You know you're (insert nationality here) when...

Roka4csi

Roka4csi

Coroner
Ever since my family moved to Lebanon, my sisters and I have criticized Lebanese people and made fun of the weird traits they carry (even though we are Lebanese as well, i guess living in the USA gave us different perspectives on things sometimes). So when one of us would do something stupid, the other two would tell her to "stop acting Lebanese". So when I got this email once about "how you know you're Lebanese" I absolutely loved the idea and started to add my own to it. So the rest of you can come in and put some things that you think apply to your nationality, whether you like them or not. Its a great way to poke fun at the qualities you don't like, or may like but find rather pointless. :lol:

Here's the Lebanese list. Make up some for your nationality too and we can all contribute to it based on how we view your nationality as outsiders.


Ladies and gentlemen, following this exclusive online guide is a sure-fire way to be mistaken for a Leb.

Driving:
The driver's seat must be in an uncomfortable and impractical reclined position at all times. No more than one hand shall be on the wheel at
any time. The other hand should be on the window frame. Alternatively it may be located on the gear-shift or your girlfriend's leg. Profuse use of horn is encouraged. Religious symbols are to be attached to dashboard at will. Shiny rims and tinted windows, accompanied by
thinly veiled threats to fellow motorists on your back window are
commonplace.

Clothes
Shirts are never to be tucked in. A minimum of three buttons must be
undone to reveal chest hair and optional gold medallion.
Brand names,preferably fake, are to be exposed on every visible area of clothing
Jeans and shiny loafers are required to complete the look, along with a generous helping of Brylcreem.

Technology:
Ownership of mobile phones released more than two months ago are a big
no-no. Be sure to keep your phone visible at all times. Keep it in
your hand and place it on the table during diner or coffee. Fiddle
around with the menu at all times, to seem like you are always being
pursued by serial text-messagers.

Dining:
The point of dining is not to eat. It is to see and be seen. Make no
mistake. Talk loudly, be rude to staff. Never, ever, under any
circumstances, thank your waiter. Throw evil looks at neighbouring
tables, whether you know them or not. Laugh audibly, just so everyone
knows you're having more fun than them. Crack out a cheap
cigar, even
if you're 18, to project a clichéd 80s image of wealth.

Clubbing
You must pull up at the door in a shiny new car. Whether it's yours is
inconsequential. Call bouncer 'habibe' a couple of times, and crack
a lame joke whilst tapping him on shoulder. Demonstrate rudeness to
staff (see Dining). Act like you own the place. Order recklessly, and
cry later. Throw evil looks at neighbouring tables (see Dining again).
Shake fist in the air as substitute for actual dancing. Push that guy
who dared look at your girlfriend. Drunk drive to the nearest Zaatar w
Zeit (Lebanese fast-food equivallent to Subway), get in a fight with someone over a parking space. Order food.

Cinema:
Again, the purpose of the cinema is not a love of film. It is to waste
two hours of time, and annoy a great deal of people simultaneously.
Have loudly whispered conversations on your phone during parts of
the
film integral to the plot. Throw popcorn at neighbouring seats. Laugh
in all the wrong places. Make inappropriate comments during tense
scenes. Applaud good guys who punch a baddie.

Language
Arabic is not the official language of Lebanon, forget what you've
been told. You will need to master the bastard language that is
frenglishabic. Use at least three languages in every conversation,
introducing the ones you master the least only for greetings and
partings (hola, ciao, …)

Manners
What-now?

Politics
Chose one of a plethora of local, petty leaders. Adore them. Place
their pictures on your car, balcony and other visible areas that may
come under your ownership. Follow them blindly, regardless of how
racist, irrational and frightening they are.

Education
University is not a place to learn. It is a vast social club,
where
one must adorn one's entire wardrobe on a daily basis to attract
potential mates. Class attendance is inversely proportional to the
amount of sunshine on any particular day. Be just as flashy on campus
as you would be in a club. Try to get your degree before failing every
course four times.


*Spend money you don't have, to buy things you don't need, to impress
people you don't like.
Ahla, bienvenue to our world habibe/habibte.

