Thanks for the reviews.
Yeah, I don't know why they keep allowing Eric to have a gun. Then again, Speed really shouldn't have a gun either... :angel:
And because some more controversial topics are mentioned below...
Disclaimer: The thoughts and opinions expressed herein belong to the characters and are not necessarily the views of the author.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Hummerhome, table
Delko: *shoves cake into mouth*
Katie: This reminds me of my wedding day. *shoves cake into Speed's face*
Speed: *blinks*
Horatio: Katie, don't throw food.
Speed: *frowning, wipes cake from face*
Katie: Man...and that was the last time any of us saw Speed in a suit. Guh, it's not fair. How come Lori and Scott never had a proper wedding? I want to see that man in a tuxedo. Mmmmm.
Speed: Please stop transitioning from me to Scott.
Katie: Why?
Speed: Just stop it.
Delko: I still don't know who this 'Scott' guy is that Katie keeps randomly bringing up.
Katie: Oh he's only the most perfect man on the planet.
Speed: He's not perfect.
Katie: Yes he is. Okay, well, he's Republican but we can fix that.
Speed: *frowns*
Katie: And he's Catholic. We can fix that too.
Horatio: Katie...you know the rules.
Katie: Right, no religion or politics at the table. *looks at Speed* Hey how come Lori doesn't have a religion or belong to any political parties?
Speed: What did Horatio just say?
Katie: Geez, you all have such a knee-jerk response to everything controversial.
Speed: *drinks soda*
Katie: I'm so excited to get to Miami, I can't WAIT to convert Scott to my views. And AND! I've got a whole bunch of conspiracy theories he needs to hear.
Speed: They were
not demolished.
Katie: YOU WEREN'T THERE.
Speed: Katie, for God's sake don't even open your mouth when you get to Miami.
Katie: Stop protecting him from me, he's not your son.
Speed: Actually, technically speaking, he is.
Katie: IN-LAW.
Speed: SON in-law.
Katie: *narrows eyes* You've never considered any of Lori's husbands your 'son in-law'.
Speed: *lifts brow* She's only ever had two and the first one, I thought was a dick.
Katie: That's only because he punched you out.
Speed: Yeah. And Scott's a smart boy. He's polite, he's clean, he treats people with respect and he thinks you're insane. He's a keeper.
Katie: So you agree then. He's perfect.
Speed: I never said he was perfect.
Katie: Name one fault.
Speed: He cries during sad movies.
Katie: That just shows he's sensitive.
Speed: He drives too fast.
Katie: You only live once.
Speed: He knocked up Lori.
Katie: HEY. That kid is very cute, you can't deny that. Besides, they were trying to have a family, it's not like Lori was being a slut and he was being a man whore. Unlike some people I know.
Speed: *eats cake*
Katie: Pfft.
Delko: ...Who else feels really uncomfortable right now?
Heather: *lifts hand*
Ryan: How come no one invited me to help bake the cake?
Delko: Because knowing you, you'd finish it and tell Horatio how much of an awesomesauce you are and leave the rest of us in the dust.
Ryan: I only did that once.
Delko: Yeah well I've hated you ever since.
Horatio: *looks at watch* If we make good time, we should be back in Miami in 5 hours. I've already set up the orange-picking schedule with the facility. Now before we get there, I want to set up a few ground rules. I don't want to see any running around, spitting, getting citrus in people's eyes, tackling, throwing or shooting. And considering Katie, Speed and Anni will be indisposed at another location, I expect the rest of you to behave like I know you can without the influences of those 3.
Katie: Wait, so you're saying I'm a trouble-maker?
Anni: And since when was I a bad influence? Okay, maybe when we first started this trip but I've totally matured.
Speed: And I don't remember the last time something I did got us all into trouble.
Katie: Africa.
Speed: That only got
me into trouble.
Ryan: Who's driving the Hummerhome?
Horatio: I have it on auto-pilot.
Everyone: ...
