*** Sorry that this update took so long! I will say that it is long, and I have officially added someone new to the story line! I hope you like... and after this chapter...you will see yet another triangle of ships!***
Chapter 11
The air entering her lungs felt thick as she continued to wheeze for more air. “I… can’t… breathe,” Catherine barely managed as her face flushed drastically. Before she knew it, she felt Sara hands as she gently helped her to sit.
“Catherine… CATHERINE… Look at me,” Sara started as she loudly clapped her hands together. Catherine’s eyes fluttered up and stared at a pair of dark brown eyes that were staring back at her with concern. Still breathing highly irregular with tiny beads of perspiration popping out on the clammy skin of her face, Catherine found it nearly impossible to stay focused on Sara as her eyes rolled shut.
“CATHERINE… FOCUS ON ME.”
Giving Catherine a big smile as her eyes flicked back in Sara’s direction, Sara gently grabbed her friend’s hands. “Good… pay attention to me. Now I want you to look over my shoulder, and look at my Denali.”
Chest heaving as her eyes darted rapidly to the vehicle, Catherine felt like she was going to have a heart attack. She was unsure how she could even focus on Sara, but knowing she was here oddly enough made her feel better.
“Good… now focus on the driver’s door of the car. Can you see the handle?”
Her attention quickly adjusted to the handle as she desperately thought about looking away. She wanted to separate herself from reality as it felt too overwhelming.
“Keep focusing Catherine, don’t stop,” Sara quickly voiced as she noticed Catherine’s eyes briefly flicker downward.” Her breathing started to slow to a normal pace, but was still very choppy. “What color is the handle?”
“Black,” she answered shakily as she looked back at Sara. Gently rubbing Catherine’s hands to help calm her, Sara smiled as she witnessed her take a small yet relaxing breath. “My heart felt like it was going to explode from my chest, Catherine muttered.
“That is what panic attacks feel like.”
“How did you know how to make it stop?”
“I used to get them. It’s about redirecting your mind, and focusing in on little details. Your brain is on overload, and your body reacts to it. So I would focus on what was real, and right in front of me.”
“Thanks… I’m sorry for losing it back there. I don’t know what’s wrong me.”
“Are you kidding me? Catherine… you are over pressured, overwhelmed, stressed, and God knows what else. I’d be surprised if you didn’t cave,” Sara whispered as she helped Catherine up. “Look this McKean thing is obviously playing its toll of you. I’m not going to press you for answers, but you need to talk to someone about this.”
“There is nothing to say. I don’t remember much from that night,” Catherine started as she climbed into the passenger seat. “I just… want this to be over.”
“I get that you don’t remember much, but Catherine this could be serious. Obviously your mind doesn’t want you to remember.”
“He gave me a drug Sara. This isn’t about me subconsciously choosing to forget. I have no recollection because I was passed out on narcotics.”
Sara’s mouth opened in shock as she placed the key in the ignition, and sputtered the Denali to life. “This… just sounds worse the more I hear. He could have had his way with you, and you’d be none the wiser. And… this man… is our commissioner?”
~<3~<3~<3~<3~<3
This was by far not her favorite office to sit in, but it was slowly becoming less intimidating except for today for Catherine. “You seem a bit… unnerved.”
“I’m… I don’t know what I am,” Catherine gushed as she let out a deep breath.
“You want to talk about it?”
“I don’t think I should involve you.”
“Why is that?”
“I have my reasons,” Catherine started as she suddenly stood up and paced the floor of Dr. Brymore’s office. “This is a huge mess,” her voice creaked before she let out a nervous laugh. “I’m in way over my head… and I’m drowning. I’m tired of struggling to keep my head only inches above the water. It’s tiring.”
Rising from her chair, Dr. Brymore rounded her desk and grabbed Catherine’s hands gently as she walked her over to the love seat. “I think perhaps in this case… talking will be beneficial for you.”
“NO, it won’t.”
“Give it a shot Catherine.”
“YOU… you don’t understand.”
“What I don’t understand is what you aren’t telling me. What I do know is that you have been coming here for a little under a month, and you have dodged whatever it is you really need to talk about.”
