I'm glad someone bumped up this thread In honor of The Simpsons Movie here are some Simpsons quotes... Homer: D'OH! Bart: Eat my shorts, don't have a cow, man Mr. Burns : EXCELLENT! those are just a few from The Simpsons
south park Cartman: respect my authorita!! Cartman: screw you guys, im going home Cartman: no kitty that a bad kitty Cartman: but Mom hehe love Cartman!
Big Love Bill: There's one more thing. My house is three houses. Ronnie: What, rentals? Bill: No, I live in all three houses. Ronnie: In all three? Bill: With my family, they're connected... Ronnie: All three houses? Bill: That's right. Big family. Bill: I've been thinking about you. We are links to eternity. Ahead of us, family yet to come, souls to be born; behind us, ancestors — ancestors who sacrificed. We are making those sacrifices to live the principle, to keep faith. Margie, you are a valued member of this family. We weren't complete, not until you. You made us complete. I wasn't complete until you, and our fine sons. What happened was a mistake. It'll never happen again, all right? All right? Margene: I still need a car. (Bill comes home late at night and snuggles up to Margie in bed.) Margie: Where's Nicki? Bill: What?? Margie: It's Nicki's night. You gotta go. (Bill sneaks through the house, across the backyard and up to Nicki's bedroom.) Nicki: Honey, what are you doing here? Bill: It's our night! Nicki: It was. Didn't you get my message? See the Post-It? Bill: Post-It? Nicki: I traded with Barb. Nicki: You're the weak link, Margie. Margie: What? Nicki: We have to be realistic. You can't keep a secret like me and you're not a good liar like Barb. Barb: What do you mean I'm a good liar? Nicki: With the neighbors. You're so effortless; you're pro. Nicki: What do you think of the name Noel? Bill: I think it says "Kick me and take my lunch money." Margie: I am a terrible wife. I should've never married your father. And your mother. Sarah: And Nicki. Margie: Especially Nicki.
I have some: Burn Notice Sam: You know spies. Bunch of bitchy little girls. Michael: You say tomato, I say pimp. Michael: If it looks like you're about to get into a fight that could get you killed, try starting another one. Michael: Guns make you stupid, better to fight your wars with duct tape. Duct tape makes you smart. CSI Greg: You smell like death. Sara: I've heard. Greg: You know ... a real man wouldn't mind. Grissom: To get to the evidence, we may destroy the evidence. Catherine: Do you get these haikus out of a book or do they just come to you? Grissom: Every time you find a body, you have to choose a path and when you take that path, Grasshopper, you risk destroying the evidence. Catherine: I just realized that you and I have a very healthy relationship. Grissom: We do? Catherine: Well, when we have a problem, I don't paint Greg Sanders in latex and stick a straw up his nose. Grissom: Good. He'd probably like it.
MacGyver: If I had some duct tape, I could fix that. Pete Thornton: His name is MacGyver. He can fix anything. He could fix a computer with a hairpin and a piece of duct tape. MacGyver: For the past seven years I have done nothing but travel around the world getting shot up, locked up, blown up... and all I have to show for it are a couple of empty rolls of duct tape.
Becker: Becker: Woah. You and I agree on something? Reggie: Yeah, I know it’s scaring me too. Becker: Did you send me a Valentine’s Day Card? Reggie: Do you see a mark on my head where a gun barrel was pushed against it? Bones: Tempe- "Objectively I'd say I'm very smart, but it has nothing to do with my ass." Angela: "I wouldn’t bet a date with Colin Farrell..." Tempe: "I know him. He's funny." Angela: "Funny is Will Ferrell, sweetie. Hot is Colin Farrell." Brennan: I know what you’ve been doing with Martin, with Hastings and the others. If you had finished medical school, you’d know bone dust is very dangerous if inhaled. You’re sick Mrs. Combs, and I don’t just mean in a mentally disturbed way. Booth: What do you want me to do? Spit in my hand? We’re Scully and Mulder. Brennan: I don’t know what that means. Booth: It’s an olive branch. Just…get back in the car. Brennan: Blackmail you. Booth: Blackmail a Federal Agent? Brennan: Yes. Booth: I don’t like it. Brennan: I’m fairly certain you’re not supposed to. Booth: Tessa’s an attorney. Tessa: mmm, corporate, keeping the fat cats fat. Brennan: I was just studying a cranial fissure on a corporate attorney last week. Of course he was dead so… Tessa: Interesting. Brennan: Thanks. Booth: You know what? I’m going to spread the pain. Alright, that’s my new motto. (Booth turns and leaves. Bones chases behind him.) Brennan: Wait, I can help spread pain. Wait. Booth: Reason for wanting a gun? Brennan: To shoot people.
