This is the type of fic I write late at night, when my insomnia has settled in and I have nothing better to do. And it is also the type of fic I write early in the morning, when I wake up and can't fall back to sleep. WARNING: This is a very depressing story and will most likely result in character death, I haven't decided yet. ------------------------------------------------------ Chapter One. Sara Sidle. Strong. Smart. Independant. Filled with bad memories. Filled with bad expieriences, bad expiereiences that left her more broken than she already was. Just when the miserable, often depressed Sara Sidle thought she couldn't break into anymore pieces, life decided to prove her wrong. Most people would just say coincidence, but coincidence stops after a while. So many times Sara Sidle had found herself with a razor in her hand, sometimes she couldn't bring herself to slice through the flesh that was herself, but other times, it couldn't be more easy. She guessed that that was when her good luck decided to step in. Countless suicide attempts that have left her alive. Still Sara Sidle wondered when her luck would run out? Probably any day now. It had to end someday, her job had helped her realize and deal with that. Ongoing depression would soon make its toll on Sara, and her life. Living in her pain would be what she would do until then. So, Sara Sidle had bad luck with life, and good luck with death. Right now, with Sara Sidle sitting on her bed, her knees tucked into her chest, tears falling down her face. She wasn't thinking of life or death. No, that wasn't the reason for her depression this night. Sara had found an old diary of hers in a drawer. She hadn't even read it yet and she was already crying. Even though she knew that crying wouldn't help, the tears kept falling. The diary was beside her, waiting to be opened. Sara wasn't even sure if she would open it. All the years she had spent trying to forget, and the memories could be brought back with a simple piece of paper. Sara wondered how much she would cry if she read the depressing pages of her diary. She wondered what age she had been when she wrote in this diary, it didn't really matter, her whole life had been miserable, close to unbearable, depressing, so unbelievably depressing that there wasn't enough words to express it. Sara swallowed, took a deep breath and picked up the diary. She didn't open it yet, she just looked at it. In her mind, she pictured a little girl, sitting on a small bed, crying and scribbling into the diary. That little girl was Sara Sidle, who's life was miserable from the day she was born. She had figured that someone would save her from her misery... Sara had given up on that too long ago to remember. Sara Sidle was doomed to a life alone. Unless, in some twisted, alternate reality, somone would take her into their arms, showed that they cared, showed that she could trust them. Sara doubted that would happen. For now, she only loved one man, and he turned her down about three years ago. Even if he didn't know why, he had always been concerned about her. His exact words weren't 'no,' actually he had said 'I don't know what to do about this.' His answer confused Sara. Did his answer mean that he didn't want to say no? Did that mean that he loved her? Gil Grissom was always a man of mystery. Sara never could figure out Gil Grissom. He was like an enigma, almost impossible puzzle yet so intriguing. Even if Grissom had turned Sara down five hundred times, she would still love him. Nothing would stop Sara from being in love with Gil, except for her death. Which brought her back to depression, even though she never left. She had tried desperately to get over Grissom, but nothing helped. Sara figured out that her death would get her out of love, which she had tried, many times before. Yet, Sara Sidle was still alive. Sara couldn't bring herself to open the diary, her hands just completely froze. She put the diary back down on the bed. Sara was already in her usual depressed mood, she didn't need to help it with memories she'd forgotten. Sara got up from the bed and went out into the kitchen. She got a glass from the cupboard then heard knocking at her apartment door. She put the glass down and opened the door to see Grissom in front of her. How ironic to think that the man she just thought of killing herself to escape from, just showed up at her apartment. "Hi," Sara greeted. She opened the door more so he could come in. Sara closed the door as he walked in, then walked over and sat down on the couch. Grissom sat down beside her. "Sorry if this sounds slightly rude, but what are you doing here?" "Were you crying?" Was Grissom's answer. Sara looked away from his blue eyes, "why would you think that?" "Your eyes are red and tear-stained, and your knees are wet," Grissom explained. Sara was caught, there was no use in hiding now. She turned back to him and looked into his eyes. They were worried and looking for answers, "yes," Sara answered. Grissom caught Sara completely off-guard and hugged her. With his arms wrapped around her body, Sara felt... relieved. She wrapped her arms around his neck and started to cry on his shoulder.
