saraXsullivan
CSI Level Two
This is the type of fic I write late at night, when my insomnia has settled in and I have nothing better to do. And it is also the type of fic I write early in the morning, when I wake up and can't fall back to sleep. WARNING: This is a very depressing story and will most likely result in character death, I haven't decided yet.
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Chapter One.
Sara Sidle. Strong. Smart. Independant. Filled with bad memories. Filled with bad expieriences, bad expiereiences that left her more broken than she already was. Just when the miserable, often depressed Sara Sidle thought she couldn't break into anymore pieces, life decided to prove her wrong.
Most people would just say coincidence, but coincidence stops after a while. So many times Sara Sidle had found herself with a razor in her hand, sometimes she couldn't bring herself to slice through the flesh that was herself, but other times, it couldn't be more easy. She guessed that that was when her good luck decided to step in. Countless suicide attempts that have left her alive.
Still Sara Sidle wondered when her luck would run out?
Probably any day now. It had to end someday, her job had helped her realize and deal with that. Ongoing depression would soon make its toll on Sara, and her life. Living in her pain would be what she would do until then.
So, Sara Sidle had bad luck with life, and good luck with death.
Right now, with Sara Sidle sitting on her bed, her knees tucked into her chest, tears falling down her face. She wasn't thinking of life or death. No, that wasn't the reason for her depression this night. Sara had found an old diary of hers in a drawer. She hadn't even read it yet and she was already crying. Even though she knew that crying wouldn't help, the tears kept falling.
The diary was beside her, waiting to be opened. Sara wasn't even sure if she would open it. All the years she had spent trying to forget, and the memories could be brought back with a simple piece of paper. Sara wondered how much she would cry if she read the depressing pages of her diary. She wondered what age she had been when she wrote in this diary, it didn't really matter, her whole life had been miserable, close to unbearable, depressing, so unbelievably depressing that there wasn't enough words to express it.
Sara swallowed, took a deep breath and picked up the diary. She didn't open it yet, she just looked at it. In her mind, she pictured a little girl, sitting on a small bed, crying and scribbling into the diary. That little girl was Sara Sidle, who's life was miserable from the day she was born. She had figured that someone would save her from her misery... Sara had given up on that too long ago to remember.
Sara Sidle was doomed to a life alone.
Unless, in some twisted, alternate reality, somone would take her into their arms, showed that they cared, showed that she could trust them.
Sara doubted that would happen. For now, she only loved one man, and he turned her down about three years ago. Even if he didn't know why, he had always been concerned about her.
His exact words weren't 'no,' actually he had said 'I don't know what to do about this.' His answer confused Sara. Did his answer mean that he didn't want to say no? Did that mean that he loved her? Gil Grissom was always a man of mystery.
Sara never could figure out Gil Grissom.
He was like an enigma, almost impossible puzzle yet so intriguing. Even if Grissom had turned Sara down five hundred times, she would still love him. Nothing would stop Sara from being in love with Gil, except for her death. Which brought her back to depression, even though she never left. She had tried desperately to get over Grissom, but nothing helped. Sara figured out that her death would get her out of love, which she had tried, many times before. Yet, Sara Sidle was still alive.
Sara couldn't bring herself to open the diary, her hands just completely froze. She put the diary back down on the bed. Sara was already in her usual depressed mood, she didn't need to help it with memories she'd forgotten.
Sara got up from the bed and went out into the kitchen. She got a glass from the cupboard then heard knocking at her apartment door. She put the glass down and opened the door to see Grissom in front of her. How ironic to think that the man she just thought of killing herself to escape from, just showed up at her apartment.
"Hi," Sara greeted. She opened the door more so he could come in. Sara closed the door as he walked in, then walked over and sat down on the couch. Grissom sat down beside her. "Sorry if this sounds slightly rude, but what are you doing here?"
"Were you crying?" Was Grissom's answer.
Sara looked away from his blue eyes, "why would you think that?"
"Your eyes are red and tear-stained, and your knees are wet," Grissom explained.
Sara was caught, there was no use in hiding now. She turned back to him and looked into his eyes. They were worried and looking for answers, "yes," Sara answered.
