Your Favorite CSI Line From any 3 Shows

From CSI: Miami

"If those scratches are from my son, and anything has happened to him, I'm going to come back to this room, and you will leave it in a bag."

EPIC HORATIO!
 
Here are a group of some favorite lines of mine from the CSI: NY season one episode Till Death Do We Part.

Det. Maka: Gives new meaning to the words "cold feet."
Danny: You know, if I would say something like that, you'd call me insensitive.
Det. Maka: No, I would have asked you if you wanted to grab a drink later. I'm attracted to a man with a dark sense of humor.
Mac: You two want to be alone? I'll drag the body outside.
Det. Maka: Sorry, Mac.
Danny: She started it.
 
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From CSI episode 'A kiss before frying'

Greg: "Catherine, why do the rotten ones smell so good."
 
Some of my favorites from Miami:

They never listen - priceless:guffaw:

s2 ep 9 Bait
Horatio: (To Eric) Okay. In the future--when you're going to watch someone's back...tell me, so I can watch yours.

s2 ep 11 Complications
Doctor: You've never made a mistake Lieutenant?
Horatio: Not one I was forced to bury.

Process Server: (Bringing a Civil suit for the dead doctor – Ringing the bell) Dr. Carlos Garza?
Speedle: He doesn't live here anymore.
Process Server: Where does he live?
Speedle: He doesn't.

s2 ep 14 Slow burn
Horatio (to the suspect): Let me give you a little heads up. It is not a good idea to lie to me, okay?

s2 ep 15 Stalkerazzi
Patrol Officer: Celebrity's part of the job, that's the difference between a Patrol Officer and a glorified trash collector.
Horatio: Is it part of your job tampering with a crime scene?
(later during that conversation)
Horatio: What else did you take?
Patrol Officer: I took a hat, but that's it.
Horatio: I need that hat.
(The Patrol Officer hands Horatio the hat, it has some blood stains)
Patrol Officer: Hey it's just a hat.
Horatio: And that's why you're just a Patrol Cop.

s2 ep 18 Wannabe
Horatio: I'm going to get some love from the Feds, they owe me a favour.

Carrie Delgado: Tim! Tell me you're kidding. Fifty blood stains?
Speed: Sorry, the next time, I'll ask the victim to die in one spot.

s5 ep 5 Death eminent
Mr. Preston: You see this? Now do you see what I'm up against here? I want police protection.
Horatio: You'll probably get it, Mr. Preston. Whose get a protection from me.

s8 ep1 Out of time
(About Locard's exchange principle)
Arnold Hollings: How come I've never heard of this on tv?
Horatio: Because guns make the news and science doesn't.
 
I loved when Jesse Cardoza and Walter Simmons first meet in the season 8 episode Bolt Action.

Walter: And you...(snickers)
Jesse: I'm Jesse.
Walter: You're Die Hard.
Jesse: What?
Walter: Die Hard. That's what the night shift calls you. Cause of what you did in that hostage situation.
Jesse: Yeah. Well, the night shift has too much time on their hands.
Walter: Yeah. Who you telling?
 
I have no idea where some of these lines come from but they always make me laugh/smile.

Sara: Sometimes a dying whale is just a dying whale.

Nick: Well...you need a translator because you aren't even speaking the same language.
Warrick: That's the best part.
(Catherine sighs and leaves while Warrick laughs)
Nick: Best...best part of what?

Brass: Games over, bitches.

Catherine (to Grissom): Sometimes you need to take your head out of that microscope.
Grissom (on the phone to the flower shop): Yes, I'd like to order some flowers. No a plant, she likes vegetation.

Catherine: You can't just ruin my evidence and then split!

Sara: When have you been interested in beauty?
Grissom: Since I met you.
 
Saw it today on Spike as was reminded, it's just about one of my favorite scenes on LV. :lol: When Nick and Grissom are in the adult baby store and Grissom asks if they sell adult diapers and she asks what size he is, and when he says they aren't for him she looks at Nick and says, "Well, aren't you lucky to have such a nice daddy!" :guffaw:

Then the look Grissom gives Nick...priceless! :lol:
 
CSI

Greg: (sniffs Sara) you smell like a death. that line still makes me laugh sometimes after I see Sara's reaction to Greg's comment.
 
Lady Heather: Say the magic word
Brass: Warrent. *holds it up*

There's another one like this, someone telling Brass no one gets in.
Brass: I have a coupon.

Grissom: I can't put my finger on it
Brass: What can't you put your finger on, besides the clock out button?

Brass:What're you doing after work
Grissom: More work

I love Doc singing Izzy(Iggy?) Delancey's cause of death. "There was blunt force trauma to the back of the head and damage to the occipital bone..."

Greg:All work and no play makes Greg a dull boy
Grissom: All play and no work makes Greg an unemployed boy

Mac: It could happen to you
Danny: Marriage?
Mac: Love.
Danny: Don't scare me like that.

In retrospect, I find that hilarious as a D/L shipper.

"You know what they say, it's a dirty job..."
Lindsay: But the rookie's gotta do it.
(I forget who said the first line there. Zoo York was the ep.)

Stella: Don't you ever sleep?
Mac: What's sleep?

McKeen: What are you doing?
Grissom: Circling evidence
McKeen: Why?
Grissom: Dead flies tell no lies

Greg: I know what this is, it's some kind of CSI initiation!


