~Quotes You WON'T Hear # 3~

Ryan: H, what is this team meeting about?

H: Well, I want to give you all something. Well, Calleigh has her own, so she doesn't need any. But, for the rest of you, here.

(He passes out a pair of sunglasses to Ryan, Natalia and Eric)

H: Okay, from now on, when we're outside, we're all gonna wear sunnies. Got it?


hehe... if you're a Rave shipper, you can read the rest of this on the Rave thread. :D I didn't think it appropriate to put it here. :D
 
John Walden said:
H walks into the lab, sulking. Eric and Ryan are there too.

Ryan: H! What happened?

H: Gentlemen, I just had sex with Calleigh.

Ryan: So?

H: She died.

Eric: OH, H.....

H: Then I talked to Stetler about me, how everyone I sleep with ends up dead....and he didn't believe me! He said, "Let's see, sleep with me!" So I did. And Stetler died!
Click to expand...



This one is hilarious...I love it!!!
 
Sorry. This is short as I can make this and it makes sense and also be funny.

Ryan: Oh no. She's back. OK, Carolyn318, who are you gonna torture, kill or totally humiliate this time???
Carolyn318: Don't worry. You're safe. Long as REAL Horatio doesn't touch you. Robo H is safe to touch. [Ryan looks confused] Long story. Just watch and learn.

Natalia: Oh no. Horatio's coming!!! Hide!!!
Valera: EEK!!! Horatio's on his way!!! Hide!!!
Calleigh(to herself): What was that all about??? (to Horatio): Hey Horatio. Why is everyone running from you??? I've seen Frank run from you. I've never seen Frank move so fast. Stetler took off like an Olympic sprinter on those long legs and lean feet of his. Now Natalia and Valera are nearly trampling each other running and hiding from you when they see you coming. WHAT is going on???
Horatio: You've heard of the Midas touch??? Well I've got a deadly version of it. Instead of everything I touch turning to gold. Anyone or anything living I touch dies. That's why I visited Mutant X-and was very careful not touch any of them-to see if they could help find a mutant who was immune to my "Death Touch" as Adam Kane-the leader of Mutant X-called it. We found one. Last guy I hired to dress me and do all the scrubing and rubbing when I take a shower or bath so I wouldn't have to touch myself seemed to be immune but the old "Death Touch" caught up with him. This morning a friend of his was visiting the neighbor across the street from me. After he finished helping me get ready he was crossing the street to see his friend and BAM got hit and killed by a speeding car.
Calleigh: Wait. Isn't Mac Taylor immune??? I mean Carolyn318 in one of her past "Quotes You WON'T Hear" had you and him making out in the hall till Stetler caught the 2 of you. Then the 2 of you took it to the men's room. Last I heard, he's still alive.
Horatio: Hmmm. He might be immune. He's a rare type of human if he is.
Calleigh: Oh, in that case... [Calleigh runs off and hides]
Horatio(to himself): Smart girl. Anyone who calls Calleigh a dumb blonde is dumb.
Robo H: There wouldn't be a "Death Touch" with me. HA. HA.
Horatio: Oh...shut up. [puts a hand on Robo H's shoulder]
Robo H: Ha. Ha. You can't kill me. I'm an indestructible robot.
[Suddenly Miami has a 6.5 earthquake and the ceiling above Horatio stays put but the ceiling above Robo H falls on him and smashes him into thousands of little pieces.]
Horatio: Guess you not so indestructible and immune after all, huh Robo???
[Horatio walks off.]
THE END.

Ryan: Whew. Big sigh of relief. I thought you might have me running down the halls naked or everyone asking each other "what time is it?" or have Speedle's ghost appear and scare me so I wet my pants.
Speedle's ghost: I scare you that much, huh???
Ryan: AAAAHHHH!!!
[Speedle's ghost and I laugh]
[Ryan looks down at his wet pants then looks back up at me-Carolyn318]
Ryan(sarcastically): Thanks alot, Carolyn318.
Carolyn318(mischievously with a BIG grin): You're welcome.:guffaw:
 
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^^ HAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHA

That was the most crazy random funny thing I've ever seen!!!!!!!
 
ROTFLMAO! Loved the Mutant X ref. That was one of my fave shows! :sigh: I miss it.

Best line was Horatio's "anyone who calls Calleigh a dumb blonde is dumb". :lol:
 
That is soooooooo right. Cause Calleigh's the smartest blonde I know!

