugh...."

"There they are." yelled Stelter.

Running as fast as they could. They found a bar marked "Heavenly Sins".

"In here. Hurry up."

As they entered they seen a bunch of bikers.

"Oh,oh...ummm..wrong bar."

Turning to leave one of the member's blocked the exit.

"Look Nelson. Fresh new blood."

"Umm...listen...we are CSI's you have five minutes to move away from the door." said Ryan.

Laughing at them the biker grabbed Ryan by the shoulders and lifted him in the air.

"Hey...put him down you big fat greasy slob."

Tossing Ryan to the ground..."ouff". He stood in front of Calleigh.

"Oh yeah little girl. Just what are you going to do about it?"

Backing up a little. Calleigh pushed Horatio in front of her.

"I'm not gonna do anything. He is," as she stuck out her tongue.

Standing to the side. Horatio looked up at the biker.

"Well son.....you see."

Bringing up his hand he knocked Horatio's sunnies off his eyes.

"HEY!!! You broke my sunnies. That's two hundred and fifty bucks you owe me. You son of bitch."

As the biker went to punch at Horatio. Calleigh flew down on her knees and punched the biker in between his legs.

"Auuuuuuuuuuuuugh.....oh God my package. You little....."

Before he could say it, they ran from the bar into the street. Smack dab right into Stetler and Sinclair.

"What the hell happened to you?" yelled Sinclair.

*Whispering*...."Payback time."

"Oh nothing Sinclair. We just finished a free meal at this bar called the Heavenly Sins. It was awesome. You guys should go. The food is free as long as you show your badge."

"You better not be dicking us Taylor. Now get back Miami-Dade and stay there."

Watching the Chief and Stetler walk into the bar they heard glass shatter, tables break and Stelter screaming for his mommy.

End Fourth Skit.
 
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ROTFLMAO! Loved the upside-down mushroom and the comment about Eric's lips. Stetler crying for his mommy is too funny! I'd love to see that! haha! He'd never live that one down.
 
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