The "Best CSI LV Quotes" Thread

Discussion in 'CSI: Crime Scene Investigation' started by MacsGirlMel, Mar 7, 2011.

  1. MacsGirlMel

    MacsGirlMel Mac's Personal Assistant

    Feb 5, 2006
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    (Do we have one of these already? I find them hilarious, but I couldn't find a place to post the one I was thinking about.)

    Blood Lust
    Gris: What do you weigh?
    Warrick:That's between me and my trainer
    Gris: Do I have to get a scale?
    Warrick: About 180 and some change,give or take a donut.
    Sara: Don't ask, because I'm not telling you
    Gris: Lay down on the floor
    Warrick: I don't get paid enough to play dead.

    IDK the entire script, but I love for serious-type quotes Warrick's video speech in For Warrick

    Warrick: Where's my evaluation?
    Gris: You're sitting on it (argh what ep was it?)

    I know there are a lot of these.

    Grissom, looking at corset-guy: What a waste(waist) (I know that was a finale ep but with 11 seasons, I can't recall the title again)
    Last edited: Mar 8, 2011
  2. Smokey

    Smokey Nickaholic Moderator

    May 11, 2007
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    Re: The "Best CSI Quotes" Thread

    We have a thread somewhere, but since it's been buried for so long it's fine to start a new one. Just everyone please remember to put more than just one little line or quote per post. Thanks! :)

    One of mine:

    Super Dave: "His name was Stripey. Everybody loved him. I loved him." :lol:
  3. Speedystokesgirl

    Speedystokesgirl Judge

    Dec 15, 2007
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    Re: The "Best CSI Quotes" Thread

    That would be 'Evaluation Day' :)

    Nick: You know what Grissom would say
    Super Dave: Something ironic I'm sure :lol:

    The Case of the Cross Dressing Carp
    Grissom: I could process these for you (referring to the load of carp Catherine had)
    Cathereine: Do I know how to turn you on or what? :guffaw: (I just love how she gets under Grissom's skin)

    Drops Out
    Brass: Oh goodie, we're going to the hood.
  4. PraetorCorvinus

    PraetorCorvinus Moderator Moderator

    Apr 17, 2009
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    Re: The "Best CSI Quotes" Thread

    A few of my favorites:

    "The Good, The Bad, The Dominatrix"

    Warrick: [on picking up the victims purse] This things heavier than my kit. Ever get hit in the head with one of these?
    Nick: No, gentlemen don't get hit in the head with those.


    Warrick: When we checked the flash drive I found in Jill's drawer, we found more than meets the eye.
    Greg: It's a Transformer?

    Warrick: (holds up a pair of fuzzy handcuffs): I found her naughty drawer.
    Greg: My favorite part of any bedroom search

    "Early Rollout"

    Catherine: I ... write this down: I haven't had sex in six... no... seven months.
    Grissom: (looks at Catherine and sighs) How can I help?
  5. MacsGirlMel

    MacsGirlMel Mac's Personal Assistant

    Feb 5, 2006
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    Re: The "Best CSI Quotes" Thread

    Oh yeah duh. I wanna ride with Gris *raises hand*

    LOL I'd forgotten that one, she does.

    Brass: Pig and the piglets are in the pigpen

    Ending Happy:
    Doc says he's going to cut into the vic's...guy further examine them
    Warrick: Uh, could you wait until I leave the room, doc?

    (from IMDB)
    Living Legend
    Captain Jim Brass: Well then, looks like we have a homicide related road-pizza.
    Gil Grissom: Yeah... who ordered it?

    Bad to the Bone
    Captain Jim Brass: [to a suspect] That stare doesn't work on me. Keep it though - they'll love it in prison.

    Bite Me
    Catherine Willows: Tequila will always remind me of Señor Frog's.
    LVPD Capt. Jim Brass: Which one?
    Catherine Willows: Cancun. My honeymoon. My dime.
    LVPD Capt. Jim Brass: Well, if you ever want to go back, it's on me.
    Catherine Willows: Is that a proposal?

    Pledging Mr Johnson
    Catherine Willows: I can tell you first hand, when you don't cheat, you don't suspect.
    Captain Jim Brass: Oh, man, I wish I had been married to you.
    Catherine Willows: Not a chance.
    (she does it to Brass too hahahaha)

    No Humans Involved
    Gil Grissom: She talks to herself.
    Captain Jim Brass: It works for me.

    Play With Fire
    Nick Stokes: Who takes a tape recorder with them on vacation?
    Captain Jim Brass: Well, I keep one by the bed, in case I dream something useful.
    Nick Stokes: Hmmm?
    [looks shocked]
    Captain Jim Brass: What? I can't have deep thoughts?

    Slaves of Las Vegas
    Catherine Willows: I just realized that you and I have a very healthy relationship.
    Gil Grissom: We do?
    Catherine Willows: When we have a problem, I don't paint Greg in latex and stick a straw up his nose.
    Gil Grissom: Good. He'd probably like it.
    Catherine Willows: You're supposed to say something revealing back to me.
    Gil Grissom: Okay. I never told anyone this, Catherine.

