Title: The Hardest Words Author: Katie Rating: PG-13ish for some minor violence Pairings: Catherine/Warrick Spoilers: For Warrick Summary: When Catherine is shot, she has to make a decision. YoBling! Disclaimer: I do not own CSI or any of the characters that are written about in this story. They belong to Bruckheimer, CBS, Zuiker, and a bunch of other people who make more money in one day then I will in probably my whole life. Author’s Note: This is just a oneshot that I did a little while ago that I’m finally getting around to publishing. Enjoy!! For those of you over at TalkCSI, this is the first fic I'm actually publishing here on the board. This is a oneshot, but due to character limits in posts, I'm going to have to break it down into two parts (I'll post the other one tomorrow). Please feel free to leave me feedback here or over at fanfiction.net. And while you're there, you can check out my other CSI fics~ /shameless plug. The link to my profile is http://www.fanfiction.net/~pugnturtle. I've written another YoBling, a PureJoy, and a Wilston...aka Ray/Catherine. But seriously, please let me know what you think! Feedback makes the world go round. =) ~/~ They say that life can change in the blink of an eye, but for Catherine Willows? She wasn’t sure how it exactly happened. Catherine didn’t remember seeing the suspect return to the crime scene, or how he got past the cops that were guarding the house. All she recalled was seeing the gun flash, and the next thing she knew, she was yelling at Riley to get down. Riley had merely looked back at her, stunned, not comprehending why Catherine now had a look of panic on her face. Without thinking, Catherine threw herself in front of the younger CSI. The impact of the first bullet struck her in the left side just as she hit Riley. The force of the bullet was enough to knock the pair down: the supervisor falling to her knees and Riley falling to her side. Catherine grimaced in pain as she reached for her weapon, shielding Riley’s body with her own. She no sooner pointed the weapon at the suspect when a second bullet erupted from his gun, striking Catherine in the right collarbone. She winced, but nevertheless aimed her gun as steadily as possible at the suspect. His lips were moving, but Catherine had no clue what he was saying. At this point, she didn’t care. It took all her remaining strength to pull the trigger, the bullet from her gun striking the suspect directly in the chest. His body fell backwards, the gun falling from his hand as Catherine slumped backwards, her body falling against Riley’s knees as her gun, too, slipped from her fingers. The younger woman shook her head, breaking herself out of the stunned silence that she had fallen into. Riley looked down at Catherine, her eyes wide with panic as she saw the blood covering the supervisor. “Catherine!” Riley muttered, her body moving on autopilot as she tore off her vest, pressing it against Catherine’s side, coaxing Catherine to lay flat on her back. Catherine gasped in pain as she felt Riley’s knee press the vest against her side, putting pressure on the fabric in an attempt to stem the blood flow. She saw Riley adjust her position so she was straddling her, trying to keep the older woman from sliding so she could put more pressure on her side. Next thing she knew, Riley was leaning over her, and Catherine felt pressure being applied to the wound near her shoulder, this time with Riley’s hands. “I need the paramedics!” Riley bellowed, bringing her frantic gaze down to Catherine’s face. The supervisor’s eyes were glazed over, but she looked calm for some reason. Swallowing, Riley willed herself to calm down for Catherine’s sake. “Hey, Catherine, you’re going to be okay,” Riley told her softly. She wanted to wipe the hair back from Catherine’s pale, sweaty face, but she couldn’t move her hands from Catherine’s shoulder. “Just hang in there, okay?” Catherine stared up at Riley, her lips moving but no sound coming out. Riley leaned her head down, her ear close to Catherine’s lips. “Lindsey…love…her…” Catherine managed to whisper. Blinking, Riley looked down at Catherine, seeing the faraway gaze in the older woman’s eyes. “No, Catherine, you can tell Lindsey that yourself, okay?” Riley asked. She glanced up, seeing the paramedics run into the room. “Just hang in there, please!” Catherine nodded, but her eyes slipped shut as darkness overcame her. ~/~ As dark as it had been moments ago, it was now white. Catherine slowly forced her eyes open, blinking against the harsh white of the room that she was now in. She slowly sat up, glancing down at her shoulder. There was no trace of blood, nor was there any pain. A quick glance at her side indicated the same. For a moment, Catherine wondered whether she was dreaming. Maybe she had just imagined that the suspect had returned and that she had been shot. But it felt so real. And besides, where was she now? Catherine