Yeah he tends to have a lot of those...I wonder why. Maybe it's because the writers just love Speed. And seeing as I'm the only writer..
Down To My Last Drop
[Hummerhome]
Calleigh: Do we have to drive at night? I kind of wanted to stop looking at the map.
Delko: Why can't we just go back the way we came? That way there won't be any confusion.
Horatio: I don't remember where we were before. It's a big country.
Delko: Pfft, it's not that big.
Horatio: It's bigger than all the other countries.
Calleigh: Except Russia.
Horatio: Well...Yeah.
Delko: And Canada.
Horatio: ...THE POINT IS ....This country's better anyway.
Calleigh: Since when? It's just a hunk of land.
Horatio: Yes but America has...Americans.
Calleigh: Um...We knew that.
Horatio: It has other awesome things too. Like the Statue Of Liberty. Now that's an American icon.
Delko: Yeah but wasn't that given to the states as a present from France?
Horatio: ...Okay I don't think you're seeing the point.
Calleigh: OH OH OH! We have POTATOES!
Horatio: So does everyone else.
Calleigh: We have Idaho potatoes.
Horatio: How about something a little more...Awesome than potatoes.
Delko: George Bush.
Horatio: I'm not sure that's something to be proud of.
Delko: ...Smokey the Bear?
Horatio: What did you guys learn in school?
Calleigh: Useless things that I don't even remember, but it made the teachers feel smart.
Horatio: Come on people find something that America has that no one else does.
Delko: ...A high suicide rate?
Horatio: How about something a little more happy.
Calleigh: Tom Cruise.
Horatio: I said happy not crazy.
[Bar, midnight]
Bartender: Are you sure you're okay?
Speed: *lifts finger* I. Am. Perfect.
Bartender: How many fingers am I holding up?
Speed: *looks up* Purple.
Bartender: Close enough. Come on, let's get you a cab.
Speed: No, No I'm fine. I don't need corn. *falls down*
Bartender: *sigh* Don't make me call the cops.
Speed: I AM the cops. *gets up* HEY YOU!
Drug dealer: *looks up*
Speed: STOP DEALING DRUGS!
Drug dealer: What are you talking about? I'm not dealing anything. You're crazy. *whispers* 10 grams and no less.
Guy: No problem.
Speed: I see what you're doing! You can't get past the fuzz! *falls down*
Bartender: Come on man, you're making the place look bad.
Speed: The stop selling alcohol.
Bartender: I've called the cops. Now you can either leave nicely or you can get arrested.
Speed: Well hey I have to do what the COPS say! *sings* Bad boys bad boys! Wacha gonna do! Wacha gonna do when they come fer you! *staggers to door*
Bartender: That's a plate glass win-
Speed: *hits window, falls down*
Bartender: -Dow...
Speed: That piece of glass bit me.
[Sirens are heard]
Speed: Why are there cows in the street?
[Tripp walks in]
Tripp: I heard the callout. Is he okay?
Bartender: I think he needs to leave.
Tripp: Not a problem. Come on Speed, your ride's here.
Speed: I didn't call a cab.
Tripp: *grabs Speed* Let's go.
Speed: NO! *staggers backward* I'M NOT GOING ANYWHERE!
Tripp: Stop making a scene and come this way with the nice patrol cops.
Speed: *frowns* NO. No you're going to lock me up. I'M NOT GOING.
Tripp: Look, you've had too much to drink and we both know that's not a good situation.
Speed: Oh yeah?
Tripp: Yeah.
Speed: SHOVE IT UP YOUR A-
Tripp: Don't make me arrest you.
Speed: Oh what difference does it make! I'm here and she's out there! What am I SUPPOSED TO DO WITHOUT HER! HE TOOK HER AWAY FROM ME! *falls on floor, starts to cry*
Tripp: *walks over* Come on, let's get you out of here.
Speed: *nods* Okay. Fine.
Tripp: I'll take you back to your place.
[Hummerhome]
Horatio: Eric the Empire State Building was not made out of toothpicks.
Delko: That's what they want you to think. One big gust of wind and kablam. No more building.
Calleigh: I've never been up there. Hey if we go to New York sometime, we should go there.
Horatio: New York is off-limits.
Calleigh: Why?
Horatio: Because there's CSIs there and there's my whole history there and a bunch of dumb crap happened, and you don't want to get tangled in it.
Delko: Yeah I was tangled in a spider web once. I couldn't get that stuff off of me for weeks. Everywhere I went, people would get stuck to me.
Calleigh: I don't think that happened.
Delko: ...Or was that a movie...