    Secrets and Flies
    UnderSheriff McKeen: What are you doing?
    Gil Grissom: Circling blowflies.
    UnderSheriff McKeen: Why?
    Gil Grissom: 'Cause dead flies tell no lies.

    Way to Go

    Bobby Dawson: Hodges will have to verify this, but I believe that is Cream of Wheat.
    Gil Grissom: So he's a cereal killer?
    Bobby Dawson: Snap, crackle, pop!

    King Baby
    Gil Grissom: You showered.
    Catherine Willows: Thanks for noticing Gil, you're very observant.
    Gil Grissom: [studying a surveillance tape and inadvertently blocking Cath's view] Can't tell what I'm observing here. What does that look like?
    Catherine Willows: A five-foot-eleven workaholic.
    Early Rollout
    Gil Grissom: [discussing Catherine's goals when trying to finish her evaluation] You don't have a personal life?
    Catherine Willows: Write this down. I haven't had sex in 6 - no, 7 months!
    Gil Grissom: How can I help?
    [Catherine looks shocked]
    Gil Grissom: You. Advance, I mean.

    Let The Seller Beware
    [watching an attractive girl undress in a video]
    Nick Stokes: BLAM.
    Archie: You can say THAT again.
    Nick Stokes: BLAM.
    Catherine Willows: Down boys.

    There's one I can't find the title for and my eyes are getting tired...Cath: Wanna bet the birdie sings in the key of GSR?

    Cath to Gil in The Good The Bad and the Dominatrix: You know I'd slap you but you'd probably like it.
    Last edited: Mar 8, 2011
  6. KaiLUxO

    KaiLUxO Police Officer

    Jul 27, 2010
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    Re: The "Best CSI Quotes" Thread

    "And Then There Were None"
    Sara: Do you have a mirror?
    Cath: Since when do you care about your appearance....ugh I mean at a crime scene?
    Sara: It's not for me.
    Cath: Sorry!

    "One Hit Wonder"
    Grissom: The best intentions are fraught with disappointment.
    Sara: Emerson?
    Grissom: Grissom.

    Grissom: Sara?
    Sara: Hmmm.
    Grissom: Do you have any duct tape in your kit?
    Sara: Yeah, that's what I use to keep it together.

    "Blood Moon"
    Sara: This car is a gas guzzler. You'd think a wolf would be more environmentally conscious.

    "House of Hoarders"
    Sara: Just follow the North Star.

    "All that Cremains"
    Sara: Where's the sex?
    Greg: Tell me about it, it's like watching American Idol auditions.

    Just a few out of many ;)
  7. kaylyne

    kaylyne Coroner

    Jan 12, 2006
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    Re: The "Best CSI Quotes" Thread

    Best quote:

    Cath: Shut up!

    So simple. So Cath! :guffaw:
  8. vegaslights

    vegaslights Brute

    Oct 30, 2004
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    Re: The "Best CSI Quotes" Thread

    Nick: Hey, Greg.
    Greg: Oh, what's up Nick?
    Nick: Going home. Taking a shower. Probably some other stuff. ;)
    Greg: No kidding? Shower at my place is broken. Mind if I swing by?

    Whoops, wrong thread.

  9. K-Bug

    K-Bug Lab Technician

    Apr 22, 2009
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    Re: The "Best CSI Quotes" Thread

    ^^^ROFL. Which time, Kay?!

    Some of my personal favorites.

    Cath: "It's raining manjuices?"
    Sara: "Hallelujah."

    Cath: "I once dated the Detroit Lions mascot. Off-season. Dutch was his name."
    Grissom: "The breadth of your social experience never ceases to impress me."

    Cath: "At least we know what this guy was about: pucks, bucks, and...*Grissom gives her a look* Chicks."From: Loco Motives (

    Brass: "Construction crew found him this morning. Woman's dead, and he's not talking. Wouldn't even give me his name even after I gave him my name!
    (Catherine is laughing in the background)
    Grissom: "Did you, uh, pull his wallet?"
    Brass: "Everything is just the way I found him."
    (Catherine is still heard laughing)
    "You know, I figured some knuckle head came in off the street, found him figured he had a free pass and picked his pocket.
    (Catherine is still laughing)
    "Anyway, I'm talking to people on the street (starts to laugh) I'll let you know what we find."
    Grissom (smiling): "Catherine, do you need a minute?"
    Catherine (snickering behind her hand): "Yes, yes, I mean...I mean no, Gil, I-I'm good."
    (to Max, the guy in cement)
    "So how's your day going?"
    (she starts to laugh again)

    Max: "Lady, the best day I've ever had is worse than the worst day you've ever imagined."
    Catherine (smirks): "Oh, I doubt that."
  10. KaiLUxO

    KaiLUxO Police Officer

    Jul 27, 2010
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    Re: The "Best CSI Quotes" Thread

    AHAHAHAHA K-Bug your last one, one of my faves!