slowly stood, looking around. It was quiet, yet there was a calming hum in the room. She didn’t see any windows or doors. Slowly, Catherine turned, and jumped when she saw there was someone in the room with her. She slowly made her way to the man, her heart pounding slightly as she came closer. She would recognize those curls and green eyes anywhere. “Warrick,” Catherine all but breathed, taking long strides towards him. She stopped in front of him, her hands dangling limply by her side as he looked up at her. “How – how is this possible?” Catherine asked hoarsely. “Where am I?” She blinked, glancing down at her shoulder again. “Oh, God. I’m dead, aren’t I?” Warrick finally smiled at Catherine, his green eyes filled with apprehension. “No, you’re not dead, at least not yet,” he said gently. “Where am I?” Catherine asked, confused. “Wasn’t I shot? Why don’t I hurt?” She glanced down as Warrick took her hand in his, his skin warm against her cold hand. “I can’t answer those questions, Catherine. All I know is that you have a decision to make.” ~/~ Catherine forced her eyes open, attempting to lift her left hand to pull whatever was covering her mouth and nose off. She would have tried to do so with her right, but she currently couldn’t move her arm. “Ms. Willows, calm down, it’s just oxygen!” An unfamiliar voice chastised her. “Please, just stay still.” She muttered in response, fighting against the hand as she tried to pull the mask off, only to have someone restrain her arm. “Someone get 10 milligrams of Morphine,” Catherine heard another unknown voice. “No,” she yelled from behind the mask, her voice muffled. She struggled, crying out at the pain that shot through her body at the action. Hands held her down as she struggled, but soon she felt a warmth spreading through her body. The darkness came again. ~/~ “What kind of decision?” Warrick glanced up at her, finally standing. His hand was still gripping hers, and he placed his other hand on her shoulder. “You have to choose where you are going to go.” Catherine stared at him, her blue eyes emotional as she comprehended what Warrick was saying. “Are you…are you saying that I have to choose between living, or, or…or dying?” Catherine stammered. “Rick, I can’t make that choice!” “You have to, Cath,” Warrick answered her. “I had to.” “Why did you leave us?” Catherine couldn’t help the angry tone that slipped from her mouth. “How could you leave me?” “It was time, Catherine,” Warrick told her gently. She made a disgusted sound and tried to pull her hand from his, but he wouldn’t let her. “Catherine, when McKeen shot me, he severed the nerves in my neck and throat,” he said, moving his hand from her shoulder to her cheek. “Not only would I not be able to talk, but I wouldn’t be able to walk, either. I wouldn’t be able to tell you…that I love you.” “Call me selfish if you want, but I wasn’t ready to live in that kind of pain. When I laid there in Grissom’s arms, I saw my grandmother in this room. She told me the same thing that I’m telling you: that I had a choice to make. I saw you, driving home, a smile on your face. I saw Nicky flirting with that waitress, and Greg on his way to the airport. I saw Grissom holding me tightly to keep me alive, but I knew. Catherine, I knew that it was my time to go. “Close your eyes, Catherine.” She glanced up at him, seeing the pleading look in his eyes. She finally complied, shutting her eyes against the stark white of the room. “Tell me what you see.” “Lindsey,” Catherine murmured. Her daughter was swinging on the swing with her current boyfriend, the pair talking. “My mother,” Catherine continued. She saw her mother talking to a handsome older man on a cruise ship. “The team,” Catherine finished. They were sitting in the waiting room of the hospital, worry evident on all of their faces. Riley was covered in blood, a haunted look on her face. Jim, Greg, and Ray all looked stoic as they waited for news about the supervisor, and Nick look worried as well as he talked on his cell phone, pacing the hallway. Catherine opened her eyes, not surprised to see Warrick looking back at her. “I want all of it,” Catherine finally murmured. “I want you and them.” “You can’t have all of it,” Warrick said softly bringing his hand to the back of her neck. “You have a lot to live for.” “So did you,” Catherine couldn’t help but sniffle as she said this, staring at Warrick evenly. “You’re going to be in a lot of pain for a very long time if you go back,” Warrick added, ignoring her last statement. “Your kidney and collarbone are damaged, and there’s a chance that you may not be able to work in the field again.” Seeing the panic in Catherine’s eyes, Warrick clarified, “You may not be able to pass the weapon’s tests, Catherine. But there will undoubtedly be a job for the hero of the LVPD.” She stared up at him, confused. “You saved Riley’s life, honey,” Warrick told her. “You threw yourself