I'm Sorry That You Love Me- GSR fic

Well, hi there again guys. As you can probably tell from the last dated post here(July 23rd) I’ve been neglectful/unmotivated/not home/lazy/busy/I couldn’t find the thread again, and I know they’re all really, I mean REALLY lame excuses for not posting for three days short of two months. But, I just hope you guys will forgive me(eventually of course) and I give you full permission for flaming/stabbing with pitchforks/anything else your evil, diabolical minds can work up, just please don’t make it fatal, I still need to write the story! But *gasp* finally an update!
~Ash
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Labrats and Goodbyes - Chapter 8

Sara's quivering and sobbing hadn't subsided for more than three minutes when she heard the door click quietly open again, close again, and soft footsteps pad next to her. She looked up to see the doctor again, with two pieces of paper in his hands. "I know this is hard for you Ms. Sidle, but in order for us to terminate life support, we need your signature." He handed her the paper gingerly, and her eyes glowed with anger, pure hatred at this piece of paper, but she took a look at the man beside her, closed her eyes, and blindly signed the paper, tearfully handing it back to the doctor. "And your team members have come up with a schedule to evenly place them all throughout the time period." He handed that paper to her and she took it, placing it next to Grissom's hand, moionless on the bed.

"Thank you, Doctor." Her voice was small, weak, broken. He nodded and walked back out of the room without a response. Waiting until the door closed completely, she gently grasped his hand again and she picked up the schedule of some sorts in her other hand, looking it over.

10:00-10:05 David
10:10-10:15 Archie
10:20-10:25 Hodges
11:30-12:00 Doc Robbins
12:15-1:15 Cath
1:30-2:30 Warrick
3:45-4:45 Nicky
5:00-6:00 Greggo
6:45-7:45 Jim

Each time was scrawled in each person's own hand, and Sara just looked at it for a minute, realizing that everyone put nicknames and she couldn't help but let a meek smile out. At least her family was there for her. Placing the precious piece of paper on the small table next to her bed, she slowly edged back to Grissom's side and crawled into the bed next to him, laying her head on his chest, hoping against hope that he would wake up.

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"Ms. Sidle. Ms. Sidle, wake up." A kindly nurse was shaking Sara's shoulder gently, easing her from her slumber. She saw she was still with Grissom, but her heart sank again, seeing he was still out. "Ms. Sidle, your first visitor will be arriving in five minutes. Would you like to lay in your own bed for the visitations?" The broken C.S.I. nodded solemnly and kissed Grissom on the cheek. Cold. She crawled from beside him and slid into her own bed, pulling her knees up to her chest again. The nurse checked his vitals, recording them on a sheet, and walked out of the room. But Sara didn't notice, she was staring forward, wishing this day to pass as slow as possible when she heard the knock on the door. Clearing her throat she quietly called out, "Come in," afraid of her own voice. It was David, his face painted a ruddy color as he closed the door behind him, took a glance at Grissom, bit his lip, and made his way across the room to Sara.

"Hey, Sar. How you feeling?" His voice was quiet, and he seemed just as scared as she was.
"Just fine, David. Go on, he's not going to bite. He-he's not going to do anything anymore." She sobbed out the last part, waving him on to go to Grissom and make his goodbye, since she only wanted the C.S.I.s and Brass there that night. He nodded, and made his way back across the room, knowing any attempt at comforting Sara would only cause more aching for them both. Sara listened quietly, but all she heard was gentle murmuring. She listened to David chuckle a few times, and then whispering seriously again. "David, I'm sorry, it's time for you to go." She heard that strange whisper like sound grow louder, and realized David was whimpering softly. He got up, took a look back at Sara, nodded, nodded to Grissom, and walked out the door.

Immediately, the door opened again and this time, Archie walked through the door. He quietly strode over to Sara, taking her hand and quietly whispered, "I'm sorry. Hodges told me to tell you that he wasn't coming. He didn't think he'd be able to handle it without being admitted to the psych ward." Sara nodded and Archie let go of her hand as he walked behind the curtain, but this time, she heard everything he was saying.