    I had to do it...

    "Nesting Dolls"
    Sara: The only reason this is your lab is b/c Grissom doesn't kiss ass. You couldn't hack it in the field, so you fail your way up, you break up our team, & now you hang out in the hallways waiting for one of us to screw up.
    Ecklie: Sidle, you're on one week suspension without pay.
    Sara: Great.
    Ecklie: And when you get back you're apologizing to Catherine.
    Sara: No, I'm not.

  11. MacsGirlMel

    MacsGirlMel Mac's Personal Assistant

    Feb 5, 2006
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    Re: The "Best CSI Quotes" Thread

    Sara: We're off to blow up some bombs.
    Warrick: Oh, I definately got the wrong end of this case
    Grissom: Alas poor Warrick

    Ironic in retrospect, if you ask me.
    What ep was it? I forgot.
  12. Speedystokesgirl

    Speedystokesgirl Judge

    Dec 15, 2007
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    Re: The "Best CSI Quotes" Thread

    Lady Heather's Box

    Grissom: I'd like to come in.
    Heather: I'm sure you do. Say the magic word.
    Brass: Warrant

    Evaluation Day

    Catherine: Definitely a crime of passion
    Grissom: You think a female could do this?
    Catherine: I could've
    Grissom: Scared of you

    King Baby

    Grissom: I have missed working with you Catherine!
    Catherine: What part? the part where I yelled at you, or where I lost evidence or maybe you just miss me!
    Grissom: I do miss you, i miss you passion, i miss your drive, I even miss your tush!
  13. LionsHeart

    LionsHeart Lab Technician

    Mar 7, 2010
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    Re: The "Best CSI Quotes" Thread

    I copied these texts from (since I'm too lazy to write them myself:lol:)

    Way to go
    Grissom: I think I found a toupé. Our vic may be bald.
    Nick: Thanks. That will help me distinguish it from the other severed heads I find out here.

    A la Cart
    Nick: (watching people race go-karts): You know, when I was a kid, we used to make these things out of lunch trays and you know, lawn mower engines.
    Greg: When I was a kid I used to make bombs... little bombs.

    The accused is entitled
    Warrick: You don't recognize that guy, do you? It's Tom Haviland, movie star.
    Grissom: Clark Gable was a movie star.
  14. MacsGirlMel

    MacsGirlMel Mac's Personal Assistant

    Feb 5, 2006
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    Re: The "Best CSI Quotes" Thread

    Chaos Theory
    Grissom:I can't be everywhere, and they've banned human cloning.
    (I'd make an exception for one of him...or a Grissom-bot. Ther's a really funny fanfic about that lol)

    "All work and no play makes Greg a dull boy"
    "All play and no work makes Greg an unemployed boy"

    Gris: Greg? Yo, MTV boy!

    Guy: Who's a cop?
    Sophia and Brass: He is! She is! *at the same time, as they point at each other*
    (I located the old thread, the closed one)

    "There was blunt force trauma to the back of the head and damage to the occipital bone. There was massive hemorrhaging on the brain and death was probably swift. Yeah! *beat* Sorry, Izzy"

    Gris and Doc's duet just before that was funny too.

    Greg: Ninety-nine bottles of beer on the wall, ninety-nine bottles of beer. Swab one down, run it through CODIS, ninety-eight bottles of beer on the wall.

    IDK what eps those are, except the song was Built to Kill...the others weren't written down.
  15. margarita_salt

    margarita_salt Hit and Run

    Oct 4, 2010
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    Re: The "Best CSI Quotes" Thread

    Two and A Half Deaths
    Spencer: Sure, I created the show. When the show became a hit, she became a star. I became a highly paid butt-monkey.
    Brass: Well, it's a skill like anything else.
    Lytle: Beautiful people doing high-tech police work. There might be a series in this.
    Hodges: Even at their most absorbent, tampons only hold about 19 grams of fluid or about 20 milliliters
    Wendy: Well, that's enough for aunt flow but that is not going to get an alcoholic drunk!
    Hodges: Who's aunt flow? Oh! All right, maybe she was just doing it to take the edge off but what I can't figure out is how she managed it because every time I throw one in here, it turns into Spongebob Squarepants !

    The Chick Chop Flick Shop
    Zack Putrid: Brass, look at my ass! Freakin' claw marks!
    Brass: Are you trying to make me throw up
    Drops Out
    Drops :Well, look who it is: Mom and Dad. One big happy family, huh?
    Brass: Get in the car. I got a feeling that I'm gonna regret this.
    Nick: I already do.
    Drops: I can't explain these women. One minute, they're sending each other cupcakes on Facebook, the next they're trying to kill each other over a broken curling iron.

    Love these Quotes!!!

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