From the Mouth of High School

Just got back from a band trip, so I've got a few.

I have the worst memory, so I decided to make myself a message in my cell.

Me: Remember, your clarinet and your music is under the bus...
*CRASH*
K: I think the stuff fell out!
Me: ... Never mind.

At the restaurant:

D: I am a kitty cat! And I dance dance dance...
Me: Great. You're less than a week younger than me with the mentality of a five year old.
D: Yup! I am a kitty cat, and I dance dance dance...

(At a performance, one of the guys takes off his shirt)
Me: (to B) Woah, he's hot.
K: What? Are you kidding?
Me: Nooo...
(five minutes later, a really fat guy comes out in a grass skirt)
K: Oh look, it's Sissi's dream boy. Hubba hubba.

(While touring a college)
Me: I swear, if A says "Dude" one more time, I'll have to hurt something.
B: Yeah, I agree, it's so annoying. You know, the dude thing... it's just so repetitive...
(she continues for awhile)
Me: Oooook.

I have more, but most of them aren't appropriate for a PG-13 board. XD
 
A kid is trying to rationalize how we should get an extention on a project because he doesn't have it done.
A: We need more time.
Mr. B: No, you don't. I saw you out in the hallway wasting your time. Instead of reading the book you were hanging out with your friends. All two of them.

We're having a discussion about the Nepal situation. One of the questions put forth was whether or not the US should intervene:
N: I think they should because if they don't then it doesn't look good to their supporters. It's like how they're not pulling out of Iraq, because there are Americans that are in favour of them being there. So not intervening in Nepal will piss off the Americans that support the current government.
Ms. S: Yeah, all 1% of them.

In English:
M: Mr. B, can I go to the bathroom?
Mr. B: No, I know you're going to get that article. I've seen it making the rounds. First it was on K's desk, and now R's looking at it. I'm not gonna let you do other homework in my class.
M: (to no one in particular as she walks back to her seat) The first time I actually need to go the bathroom....
 
In English we're writing research papers on charities and my charity is The Peace Corps.

Me: For my cover picture can I use a photo from JFK's funeral.
Mrs Y: How would that be relevant?
Me: Well he started the Pace Corps.
Rudy: Use a picture of him right after he was assassinated.
Me: No I want to get a picture of his family at his funeral
Rudy: *Salutes ala JFK Jr* You know that picture right?
Rudy: Also put his funeral right next to a picture of Marilyn Monroe's funeral.

These next few are all quotes I wrote into my paper
Unlike most other volunteerorganizations the Peace Corps is run by the United States governmentwhich means it is ineffective, and poorly run.

On average the time between your application is completed and
you leave for your assigned nation the time is about nine months. So if you want, feel free to get yourself pregnant and then leave your
newborns for two years and three months. If you do that you'll be as good
with children as Louise Woodward.

Training is rigorous and takes only three
months (Rigorous like the military only for sissies who don't want to be
killed in war). If you complete your two years of service you're given 6000
dollars which for two years of living abroad is as much of a gyp as time
with Ashley Dupree.

Lunch

Mike: Can we go to the library and get the book Banana Beer?
Mr C: Why what's it about
Mike: A monkey whose father is an alcoholic, which they show as him drinking too much banana beer

Kevin: At a party last weekend I got drunk on soda and juice

Kevin: Clint Eastwood was in an episode of Mr Ed
Mr. Ed became friends with Clint Eastwood's horse who said that his own rod him bareback.
*With this me, Rudy, and Mike were crying with laughter*
Rudy: You must have meant horseback
Kevin: No bareback why else would they call the show rawhide?
*I was never sure how much of what Kevin was saying was a quote from the series which he said it was because if it was I would be shocked that they were able to get away with that*

Mike: I wish the school would get trashy magazines? You know the type that talk about Nicole Ritchie's weight or what she-male Jodie Foster is sleeping with?

(Rudy just borrowed my Zune for PE)
Rudy: Austin, you listen to your music too quietly
Now me and Mike are talking
Me: Too quietly I just don't want to go deaf
Mike: Yeah I agree
Me: No matter how glamorous Marlee Matlin makes it look it's not great
Mike: *Laughing hard*
Me: Don't deafness by what you see in the zoo

I was kidding about the zoo comment I was trying to be shocking don't think I am anti-deaf.

A few months ago me, Mike, and Rudy we're talking about terrible ideas for characters for books

Me: How about a door to door vacuum cleaner salesman who also performs abortions?

Me and Mike we're discussing the movie The Amazing Colossal Man

Mike: Who did the science for the movies James Watt?

Mike: Do you remember the guy's name?
Me: No
Mike: Ok I'm going to refer to him as John McCain.
 