Calleigh's in her apartment asleep and soon hears a knocking on her door. It's Eric and he says his AC is broken adn she lets him sleep on the couch. Soon Ryan, came with his excuse and then Natalia and then Jake. So they decide to play truth or dare, turning the night into a slumber party. Ryan's turn:

Ryan: Truth or dare?
Cal: Dare
ryan: hm i dont know
Nat: C'mon Ryan, the game getting boring now
Ryan: Okay, this is a good one... I dare Calleigh, to kiss Delko
Cal: ( with an amazed look)
Ryan: on the lips
Jake: It's a dare you gotta do it
Cal: (not expecting this from jake) fine
Jake and Nat: OOoooooo!
Eric: (turns to Ryan) are you serious?
Ryan: yup
Cal:Hm, I doubledare, Ryan to kiss Eric
The rest of them gasped.
Ryan and Eric: What?!
Cal: keep in mind i didn't say lips
Eric: So!
Ryan: Don't worry... I tripledog dare you to kiss him on the lips
The others gasped again
Cal: And I quadrople dog dare you to kiss him, and this time, on the lips.
Everyone else: NOOOOOOO!
Eric: Wolfe please tell me there's another trick up your sleve?
Ryan: Uh
Eric: Cal please,no,take it back.
Nat: It's already said. Times going.
Eric and Ryan stare at each other in disgust
Jake: Hold on, wait, I gotta get this on camera!
Ryan And Eric: NO!!!
Jake ran to find a camera
Cal: You two better do it now or the whole world'll know
Eric who was looking away turned around and before he knew it he had been kissed by Ryan
Eric: AHHHHHH! I'm gonna kill you!
He tackled Ryan on the ground in front of the girls as they laughed. Jake came back and stopped.
Nat: Jake you missed it!
Jake: Aw man!
 
WARNING: This post contains some of my brand of political humor!!!
This post is a follow up to my last post over on page 16 of this thread.

Calleigh: Horatio!!!
(Horatio stops and turns to face Calleigh)
Calleigh: I was thinking about our conversation. About you going to Mutant X to find a mutant who is immune to your "Death Touch" as the leader of Mutant X called it.
Horatio: Yeah. What about it???
Calleigh: Well, you may be immune to your own "Death Touch".
Horatio: WHAT?!?!?!
Calleigh: Think about it. How many times over 6 seasons of the show have you stood with your hands on your hips pushing your coat back just enough to reveal your gold badge and your gun??? When you put on or take off your sunglasses, don't you touch your face just a little??? And when you go to the bathroom by yourself if you use the toilet paper the way it's meant to be used you end up touching part of yourself. When you wash and dry your hands, your hands touch each other. You may be immune to your own "Death Touch".
Horatio: Hmmmm. (thinks about what Calleigh has just said for a minute) You may be right, Calleigh. But what about me getting shot at the end of season 6???
Calleigh: I think Carolyn318 was right in one of her posts over on page 15 or 16 of this thread where she said you shouldn't have pulled your sunglasses off cause a few seconds after you did you got shot.
Horatio: Hmmm. You know what??? You may have a point, Calleigh. I could kiss you.
Calleigh: Don't kiss me. Don't touch me. Just you saying "Thank You" will do.
Horatio: Thank You, Calleigh.
Calleigh: You're Welcome.
(Calleigh turns and leaves)
(Horatio walks away happily whistling)
(President Bush approaches Horatio)
President Bush: Hey Horatio. If we ever find Osama Bin Laden, would you touch him for me???
Horatio: No.
(President Bush starts crying like a baby)
Horatio: Oh, all right. Stop crying. If you find Mr. Bin Laden I'll touch him, hug him, whatever you want.
President Bush: Yay!!! Party!!!
(President Bush almost hugs Horatio)
President Bush: OOPS!!! Almost touched you. I think I'll go to tell Vice President Chenney before I accidentally touch you. Then I'm gonna go see if The Dead Zone's John Smith will help us look for Mr. Bin Laden, as you call him.
(President Bush leaves)
(Once President Bush is out earshot)
Horatio(out loud to himself): That does it. I'm switching back to voting Democrat come November. The one time I vote Republican and look what we get for a President. He's a bigger joke than his father's Vice President Dan Quayle ever was.
Dan Quayle: I resent that.
Horatio: No. You resemble that. Want me to touch you???
(Dan Quayle runs away)
:)guffaw:<---Horatio at scaring Dan Quayle into running away.)

Carolyn318: SORRY!!! It's an election year here in the U.S.A. I couldn't resist putting in a little political humor.
Besides...I'm Carolyn318 and I approve this post.:guffaw:
 
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C.H.E.A.R. said:
That is soooooooo right. Cause Calleigh's the smartest blonde I know!

Calleigh's in her apartment asleep and soon hears a knocking on her door. It's Eric and he says his AC is broken adn she lets him sleep on the couch. Soon Ryan, came with his excuse and then Natalia and then Jake. So they decide to play truth or dare, turning the night into a slumber party. Ryan's turn:

Ryan: Truth or dare?
Cal: Dare
ryan: hm i dont know
Nat: C'mon Ryan, the game getting boring now
Ryan: Okay, this is a good one... I dare Calleigh, to kiss Delko
Cal: ( with an amazed look)
Ryan: on the lips
Jake: It's a dare you gotta do it
Cal: (not expecting this from jake) fine
Jake and Nat: OOoooooo!
Eric: (turns to Ryan) are you serious?
Ryan: yup
Cal:Hm, I doubledare, Ryan to kiss Eric
The rest of them gasped.
Ryan and Eric: What?!
Cal: keep in mind i didn't say lips
Eric: So!
Ryan: Don't worry... I tripledog dare you to kiss him on the lips
The others gasped again
Cal: And I quadrople dog dare you to kiss him, and this time, on the lips.
Everyone else: NOOOOOOO!
Eric: Wolfe please tell me there's another trick up your sleve?
Ryan: Uh
Eric: Cal please,no,take it back.
Nat: It's already said. Times going.
Eric and Ryan stare at each other in disgust
Jake: Hold on, wait, I gotta get this on camera!
Ryan And Eric: NO!!!
Jake ran to find a camera
Cal: You two better do it now or the whole world'll know
Eric who was looking away turned around and before he knew it he had been kissed by Ryan
Eric: AHHHHHH! I'm gonna kill you!
He tackled Ryan on the ground in front of the girls as they laughed. Jake came back and stopped.
Nat: Jake you missed it!
Jake: Aw man!
Click to expand...

