The Rant and I Cannot Say This Out Loud #3

Dear Rude Customer:

You made me cry. Does that make you happy? I did NOTHING wrong. You said "bring everything as it comes out" and I did. If you wanted the kids' food before the lasagna, you should've told me. I got everything to you as it came out. And it's not my fault that you forgot to tell me you wanted the chicken parmesan. RIGHT AFTER I took your order, I repeated it back to you to make sure I had everything correctly. You didn't speak up when I didn't say anything about chicken parmesan (and I didn't say anything because you never mentioned it the first time!). You acted like everything was fine.

I'll cut you some slack for being 9 months pregnant. I'm sure you were hungry, hormonal, and ready for your baby to get out already. So it's perfectly understandable if you were a little frustrated, or had forgotten to tell me about the chicken parmesan. However, being pregnant was no excuse for you to say "you're a terrible server" to me. There was also no need to demand "I don't want the chicken parmesan unless you're giving it to me for free!". My manager would've given it to you for free anyway, because that's our policy.

Dear Rude Customer's Husband:

I get that having two children and another one on the way can make life a little hectic. But if your wife is more prone to being forgetful or distracted, YOU need to pick up the slack! It's not just her fault that the chicken parmesan wasn't ordered. If she didn't catch that there was no chicken parmesan when I repeated the order, then you should've.

 

Dear T,

Please don't fire me.

E.

 

Dear Friends from my place of Education...

I've always been nice to you, I've always done things for you when I didn't have to. I've gotten you birthday presents, helped you finish homework you really should just do on your own...

I've been understanding and not snapped when you, my journalism staff are not only late getting your projects done, but are riddled with spelling mistakes ( of which Shannon has to go through, and then pass to me, who has to look it over, edit it, pass it back to her. Guys, we need to be more productive than that), but are also : in the wrong format, incomplete, filled with personal comments that should not be there, innuendo ( guys, the students are not dumb, they get it) , and all kinds of wrong. It's my butt on the line here as your editor in chief when everything doesn't get done. I do my job, tell you what you need to do. I'm doing the best I can. You are the ones being inconsiderate. I save your butts by telling the supervisor that you have it, but you just haven't sent it yet, even when I know you are not done with it. So do NOT DO NOT cop an attitude with me when I tell you I need the article you are working on by the end of the day because our deadline is tomorrow. I could just tell the teacher you were slacking off. You want me to do that? Ok. I'll do that. What? You can't believe I told the teacher you were slacking off? Well then, this can be remedied, by a simple thing. WORK!

Also, to a certain person, all I did was ask if you were ok, because you looked sad, you'd been depressed lately, and not in the greatest mood. I was trying to be understanding. You snapped at me yesterday, but I gave you the benefit of the doubt because , for all I knew, you were depressed, and speaking from experience, as I was clinically diagnosed with depression when I was fifteen, I wouldn't want people yelling at me all the time for a small mistake snap.HOWEVER , looking up at me, glaring as you talk, and telling me to piss off and mind my own business, telling me I'm being a nosy b****, and then stalking off, is not ok. Neither is, thirty minutes later, coming to me for help on a project you should have finished two days ago, not apologizing for being so rude to me, and expecting me to help. "Why are you in such a bad mood today?" Well, I was actually in an awesome mood before you snapped at me. Please go away, unless you want to apologize.

O_O I needed that.

 

Dear T, thanks for being understanding and not firing me!!

E.


Dear neighbours,

I know you don't know me. I know you haven't got a clue that I've been home sick all day from a very sore jaw and throat from having a tooth extracted yesterday. I know you don't know that I find it hard to even eat yoghurt.

But did you have to pick TODAY to have a bar-be-que? I can smell it, and it smells divine and it's driving me mad!

E.

 

ETA: I meant what I posted but decided I shouldn't really post it after all.

 

I hate those commercials too!

Dear Boss at weekday job:

Don't get upset with me because the company decided to transfer you. It ain't my fault you're a terrible boss! You suck and you know it.

Speaking of commercials..Dear Lactancia..having a grown woman slice a sliver of a decadent chocolate cake only to have her leave it because she got her fill from your milk is the lamest thing I've ever seen on TV!

 

Dear Immune system:

You suck. Big time. It's one thing to fail on me so that I'm coming down with a head cold now. But it's quite another to time it so that it's here the day before Shark Week begins (those of you who have or have had a uterus know what I'm talking about). SERIOUSLY? I work double shifts two days in a row in less than 48 hours! I don't have the time or patience to deal with two parts of my body acting like drama queens.

No love,
Me

 

To our central heat and air unit in the backyard.
If you EVER take out in the hottest weather of the year, again...I'll buy a shotgun and shoot so many holes in you we'll need a whole new unit instead of just a new compressor. While I've enjoyed these last few nights staying in motel rooms (3 nights at 1 motel and 1 night at this last motel) I missed my computer and my BlackBerry wouldn't let me tweet. Must've been all the concrete and steel they use building those motels.

To my computer.
I love you but I wish you were a laptop. I would've loved to had you with me in the motel rooms the last few days and nights.

To my aching tooth.
STOP aching. If you don't I'm gonna tie one end of a string around you and the other end around the back bumper of the car then have mom hit the accelerator and spin a wheel taking off just like Bo and Luke Duke on that old tv show Dukes Of Hazzard.

 

Hey mate,

I just wanted to say I'm gonna miss you. I feel weird just writing it down, but I can't say it to anyone. You've taught me so much, from surfing when we were kids to my first whiskey cola in Greece. I act strong and confident around my parents, my sister and your family, but deep inside you left a giant hole in my heart. It's just not fair. It was a stupid accident that took you away from us and I just can't seem to place it. 24 years old is just too f*cking young. I'm partly mad at you for not being more careful after your last accident, but at the same time I know that your motorcycle meant everything to you. I love you, cousin. And I promise that everytime I'll look at the sun, I'll think of you.

Va là ou tes pas te mènent, cousin. Mais tu me manques déjà trop.