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lunch one day:

((someone was talking about tequila))

me: now whenever i hear the word tequila, i think of a small bisexual asian chick

a different day, also at lunch

talking about our bio teacher:

Britta: well as far as i know shes a woman.
Me: Or is she?

EAS:

Mrs. K is collecting papers.

Me: oohh aggressive
Mrs. K: i prefer assertive. aggresive just sounds so dirty.
 
Mr C: What did you guys do this weekend?
Me: I tried to prove Ted Bundy innocent.

Me: For one of my articles I have to write, can I write one called "If I touched it: confessions of a child molester?"
 
These two were references to the movie version of The Red Badge of Courage which we watched. The version we saw was pretty bad so we made MST3K style comments through it.

Me: Which way to the Hells Angels meeting mister


The rest aren't related:
(Discussing The Red Badge of Courage)
Me: He runs like a Vietnam Vet from an oncoming helicopter.

(Deciding where to go to lunch)
Me: For lunch we should go to bread and roses
Bread and Roses is a soup kitchen

(Lunch)
Rudy: If that's true I'm a six foot pedophile
Kevin: That's the way Harrison Ford does it
 
Today in our last biology class before the holidays will start:
Teacher: So...Who's missing??
Me: Ähem...L's brain is missing...
teacher: Oh..that's true...it's always the same thing....
:guffaw:
 
We were talking about a class in which we don't do much and it'd be more productive working on other things/.

Me: With this class we're getting screwed like Traci Lords.

This was about a can of soda which I gave to a friend of mine and he asked about the sand on it.

Rudy: This looks like you dug in a mine with it
Me: If I dug in a mine with it, it'd be as dark as the population of Africa.

My friend was telling us about a female friend of his that he saw this weekend.

Rudy: I told her she was as pretty as Natalie Holloway.

We had to watch Fantasia in drama today interestingly we watched it because we've been discussing how music affects a movie and what it does to the mood in scenes. We had just finished the scene with Horses flying around.

Me: Thank god that scene's over it was gayer than Mark Foley.

This was about a scene in the movie with hippos.

Me: They're still smaller than Rosie O Donnell.
 
Me and Mike have been thinking up our own music videos by finding an appropiate song for people. I have a lot of them to post the format is Person: Song

Mike:
Madie Mcain: Searchin
David Patterson (Governor of New York): Blinded by the light

Me:
Ted Kennedy: I will survive
Natalie Holloway: Stay
Robert Byrd: Song of the south
Larry Craig: Smoking in the boy's room
Mark Foley at a kiddie pool: Just what I needed, Hush
Michael Vick: Puppy Love
JFK: Hey man nice shot
Wilford Brimley: Sugar, Sugar
Princess Diana: Tunnel of Love
John Hinckly: They're coming to take me away
Jodie Foster :She's more than a woman to me
Marlee Matlin: Sounds of Silence
Christopher Reeve: Wild Horses
Richard Simmons: Barby Girl


This was a short conversation amongst me and two other people

Justin: You're the second girliest girl I know.
Sarah: Who's the most girly?
Justin: I don't remember their names
Me: Who are you Kobe Bryant?
 
Me (about another student who was biking with me and a teacher because he likes dead end streets): He's crazier then John Hinckly

Me (about the same student complaining about hills): These streets are flatter then Ben Stein's voice

Bridget: Why are all the boys here so into arguing?
(We were too shocked to say anything but there was a collective WTF)
Bridget: At my old school all the boys were idiots.
Mike: I'd rather be an idiot then be in a bitchy mood every time I bleed.
 
Ms. D was standing by a table

Rudy: Why are you posing so seductively?
Ms D: What?
Rudy: The way you're standing, stand more lady like
 
^ Haha. :D

(My teacher was impersonating me, we were doing this comedy thing, sort of. I'm really bad at translating, I'm warning you.)
Mr. V: Sir, can I go get my books from my locker? Sir, I didn't bring my books. Sir, I forgot my books! Sir, I think my books are in my locker but I'm not sure, can I go see if they're in there? AARGH Marny, sometimes I wish I could just throw you out of the window. Even though it's only a meter high.
Me: So, does this mean you're not gonna let me get my books next time?
Class: AAARGH!
 
Just found this thread and I am laughing my butt off. Okay welcome to the world of my French class. First let me say that my French teacher is like really young.

Addison: Mom
Ms M: Did you just call me mom?
Conner: Can we?
Ms M: No
Addison: Mama!

Principal: *over the loudspeaker about the homecoming dress up days* From now on, cross-dressing is no longer allowed...

Then in Biology...

Ashley: Why does your hair turn grey when you get older?
Mr. O: *goes into a long explanation about cells*
Me: *to my table partner* It means you're dying...

I can't really remember all the hilariousness of my school but more will come!
 
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