"Hey boss. How you feeling in there? Is it any better than the hell of Vegas? Ecklie's dead, Brass killed him, self-defense of course. God, we all knew he was an a**, but I never thought he'd try to kill you. I tried to warn you, I really did, boss. But you took it the wrong way, and I know it's my fault. I should have jumped from my seat, telling you that Ecklie had a knife, jumping between you. I should be dying, not you. You're too special to this world, to me, the team, and I can't even imagine how incredible and special you are in Sara's heart. God I can see it just by looking in her eyes, she wants you, she needs you, Griss. What do you think she's gonna do the second she gets out of the hospital, huh? She's gonna go home and just do what she has to to get to you, and she's a strong willed woman, I'm sure you know that. She'll get what she wants, even if it is worst for her.

"We're all pulling for you, but we're men and women of science, and we listen to those who specialize. The doctors don't think you can make it, but our hearts know different. You have to fight it, especially since this is Ecklie's doing. He's ruined our lives for too da*n long, and he's no going to take the most honorable, intelligent, caring, unique, determined man I have ever had the most extreme pleasure of even hearing about, not to mention working with, from me, or the rest of us.

"If you can't do it for anybody else, do it for her, boss. She deserves it and you showed you'd do anything for her, even give your own life to be with her. I don't have much more to say, I think you know the rest already. Goodbye, Grissom."

Sara was silently sobbing, tears streaming down her face this whole time after Archie said, "I tried to warn you..." She heard someone approaching the bed and looked up to see the glassy eyed Archie standing above her. He got closer and Sara wrapped her arms around him, staying like that for a moment or two before he pulled away and walked to the door. "And Sara," he whispered, hand on the doorknob. "I meant every single word of it, and when Griss wakes up, you'll never be alone again." And at that, he slipped out of the room and into the hallway, door closing behind him.
 
Oh you better have the motivation and no lame excuses to not update cause I was just starting to cry when I hit the end of the update and if you don't update soon I will have to pull out the super pitchfork of doom and death lol ... anyway point in case is that i can't wait for the next update and I told you I would of course read this one lol
 
Well, I'm updating here so quickly for two, very important reasons...
1) I feel horrible for not updating for two months and now I have started your frenzy again.

2) By starting your frenzy again, I have also reignited the infamous pitchfork club :eek:. I do not feel like being thrust onto a sharpened piece of metal, well in this case a few pieces, today :D. So I'm very glad you're enjoying this and here is another update!

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A Word from the Doctor - Chapter 9

She had fallen asleep yet again in Grissom's still arms when she awoke, and yelped. Sitting on one of the visitor's chairs was Doc Al Robbins, scaring her. Sara clutched her chest, trying to calm it, closed her eyes, then noticed the time, 11:30 a.m. He's been sitting there for at least a half hour. A nurse comes running in. "Miss Sidle, is everything alright?!" She nodded, chest still falling and rising rapidly, Al now sitting in a chair next to the bed. The nurse stole a glance at him, then turned on her heel and left. He shook his head, sighing.

"Sorry about that, Sara. I just didn't want to wake you. I'm sure you were up the whole night."

"No, no, Doc, it's fine. I-I was just startled is all. You should have waken me though, you're not going to be here tonight."

His eyes looked up at her, then back down. "I know."

"You were close to Griss. You can come, he'd want you to."

"No." Doc's head raised up and looked at Sara, shaking his head. "No, I was close, but you were his closest family. I don't belong."

"Of course you do. I want you to come, Doc." She looked sternly into the older man's eyes, at which he immediately looked down, his hands clasped together tightly.

"You know, Dr. Gilbert Grissom isn't just anybody, and I feel a better man knowing him." He paused and chuckled at a thought. "I - I never thought he would outlive me, never in a million years, not especially if he told me himself."