in front of her so she wouldn’t be shot, and managed to take down the suspect despite two bullet wounds, including one that should have affected your shooting. You’re a hero.” Silence. Then Catherine whispered, “I’m not a hero.” Warrick smiled at Catherine’s statement, shaking his head. “You’re my hero,” he answered softly. He ducked his head, pressing his lips to hers gently. ~/~ “…left kidney is lacerated…” “…collarbone is shattered, we need to put pins…” “…almost nicked an artery…” “…still losing too much blood…” “…need to get her on the table right now!” All the voices were mingling together, and it was almost too much for her to deal with. Catherine willed darkness to overcome her again so she could go back to that blissful white room, but before it did, another voice rang out. “Stats are dropping!” “Get her to the OR, stat! We need to get these bullets out of her!” Warrick! ~/~ Catherine felt her knees weaken at the contact, her mind racing as she returned the kiss. It felt so good to be back in his arms. His arm snaked around her waist, pulling the strawberry blond closer to him. Catherine wrapped her arms around Warrick’s waist, enjoying the feel of his arms wrapped around her. Last time they had been this close, it had been at the bottom of a drainage ditch, and Warrick had saved her from falling on her butt. If only they hadn’t been interrupted, Catherine wondered what may have happened… Warrick was the first to pull back, leaving Catherine breathless as she stared up at him. “Are you trying to convince me to stay here?” she finally managed. “I can’t tell you what to do, Cath,” Warrick gently told her. “Do you want me here?” He glanced down at her before slowly closing his eyes. “Cath, I can’t-” Her hands on his cheeks forced Warrick’s eyes open, cutting off his words. He met her intense, stormy eyes and closed his mouth. “Do not tell me that you can’t tell me what to do,” Catherine warned. “I’m asking you what you want.” ~/~ Catherine couldn’t feel her side, mercifully, but the pain in her collarbone was still there. It was almost unbearable to the point where she was going to pass out – again. She whimpered, trying to lift her head to see what was behind the sheet near her midsection where everyone was huddled. “She’s up again!” a voice called, and Catherine brought her bleary eyes up to look at whom she assumed was a nurse. Everything was really blurry. “You’re a tough one, aren’t you? We just can’t seem to keep you under.” The voice seemed distorted to Catherine, and she opened her mouth to reply. Her tongue felt three times too big, however, and she simply moaned. “Hang on, Catherine,” the blur said. “I’m gonna get you something to knock you out.” “No!” Catherine managed hoarsely. She was dimly aware of the heart monitor rapidly beeping, but she didn’t care. She wanted to know what was going on, and where Warrick was. “Calm down, honey,” another blur said, holding a needle to the tube in her hand. “We’re going to fix you all up, okay?” “No,” Catherine repeated, shaking her head. But nevertheless, the darkness slowly came again. ~/~ “I – I want you here with me, Catherine,” Warrick finally admitted after a moment of silence. “But you have a daughter and a team down there that needs you.” “I know,” Catherine told him. “And I feel guilty for leaving you here. I just…I wonder what would have happened if I would have asked-” She cut herself off, adverting her gaze. “Asked me what?” Warrick coached, placing a hand on her chin to force Catherine to look at him. “Asked me what?” he repeated. “To go home with me,” Catherine admitted. “After breakfast, I was going to ask you back to my house but Nicky was there and I didn’t want to stir up any rumors. I wish that I would have asked you. Maybe you wouldn’t have-” A sob escaped, and she wiped her eyes furiously to keep the tears at bay. “Hey, hey,” Warrick whispered when he realized where her train of thought was headed, trailing his thumbs over her cheeks. “Nothing you would have done that morning could have changed what happened. If you had been with me, McKeen would have shot you too.” Catherine shook her head. “Maybe-” “No, no maybes.” Warrick smiled wryly. He sobered, then added, “Catherine…I love you. I always have, and I always will. I watch you everyday-” This time, his words were cut off by Catherine’s lips on his. “I love you too,” Catherine said when they parted, tears streaming down her cheeks. “I never stopped loving you even when you left.” “I know,” Warrick said simply. They held each others gazes for several long minutes before he finally sighed. “So what are you going to do?” Her chin dropped, and she uttered the hardest words she’d ever say. “I have to go back.” He nodded, but at the same time, his heart was breaking. “Go back to them, Catherine,” Warrick said hoarsely, kissing her forehead gently. “Just don’t make them wait too long.” ~/~ The second part will be here tomorrow-ish. =)