I would like children very much, too. I go back and forth on the idea of actually being pregnant though... if I think I can handle the pain or not. I mean, it's not really the pain that I'm worried about so much as all of the other possible complications. What I'm actually the most worried about is the
Episiotomy or the alternative... When I was in psych this year we learned a lot about birth and it just freaked me out. I don't want my skin to tear like that.... eeesh. I'd also be terrified of any teratogens.... I wouldn't want to take the chance that something could happen to my child because I breathed the wrong way or something. I'd have to get rid of my
cat and I wouldn't want to do that, at all.
Then again there are a lot of reasons that I would love to have a child too. I mean I know I'm going to have children I just don't know if I'm going to adopt or actually have my own babies. I think that I want them badly enough that I won't mind all the scary things. I mean I am practically a mommy to my
nephew as it is and I have to say that loving this little boy has been one of the biggest blessings in my life. I remember holding him for the first time when he was this
tiny baby and I knew that I loved him more than anyone else in the world.
I can't wait to have my own child and be able to experience that feeling with my baby, you know? If I loved my brother's son that much... if I love him as much as I do. I just can't imagine how much I'm going to care about my own kids. I mean, I can, but it's just amazing. The feeling of holding this tiny little person in your arms and knowing that they need you to love them and are going to love you no matter what, for the rest of their lives, it's a huge feeling. And, like I said, he's not even my child.
I'm totally scared of the pregnancy but I really want children of my own, but adopting would be the same to me, I think. Because I'd love my child, no matter who or what they were, unconditionally. I'd love them like I love my nephew, Caden.