CSI: Bikini Bottom

(We get some of the usual screenshots of Bikini Bottom at dusk. We pass the Anchor Savings Bank, Shady Shoals Retirement Home, and eventually arrive at the Starfish Casino--obviously a take-off on the Stardust, which includes falling starfish on the sign dissolving like the Stardust. Cut to inside we see the Sportsbook at the Starfish where a bunch of various fish-guys are cheering on a seahorse race, drinking cocktails, flirting with some cute fish-girl cocktail waitresses and having a good ol' time. Over by the bar, Haddock Brown is nursing a beer and watching the Bubble-bowl on one of the giant screen TVs. We see it's the halftime show and Squidward's hastily assembled band with Spongebob, Patrick, Sandy, Plankton, Mrs. Puff and Company are performing "Sweet Victory.")

Gills Grunion: (Off Camera) I thought you'd given up gambling, Haddock.

(Haddock doesn't turn around)

Haddock Brown: I have. I just can't get comfortable watching a bubble-ball game at home on the Tube. I'm too used to watching it here in the Sportsbook.

(Grunion comes into the frame.)

Grunion: Ah... Some old habits die hard though. (tosses some seanuts from the bowl on the bar into his mouth.)

Haddock: I figure you'd be over at the floater farm checking on the bug colonies today.

Grunion: And miss the Bubble Bowl? No way!

(Grunion and Haddock's beepers go off simultaneously. They both look at them and see the codes.)

Haddock: It's a page for any off-duty CSI to come assist with the investigation of a multiple homicide.

Grunion: I'll go. The Bikini Bottom Bandits are losing to the Ukeleli Bottom Showboats anyway. I'll call Sara in if I need any help--she hates Bubble Ball.

Haddock: All right then. Page me if you need another set of hands or eyes.

(Scene cuts over to a vacant lot just down the street from the Salty Spittoon. BBPD is there in force, the area is cordoned off with Yellow Police Line--DO NOT CROSS Tape. Gills Grunion and Sara Sailfish arrive in a Black Denali SUB, come out with their kits and approach the scene. Det. Jim Bass approaches them.)

Det. Jim Bass: Grunion, Sara--sorry to call you in on Bubble-Bowl Sunday.

Sara Sailfish: It's okay--I was at home cleaning my bathroom.

Bass: An employee of Weenie Hut Jr. stepped out for a smoke break and found these four floaters out here in the field.

Grunion: Try and say that four times fast.

(Camera pans and shows 4 separate fish guys who've apparently been gutted and filleted)

Bass: I'd suspect the Gorton's Fisherman, but he doesn't throw anyone back...

Sara: (Winces) Bass! (Sara puts down her kit, pulls out a fresh pair of rubber gloves, pulles them over her fins and then goes to inspect the first body.) This guy looks like he bled out, but there's no evidence of blood on the ground.

Grunion: Looks like a body dump to me. (Grunion points at a no dumping sign close to the crime scene) And they didn't even bother to read the signs...


(Beginning credit sequence kicks in. "Who are you?" by The Who plays, along with the usual fish-type visages of our favorite Undersea-S-I's. Final beginning credit: Created by Anthony Zuiker and Stephen Hillenberg.)
 
"Dumped"

(Cut back to the crime scene at the field. We see a white hearse-style boatmobile pull up with "BB Coroner" on the side of the door. Dr. David Fishlips, Deputy Coroner for Bikini Bottom steps out of the boatmobile, adjusts his glases and makes a sour face.)

David Fishlips: Eew. I can see why they paged me in on Bubble-Bowl Sunday...

Grunion: (Off-camera) David! Over here!

(David walks over towards Grunion with his kit.)

Sara: David! You drew the short straw today?

David Fishlips: When you're the DEPUTY Coroner, it means that Dr. Bobfins doesn't get called in on Bubble-Bowl Sunday unless there's too much for me to handle.

Grunion: We've just about finished processing the scene, but I want you to take a look at the bodies first.

(David walks over to the site where we see four fish-guys who've been thoroughly gutted, scaled, and filleted, and have been laid parallel to eachother. He puts on his gloves and does an initial field exam.)

David: Based on the lack of blood, these fellows have been dead at least 12 to 16 hours. Without running a tox screen or other detailed tests, I'd say cause of death was The Gorton's Fisherman...

Sara: That's what Bass said. (rolls her eyes)

David: Based on how they're posed, they were either about to be dinner for somebody, or someone was trying to send a message.

Grunion: We're just about done here, once we've finished trace, we'll release the bodies to you for a full autopsy.

David: No problem. I'll just go back to my boatmobile and listen to the Bubble Bowl on the radio until you're ready.

Bass: (Steps into the frame) What was the latest score?

David: Bandits 14, Showboats 17.

Grunion: The Bandit's are doing better than they were when I got called in.

(Sara rolls her eyes again and goes back to the bodies. She takes a couple of intruments and begins to take scrapings from their fins. Camera zooms in and shows some kind of black, tar-like substance from underneath the few scales that remained on the tips of their fins. The substance is placed inside a baggie and goes into her kit. She checks around the various evidence markers for anything else out of the ordinary. She calls over to where Bass, David and Grunion are still talking about the Bubble-Bowl.)

Sara: Grunion! We're clear.

Grunion: Okay--David, you're up.