Awww, I love angst!! Please write more soon, I wanna see where this goes! Finally Grissom is showing feelings! lol. Xx..::Mia-Sara::..xX
Chapter Two. After twenty minutes, Sara had stopped crying. She still rested her head gently on Gil's shoulder. Her arms were around his neck, and Grissom's arms were around Sara's waist. They sat in Sara's apartment in silence, wrapped in eachother's warmth. Their breathing syncronized. Their hearts beated at the same pace, at the same time, as one. Sara moved her head from Gil's shoulder to look up at his eyes. He was staring back down at her. Their arms were still arouns eachother. Sara was glad she wasn't dead, this moment would never be able to be re-lived. The hardest part would be to explain it after it happened. The moment held out, Sara kept staring into Grissom's eyes and Grissom kept staring into Sara's eyes. They both wondered what the other was thinking, but didn't dare ask. Sara had wanted this ever since she knew Gil, to be in someone's arms, arms that she trusted, arms that held her just tight enough to know that the person behind them cared. To know the person would keep her safe. No matter how much Sara wanted this, something was wrong. She pulled away and went back to the tense, scared girl she had always been. Gil still kept his gaze on her. The best thing to do, right now, was to stay quiet and wait for Sara to come to him. Sara turned her head away and avoided Grissom's eyes, she could feel them burning into the back of her head. "Sara, can you tell me what's wrong?" Grissom asked, his voice was soft and offering comfort. Gil waited in the quiet of the room for Sara to answer, but she stayed quiet. When Sara didn't speak, Gil asked again, "can you tell me what's wrong?" Sara realized that staying silent wouldn't help, "I'd rather not," was her answer. Grissom broke his gaze on the brunette and looked down at the floor. A long pause followed. "I can help if you tell me what's making you sad," Grissom said, trying to coax answers out of her. More like depressed, Sara thought to herself. She processed what he had said and laughed. Help... what a useless word, Sara thought. There wasn't anything Grissom could do to help her, unless he lied to her. Sara had figured out a long time ago that she would rather be rejected than lied to. "What's so funny about that?" Gil asked, gazing upon her again. His expression was serious. "Help," Sara paused, "you say it as if you mean it." Sara answered coldly, she looked at him and met Gil's gaze. Grissom didn't know what to say, he lost all of his words and was left speechless. "I... we... you... if..." Gil said, trying to get out his words, "what do you mean?" "If only you knew..." Sara said, trailing off. She got up from the couch to walk away. Gil got up quickly and grabbed her arm before she was too far, before she got anywhere. "Sara... I want to know," Gil said softly. Sara turned and looked at him, his expression was soft. Tears came to Sara's eyes, and she flung her arms around Grissom. He embraced Sara in his arms, and she cried into his chest. --- Sara stayed in Grissom's arms, with her head buried in his chest. She never wanted to leave because that was where Sara felt safest. Gil kissed the top of her head, which made Sara stop crying, she moved her head to look up at Gil. She stared up at him, looking for answers. She wondered why Grissom had kissed her. "Can you tell me what's wrong now?" Gil asked, ignoring Sara's unasked question. Sara sat back down on the couch, which meant that she was no longer in Gil's arms. "Lots of things," Sara answered quietly. "Sara," Gil said firmly. "I found an old diary from when I was a kid. I haven't even read it yet and I'm already crying," Sara said. "You haven't opened it?" Gil asked. "No," Sara answered quietly. She got up from the couch and went to her bedroom, a moment later, she returned to the couch with the diary in her hands. A minute went by of complete silence. Sara went to open the small black book, but Gil stopped her by taking her hand. "Are you sure you want to read it?" Gil asked. "Yes," was Sara's answer. She pulled her hand away from Gil's and opened the small black diary. She opened to a random page and read it aloud. "Dad hit me again today. As I ran to my room, I heard him hit my Mom too. It all happened after he came home from the bar. I wonder what death feels like, how can nothing feel? Where do I go when I'm dead? What do I think about if I'm gone? My Dad wouldn't notice, my Mom would fake cry, to give the impression to other people that she was sad. My class made fun of me at school today, they all said that my Dad was a drunk and that he never went home. It is true, but they didn't have to say the truth, they didn't have to say anything at all. They wouldn't miss me if I was dead either." Sara was in tears as she read the page. Grissom was wondering what age Sara was when she had first thought and considered suicide.
Siggy thing -- Dude, finishing eachothers sentences would be the...When I think of a good expression, I'll tell you... zomg. That...was...AWSOME! Dude! I think I'd actually pay to be Sara...For the, uh, comforting part, anyway. v_v;; Very nice, keep up the good work!
WOW!I love it!! I love how Grissom's just there for her andhow she reacts to him. And that diary....poor little depressed Sara!! I could see her being a preteen there - maybe that's just me. Xx..::Mia-Sara::..xX