Crossing Jordan Bug: I wanted to be a children doctor but little kids hated me. Lily: *giggling and very drunk* Dr.Macy said Bunnies! Woody: What do we got? Garrett: Well, since they called for a medical examiner and homicide detective, my guess is a body. Woody: Is sarcasm a prerequisite for being an ME? Garrett: It helps. Woody: Looks like man vs. city bus. You can guess the outcome. Bug: He's a reporter. Woody: How can you tell? Bug: Calluses on the fingertips suggest a regular typist. Mysteriously empty tape recorder, and - oh, yeah... his press pass says so. Lily: You have the sensitivity of a lizard. Garrett: Tofurkey? Lily: Yeah. Fake turkey. Want some? Garrett: I'd rather eat sand. Danny McCoy: [upon arriving at a suspect's locked door] I can pick that lock in like, five seconds. Woody: Really? 'Cause I can do it in like, one. [kicks door in] ^^My all-time favourite Dr. Trey Sanders: How do you know all this, Nigel? Dr. Nigel Townsend: Insomnia and the History Channel. It's a lethal combination. ^^ Very true
loved the Carter ER quotes!! too bad he left the show. he was my fav!!! here's some of my favs..... H:We never close!!! (I'm sorry i had to!! i'm addicted!!) Tim Speedle:One minute you're running the world. the next, you're in a six by six here's some more ER quotes.... Dr. Dave Malucci: So, uh, Carter... did you know this new resident, Jing something-or-other? Dr. John Carter: That's good - screw up her name. That'll impress her. Patient: It's all ending today! Today is the last day! Dr. John Carter: Oh, great, I have to work. I'm always working when the world ends. [Carter tells Susan about his past drug addiction] Dr. Susan Lewis: Vicodin? Dr. John Carter: Yeah. If you're going to abuse drugs, abuse a good one. Dr. Susan Lewis: So, you were stabbed? Dr. John Carter: Twice. I don't recommend it. Dr. Susan Lewis: So... can't I see the scar? Dr. John Carter: What? No! Dr. Susan Lewis: Come on, don't be bashful. Show it to me! Dr. John Carter: No! Get your own. Dr. John Carter: You look tired. Abby Lockhart: Really? Dr. John Carter: Come to think of it, Frank looks tired, too. Abby Lockhart: Yeah, that's because I spent the night slapping his ass until 3:00 a.m. Dr. John Carter: Really? Abby Lockhart: Well, have you seen him getting down today? Dr. John Carter: Let's see. Frank! Have you gotten down today? Frank: What? Dr. John Carter: Never mind. Lucy Knight: Dr. Carter? Jerry Markovic: Please don't call him Dr. Carter, we'll never be able to live with him. Lucy Knight: What should I call him? Jerry Markovic: He's just... Carter. Dr. John Carter: "Dr. Carter" will be just fine.