Sara nodded, realizing the coroner was breaking into his eulogy to Grissom, and sighed quietly. "Yeah, none of us ever did. He was our hero, our inspiration, the man who could not fall. Trip, maybe, but regaining himself before the fall." Doc Robbins quietly nodded as well and sighed, staring ahead now at the once formidable man in the hospital bed.

"I might loose my job. At least temporarily that is." Sara looked up at his quiet remark, the elder man's eyes never faltering from Grissom's face.

"What do you mean?" She was afraid, hating herself for asking. She couldn't even imagine where the reply was going to go.

"You're a smart woman, Sara. Figure this out yourself. If the victim of an event such as Grissom's survives barely, and dies in what the doctors determine a result of the attack, the body must be examined by the coroner, even if the assailant is dead himself."

Her eyes widened, and she watched Al barely bite his tongue, nodding his head a meek, 'Yes.' "I wouldn't be able to do it, and I never would, and never will be. I would never be able to disect a fellow comradarie like another one of those lifeless corpses in the morgue. I would just keep staring back at the face...I would never be able to watch either. But hopefully I won't have to do that."

Sara softly, eagerly nodded back, gently touching Al's tensed, clasped hands, and his eyes adjusted to her, and he let a meek, woesome smile spread across his lips. "Did anybody tell you about the story of the time I asked him if he ever was close to getting married?" She let a smile spread across her face.

"No."

"Well, we were in the middle of an autopsy, as normal, and it was Janice Cutler. We were talking about how it must've been someone intimately close to her who did it, due to the gun being fired in her mouth when I asked,

'Gil ... have you ever even been close to getting married?' And I remember distinctly every word he said.

'Once. When I was younger. Her name was Nicole Daley. I asked her to marry me. We were classmates. She liked bugs, too. I gave her my grandmother's ring, but my mother made me get it back.'

I nodded, looking down at the body then back to him again when he looked up at me and replied quite seriously, 'Second grade.'

Sara couldn't help but laugh quietly, subconsciously looking next to her and gently tracing his jaw with the back of her finger, worridly smiling. "I just can't help but think that maybe, deep inside, he was meaning to ask you all along."

With tears forming, she glanced up at him, and quietly, almost angrily replied, "Take that back. You of all people should know that I can't deal with this," she cast her eyes over Grissom's motionless body. "Let alone with how a visibly non-emotional man loves me with all of his heart, let alone that he's my boss AND mentor AND he had to tell me on the day I tried killing myself and Ecklie tries to kill him!" Tears were streaking her cheeks now, and she was growing hysterical, Al taking this as the cue to leave. He shook his head gravely.

"He loves you, and always will, more than you'll ever know." With a glance at the clock, he nodded to himself and grabbed his cane, standing and tapping her hand. "Alright, I'll come. You're right, Sara, you are a smart woman. He would want me to be there when he wakes up." He took a few steps almost to the door when he heard a soft noise coming from behind him. He took a slow glance, seeing it was Sara. Curled up, she had her head laid against Grissom's shoulder, crying uncontrolably. Wiping a droplet of moisture from his eye, he took a step forward out the door, leaving her to her sorrow.
 
Dido I am getting so sad at whats happening I need more lol *waves pitchfork of firey death menacingly* teehee can't wait for more
 
Please update soon :D, it's amazing and so sad. *runs to store and buys pitchfork* Pitchfork club is waiting heeheehee :devil:
 
Well, since I am not going to be home tomorrow night, I will post a new chapter in the morning following this chapter. For about another week, I guess, I'm going to try and post a chapter every 1 to 2 days, times varying depending on my schedule. But I will not desert you good people, for I will be crucified on the pitchforks! Ahhh! Anyways, I'm glad you all are enjoying this, and now now, there's no reason to have those pitchforks out and about, CSI_Trainee, I'm posting a new chapter now...*puts hands up innocently above head and backs away slowly* :eek: :)
~Ash

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Weeping Willows - Chapter 10

Catherine's POV

She sighed, choking down the remnants of her sobbing as she dabbed at her eyes, making sure her makeup hadn't run too much. Just thinking about seeing her boss like that again killed Catherine inside, knowing that she might not even see him later on that night. Grabbing her purse, which was retrieved by the hospital staff, from the passenger's seat, she hopped out of the car, striding into the hospital, immediately heading to the elevators. Lindsay desperately wanted to come visit, and now Catherine was unsure whether or not she should have kept her daughter at home like that.