What I added to it

1. You itch your butt in public, no matter who is standing beside you.
2. Your breakfast at school consists of a Man'ooshe (dough with thyme or cheese), with any type of potato chips inside it, and a can of Pepsi.
3. You refer to israel as "the Zionist enemy."
4. You call the cab driver "Amo" (uncle).
5. If you are a female, you refuse to go downstairs to get anything from the store without dressing up in something fancy, including matching jewelery, shoes, hair accessories, and nail polish. Oh and lots and lots of cheap perfume.
6. If you're a guy, you don't leave without your cell phone and having gelled your hair to such an extreme that should a building fall on your head, it would be crushed to powder.The building that is.
7. Brown and orange is still considered the fashionable color blend. 4 years later, everyone MUST own a pair of blue/brown jeans. If you don't you're just not cool.
 
You know you're a Filipino (if you are raised in the Philippines) if you refer to the ladies room or comfort room simply as CR.
 
:lol: That reminds me.

All cereal brands are "Corn Flakes" (pronounced in Lebanon as "koren eflakes".

Vaccuum cleaners are called "hoovers"

Tissues are called "kleenex" or "fine"

basically, everything is called by the most famous producers of the object. :lol:
 
You know you're Italian when guys ask you if you have a boyfriend before asking you your name, or when shop assistants ask you if they can help you even if you're only reading the price ticket (but that happens mostly here in Milan :rolleyes:), or when you walk around the streets and meet more immigrants than Italians (just a matter of fact, I don't have anything against immigrants).
 
:lol: so everyone suffers from "tag" name-calling huh :lol:

Do you all call people words that mean "love" or "honey", even if you don't know them too? That's what the "habibe" is for.
 
^^ You could be Japanese or Australian or Chinese (in HK) etc. ......... as well.

- You know you're British when you start getting withdrawal symptoms if you haven't had at least 3 cups of tea a day.
- You know you're British when you go out for a day-trip and you take both sun tan cream and an umbrella.
 
Oh something else about Brits.

- you know you're British when you greet your friends online with "you okay?"
 
you know you're british when you dont mind queueing for half an hour for lunch at school.

you also know you're scottish when somebody says, 'you're english arent you?' and you scream at them 'NO I'M NOT!' and then they say ,'pysco english bitch.' and you go into a huff
 
:lol: I always greet people with 'you okay', and all over summer I was like shall I take a little cardigan or jacket in case it rains, as well as having suntan lotion in my bag, and I can't survive without tea and last night I was fuming because the swimming baths only had coffee in thier machines they don't even do tea :eek:.

You know you're from Bolton (near Manchester, like me) when you say t'internet instead of 'The Internet'.

You know you're British when you scream with excitement at snow as if you've never seen it before, and run to the beach with the first sign of sun incase you don't see it again for a while.

--------------------------------------------
Just found these on a site if I find anymore I'll come back and edit again, lol.
Only in Britain... can a pizza get to your house faster than an ambulance.

Only in Britain... do supermarkets make sick people walk all the way to the back of the shop to get their prescriptions while healthy people can buy cigarettes at the front.

Only in Britain... do people order double cheeseburgers, large fries, and a DIET coke.

Only in Britain... do banks leave both doors open and chain the pens to the counters.

Only in Britain... do we leave cars worth thousands of pounds on the drive and lock our junk and cheap lawn mower in the garage.

Only in Britain... do we use answering machines to screen calls and then have call waiting so we won't miss a call from someone we didn't want to talk to in the first place.
 
You know you are Polish when the thought of potatos makes you drool about there awsomly goodness...
 
You Know You're Greek When:

You have a cousin called Jim.

You say "sick" every thirty seconds

There are no such things as a girl - there's only "chicks"

You wear or at least own a gold chunky bracelet.

Garlic is considered a main meal.

Olive oil is like a drug - you can't survive without it.

You don't know half your relatives.

You have a wedding at least twice a year.

An uncle's wife's third cousin relates you to a friend.

You or at least most of your uncles own a spit.

You wear sunglasses at night and consider it normal.

There is no five o'clock shadow - it's a five o'clock beard.

You consider soccer the eighth wonder of the world.

Your cheeks receive their weekly work out every time you visit an aunt.

You have a shrine dedicated to Diego Maradona

Your last name ends with: s, opolous, os, as, or is

Your last name consists of the entire alphabet.