Horatio: Don't worry, I know the difference between auto-pilot and cruise control.
Miami, house, 4pm
Lori: *swings Steph into arms, runs into kitchen* Scott! *stirs sauce* Could you please come in here!
Scott: *walks over, leans against wall*
Lori: I know you're feeling super groovy right now with the nice happy medicine but could you please let me know if this sauce is okay so far?
Scott: *walks over, grabs spoon, tastes sauce*
Lori: Well?
Scott: Needs some sugar.
Lori: ...Sugar.
Scott: Gets rid of the bitter taste of the tomatoes.
Lori: ...That would explain why Stephanie made a scrunchy face when I made
her taste it.
Scott: When did you say your parents were getting here?
Lori: *looks at watch* 5:30. Oh and you don't mind if all 3 of them stay the night, do you? Knowing the way my mother drinks and depending on how long our get-together is, I doubt my father will want to drag her back to the Hummerhome until morning.
Scott: It's fine by me.
Steph: MAMA! HOT!
Lori: Oh, whoops. *steps back* Guess I shouldn't stand so close to the stove.
Steph: *wipes face with sleeve*
Lori: Ugh, your little mouth is full of sticky fruit punch. *grabs cloth, wipes Steph's face*
Steph: *frowns, turns head away*
Lori: Too bad, little miss sticky face.
Scott: Why don't I get her cleaned up, you have a pot to watch. *takes Steph* Let me guess though, no pigtails this time?
Lori: *shrugs* If it makes her look extra cute to the 'grandparents', go for it. *smiles*
Scott: *smiles, walks away*
Lori: *looks down at sauce* Okay, I'm nice to you, you be nice to me. Don't taste like crud when I'm finished. *winces* ...Man I'm lame.
Foyer, 6pm
Lori: *holding Steph, runs to door, opens it*
Katie: HI!
Lori: *smiles* Mother.
Katie: OH LOOK HOW CUTE SHE GOT! *pinches Steph's cheeks*
Steph: *pulls head away, wraps arms around Lori's neck*
Lori: Hey, it's okay.
Steph: *hides head*
Katie: Aw did I scare her?
Lori: You scare a lot of people, Mother.
Katie: *shrugs*
Lori: So where's the rest of the group?
Katie: Parking the car and having an argument.
Lori: What about?
Katie: Anni wanted to drive but she didn't know the directions so we were telling her where to turn and she missed the turn and then we ended up in a parkinglot in a shady neighborhood so we had to turn around and ugh, that's why we're a half hour late.
Lori: Well that's okay, I was busy chasing this rugrat around and I over-cooked the pasta so I had to start it over.
Katie: Where's Scott? *walks in*
Lori: He's finishing the pasta for me.
Katie: Here, I'll take Steph into the dining room and sit her down.
Lori: Thanks. *hands over Steph*
Steph: MAMA! *reaches out*
Speed: *walks over*
Anni: *runs* Sorry we're late!
Lori: It's okay, I was running a bit late myself.
Steph: *makes grabby hands, starts to cry* MAMA!
Speed: *looks at Steph*
Lori: *wipes Steph's cheek* I'll be right back, stop your cryin'.
Steph: *sobbing*
Lori: Oh you're just doin' it to get attention. *tickles Steph*
Steph: *bursts into giggles*
Lori: *smiles*
Katie: I'll go take her into the next room. *walks away*
Anni: She's adorable. *sigh*
Speed: *looks at Lori* Hey.
Lori: *hugs Speed* Hi Dad.
Speed: *lifts brow*
Lori: *lets go* Glad you could come, Anni! *hugs Anni*
Anni: *blinks*
Lori: Would you mind hiding the wine bottle from my mother until I get in there?
Anni: *laughs* No problem. *walks away*
Speed: *looks around, closes door*
Lori: I was hopin' to talk to you alone for a minute.
Speed: Sure.