“I talk about what I want to…”
“You mean what you feel comfortable with? Therapy isn’t about comfort. It’s about opening up your most inner being.”
“I’m here and talking; what the hell do you want from me,” Catherine growled as she stood up.
“It’s not a matter of what I want; it’s about what you want. And until you choose to open up about what is really eating at you… my hands are tied.”
“STOP… pushing at me, “Catherine yelled as her eyes brimmed with tears. “You have no idea how ugly things are going to get when I do explode, and I’m afraid of losing everything that I worked so hard to achieve.” Quickly yanking her purse over her shoulder, Catherine stormed out of the room.
Running to her car with lungs that felt like they were about to explode; she nearly toppled over as she forcefully opened her car door only for it to be slammed shut abruptly. Reeling in shock, Catherine turned around and came face to face with Officer Pettler. Nervously peering around to see who else was in the parking lot, she spotted two regular police officers who refused to meet her eyes. Heart pounding as the fear lodged in her throat, Catherine was shocked that she found her voice. “What do you want?”
“Is that how you start it?” Pettler asked as he pinned her body between him and her Denali. “Or do I need to give you a little pill first. You know something to help ease the pain, or perhaps something that will drift you into unconsciousness?”
“Bastard,” Catherine whispered as she angrily tried to push him away from her.
Breathing sharply into her ear before chuckling lightly, Pettler nuzzled his chin in her hair. “I bet he took his sweet time with you,” he whispered as he trailed his hand down her neck.
Reeling her head backwards, Catherine angrily shoved him away from her. “Don’t… TOUCH me.”
Pettler chuckled as his eyes traveled the length of her body. “You think you have the POWER… to tell me what to do? I suggest you better keep your mouth shut about this and McKean; otherwise perhaps we will have a repeat performance.”
Mouth opening in alarm as a soft sob raked through her body, Catherine watched as Pettler cockily walked away from her. Falling down the length of her car, her hands gently covered her face as she lost her mental and emotional balance. Her chest tightened as her sobs drew more dramatic as she drew her legs inward towards her chest.
“Ms. Willows?” Her name barely registered to her as she reluctantly looked up and noticed one of the regular officers from before standing in front of her. “You okay?”
“GET away from me,” she shouted as she quickly stood wiping her face with the back of her hand.
“Let me at least walk you inside.”
Eyes widening in alarm, she took a hesitant step backwards. “Are you kidding me? I’m not going anywhere with you.”
“Catherine?” Relief soon washed through her as she recognized his voice. Nick’s voice. Closing her eyes to maintain her dignity, she quickly reopened them.
“Nick,” was all she could manage.
“I was just trying to help her back inside, she looked like she needed the help,” the Officer whispered to Nick, but his words failed to go unnoticed by Catherine.
“Like HELL, don’t feed me that bull shit,” she growled as she gave him an appalling look. “You like to watch on, huh… gives you a thrill?”
The officer looked confusingly at Nick as he cleared his throat. “I can handle this… thanks for trying to help her,” Nick stated quickly as he noticed the officer taking a step towards them.
“You sure?”
“Yes I got it from here.”
“Alright, let me know if you need anything.”
Catherine watched as the officer headed to his squad car before she gave Nick a quick look. “Perfect timing… as always,” she tried to joke as a small smile barely formed on her face.
His stare was intense as his hand gently rested on her shoulder. “You want to talk about it?”
“No, I’m… okay. I will be okay,” Catherine whispered as she pursed her mouth together. “I will see you in a bit,” and with that she bent over and grabbed her keys that had fallen on the ground.
Driving off, she could see Nick in her rear view mirror. His posture spoke volumes as he stood there baffled, or maybe it was something much more than that. It seemed to take him a moment before he headed back inside. Shaking her head at the irony of her life, she let out a heavy breath. The last thing she needed was to jump into a relationship with Nick regardless of how much she cared for him. Then there was Grissom, and her heart felt empty that she had lost so much more than a relationship with him. She had lost his friendship in the process. The truth was she didn’t deserve either one of them; they both deserved something much better than she could ever be.