(David grabs his kit and the camera pans wide from the scene.)
 
well, altough nothing suggest any GSR in this story, i see what u mean... but please, don't let me interrupt Hankster go on!:D
 
(Scene cuts back to the Starfish Casino, where Haddock Brown is still nursing his beer, eating seanuts and watchin the Bubble Bowl. Camera cuts to the perspective follows a shadowy figure who's approaching Haddock Brown from behind. When he gets to just a few feet behind Haddock, he stops, and grips a fist, tensing up)

Voice: Well, well, well! And I thought you'd stopped betting on games.

Haddock: (face shows some anxiety as he recognizes the voice) Excuse me?

Voice: Given how you lost me over 100 grand on that bad bet you made for me, I don't see how I can.

(Haddock turns and sees the face of former Judge Conch.)

Haddock: (Scoffs) I didn't think they let former judges into casinos, let alone active ones. Plus, I paid you that cash out of my own pocked. You're the one who decided you wanted me to be your "slave" and tried to make me do all your dirty work.

Former Judge Conch: You got a fair cut from that work, last I checked. And you repaid me by ratting me out, Brown.

Haddock: Blah-blah-blah. I didn't rat you out. You just got caught and I got brought in for a ride. The fact that you were blackmailing me came out in the wash and I was lucky that I was low enough on the tiki pole that I got off with a suspension. You're lucky you just got disbarred and removed from the bench.

Conch: You don't get it Brown. I lost my wife, my house, my standing in the community from this, and you had a direct impact on that happening.

Haddock: Once again, all your fault and you're trying to blame me. I'm trying to watch the Bubble Bowl here. Go away, you're bothering me. (turns his head back to the TV wall)

Conch: (Shakes his head.) Fine. Just watch your back, Brown. I know where your skeletons float.

(Conch stalks off, while the camera zooms in on Haddock, who's now restlessly tossing seanuts into his mouth and grimacing as he watches the game.)
 
(Time shifts to a couple of hours later. We are outside the apartment of Nick Sturgeon. Nick is drinking a soda and playing a videogame when there's a knock at the door. He hits the pause button, checks the peek-hole and then opens up.)

Nick: Haddock! What's up? Come on in!

Haddock: (Comes in, looking a bit beat while Nick closes the door) Former Judge Conch showed up while I was watching the Bubble Bowl.

Nick: What? I figured he left town after all his dirty dealings came out.

Haddock: You and me both. He was ranting on how I'd ruined his life and that I needed to watch my back.

Nick: You wanna call Grunion, let him know what's up?

Haddock: Not yet. He took a page for that multiple homicide over in that vacant lot by Weenie Hut Jr's and the Salty Spittoon. He and Sara have enough on their plate right now.

Nick: Still, we need to do some digging. Find out where he's staying, who he's running with and do some proactive evidence gathering.

Haddock: Thanks, man. I knew you'd have my back.

(The two do a "soulshake" with their fins")
 
(Scene cuts back to the morgue where the 4 Dead bodies are on tables and appropriately draped. X's are over the eyes in typical cartoon fashion. Gills Grunion and Sara Sailfish are present as David Fishlips is working the autopsies.)

David Fishlips: (Voiceover as the camera shoots on the faces of the victims.) Name: Based upon the boater's license found in his clothing, Eugene Herring. COD, exsanguination from very sharp blade. TOD, unknown. Best estimate is 18 hours prior based upon the utter lack of color. Victim has 4 parallel cuts on his gills on both sides of his thoracic cavity. Ventral veins and arteries completely severed. All cuts are clean--no shredding, no perforations, no hesitation marks.

Grunion: This means whomever did this had a blade sharpened well past surgical level, knew what he was doing, and had no compunction about this killing.

Sara: I know that Bass said all these guys were gutted and filleted, but let's be sure. Are all his internal organs present?

David Fishlips: (His gloved fins gently pull apart one of the long, deep cuts in Eugene Herring's Gills. Camera zooms in and special effects shows the presence of his renal glands, digestive organs and other internal parts) At first glance, it looks to be the case. I'll have to do the full autopsy to be sure. This fellow has had a good deal of his scales removed though.

Sara: Then it looks like we can rule out rogue organ harvesters.

Grunion: And the Gorton's fisherman.

David: If it were the Gorton's fisherman, he wouldn't have thrown them back. Victim has some kind of black tarry substance on his fins.

Sara: I scraped some of that stuff off and sent it to Greg for trace along with the other evidence.

Grunion: It's possible that this fellow was working on a road crew or in construction--they use tar like that for roofing and repaving roads.

Sara: With noodly fins like that, I kind of doubt it. Maybe he was near some road repair or a construction site when he was murdered.

David: I'll get on with these autopsies and let you know if I find anything different.

Grunion: Let's get over to trace and see how they're coming with the rest of the evidence.
 
is is suppose to be Nick Sandshark-CSI Technician, DNA Lab/Trace or Greg Sandshark-CSI Technician, DNA Lab/Trace i'm just woundering B/c I thought it was Nick Sturgeon-CSI Level II
 
Greg Sandshark is a CSI Technician--he's analagous to Greg Sanders.

Nick Sturgeon is a CSI Level II--he's analagous to Nick Stokes.

Sometimes the CSIs do run their own trace when the lab is overloaded, which is why Nick and Haddock were processing the evidence from the Plankton Pod pattynapping. Also, it was part of the plan to bait Sheldon J. Plankton, thinking that the CSI's would analyze a Krabby Patty and he'd steal the formula from their evidence documentation.

Now, back to Episode Three: Dumped!
 
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