CSI Fan Fiction Critique Group.

TQ First Personally, I think song fics can either be wonderfull or terrible. There's no 'in between' for me. It depends on the song and how the writer uses the lyrics. I admit I have never written one.

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Review

First of all: Wow!

Emotion-wise this was perfect in every way. I loved her concern for other people and how you delved into her mind to figure out her feelings. Showing us, rather than telling us. Though not an S/C shiper, I could believe they felt that way which, of course, is the most important.

The one and only quibble I have is the content of the song. I have never heard it so please do correct me if I am wrong, but things like "Well, my girl's in the next room/Sometimes I wish she was you" to me, suggest an affair or unrequited love. But your story reflects a deep love and engagement.

Or maybe I have missed the point entirley and this was your point. If so, I like :) The irony of their love and the face they can never be together again? Maybe.

Overall, I though it was tastfully done. Writing about grief is very difficult to do properly and, for those who have experienced it, it can be disrespectful when writers just mock it. But I thought you handled it exceptioally well.

I'll look forward to more.

Jodie
 
So, I’m sorry that I don’t have the time to make this a bit longer. So, I’m going to try to remember what I had earlier. But... this really isn’t going to be my best because my room mate has company.

This story is so good by way of emotional power. Reading it you’re overwhelmed with an array of feeling and you’ve really created something beautiful. You have depicted the sensation of being at a funeral to the utmost degree. It’s just depicted amazingly. Not only do you include beautiful imagery and powerful emotion with every line, it almost has a poetic feel. I just love the way you’ve chosen to word things.

The only qualm I have is the feeling that I don’t feel that your choice of song really outlays what you’re trying to say in the story. I mean, the song is about a guy who is contemplating infidelity. That just doesn’t seem like an appropriate message to go along with the feelings someone would be experiencing at a funeral. Especially the funeral of her fiancé. Granted, I’m not a Miami fan and I don’t really know the story behind Speed’s death, I just don’t think the emotions match.

One thing that a lot of people will grow to learn about me is that I love words. Almost all of my favorite songs are due to the lyrics. My favorite authors, because of their prose. My favorite fanfictions, because of the ability the person writing them has to craft words. You have a few lines in this that stood out to me as absolutely amazing. I just... I loved them. “I couldn't listen to the whispers behind me.”
“The shots fired in a twenty-one gun salute, and I sobbed one last time.“
“A reel of grainy, patched memories ran through my mind.”
Just amazing!


Such a beautiful job on all of it!


TQ: Well I think that song fics are very different from other forms of fanficiton. They feel different when you read them, and they just depict a different set of feelings. Sonfics are more like poetry, frequently, rich with emotion and emotive language. Prose fictions are just different. They tell a story in a way that songifics can only allude to, and they give the opportunity for the reader to go on an adventure with the characters. Neither is inferior, they are just... totally different.



So... there’s my piece. I’m really REALLY sorry that it took so long to get this out. Really sorry.


Any Ideas for next week’s submission? It’ll be featured tomorrow?!?!? If I don’t receive any suggestions by tomorrow I might do one of mine. But... I’d prefer one from one of the other group members. Well... thanks guys.
 
I just got back to the boards today after being away too long and heard about this and it's a great idea, so here's my 2 cents. I'm completely forever E/C, but I love Calleigh and I especially love well-written Calleigh no matter who she's with. And this was some damn well-written Calleigh :)

Calleigh is the rock of the lab, always the one who holds it together even when it's a miracle that she's not curled up in a little ball hiding from the world. I'm guessing (but I just took Vicodin so I could be wrong) that their relationship was a secret, so she's got the double issue of her normal unbreakableness with the added pain that no one else knows about. Not to mention they were close and her last words to him were annoyed about her crime light. All the characterization was dead on, really. It's hard to find anything that needs work because it was such a good story, but I will say maybe choice of lyrics. I love that song and I can kind of see the parts that fit with the mood of the fic, but it doesn't quite completely work. Still awesomely done though.