Lori: I know it's not really your responsibility to keep Mother from acting like a jackass but...Scott's having some personal issues and I would appreciate it if she didn't get too far out of line with him. He's running on a bit of a short fuse.
Speed: You mind if I ask why?
Lori: It's not really for me to discuss.
Speed: *nods* And how are you doing?
Lori: I've been great. *smiles* Stephanie keeps me busy.
Speed: Yeah, she looks healthy.
Lori: *smile fades* ...Of course she's healthy.
Speed: *stares at Lori*
Lori: *crosses arms, shakes head* I should have expected you to say something like that.
Speed: You mind if I talk to Scott?
Lori: Go ahead.
Speed: *walks away*
Lori: *frowns*
Dining room
Lori: *walks over, sits* Dinner should be out soon.
Anni: Something wrong?
Lori: No. *pours water*
Katie: *places Steph on lap, bounces knee* BOUNCY BOUNCY BOUNCY!
Steph: *giggles, claps*
Katie: Can I bring her home with me?
Anni: No way, I want to bring her home.
Katie: You can buy a kitten.
Anni: I don't want a kitten.
Lori: *sips water*
Katie: What are
you pouting about?
Lori: I'm not pouting.
Katie: *sigh* What did your father say to you now?
Lori: Nothing, we have a love/hate relationship. Right now I'm hating him.
Katie: Just ignore him, that's what I do.
Anni: You never ignore him.
Kitchen
Speed: *opens fridge, grabs beer*
Scott: *straining pasta*
Speed: How's life?
Scott: *smiles* Fine. *pours olive oil onto pasta, drapes towel over shoulder* How's the road trip been?
Speed: Eventful, to say the least.
Scott: That's great. *pours pasta into bowl*
Speed: What happened to your hand?
Scott: *looks down at hand* Lost a fight with a broken piece of wood.
Speed: *nods* Doing some home repairs?
Scott: *smiles* You could say that.
Speed: Want me to get you a beer?
Scott: Ah, no thanks.
Speed: Yeah, it's probably for the best. You're already slurring your words.
Scott: *looks at Speed*
Speed: *stares at Scott*
Scott: I'm not intoxicated.
Speed: They call it something else now?
Scott: *looks down at pasta* I'm uh...I'm slightly medicated. I apologize if I'm not 100% myself this evening.
Speed: It's alright.
Scott: You're free to have a seat in the dining room, I'll be right out.
Speed: Sure. *walks away*
Scott: *staring down at pasta, sighs*
Dining room
Speed: *pulls out chair, sits*
Steph: MAMA! *holds up spoon*
Lori: *grabs spoon, places it on table* Hush up.
Steph: *screeches*
Lori: *looks at Steph, frowns*
Steph: *stares at Lori*
Lori: *frowning*
Steph: *looks at plate, crosses arms*
Katie: Impatient little thing. I wonder where she gets it from.
Lori: Ha. Ha.
Katie: Aw but look at those big blue eyes, she's so cute.
Anni: *looks at Speed, smiles*
Speed: No.
Anni: Come on, Tim. You need a child to soften you up.
Speed: I disagree.
Lori: Here. *stands* Steph can sit beside Grandpa here. *plunks Steph into seat* And I'll sit over here. *sits*
Speed: *looks at Steph*
Steph: *looks at Speed*
Speed: *frowning*
Steph: *lifts spoon, smiles*
Speed: Lori, switch back.
Lori: No, I think you need it.
Speed: *angry sigh*
Steph: *lowers spoon into lap, looks down*
Anni: Awww Tim, you made her sad.
Speed: I didn't make her
anything. Small children don't understand anything.
Katie: Yes they do. They're a lot more receptive than adults most of the time. Geez, you're so out of practice.
Speed: You realize the only small child I've actually ever interacted for any length of time was Holly.
Katie: Oh yeah. She was such a sweet girl too. So well-behaved. Not like L-
Lori: *lifts head*
Katie: -...eonard.