1 Hour Earlier...

"Mommy, where are you headed? You don't have to work today." Catherine smoothed her hair, grabbing her purse and turned back to her daughter who was lounging in jeans and a t-shirt.
"I have to go see Uncle Gil."

"Why? Is it about work?"

"Nooo..."

"Do you like him?"

"Lindsay!"

"What?! It's just a question! Why, do you?"

"He is my boss and no, I do not like him the way you are implying. For your information, he already is happy with someone."

"Who?"

"None of your business, I have to go see Uncle Gil."

"But why?!" Her teenage daughter stood between her and the door, arms crossed and legs spread. She was going to have to tell her.

"Lindsay, come sit down please, honey." She looked questioningly at her mother before walking slowly to the couch and plopping down, arms still crossed as her mother sat down next to her. "Lindsay, I know this is going to be hard on you, it's hard on Mommy, but I need you to stay calm." Her daughter's stone eyes softened, position slacking now.

"Mommy, did something happen to Uncle Gil?" Her voice was quiet, as if she already knew the answer, and Catherine slowly, heavily nodded.

"Aunt Sara got hurt at work and Uncle Gil went to go see her at the hospital. A man who is Uncle Gil's boss, very mean and very bad, had a knife and took it and-and stabbed Uncle Gil in the waiting room. He's not going to live past 10:30 tonight and Aunt Sara, who's also in the hospital and in charge of these things for Uncle Gil wanted me and Uncle Nick and everybody else in the lab to go visit him." At this, teary but not yet crying, Lindsay jumped up, defensive and sliding her flip flops on.

"I'm coming with you, I want to see Uncle Gil, too."

"Lindsay, babe, he's asleep. He's not going to wake up, hon."

"I still want to see him before we see him at the funeral! I want a last look at him before he's all still and cold and not moving and stuffed in some clothes somebody else picked out for him in a box just big enough for him!" Now she was leaning against the wall, crying as Catherine tried to hug her daughter. For once, Lindsay took the embrace and held it, not wanting to let go, but Catherine did.

"Honey, I know you want to, but I promise, he'll look just the same. If you're upset going in there, you're going to get Aunt Sara upset. You don't want to do that do you?" Her daughter shook her head slowly and Catherine nodded, picking up her purse and walked out the door, locking it behind her, while she had the chance.

Desert Palms Hospital - Floor 2 - Waiting Room #1 - Present Time...

"Jim? Jim, Jim wake up." His eyes opened with a start, sitting up quickly as I stood after shaking him awake. He was still in the same outfit as the shift from the night, the jacket slung over the back of the chair. "Jim, have you left the hospital?" He sighed, rubbing the back of his neck as he softly muttered, "Maybe." "Jim, go home. Get some rest."

"I had to stay. The doctor wanted to make sure that the small amout of surgery needed to repair the muscles and blood veins were working and I could control my hand. And besides, I - I didn't want something to happen while I was gone." He got up, grabbed his jacket and struggled with it before I helped his unharmed arm through the hole and draped the sleeve of the other arm in front of the sling. "Thanks. But I was just leaving." He walked forward, shoulders hunched somewhat, visibly distraught. I could do nothing but watch him leave and sigh, walking from the waiting room and to Sara's door to find Doc Robbins leaning against the wall next to the door.

"Hello, Catherine."

"Hello, Doc. Shouldn't you have left by now?" He sighed and nodded but shook his head.

"I just wanted to make sure she was alright. She got a little miffed and upset at something I said. She just stopped sobbing two minutes ago. Be gentle, Catherine." I nodded and walked around him as he straightened upright and walked down the hallway, taking a last look at Catherine entering the room before boarding the elevator.