As for the TQ: It really depends on how they're written. Some are fabulous, some are horrifically disjointed. It's always a little easier with a song I like, I think. I know when I use lyrics, I use a few lines at the beginning of a chapter, or sometimes through one if there's a song that really works. I did that in a Charmed story I wrote and won Best Piper Story and Best Drama in 2000, so I guess it worked :lol: My Miami fic Mourning Innocence is another example. So I guess my answer is that it depends. Sometimes it's not enough that you as the author see the link between song and story, you have to make it so that others can see it as well.

I apologize if I was badly incoherant; changing weather and a badly injured knee don't mix well. I promise to be less drugged in my next critique. And LLK, if you'd like to use one of mine, be my guest. I can always use feedback. Both are WIPs which should be updated soon *glances at the 8 unfinished fics on my computer desktop* Miami's jusst been so damn inspiring :lol: http://www.fanfiction.net/~starduquesneemt
 
CSI Critique Fanfiction #4: CSI Miami, "Time of Dying II: Nightmare" By: StarDoquesneEMT

Please note that you have to scroll down a considerable way to find the actual story here.

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TQ: How does the utilization of multipile seperate sections within the same chapter effect the story as a whole? Are sections better? Is it better to say what you have to and save the next section for another chapter?

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Thank you for submitting critiques for this week's featured fanfiction. Please keep in mind that you will have one week to do so.

The next story will be featured on: Sunday, November 4th, 2007.
 
Ok, for once I am going to save the TQ till last becasue I want to congratulate you. I am a Southerner myself and I have never and I mean never read anything where the auther has captured our accent so perfrectly. I can't do it myslef, and I have to ask, are you from the South?

Reguardless, you did a fantastic job. I mean, "You! You’re wearin’ my apron, there" is just perfectly written and I could almost hear her saying it!

Can i read the other 6? I found it wonderful how, in the space of a few lines, you managed to develop the character of Kizzi. I assume you have mentioned her before in the other sections but, even though I have never read them, I felt like she was real. An excellent job.

I have one and only one quibble. 3rd person narrative. I love it but it is not correct for the auther to become 'God-like' in their writing, assuming that they can know all becasue they are telling the story. As you have written this from Calleigh's point of view, you should have stuck to that all the way though and you did, for the most part.

There were occasions however, that you switched point of view for a brief moment and then switched back. For example, "She hated to bother her when she knew Calleigh needed time to process, but with a million complications running through her mind..." was written from Kizzi's view point. Instead you could have tried, "Calleigh could tell Kizzi was worried....etc" or something similar. That way you are still telling it through Calleigh's eyes.

You didn't mention where the little lines in Italics were from. I liked them. Somehow, though placed randomly, they didn't disrupt the flow of the story. I thought they were very fitting.

I'd like to read the other sections if possible, and the next ones you writen. Maybe you could PM me?

Congratulations for your wonderfull story!

TQ: I like sections and use them quite often. I find they are a useful way of switiching view points, if necessary. They also allow the author to use quotes or lyrics (like star^) to summerise the content of each section. Finally, I think they can be used in a, to use dramatical terminology, 'Brechtian' way to make the author take a step back away from the piece and focus on the underlying messages. Alternativly, they can draw the reader in.

With love,

Jodie
xx
 
Just a little update from me. Here are a few useful bites of information about things to come in the near future for our group.

1. I've asked adorelo to be my second in command, so to speak. Should I ever be absent on a Sunday she'll take over and post the new featured fic.

2. I think starting this coming sunday I'm going to begin posting the "best TQ answers" as I said I would eventually. I don't know if I'll give you all of the back answers, or just start with this week's but we can discuss that later.

3. Please keep in mind that you MUST submit a critique that week to have your story even considered for freature.

4. Thanks for all the great participation! You guys really have made this a joy for me to be involved with.

5. I'm going to be all whiny for a moment. I request that we have a few fictions from other fandoms submitted. I've made it no secret in the world of CSI online that I am completely out of my element with CSI Miami, and only slightly more aware in the world of New York. All of the Miami based stories are fantastic but... a Las Vegas or New York story would be... a bit more fun for me. I can't wait for someone to submit one for critique wehre I'll actually know what I'm talking about.