~<3~<3~<3~<3~<3
He was not in his office, or anywhere she expected him to be. Shaking her head annoyingly, she spotted Warrick at the end of the hall way. “Warrick…. Hey, have you seen Grissom?” Sara questioned as she lightly jogged up to him.
“He’s in the break room cleaning his coffee cup. Why what’s up?”
“Later, I really need to talk to him now.”
Hustling to the break room and pushing the door open, she was grateful to see that they were alone. Truth told she had a few days off, and wanted to speak with Grissom before the end of this shift. “Grissom, we… uh I need to talk to you.”
“What is it?” Grissom questioned as he finished drying off his mug.
“It’s Catherine.”
“Sara, I’m not about to have this conversation with you.”
Eyebrows drawing together in frustration, she stopped him from leaving as she purposely put herself in front of his path. “Hey, I don’t care what is going on with you and her on a personal level. But, what I do care about… is something entirely different.”
“This McKean business will pass over.”
She looked at Grissom as if he was dense. “It’s bigger than that… and you know it.”
“I’m not on the case Sara. It’s out of my hands,” he whispered as he looked at his watch. "If you will excuse me I’m meeting with someone shortly.”
Mouth agape as she watched Grissom leave, there were so many emotions bubbling to the surface. Since when did he of all people not care about his own staff? “So that’s it?” Sara questioned angrily as she caught up to him.
“What do you want me to do?” He asked as he walked into his office gathering his things together.
“What do I want?” Sara scoffed as she glared at him. “She’s struggling Grissom. Fighting to keep her dignity. And the so-called police department that is supposed to have our backs; they definitely don’t have hers. They look at her like a sexual pawn. She’s being harassed, and you don’t even GIVE A DAMN.”
“Mr. Grissom is this in fact a bad time,” Lady Heather asked before she cleared her throat. Both Sara and Grissom turned to the interruption with confusion. Grissom was dumbfounded at the new knowledge that Sara had just informed him. Catherine had never uttered a word about harassment. Sara on the other hand was shocked to see Heather all dolled up in black obviously waiting for Grissom. Taking a quick look at Heather again before resting her sights on Grissom, a horrid giggle escaped her mouth. “I guess... we are done here,” Sara growled as she left his office in a rush.
“Your timing is fine,” Grissom finally responded as he watched Sara leave his office before turning around to grab his jacket.
“Gil… We need to talk,” Catherine blurted out as she walked into his office. Deciding against running away from her problems, she had in fact turned back around and headed back to the lab. Scared to death of actually coming clean regarding everything, she immediately nearly ran to Grissom’s office. She needed him on her side during all of this, and she was ready to do anything to fix what was messed up between them. She just needed to get him to listen to her.
So caught up in her own thoughts, she failed to notice Heather standing in his office until she fully entered. “Heather?” She questioned with confusion. The confusion soon fell along with the look on her face as she took in everything around her. Heather was in fact a beautiful woman, but a woman that looked confidently ready to spend an intimate morning with a man she deemed fitting. Then there was Grissom that was ready to walk out the door with his jacket and car keys in tote. He never left this early. At the moment, however he was displaying this deer in the headlights look which only made her feel worse.
The silence felt unbearable as Catherine clenched her eyes shut to gather her wits about her. At the moment, she felt broken, lost, alone, and terrified at the emptiness that was clinging to her very sole. “Wow, I didn’t realize,” Catherine stopped as she licked her upper lip as tears formed in her eyes. “Excuse me… I’m sorry,” she barely whispered. She caught Heather looking at her, and quickly plastered a fake smile on her face. And with that she dodged, and left his office quicker than Sara had moments ago.
“Catherine,” Grissom hollered as he gave Heather a pleading look to wait. He caught up with her not to far from his office, and quickly spun her around. “This isn’t fair,” he lightly whispered.
Mouth falling open at his mere suggestion of what wasn’t fair, only seemed to hit a nerve deep within. Shoving him away, she snarled at him. “You don’t even know the half of it.”
“Catherine… wait.”
“Why… you didn’t?”
He watched her leave, and turned to head back to his office when he saw Heather standing there with a look on her face that Catherine had just displayed to him moments ago except Heather’s was heated with anger. “This time I’m saying stop.”