Blood Lust
Gris: What do you weigh?
Warrick:That's between me and my trainer
Gris: Do I have to get a scale?
Warrick: About 180 and some change,give or take a donut.
Sara: Don't ask, because I'm not telling you
Gris: Lay down on the floor
Warrick: I don't get paid enough to play dead.

Gil Grissom: You showered.
Catherine Willows: Thanks for noticing Gil, you're very observant.

Gil Grissom: [studying a surveillance tape and inadvertently blocking Cath's view] Can't tell what I'm observing here. What does that look like?
Catherine Willows: A five-foot-eleven workaholic.

Early Rollout
Gil Grissom: [discussing Catherine's goals when trying to finish her evaluation] You don't have a personal life?
Catherine Willows: Write this down. I haven't had sex in 6 - no, 7 months!
Gil Grissom: How can I help?
[Catherine looks shocked]
Gil Grissom: You. Advance, I mean.

Let The Seller Beware
[watching an attractive girl undress in a video]
Nick Stokes: BLAM.
Archie: You can say THAT again.
Nick Stokes: BLAM.
Catherine Willows: Down boys.

Catherine to Grissom: I'd slap you, but you'd probably like it.

Cath: Want to bet the birdy sings in the key of GSR?

Sara: We're off to blow up some bombs.
Warrick: Oh, I definately got the wrong end of this case
Grissom: Alas poor Warrick

Greg: Ninety-nine bottles of beer on the wall, ninety-nine bottles of beer. Swab one down, run it through CODIS, ninety-eight bottles of beer on the wall.

Doc: Go on, Mrs. Robbins always starts without me. (a beat) I was talking about dinner.

Suspect: Screw you :censored:
Cath: That's 'scew you, CSI Willows' and I've got a warrant

Nick: Hey, leggo my Greggo!

I think Griss calls him Greggo mockingly just afterward. It might be this line, but IDK
Fill me in
Greg: I was just going to ask Sara to dinner
Gris: On the case, Greggo.

Brass: DB Goodman, you've been bad. You're under arrest. (they like DB for initials I guess)

Play With Fire
Nick Stokes: Who takes a tape recorder with them on vacation?
Captain Jim Brass: Well, I keep one by the bed, in case I dream something useful.
Nick Stokes: Hmmm?
[looks shocked]
Captain Jim Brass: What? I can't have deep thoughts?

OR=#136cb2]Sara Sidle[/COLOR]: Relax and lie down on your back.
Greg Sanders: You know, this is exactly like a dream I had once, except it wasn't in a garage. And Grissom wasn't watching.
[pause]
Greg Sanders: That was a different dream.
Getting Off


Greg Sanders: I can't tell you how long they've been there or how often the guy changes his shorts. You know, I knew guys who could go up to four days on one single pair of tighty whities.
Catherine Willows: Thanks for puttin' that picture in my brain.

Big Shots
Greg Sanders: This neighborhood rains lead.
Gil Grissom: Yeah, and we have to process every last drop of it.
Greg Sanders: We're going to make Bobby Dawson's boat payment this month.

Brass:You're under arrest for obstructing justice, tampering with state's evidence, and violating seven articles of scumbag

Living Legend
Captain Jim Brass: Well then, looks like we have a homicide related road-pizza.
Gil Grissom: Yeah... who ordered it?

"Who's a cop?"
Brass and Sophia, in unison: He is!/She is!

Bobby Dawson: Hodges will have to verify this, but I believe that is Cream of Wheat.
Gil Grissom: So he's a cereal killer?
Bobby Dawson: Snap, crackle, pop!

DB: You must be Nick Stokes
Nick: And you must be contaminating the crime scene

I love Cath complaining about getting stuck with "DB Moonbeam"

That leads to Brass's line...not sure if it's the same ep or not. "You got anything, Moonbeam?"

Brass: (after DB starts with the "who killed Cock Robin" verses) Those 'shrooms in your office aren't medicinal, are they?

Cath: "It's raining manjuices?"
Sara: "Hallelujah."

(yes I copied a lot of mine and one of someone else's from the CSI Vegas forum)
 
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There's a line in Miami 'Kill Zone' which makes me smile for wrong reason.
Horatio (to police officer): Are you ready, Angel?

I just always want someone to say 'Yes, darling.'
 
Tonight added a fun one. I forget who was doing the talking, but they were watching a horror flick and critiquing the injuries. It might've been Sid, but not sure. "He'll be doing life plus 30 for ridiculous" or something along that line.
 
Stella asks a guy who he is, trying to confirm he's who they're looking for
Guy: The man, the myth...
Stella: Stella Bonesera. The law, the order.
 
I like where Nick and Sara are doing a scene up in the mountains somewhere. Sara's talking and NIck goes "Grissom? Gil, is that you?" to which Sara tells him to shut up, I think.

Gamer guy: I remember you, Commander Buzzkill

Jim: When I was their age, I was in Vietnam, fighting a real war with real guns

For serious quotes, I bet someone already did the famous "who we are/what we are" Grissom quote, but I love the videotape of Warrick, where he says that if he could have chosen his father, he'd have chosen Grissom.
 
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Too late for an edit now.

[DB tells Greg to meet Morgan at a motel. Greg gets a dreamy look]
DB: It's a scene, not a date, you wacky kid.

Morgan, at the motel: Is this a crime scene or a seventh grade sleepover.

I also liked Hodges talking about his 'outer shell' and then asking Morgan to dinner. Morgan replies "Sorry, I've got a date with Henry." after he says he has the results she needs.
 
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