A few from La Femme Nikita: Episode -- "Noise" Nikita (to Birkoff): Death's easy. You don't have to do anything. It's life you have to face. Episode -- "All The World's A Stage" Nikita: I think I found “M”. She works for Mr. Jones. Walter: M? Nikita: I hope she’s gonna lead me to my father. I’m just… nervous. Walter: Why? Nikita: I’m finally gonna open the door and I’ll know what’s behind it. Walter: Truth will set you free. Nikita: Not in this place. China Beach - episode "Phoenix" KC: You're right. You're always right, McMurphy. McM: No, I am not. KC: Right or wrong. Is that all that matters to you? McM: Yes KC: Must be nice to walk on water.......Look, I'm just glad I found out what you are before I left this place thinking you're something you're not. McM: That's a problem you'll never have, 'cuz everyone knows what you are. KC: What if it had been you? McM: I would never have asked you to lie for me. KC: If it were you, you'd rot in jail before you'd admit you needed me. McM: What if I did need you? KC: I'd do anything for you. McM: Yeah, for a price. KC: You don't think you come with a price? Everybody comes with a price. We're not that different. We're both at our best with men on their backs. You're never more powerful than when you've got somebody's life who depends on you. My life depended on you. McM: I didn't tell them anything. KC: No, you didn't tell them that you knew me, that she's my friend. That she didn't do it. McM: You're like the girl in high school who smokes cigarettes so everyone'll think she's bad. Then when someone's locker gets broken into you wonder why everybody thinks it's you. KC: why didn't you tell them? McM: That night...the ward...the glass...the crucifix. KC: Colonel Mustard, the candlesticks, the library...why didn't you tell them. All I had was you to save me, you who saves everybody. I've never trusted anybody in my life. I trusted you. McM: I didn't think anybody mattered to you. KC: You do. I wish you didn't. McM: Why? KC: Because...you don't have a sister, and if you did it wouldn't be me. McM: But there you are.
Awesome! Thanks for posting some China Beach quotes, KayLyne. Here are some more: Cherry: I need your advice KC: The doctor is in KC: There are some kinds of pain Colleen, that you can't even imagine. K.C. Candy's dandy but liqueur's quicker. McMurphy: I burn this Kleenex and the tears on it. KC: Woah, heavy. KC:I know what is true about me. KC: Oh you know nothing. I feel nothing. McM: I know you're a liar. KC: You lost Fred's finger? KC: I was 10 years old! How was I supposed to stop him? McMurphy: Come on, sing it with me Beckett: Oh, I can't carry a tune KC: That never stopped McMurphy KC: C'mon partner. McM: We're not partners. KC: Well we’re partners for now. All alliances are temporary. KC: Cherubs in hell. We just blend right in. KC: Look. I know you think... we ought to be friends for life. McM: No you think we can pretend to be strangers. After we've been through this incredible experience together.
LOL! Anne, that scene with "Fred's finger" was so hilarious! Since we're on a Marg roll, let's continue with some great quotes from "Giving Up The Ghost": (OK, technically it's a movie, but it was on Lifetime, so it's kind of "TV") Anna: Are we sorry we never had a child? Jake: No. You? Anna: Yes, especially when you died. ..... but, not today. Jake: I threw them out. Anna: You....What? Jake: I thought you were starting to, you know, rely on them. Anna: What difference does it make, I'm going to be dead soon anyway. Only now what am I supposed to kill myself with? Can you tell me that? .... How could you have done that? What am I a child? Jake: I'm sorry, you're right. Go to sleep. Anna: Very funny, from the man who threw away my sleeping pills.
Charmed: Piper: I am being stalked by psycho killers and I hide in the shower?! Bones: Booth: Ah well, my average is over 200, less then two opens per game, one match I had 211 strikes out of 431 shots. Twenty-nine opens, thirty-nine games. Brennan: What does that mean? Booth: It means I won some bowling awards. Brennan: I won the Marshall A. Sixon award for my paper on Giorgio Romanus and physiological selection. Booth: My God, it’s like we lead parallel lives. Zack: Remains show evidence of bullet wounds. Hodgins: Which would explain why he has all those holes in him.