You have a relation called Maria, Mario or Michael, Con, George or Bill.

You tell your parents you're seeing someone and they start sending out wedding invitations.

You're home an hour late and you're already listed as a missing person.

You're Dad has those old Greek tapes in the car, and plays them on family drives. Especially in the vicinity of attractive members of the opposite sex.

You break a leg, and your grandmother thinks your life is over.

You tell your parents you're having a party. They buy out the whole supermarket.

It doesn't matter if people can't hear what you're talking about - you talk so much with your hands that people know what you're on about anyway.

You go to a wedding, and take a fancy to one of the guests. Later you discover that the guest is somehow related to you.

You go to a wedding, and are introduced to cousins that you never knew existed.

As far as you're concerned, there's only one sporting goods company - Adidas

You tell your mother you're not hungry and she thinks you have an eating disorder.

You can distinguish between kefalotiri and kefalograviera

You're an adult and are forced to be with your family at 12 midnight on New Year's eve

Upon meeting another Greek, one of your first questions is, "What church do you go to?"

Your grandmother / mother / aunt has a miracle cure for everything.

If you're a girl, your mother still tries to put those pony tail holders with the BIG plastic balls on the end on your hair.

If you're a guy, your mother still tries to make you wear that super frilly dress shirt with that huge bow tie, because it looked so cute when you were 7.

You can name any or all of the gods on Mount Olympus

Your mother or father still feels the need to tell you, "katse kala" in public

You have ever been hit with a pandofla

You can dance kalamatiano, tsiamiko, zebetiko without music

You go to church picnics pretending you're there for reasons other than to check up / gossip about other Greeks

You or a family member has been photographed with a donkey

You are familiar with the phrase, "Sto leo yia to kalo sou"

You have one or more of those porcelain figurines in your house

You have ever broken one of those porcelain figurines and your mother still hasn't forgiven you for it

Your parents make up the name of a street / store / TV show because they couldn't remember it or they couldn't pronounce it

You still get scared when you hear the name "Baboola"

Upon meeting another Greek you try to find out what village they're from

You or a family member wears their Sunday best to go to the laundromat or grocery shopping

You were spanked by your friend's parents because your parents gave them permission to

You go to a wedding or a baptism and complain about the food, but are the first one to ask for a "to go" plate

You know someone who always feels the need to point out how much something they bought costs

You have a bottle of OUZO in your house right now

You have ever been threatened to be eaten by the mavro / baboola / yero / pontiki when you were little

Someone in your family owns any type of restaurant

Your family inheritance includes olive trees

Your entire house is a needlepoint warehouse

You're proud to be Greek - and you pass these jokes on to all your Greek friends!

You make frappe before leaving home, when getting to the office, after lunch, when having guests, before the guests leave, after the guests leave and before going to bed.

When shops have a sale they call your mom.

You still have clothes that you used to wear when you were five stored in suitcases.

You call an older person you've never met before "Thio" or "Thia".

You hide everything from your parents, but they still think they know everything about you, and make you believe that they actually do.

You learn how to beg the personnel at the airport to allow the excess baggage you've got as soon as your father stops doing that for you.

When you arrive home you find 20 people waiting for you at the airport.

You always curse at Greeks and then when you travel to Europe or the States you only make Greek friends.

When you come back from college you still have to live with your parents, and fight over curfew all over again, as if you never left them before.

Your relatives alone could populate a small city.

Everyone is a family friend.

You fight over who pays the dinner bill.

You teach Europeans/Americans swear words in your language.

When you go on a date you start thinking of places that you never thought of before to avoid family or family friends. You end up in a lousy place and still bump into the relative with the biggest mouth.

You think you are liberated when you can't even smoke in public.

If you are 25 and not married yet, your parents make you feel that you are getting too old.

Getting married becomes the only way you could escape your parents.

You tell your friends how to rebel against their parents when you can't stay out past midnight.

You always say "Open the light" instead of "Turn on the light".

You ask your dad a simple question and he tells you a story of how he had to walk miles just to get to school with no shoes.

You're 5'4", can bench press 325 pounds, shave twice a day, but you still cry when your mother yells at you.