Calleigh: *rolls eyes*
TBC.........
Down To My Last Drop
[Hummerhome]
Calleigh: Do we have to drive at night? I kind of wanted to stop looking at the map.
Delko: Why can't we just go back the way we came? That way there won't be any confusion.
Horatio: I don't remember where we were before. It's a big country.
Delko: Pfft, it's not that big.
Horatio: It's bigger than all the other countries.
Calleigh: Except Russia.
Horatio: Well...Yeah.
Delko: And Canada.
Horatio: ...THE POINT IS ....This country's better anyway.
Calleigh: Since when? It's just a hunk of land.
Horatio: Yes but America has...Americans.
Calleigh: Um...We knew that.
Horatio: It has other awesome things too. Like the Statue Of Liberty. Now that's an American icon.
Delko: Yeah but wasn't that given to the states as a present from France?
Horatio: ...Okay I don't think you're seeing the point.
Calleigh: OH OH OH! We have POTATOES!
Horatio: So does everyone else.
Calleigh: We have Idaho potatoes.
Horatio: How about something a little more...Awesome than potatoes.
Delko: George Bush.
Horatio: I'm not sure that's something to be proud of.
Delko: ...Smokey the Bear?
Horatio: What did you guys learn in school?
Calleigh: Useless things that I don't even remember, but it made the teachers feel smart.
Horatio: Come on people find something that America has that no one else does.
Delko: ...A high suicide rate?
Horatio: How about something a little more happy.
Calleigh: Tom Cruise.
Horatio: I said happy not crazy.
[Bar, midnight]
Bartender: Are you sure you're okay?
Speed: *lifts finger* I. Am. Perfect.
Bartender: How many fingers am I holding up?
Speed: *looks up* Purple.
Bartender: Close enough. Come on, let's get you a cab.
Speed: No, No I'm fine. I don't need corn. *falls down*
Bartender: *sigh* Don't make me call the cops.
Speed: I AM the cops. *gets up* HEY YOU!
Drug dealer: *looks up*
Speed: STOP DEALING DRUGS!
Drug dealer: What are you talking about? I'm not dealing anything. You're crazy. *whispers* 10 grams and no less.
Guy: No problem.
Speed: I see what you're doing! You can't get past the fuzz! *falls down*
Bartender: Come on man, you're making the place look bad.
Speed: The stop selling alcohol.
Bartender: I've called the cops. Now you can either leave nicely or you can get arrested.
Speed: Well hey I have to do what the COPS say! *sings* Bad boys bad boys! Wacha gonna do! Wacha gonna do when they come fer you! *staggers to door*
Bartender: That's a plate glass win-
Speed: *hits window, falls down*
Bartender: -Dow...
Speed: That piece of glass bit me.
[Sirens are heard]
Speed: Why are there cows in the street?
[Tripp walks in]
Tripp: I heard the callout. Is he okay?
Bartender: I think he needs to leave.
Tripp: Not a problem. Come on Speed, your ride's here.
Speed: I didn't call a cab.
Tripp: *grabs Speed* Let's go.
Speed: NO! *staggers backward* I'M NOT GOING ANYWHERE!
Tripp: Stop making a scene and come this way with the nice patrol cops.
Speed: *frowns* NO. No you're going to lock me up. I'M NOT GOING.
Tripp: Look, you've had too much to drink and we both know that's not a good situation.
Speed: Oh yeah?
Tripp: Yeah.
Speed: SHOVE IT UP YOUR A-
Tripp: Don't make me arrest you.
Speed: Oh what difference does it make! I'm here and she's out there! What am I SUPPOSED TO DO WITHOUT HER! HE TOOK HER AWAY FROM ME! *falls on floor, starts to cry*
Tripp: *walks over* Come on, let's get you out of here.
Speed: *nods* Okay. Fine.
Tripp: I'll take you back to your place.
[Hummerhome]
Horatio: Eric the Empire State Building was not made out of toothpicks.
Delko: That's what they want you to think. One big gust of wind and kablam. No more building.
Calleigh: I've never been up there. Hey if we go to New York sometime, we should go there.
Horatio: New York is off-limits.
Calleigh: Why?
Horatio: Because there's CSIs there and there's my whole history there and a bunch of dumb crap happened, and you don't want to get tangled in it.
Delko: Yeah I was tangled in a spider web once. I couldn't get that stuff off of me for weeks. Everywhere I went, people would get stuck to me.
Calleigh: I don't think that happened.
Delko: ...Or was that a movie...
Calleigh: *rolls eyes*
TBC.........