Third Person POV

Sara had just finished wiping her eyes in her own bed when the door opened and her blonde co-worker walked through. "Hey," she whispered.

"Hey." The bags under Sara's eyes were large, dark and very visible. "Did you tell Lindsay?" Catherine nodded.

"Yeah, she didn't take it too well, but I convinced her to stay home. How you feeling?" Sara shrugged her shoulders before bringing her knees up close to her chest again and curled her lips.

"As good as I possibly can right now." Catherine sighed and came over to Sara's side, squeezing her hand.

"Hey, believe. He can't be taken that easily." She walked over to Grissom's side and sat in the chair, gently grabbing his hand and sighed. "Griss, how do you manage to get into so much trouble? You know you have the worst timing I think I have ever seen in my entire life. But don't worry about her, she's going to be fine as soon as you decide to open your lazy eyes up. Back when we were in different shifts, I really missed being on your team, even though I enjoyed being in charge for once. You're just...indescribable. You're so different from anyone I've ever met, and you and I have both met a lot of people in our careers, some strange ones at that. You can't leave us, because instead of just replacing Ecklie, we'll have to replace you both. And I really don't want to attend two funerals in such a small span of time, it's too depressing. I know you're going to deny taking Ecklie's position, and I don't blame you, but I have to. Lindsay will see me more, I'll be able to do more for her, and I'm going to really miss you guys on the team. But I'll still see you, and I promise I won't be such an a**."

She chuckled and gave his hand a small squeeze, trying to maybe give some of her life to him, bring him back. "We all need you, you're what keeps us going. We're all worthless wrecks. Brass didn't leave the hospital until about a half hour ago, and probably would've stayed if I hadn't caught him. I heard David and Archie are stuttering and quiet, and Hodges has just immersed himself in work, trying to convince himself that you'll be back tonight to push him around again, just the way he wants it right now. Wendy called me earlier and asked me how to comfort him because he began crying when the results from a substance test was ground up butterfly wings. Don't ask me why it turned out to be that, but it really hit him. Al seems somewhat stable, but he was terrified it seems for Sara. She's...she's holding up pretty well for everything you're putting her through. I haven't seen Greg, Nicky, or Rick since we all dispersed earlier this morning, hours ago. I hope they're all right, for your sake. You're going to have a hell of a mentally screwed team when you finally get back to the job. But point is, we need you back, Griss. Get better, and soon." She gave his hand a little extra squeeze for support and could've sworn she saw his eyelids twitch, but maybe it was just her mind tricking her, wanting him back, just as much as everyone else.

Catherine made her way back to Sara and looked at the time, seeing she spent too much time there already, and the next C.S.I. should be coming any minute. "I really should be going, Sara. Lindsay's going to be a wreck." Her friend nodded, and Catherine bent, giving her a small, supporting hug. "He'll make it, no doubt," she whispered and gave her a smile. Sara gave a fake, meek smile back as Catherine nodded a parting and swiftly walked out the door.
 
Okay, okay, I know I said I would update daily, but things happen. But I didn't desert you guys, don't worry. I'm now dedicated and full out excited about this thing. Sorry about the wait and here's the next chapter. Hope you enjoy!
~Ash
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Gambles of Life - Chapter 11

He walked down the sterile, stiff hallways of the Desert Palms Hospital Intensive Care Unit, shoulders slouched, hand running through his thick hair. A few nurses nodded at him, all knowing exactly who he was going to by the blue windbreaker he wore despite the warm weather. With 'FORENSICS' emblazened on the back and 'Brown' embroidered on the front, there was no way of hiding he was one of Grissom's own C.S.I.s, the very man who he was visiting, possibly for the last time.