I love Jake at the end
I also love Calleigh and Ryan daring each other back and forth. It's like they're 3rd graders or something :)
 
The other night I was doing a little reminiscing and looking at some of my old Quotes You WON'T Hear posts. I found my very first one which was my funny take on a scene from the CSI: Miami season 2 episode "Money For Nothing". Well, here's a recap of my very first Quotes You WON'T Hear post followed by the one I just came up with.

My first Quotes You WON'T Hear post.
Carolyn3843 said:
How about this take on a scene in season 2's Money For Nothing???

Horatio(to bad guy): DON'T DO IT!!! DON'T DO IT!!!
*BANG BANG*
Horatio: They never listen.
*BANG BANG*
Horatio: OW!!! Dang it!!! I shot myself in the foot.
*looks down at his right foot*
Horatio: Blood. I'm gonna faaaainnnnt
*faints* *PLOP. Horatio hits the ground*
(cut to theme song)
Click to expand...


Now my latest Quotes You WON'T Hear post.
This is my funny take of a scene in the CSI: Miami season 2 episode "MIA/NYC Non-Stop".

Horatio: He's running, Mac! He's running!
Mac: You don't have to yell in my ear. I'm right here. I can hear you just fine.
Horatio(his head bowed like he's praying and his hands up in front of him like he's surrendering): I'm sorry. I'm so sorry. Don't hit me.
Mac: OK. Just don't do it again.
Horatio: I won't. I swear. I promise.
~Bad guy comes back down the fire escape and looks in the open window.~
Bad guy: Hey! You guys gonna chase me or not?
Mac: Guess we should go chase him.
Horatio: Why? So we can watch him jump off the roof into a garbage dumpster below, break his leg, then hobble as he runs away.
~Mac gives Horatio a backhanded slap across the front of Horatio's left shoulder.~
Mac: Hey! No spoilers!
Horatio: Don't blame me. Carolyn3843. OOPS, ChristmasCarol_12.22 till after Christmas, is putting words in my mouth.
Mac: mmm. Yeah. You got a point. I take the slap back.
Bad guy: Hey! Come on! Aren't you guys gonna chase me?
~Horatio and Mac look at each other then at the bad guy.~
Horatio and Mac(in unison): NO!
Mac(to Horatio): I don't know about you but I'm hungry.
Horatio: I am too. Tell you what, you pick out the place and I'll pay the bill.
Mac: That's a deal.
~Mac and Horatio turn and walk out the apartment door.~
:rommie::guffaw::lol::guffaw::rommie:
 
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(Single Ladies by Beyonce is playing loudly in D.N.A.)
Ryan:What the hell?
Eric:You hear it too?
Ryan:It coming from over there.
(ryan points down the hall and they walk towards the sound. they freeze on the spot staring)
Eric: Calleigh?
Ryan:Valera? Natalia?
(they stare at them dancing in the lab)
Valera:party over here oo oo!
Natalia: Party over there oo oo!
Calleigh(on the table): Party in the lab oo oo! Whoa! (crashes to the floor)
Eric:eek:uch.
(she stands and begin to dance again)
Ryan:Shouldn't we go and stop them?
Eric:Well yeah...whoa.
(they stare as the three women come towards them and starts giving them lap dances)
Eric:Or join them.
(so they all go into the lab and get drunk and break all the glass and look terrible)(footsteps from H's shoes sound coming towards them)
Ryan:eek:h...shhhhit (slurred)is that, Horatio?
Cal:uh oh. AH!!!
(they all scream and get frantic trying to clean up the place)
Cal:OMG where's my gun? I can't find my gun! Wait, where's ma shirt? I cant find ma shirt! Eric!
Eric:Wah? (he's sluched over on the floor)
Ryan:Where's my pants, ah! I feel naked!
(horatio walks up to the door and they stop all the commotion - stares)
Nat:Oh, shit. (under her breath)
Horatio (takes off sunglasses)HA HAAA!Look at you, HA HA! You look like a couple of drunk heads HAHAHA! U can't even find your shirt! HA HA HA:guffaw:Where, w, where's ur pantssss HAHAHA! (falls on the floor laughing)
 
ROTFLMAO! I'd pay to see that! Especially Ryan not knowing where his pants are and Horatio rolling on the floor laughing. hahahaha.
 
I'm glad you like it. I just sat there listening to Single Ladies and thought of it. LOL!:lol: My ideas come like a flood.
 
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