6. I was thinking about doing a "Critique by Challenge" sort of thing in a few weeks. I'd come up with a topic and have everyone write a oneshot, within certain paramaters, according to the prompt. Then I'd post all of the challenge fics the same way I do these week after week, and we'd all critique them according to how they met with the guidelines set out. It wouldn't be a permanent thing. Perhaps we'd only do it every 8 weeks or so. Something to just, shake things up a bit. The stories would all be very short, <500 words I'd say. Anyone think that would be fun?

Well ummm... I think that's all for right now. I'll have my critique done soon!
 
In response to your announcement:

1. Yeah, that's me *waves* I'm honored :lol:

2. I lke that idea. Maybe instead of having to go back over them all you could start by picking one you liked out of all the ones posted. Or we could do a poll?

3. Nothing to say, you said it all. :p

4.I'm personally very glad you are enjoying yourself. I am too, it gives me a chance to improve my writing(for that I am very thankful!).

5. I can have a go at a NY or Vegas fic. I'm not too strong on them but, hey, afterall, improvement is what we are here to achieve.

6. I LOVE that idea! I am a big fan of challanges and I think a prompt response like that would be an excellent way to help people gain more confidence.

That said, on with the critiques :D

xoxo

*Edited bacause Jodie can't spell! :rolleyes:
 
Hey there everyone.

I just wanted to get it out there that today is the last day to submit a critique for this week's featured fanfiction. Next week we'll start all over again with another fic.

So, please submit something while you still can.

I know mine's not up yet... I suck like that. But I PROMISE it'll be up in a few hours. I know I make this promise every Saturday, but if you had my schedule you'd understand.

-LLK
 
I'll write one the minute I have some free time; I PROMISE!!!

ETA: Hooray! Free Time! :lol:

The length of the story made it very detailed and good to read. You did some very good descriptions and the use of language is a lot of fun. The conversations are hilarious - I love humor in a story.

However, you could have made it a bit easier to read by setting up your dialogue/descriptions better. For example:

Calleigh snorted with laughter, then winced. “Don’t make me laugh, it hurts.”
Pretending not to notice how out-of-character Calleigh was acting, Kizzi just smiled. “That’s what happens when you get shot. Can I check you out?” Calleigh nodded. Kizzi pulled out a bright purple stethoscope and BP cuff and set about taking her friend’s vitals, trying not to show how upset she was. Calleigh never admitted to being anything but fine, at least not publicly. If she said it hurt… Kizzi wrote down the numbers and listened to Calleigh’s heartbeat and breathing. “Talk to me, Cal.”

You could fix that so it reads something like this:

Calleigh snorted with laughter, then winced. “Don’t make me laugh, it hurts.”

Pretending not to notice how out-of-character Calleigh was acting, Kizzi just smiled.

“That’s what happens when you get shot. Can I check you out?”

Calleigh nodded. Kizzi pulled out a bright purple stethoscope and BP cuff and set about taking her friend’s vitals, trying not to show how upset she was. Calleigh never admitted to being anything but fine, at least not publicly. If she said it hurt… Kizzi wrote down the numbers and listened to Calleigh’s heartbeat and breathing.

“Talk to me, Cal.”

As for the TQ - I don't really write chapters; just a bunch of sections. So sections in a chapter are understandable, but too many make it confusing and you loose your place easily.

I'm sorry it's so short, but I've tried. :lol:

Sissi
 
Hi this is the first time i have give a critique so i hope i do it right.

Here goes.

1. From watching all three CSI's seasons i am only up to the end of season four on Miami so this section on how Natalia and Calleigh are friends is quite new to me cause in the last episode of season four no one is happy with Natalia. Having said this story is great.

2. I love hope the story sticks to the way CSI's are written and how there is always much more tension when it's one of the CSI's that are attacked. My fav part was when calleigh is speaking with Delko on the phone and she says "I won't lie to you it hurts like a bitch." The sound of Delko thumping something over the phone is a perfect catch of how Delko acts. He really get emotional about his friends. You really understand the characters and know how they think. That includes Calleigh so well with the whole part of how she hates to show she is hurt. The nice little touch on how she says she can get alexx to check on her is touching how she turns to a close friend for help.

3. This is not a bad comment just as i said from before i don't know the full back story on Kikki and Calleigh. If you could send me a pm about her i would understand the story more. personal i could not find a fault in this story. I could only wish it was longer.