Supernatural Dean: I barely have any skin left on my palm. Sam: I'm not touching that line with a ten foot pole. Sam: Dean, there's ten times as much lore about angels as there is about anything else we've ever hunted. Dean: You know what, there's a ton of lore on unicorns too. In fact, I hear that they ride on silver moonbeams, and that they shoot rainbows out of their ass! Sam: Wait, there's no such thing as unicorns? DeanLooking at a haunted hotel) We might even run into Fred and Daphne inside. Mmmm... Daphne. Love her. Dean: Ya' know she could be faking. Sam: Yeah, what do you wanna do, poke her with a stick? Dude, you're not gonna poke her with a stick! Deanafter security guard says okie dokie) I like him, he says okie dokie. Sam: Dude, I'm not enabling your sick habit. You're like one of those lab rats that pushes the pleasure button instead of the food button until it dies. Dean: What are you talking about, I eat. Sam: Why'd you let me fall asleep? Dean: Because I am an awesome brother. What did you dream about? Sam: Lollipops and candycanes. Dean: I thought the legend said that Morteki only goes after chicks. Sam: He does. Dean: Right well that explains we he went after you but why me? Dean: People believe in Santa Claus... why aren't I getting hooked up every Christmas? Sam: 'Cause you're a bad person. Ed: This stuff right here, this, is our ticket to the big time. Fame, money, sex. With girls! OK, be brave, OK. W.W.B.D. What would Buffy do? Harry: What would Buffy do. I know, but Ed, she's stronger that me. Ed: It's OK. Psych Shawn: Collecting money for the Policeman's ball? Lassiter: We don't have balls. Henry: What about your license? Shawn: My pilot's license? Out back in my Cessna. Or perhaps you're referring to my license to kill. Revoked. Problems at the Kazakhstan border. I could give you details, but then I would have to kill you which I can't do because my licence to kill was revoked Carlton Lassiter: We found prints. Shawn: Was he in a little red corvette? Gus: Under the cherry moon? Lassiter: Finger prints Shawn: Gus, she found another doctor. She's seeing him today! Gus: When? Shawn: Right now! Gus: Right now, Shawn? Shawn: Like in ten minutes. Shawn: Oh, yes. Yes, I'm definitely feeling something here. Oh, it's good. It's nice! Leslie: What? What is it? Shawn: This mattress. It feels like one of those mattresses where you can bounce a bowling ball but the glass of wine doesn't spill. Gus, go find a glass of wine and a bowling ball. Gus: So... The prophecy has been fulfilled. Shawn: Hmm. What? What are you talking about? What prophecy? Gus: Nothing. I just figured it was finally my chance to say something dramatic
South Park Worker: What is that, a pigbearman? Al Gore: No, stupid, it's ManBearPig. Al Gore: It's a half-man, half-bear, and half-pig. Al Gore: This looks like ManBearPig central! Al Gore: I'm super cereal. Al Gore: Why does nobody believe that I'm cereal? (As you can see, the ManBearPig episode happens to be a personal favorite of mine. :lol Kyle?: Oh my God! Frosty killed Kenny! Stan?: Dude, I told you not to put that f***ing hat on Frosty's f***ing head! Now, didn't I?! Kyle?: Well I'm sorry, Mr. Rocket f***ing scientist! What are we supposed to do now?! Stan: Dad, Tom Cruise won't come out of the closet! Randy: What? Stan: Tom Cruise locked himself in my closet and he won't come out. Randy: [knocks on closet door] Mr. Cruise? Mr. Cruise, come out of the closet. Tom Cruise: No! Randy: Come on, Mr. Cruise, this is ridiculous. Tom Cruise: I'm never coming out! Randy: [to Stan] What did you say to him? Stan: I just told him I thought the Napoleon Dynamite guy is a better actor than he is. Randy: Oh boy. Nicole Kidman: Tom? Don't you think this has gone on long enough? It's time for you to come out of the closet. Tom Cruise: But, I'm...I'm not in the closet. Nicole Kidman: Yes, You are Tom, and you need to just end this and come out. The Office Michael: You don't call retarded people retards. It's bad taste. You call your friends retards when they are acting retarded. And I consider Oscar a friend. Dwight: Jim told me you can buy gaydar online. Michael: That's ridiculous. Dwight: Probably. He didn't tell the truth a lot. (pause) Michael: Let's call him and get the website. Dwight: Definitely.