Grissom caught Sara completely off-guard and hugged her. With his arms wrapped around her body, Sara felt... relieved. She wrapped her arms around his neck and started to cry on his shoulder.
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Chapter One.
Sara Sidle. Strong. Smart. Independant. Filled with bad memories. Filled with bad expieriences, bad expiereiences that left her more broken than she already was. Just when the miserable, often depressed Sara Sidle thought she couldn't break into anymore pieces, life decided to prove her wrong.
Most people would just say coincidence, but coincidence stops after a while. So many times Sara Sidle had found herself with a razor in her hand, sometimes she couldn't bring herself to slice through the flesh that was herself, but other times, it couldn't be more easy. She guessed that that was when her good luck decided to step in. Countless suicide attempts that have left her alive.
Still Sara Sidle wondered when her luck would run out?
Probably any day now. It had to end someday, her job had helped her realize and deal with that. Ongoing depression would soon make its toll on Sara, and her life. Living in her pain would be what she would do until then.
So, Sara Sidle had bad luck with life, and good luck with death.
Right now, with Sara Sidle sitting on her bed, her knees tucked into her chest, tears falling down her face. She wasn't thinking of life or death. No, that wasn't the reason for her depression this night. Sara had found an old diary of hers in a drawer. She hadn't even read it yet and she was already crying. Even though she knew that crying wouldn't help, the tears kept falling.
The diary was beside her, waiting to be opened. Sara wasn't even sure if she would open it. All the years she had spent trying to forget, and the memories could be brought back with a simple piece of paper. Sara wondered how much she would cry if she read the depressing pages of her diary. She wondered what age she had been when she wrote in this diary, it didn't really matter, her whole life had been miserable, close to unbearable, depressing, so unbelievably depressing that there wasn't enough words to express it.
Sara swallowed, took a deep breath and picked up the diary. She didn't open it yet, she just looked at it. In her mind, she pictured a little girl, sitting on a small bed, crying and scribbling into the diary. That little girl was Sara Sidle, who's life was miserable from the day she was born. She had figured that someone would save her from her misery... Sara had given up on that too long ago to remember.
Sara Sidle was doomed to a life alone.
Unless, in some twisted, alternate reality, somone would take her into their arms, showed that they cared, showed that she could trust them.
Sara doubted that would happen. For now, she only loved one man, and he turned her down about three years ago. Even if he didn't know why, he had always been concerned about her.
His exact words weren't 'no,' actually he had said 'I don't know what to do about this.' His answer confused Sara. Did his answer mean that he didn't want to say no? Did that mean that he loved her? Gil Grissom was always a man of mystery.
Sara never could figure out Gil Grissom.
He was like an enigma, almost impossible puzzle yet so intriguing. Even if Grissom had turned Sara down five hundred times, she would still love him. Nothing would stop Sara from being in love with Gil, except for her death. Which brought her back to depression, even though she never left. She had tried desperately to get over Grissom, but nothing helped. Sara figured out that her death would get her out of love, which she had tried, many times before. Yet, Sara Sidle was still alive.
Sara couldn't bring herself to open the diary, her hands just completely froze. She put the diary back down on the bed. Sara was already in her usual depressed mood, she didn't need to help it with memories she'd forgotten.
Sara got up from the bed and went out into the kitchen. She got a glass from the cupboard then heard knocking at her apartment door. She put the glass down and opened the door to see Grissom in front of her. How ironic to think that the man she just thought of killing herself to escape from, just showed up at her apartment.
"Hi," Sara greeted. She opened the door more so he could come in. Sara closed the door as he walked in, then walked over and sat down on the couch. Grissom sat down beside her. "Sorry if this sounds slightly rude, but what are you doing here?"
"Were you crying?" Was Grissom's answer.
Sara looked away from his blue eyes, "why would you think that?"
"Your eyes are red and tear-stained, and your knees are wet," Grissom explained.
Sara was caught, there was no use in hiding now. She turned back to him and looked into his eyes. They were worried and looking for answers, "yes," Sara answered.
Grissom caught Sara completely off-guard and hugged her. With his arms wrapped around her body, Sara felt... relieved. She wrapped her arms around his neck and started to cry on his shoulder.