Also as i last note i really enjoyed reading a believe it was Calleigh thoughts almost done like whispers throughout the story which were typed in a different font really helped get even more of a feel for the story and Calleigh's mind set.

Well done and i hope to read more from you.

James
 
Great critiques, guys!

Ok, LLk has put my in charge of "TQ of the week". We decided it was a good idea to read over the responses to each weeks' TQ and then choose the best out of the bunch.

As it has been a few weeks since we started this, I will post the winners of the past 3 weeks, then we will continue onwards from there.

Any questions about this system, please ask on here, or PM myself or LLK if you wish to ask in private.


Week 1

TQ: Considering perspective (IE first person), which perspective makes the best stories? What kinds of things effect your preference?

Winner:

Waiting

As far as the different perspectives go, I think this would have sounded better in 1st or 3rd person but that might be because I’m used to reading in those. It all depends on what one is trying to accomplish. I think 1st person is more personal and you can really reflect on what each character is feeling when you write it from their POV. But just like 2nd person, the word ‘I’ or ‘we’ can be over used. Third person seems to be more descriptive and more detail oriented because in a sense we are seeing the story through someone else’s eyes. All and all, it was an enjoyable read to me, and it seemed to flow very well. Nicely done!


Week 2

TQ: When reading a fan fiction outside of your usual fandom name three things you can do to get the most out of the experience?

Winner:

LLK

As for the TQ, well, here’s what I’ve got. So far the last two stories that we’ve featured have been outside of my fandom but I’ve still managed to greatly enjoy reading them. This is what I did. 1. I just pretend it’s original fiction. If I don’t know the characters already, well then what’s the point of pretending to myself that I do? Or, if you want to embrace the fanfiction qualities these next two tips might help. 2. Maybe do a little research about the fandom, if you already know something about it. In just about an hour online you can learn a great deal about just about any ‘ship in any fandom. 3. Pay attention to the “allusions” in the text. Almost every fanfiction will allude heavily to canon and if you’re careful you can pick up on the allusions. These can be a great basis for your research.


Week 3

TQ: What makes the reading experience different when reading a songfic and not a fiction written in standard prose?

Winner:

Jennifer

For me, song fics are hard to follow, the lyrics of the song break up the story, making the story harder to follow. It's distracting. I guess it would be different if the song were playing while the story was being read (without the written lyrics), then you could *feel* the song, *feel* the music. However, for this story, it was easier for me to follow because the lyric portions in between bits of story portions were short (the longer the lyric portion, the harder for me to follow the story), so the story was easier to follow. And an added plus, the entire song wasn't in the story...that can really drag out a good story, not to mention make the lyric portions of the story longer (and thus, more distracting). Hmmm...maybe the fact that these stories are not as easy for me to follow is why I don't understand how the song fits in with the story.




Great Job guys, keep the responses up! We have a great group going on here! Lurkers? Please come join us, we'd love to hear your opinions! :)
 
So here’s Kathy’s critique, are you ready?

Yes... I know I’m lame.


I loved it. As so many before me have said, I think that I lost something with this story, not knowing the history. I mean, if I enjoyed it this much just jumping in the middle like I did I can imagine that the whole story is compelling. The story does make me wish that I knew more about Miami. I am assuming that Nick was a fictitious ex you made up for Nat’s reference. However, I also assume that anyone who knew Miami canon would recognize Jake. Anyway, what I’m trying to say is that you have a really great piece there. The characters were all interesting enough that even without the back story the chapter stands alone quite well. That’s something that many authors strive for and never get. A chapter should, in most cases, be like its own story.

I did notice a few errors. I think that the only things wrong with your fiction could be helped or prevented with a beta. Grammatical or formatting errors and the like. I mean, they were by no means profound enough to take away from the story. Just a few little things like a renegade quotation mark at the end of a paragraph and a few other tiny mistakes So... yeah, nothing huge.

I am either a fan of sections, or I’m not. It just depends on how the author works them into the story. In this case, I liked them very much. I never once felt like I was stopping and starting a whole new story, I just knew I was moving on to something equally as significant as the last section. I think that your transitions were very good, they were strong and you didn’t leave the reader feeling lost or bewildered by the switch. So, you utilized sections like a pro, in a way that I’ve seen many authors before you fail to do.

