FanFic Poetry

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I didn't get any feedback on my last poem (maybe because it was amid picture poems and I had just written it), so I decided to put this one to a picture. I enjoy feedback (it keeps me motivated to write more), so please give me some (good or bad, I don't mind!!!) When I don't get feedback, I can't gauge my progress as a writer, so feedback is highly appreciated, especially on this one since it's my first H/Y one!!! And I know that it's all lowercase, but that's how the font is.


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hey! i didn't say you could have one! LOL! but ok. i'll let it slide. and all you had to do was ask. lol! here's one for all the Hardy Boys fans out there it is inspired by the Nickelback song Far Away. and i used only two lines from the song, not complete lines only snipets...hope that's not breaking the rules. "Far Away for far too long" and "hold on to me and never let me go" again..i hope i'm not breaking any rules and i only used those two little snipets seeing as they were necissary to get my point across. so here is it.
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Jorja_Rain said:
Wow, it's been quiet in here lately :p Where is everyone?
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Why don't you just write something new then? I believe I've seen some unfinished sassy poems flying around your room somewhere :p
 
Alright, to bring this back to life I wrote a poem. I know it's not perfect but it came into being within a couple of minutes, it will have to do :p

It doesn't contain names but I had Calleigh and Sara in mind because it sort of deals with a long distance (non)relationship. Well, read for yourselves.

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When I sleep alone at night
I see you in my dreams
I wonder what you're thinking of
and what my heartache means

I wish that you would hold me
I wish that you were here
You might not even miss me
and that is what I fear

What we shared was brief and sweet
but was there more to it?
I'm afraid I fell for you
and I can not forget

You are always on my mind
Your beauty so devine
This should have worked out differently
but I can't turn back time

So here I lie in bed alone
with memories of your smile
If only we had had more time
If only for a while
 
Here's a new Sandle poem.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Prayer to God or whoever they say might help me

I won’t ask for her love
As it’s in nobody’s hands
But hers
And I won’t sacrifice
What you demand
As I have given all I can
She’d never ask for more
I won’t go on my knees
To get them skinned
As I’m already hurt
Beyond all I could ever
Think of
I won’t do what you want me to

But I’ll do everything
That she needs me to do
And maybe
She’ll be the answer
To my silent prayer
Some day
 
My first H/Y poem :) Actually, it's more a poem of H's story (that's why Marisol appears) but it's foccuse on his relationship with Yelina


Now tell me, will this pain ever end?
Now tell me, will his shadow ever leave my face?

Good times
Back in time, I smiled
Back in tears, I shared
Back in time, I admire
Back then she was there

For my eyes, a sight of hope
For my heart, a glimpse of love


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Said goodbye, said good luck
Said I’m sorry, said its right
Said nothing, impossible to give back

Invisible wound, invisible blood
Spilled over my body, tasted it in my mouth
Unbreakable glass, unreachable my eyes
Into pieces my soul, let nobody know
For that’s what I’ve learned
For that’s what I know


[image][/image] H/Marisol
Tried hard to care, tried hard to trust
Guess sweetness won me over
Guess with my head couldn’t deal no more
That spark kept loneliness at some distance
That spark kept me around
Never lost the cold sweat at night


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Blink of an eye, her smile was stabbed
Blink of an eye, her face was back
Blink of an eye, again, the devil charges
Flew back, moved over, moved home?
Huge distance there, hard to take any step
Thinks hard on this one, needs space

H/Y in Burned
Casual day, heart stops
Her light out on the road
Just by chance, just a coincidence?
Then again I smiled, then again I stared
Looked down, nervous once more
For is her that steals my soul


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See that smile, fingertips playing again
“Always looking out for me, huh?”
“And I always will”
Shared a grin, walked away
And then I breathe, and then there’s hope
Maybe some day I’ll have both
 
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