Your uncle owns a restaurant, has $300,000 in the bank, but still drives a '76 Monte Carlo.

You share a bathroom with your 5 brothers, have no money, but drive a $45,000 Camaro.

Your mechanic, plumber, electrician, accountant and travel agent are all blood relatives.

You have a relative that has done something that required the IRS to threaten him.

Your 2 best friends are your cousin and brother-in-law's brother-in-law.

You are a card-carrying V.I.P at more than 3 dance clubs.

Despite the hair on your back, you still try to impress the ladies by wearing your "Just Do Me" tank top.

At least 5 of your cousins live on your street.

All 5 of those cousins are named after your grandfather.

A high school diploma and 1 year of community college has earned you the title of "professor" among your aunts.

You are on a first name basis with at least 8 banquet hall owners.

If someone in your family grows beyond 5' 9", it is presumed his mother had an affair.

There are more than 28 people in your bridal party.

You netted more than $50,000 on your baptism.

At some point in your life, you waited tables.

30 years after immigrating, your parents still say "Embros" when answering the phone.

You are an adult and are forced to be with your family at midnight on New Year's Eve.

Upon meeting another Greek, one of your first questions is, "what church do you go to"?

Your grandmother/mother/aunt has a miracle cure for every ailment under the sun.

You can name any or all of the gods on Mount Olympus.

Your mother or father still feel the need to tell you, "katse kala" in public.

You have been hit with a "pandofla" or a "koutala" or a "lourithi".

You can dance the kalamatiano, tsamiko or zebekiko without music.

You or a family member have been photographed with a donkey.

You must name your children after your parents, grandparents, or in-laws.

You have at least 5 Maria's, 9 Dimitri's, 5 Niko's, 6 George's and 4 Yanni's in the family.

You have ever heard the phrase, "Sto leo yia to kalo sou".

Your parents have ever made up the name of a street or store or tv show because they couldn't remember it or pronounce it.

Upon meeting another Greek you try to find out what village they're from.

You have ever been threatened by a Greek School Teacher.

You still get threatened by a Greek School Teacher even though you're 30 yrs old.

You have been spanked by your friend's parents because your parents gave them permission to.

You have a bottle of ouzo in your house right now.

You know what a "komboloi" is.

You know how to work a "komboloi".

When you were younger and going on car trips you always had to sit on someone's lap in the front or back seat.

You were ever threatened to be eaten by the "mavro pontiki" when you were little.

Someone in your family owns or works in any type of restaurant.

You are surprised to learn that the local pet store does not sell goats.

You can't understand why McDonald's rejected your idea for the "McFeta" Burger.

Your entire house is a needlepoint warehouse!

You eat vanilla with a spoon from the jar.

You have at least 2 kitchens in your house and a lamb roaster in your backyard.

Your parents keep the unclaimed $$$$$ in old moth ball smelling coat pockets.

At Weddings the karta (card) is determined on the amount of food, the type of band, if the couple is Greek and whether you are convinced the marriage will last.

You make up your own Greco-American language :For e.g. Carro (car), Moovare (move), Wassemassini (washing machine), bassi (bus).

You can always go to yiayia or papou to curse out your parents and all they do is soothe you and feed you karpouzi.

You have been given the evil eye by your mother in public and/or the biting of the forefinger knuckle.

You were the first one to get cable on your block, but the last to have it legally.

You dread kissing everyone at family gatherings, because you wind up smelling like armpits at the end of the night.

You've been embarrassed by Mom or Dad in stores because they expect the Greek discount and ask to waive the tax if they pay in cash.

:lol:
 
Olive oil is like a drug - you can't survive without it.
Click to expand...
I can't survive without it either,honestly,I can't imagine how people can cook without olive oil.

You have a shrine dedicated to Diego Maradona
Click to expand...
That aren't Greeks,that are Argentinians,football is their religion and Maradona is their god. :lol:

You tell your parents you're seeing someone and they start sending out wedding invitations.
You tell your mother you're not hungry and she thinks you have an eating disorder.
You fight over who pays the dinner bill.
It doesn't matter if people can't hear what you're talking about - you talk so much with your hands that people know what you're on about anyway.
Click to expand...
So true here too!!! :lol:
 
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