TQ: I think that there can be considerable merit in writing a fan fiction chapter that is not rife with sectioning. That is to say, I greatly enjoy opening up a new chapter for a fan fiction that is a bajillion pages long and focuses on the same two characters and a central event or setting. It feels more like reading a novel, and even though you don’t address as much of the story in one long chapter as you could in one with several shorter sections, there are other advantages. You can really fit a lot of characterization into one long chapter that you don’t have the room for in the sections, as well as a lot more textile and sensory information.

Then again, there are also a lot of advantages in using sectioning. I certainly do it in a lot of my stories, most notably “Elaborate Lives” and “How Did We Get Here?” You can either address the same event from several different points of view, like CSI did in the episode “Rashashoma” or you can address a lot of non-congruent events as I did frequently in “Elaborate Lives” or, they can all have a certain flow to them like in our featured fic. All of which can create and tell a story in a more exciting and interesting way than one long chapter. Sections are also considerably easier to read, and it makes the whole story move along a lot faster when the plot is broken up into littler chunks.

So, as I am consistently saying throughout my TQ answers, it really all depends on preference and ability. Some writers paint a better picture in longer pieces, and others are more skilled at writing in smaller sections. Neither is superior to the other and both can be considerably enjoyable to read.
 
It's my story this week, but I'm answering the TQ anyway. Because I can :lol: And just as an FYI, Nick actually did show up on screen. He was an ass and he died. I know Miami almost too well to be healthy :lol: so I pick up some really rendom things and string them together sometimes. Also this story is 6th in a series that has 8 so far, so some things might be lost to that.

As for the TQ, I agree that it depends on ability a great deal. There have been some stories that are so choppy and just off that I can't even read them no matter how much I want to. And there are others that even if they're not my preferred pairing or show I'll still read them because the writers are just phenomenal. For me, sections give me the chance to emphasize important events in the characters' lives and also to break things up a little so that readers don't miss something important. I took grammar for 9 years in school and was on a creative writing team that went to state twice (Power of the Pen if anyone is familiar) and the big thing that was drilled into our heads was transitions. I work extra hard to make them seamless, because I know how much it can take away from a story. I use lyrics a lot of the time, because music is such a big part of my life that it's easy to use that to get my point across. Even my best friends check my car CD player or ask me what I'm listening to in the morning to judge my mood for the day :lol: In this one I used lyrics by Emilie Autumn, and I think because of the way I use the lyrics my stories wouldn't be considered songfics. Wow I'm rambling. But I think my basic answer is that used correctly and carefully, sections can greatly enhance a story.

And I just wanted to mention that my formatting went completely to hell so some of the paragraphs weren't where I wanted them :lol: Thanks for the reviews everyone :)
 
Week 4

TQ: How does the utilization of multiple separate sections within the same chapter effect the story as a whole? Are sections better? Is it better to say what you have to and save the next section for another chapter?

Winner:

Adorelo

I like sections and use them quite often. I find they are a useful way of switching view points, if necessary. They also allow the author to use quotes or lyrics to summarize the content of each section. Finally, I think they can be used in a, to use dramatical terminology, 'Brechtian' way to make the author take a step back away from the piece and focus on the underlying messages. Alternatively, they can draw the reader in.

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Also guys, Star responded to the TQ even though it was her story being critiqued. This is great! :D Feel free to respond if you wish to. I'll take it into considoration when picking each weeks winner.

Keep 'em coming!
 
CSI Critique Fanfiction #5: CSI Miami, E/C or C/J, “Mi Elección” By: Adorelo


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TQ: On open ended fanfictions, how do you, as a reader, respond when you reach the end of the story and have been intentionally left to wonder about the outcome? Do you enjoy it? Do you prefer stories to be wrapped up in a tight little bow, all of your questions answered? How does this effect your decision about reading more from that author, or does it effect it at all?

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Welcome to the new members, it was great to see you here! I would also like to point out that last week our featured fiction writer answered the TQ. I invite everyone to do this when their stories are featured... it's fun and you can only learn from it, right?

Thank you for submitting critiques for this week's featured fanfiction. Please keep in mind that you will have one week to do so.

The next story will be featured on: Sunday, November 11th, 2007.
 
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