Lori: *frowns* Who's Leonard?
Katie: Nevermind. Who's got a foot I can stick in my mouth?
Lori: I've got a foot I can shove up your
ass, if you'd like.
Steph: AZ!
Lori: *looks at Steph* Oh shit. No, no no.
Steph: SIT!
Lori: Damnit. NO! DON'T!
Steph: DAMIT!
Lori: *sinks into seat, covers eyes*
Katie: Wow, she sure picks things up fast from Mama.
Speed: If you can call her that.
Lori: *looks at Speed*
Speed: *drinks water*
Scott: *walks in* Who's ready to eat?
Katie: ME!
Scott: *places bowl on table, places pot onto table*
Anni: This smells wonderful.
Scott: Well, the credit should go to Lori. She made most of it. *grabs chair, sits*
Speed: Here's to hoping we don't get food poisoning.
Anni: *elbows Speed* I'm sure it'll be just fine.
Lori: *dumps pasta onto Steph's plate*
Steph: *reaches up*
Lori: *grabs Steph's hand* Just a minute. *picks up knife and fork, cuts pasta*
Steph: *sneaks noodle from plate, chews it*
Lori: *pours sauce onto plate*
Steph: *grabs at noodles*
Lori: *places plastic fork in Steph's hand*
Steph: *shovels pasta into mouth, chews*
Katie: So Scott, I heard you got promoted to Vice President.
Anni: ...Of the United States?
Scott: *laughs* Not quite. The company I work for.
Anni: Oh, congratulations.
Scott: Thanks.
Speed: Has Lori found a job yet?
Lori: *picks up fork* I'm staying here with Stephanie until she's old enough to go into preschool.
Speed: What kind of job will you be applying for when you get out of the house?
Lori: I'm not sure. I've been thinking about starting my own business.
Speed: What kind of business?
Lori: I don't know yet.
Speed: You could always sell your
babies instead of aborting them.
Scott: *looks at Lori*
Anni: Tim.
Lori: *staring at plate*
Katie: Okay, change of subject. Scott! I have a conspiracy theory for you.
Anni: No conspiracy theories.
Katie: It's all on YouTube! Check it out for yourself!
Scott: *staring at Lori*
Lori: *eats pasta*
Katie: Um...um...LOOK HOW CUTE STEPH IS!
Steph: *digging hands into pasta, slurping noodles*
Anni: Lori, this pasta sauce is really excellent. Did you use a recipe or did you put your own spin on it?
Lori: I followed the instructions on the back of the tomato sauce can.
Anni: Well it tastes heavenly. I also noticed you have some new furniture in the living room, who picked it out?
Scott: Lori did. *smiles* That's the most comfortable couch in Dade County.
Speed: Yeah well Lori likes sitting on her ass.
Scott: *smile fades*
Katie: So Scott, you're Republican, right?
Scott: Yeah.
Katie: That's unfortunate.
Scott: *blinks*
Anni: *mumbles* I feel like I'm sitting at a trainwreck.
Steph: MAMA!
Lori: *picks up water pitcher, grabs Steph's cup*
Steph: *claps*
Lori: *brings cup to Steph's mouth* Two hands.
Steph: *wraps hands around cup, sips water*
Water dribbles onto Steph's dress
Lori: *grabs napkin, wipes Steph*
Steph: *reaches up to table*
Lori: *takes cup, places it on table*
Steph: *picks up fork*
Lori: *wipes Steph's hand*
Katie: Is she potty trained yet?
Lori: I'm hoping to start tryin' that out with her soon. *smirks* She seems to catch onto things pretty quick so we'll see how it goes.
Speed: She probably doesn't get that from you.
Lori: *frowns* I don't know, I learned pretty quick how to spread my legs and collect cash.
Speed: *stares at Lori*
Lori: I was what, 8? Be proud, Father. Be proud.
Anni: ...Who wants wine! *lifts wine bottle*
TBC...................................