He sighed, leaning against the door as he read the handwritten slips tacked onto the corkboard outside the room. One half was titled 'Sidle, Sara' and the other, divided by a string, labeled 'Grissom, Gilbert'. Absently, his eyes skipped over each side seperately. 'Sara - Keep under close watch for suicidal movements, light dose of seditives and anti-depressants, w/LVPD, relationship w/occupant.' He shook his head, at the last phrase. He always knew there was chemistry, that it was meant to be, and felt horrible for the two of them that this had to be the first hurdle they needed to jump - together. His eyes eased over to the right side of the board. 'Gilbert, a.k.a. Griss, Gil, doses of morphine adjusted constantly by doctor, severe condition, life support, removing @ 10 pm, visitors constant throughout day, w/LVPD, relationship w/occupant.'

"Sir? Sir, there's no one in the room, you can go in." A frail, young nurse came up to him and half smiled, touching his shoulder gently before turning away from him. Warrick sighed, closed his eyes as he wrapped his fingers around the cold metal doorknob, and pushed the door open. He opened his eyes and stepped inside, and saw Sara cuddled against the side of her bed, clutching a pillow in her arms in a makeshift embrace.

"Hey, Sara." She nodded, eyes distant. She knew there was no hope, even though she felt supported by all the encouraging words her coworkers had been offering to both him and her, but she knew from their eyes that they were only hoping against reality. Warrick sighed and took that as a greeting and didn't press it further. He slowly eased into the chair left at Grissom's bedside and choked down a sob. All those times he had been threatened to break, to finally let go and loose against reality had been passed over absently, everyone figuring he was invincible, including Warrick. And now he's on his deathbed at the hands of a dead administrator who couldn't handle a temper.

"Grissom, oh Grissom, oh Grissom. You are just one strange dude. But that's what makes you you, and shapes us. I can't thank you enough for stopping my gambling, and maybe to you it seemed just like a friend helping a friend from loosing a job, maybe not, but either way you saved my life, me. And I feel horrible for not being able to return the favor. You helped me keep the job I love, you shaped me into a better man. I - I don't know how to thank you, but I do know you don't deserve this, especially after helping me and every single other person who needed your guidance. You came out of the closet, gave someone your love, and now she needs you, dude. You can't just leave her. You know and I know and every other da*n person who's even heard of you knows that you are not weak, you're stronger than any of us could ever be. After all the times you've given us your strength, we all give you it back, and all of ours. You've got this, Griss, you just have to put the enthusiasm into it. I'll see you later."

Lightly tapping his still hand, Warrick stood and quickly made his way to Sara and wrapped her into a knowing, safe hug, trying to improve her morale and his, the two of them feeding off of each other. When he pulled away, he playfully messed with her hair and smiled, then turned and left, waving to Grissom, as if the man in the bed could wave back. At this, Sara sighed, taking the schedule from the table by her side and pen, crossing off Warrick's name, looking to who was coming next.

10:00-10:05 David
10:10-10:15 Archie
10:20-10:25 Hodges
11:30-12:00 Doc Robbins
12:15-1:15 Cath
1:30-2:30 Warrick
3:45-4:45 Nicky
5:00-6:00 Greggo
6:45-7:45 Jim

Stealing a glance at the clock on the wall, she noticed it was 2:15 in the afternoon, looked back down at the schedule, and saw that Nick wasn't going to come for at least another hour and a half. With a sad smile, she put the list and pen down and slowly climbed out of her bed and back into Grissom's, sliding gently in next to him with great care, as if not trying to wake him. Subconsciously wrapping his arm around her waist, she placed one of her own underneath it on her lap and laid her head against his chest, rising and falling very little, which alarmed her.

But besides, she began to drift into thought, wondering, dreaming what it would be like to feel his lips against her's, and with life and passion. Would he gain the courage and ask her to marry him? Would they be together forever and grow old and have children and have the happy ending that all lovers wished for? Would all of this happened if it wasn't for that **** Ecklie. But wait, could it happen after all?


Her eyes widened in disbelief, hope and excitement rising from the pit of her stomach into her throat as her eyes focused on his hand which laid on top of her own. It was moving. She pulled her head gently off of his chest and let go of his hand, sliding into the chair at his bedside, waiting for him to wake up after all.
 
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