Survival Of The Loners: Can You Make It On Your Own?

Strangely enough, as much as the loner in me adores having no one around to really physically talk to, and just sticking to my online "relationships", whether with friends or people on the forum, when I meet other loners, I want so bad to acquaint myself with them.

You know, LisaSimpson I'm 22 and I can tell you for the past 10 years, atleast, i have been planning on leaving my family and living on my own. I finally did something like that last month when I moved from Lebanon to New York and all I think about now is them. I think it's really difficult to ocmpletely be over your family. It's not like romance relationships. I think those are ones we eventually move past and learn to accept. But family, that's a hole in your heart that will take a lot longer to heal. For me atleast, I don't want to speak on your behalf, but I'm talking from experience.
 
I have Asperger's, so I'm a loner by nature. I really enjoy being alone and doing stuff by myself, but I also dream about getting married eventually, having children... and it's well, very difficult for me. The other thing is, I want to have a rock band and my lack of social skills has been an obstacle for that, so in that sense I don't enjoy loneliness. I have a couple of friends, but while I like to be alone most of the time, sometimes I want to be able to have fun in ways that allow me to share with my friends - I'm learning to do that, albeit very slowly.
 
I love being alone and most of the time i am but i do enjoy others company i don't think i could cope being alone 24/7
although i do wish i could move out and get a place of my own but im 'too young':scream:
i think being alone and being independent are different though
 
Roka4csi said:
You know, LisaSimpson I'm 22 and I can tell you for the past 10 years, atleast, i have been planning on leaving my family and living on my own. I finally did something like that last month when I moved from Lebanon to New York and all I think about now is them. I think it's really difficult to ocmpletely be over your family. It's not like romance relationships. I think those are ones we eventually move past and learn to accept. But family, that's a hole in your heart that will take a lot longer to heal. For me atleast, I don't want to speak on your behalf, but I'm talking from experience.
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i'm 32, i moved out just after my 18th birthday (having been at boarding school for 4 years before that) and i still can't seem to get rid of them! i live about 2-3 miles away and it's not too bad i guess, but they do have a habit of just popping over, and they phone me *every* day which drives me bloody nuts (literally). i've never felt a bond with my parents, probably due to being in hospital for the first 2-3 years, i literally had a hole in my heart! (well, technically several holes and some other stuff) and although i get on with my brothers i don't really have a bond there either, and i don't think i'd mind not seeing them. family occasions just bother me, i hate xmas! i'd much rather just be by myself really. my friends are far more important for me really and even them i don't see that often.
 
*lisasimpson* said:
Roka4csi said:
You know, LisaSimpson I'm 22 and I can tell you for the past 10 years, atleast, i have been planning on leaving my family and living on my own. I finally did something like that last month when I moved from Lebanon to New York and all I think about now is them. I think it's really difficult to ocmpletely be over your family. It's not like romance relationships. I think those are ones we eventually move past and learn to accept. But family, that's a hole in your heart that will take a lot longer to heal. For me atleast, I don't want to speak on your behalf, but I'm talking from experience.
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i'm 32, i moved out just after my 18th birthday (having been at boarding school for 4 years before that) and i still can't seem to get rid of them! i live about 2-3 miles away and it's not too bad i guess, but they do have a habit of just popping over, and they phone me *every* day which drives me bloody nuts (literally). i've never felt a bond with my parents, probably due to being in hospital for the first 2-3 years, i literally had a hole in my heart! (well, technically several holes and some other stuff) and although i get on with my brothers i don't really have a bond there either, and i don't think i'd mind not seeing them. family occasions just bother me, i hate xmas! i'd much rather just be by myself really. my friends are far more important for me really and even them i don't see that often.
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I would hate my parents ringing me every day when i moved out:p
and i feel the same way my dad died when i was 4 and me and my mum were close until she got with my stepdad 6 years ago and now i don't really get on with either of them i dont really have a bond with my brother either but i think that is because he is nearly 8 years older and moved out when i was 12. i love my friends more than my parents.which doesnt bother me much
and sorry to hear about your heart hope you are healthy now;)
 
*lisasimpson* said:
i'm 32, i moved out just after my 18th birthday (having been at boarding school for 4 years before that) and i still can't seem to get rid of them! i live about 2-3 miles away and it's not too bad i guess, but they do have a habit of just popping over, and they phone me *every* day which drives me bloody nuts (literally). i've never felt a bond with my parents, probably due to being in hospital for the first 2-3 years, i literally had a hole in my heart! (well, technically several holes and some other stuff) and although i get on with my brothers i don't really have a bond there either, and i don't think i'd mind not seeing them. family occasions just bother me, i hate xmas! i'd much rather just be by myself really. my friends are far more important for me really and even them i don't see that often.
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I also hope your heart's better now. I guess it doesn't matter if you're under their roof or not, as long as you're in the same country or state you're going to have them in your daily life. Since I moved here, I only call them once a week, I get too weak to hear their voices every day. I swear 2 months ago I was praying for the day they were out of my life.

Holidays and family occasions do make it more difficult if you really can't stand them.

meggzie Having good friends around you probably made this all easier on you. I guess some of us are luckier in that aspect than others :) I happen to think my friends suck :lol:
 
Roka4csi said:
I also hope your heart's better now. I guess it doesn't matter if you're under their roof or not, as long as you're in the same country or state you're going to have them in your daily life.
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oh yeah, it's fine, it withstands all the antipsychotics, cigarettes and alcohol just fine :D

yeah, it's funny tho, they have a place in france, and even when they're there my mum rings me at least once a day (even tho my dad is really tight about phone bills). i always travel by myself, i like to get away from everyone and everything, and my mum STILL rings me - last year she rang every night to talk to me in turkey (from france!), and the conversation is always the same -

me: "hello"
she: "how are you?"
m: "ok"
s: "what did you do today?"
m: "nothing, sat by a pool reading a book"
s: "oh, lovely, well we didn't do anything either"
m:"er, right..." (thinking 'why did you spend a fortune to tell me that?!')

she even rang me every night when i was in *siberia*! that's when you start wondering what on earth is going on.

one reason i want to do my masters in france is that when they're over here in the uk, i'll be about 8-9 hours away from them at least, and even when they're in france too i'll still be 3-4 hours away, instead of what i am now which is 20 mins or something. i love france anyway and it would be lovely to have some real distance.

so anyway, yes back on topic, i really would love to be totally by myself, i'd relish it. i spend 90% of my time alone anyway, apart from my cats :)
 
I've always been a loner. My parents alienated themselves from our relatives and didn't socialize much, and I was a nerd at school, so I didn't have a lot of friends.

Now I have a lot of friends now, but I still find I'm quite alone most of the time.

Sometimes it sucks and other times it's nice.
 
I had asked something about that earlier, if anyone thinks it has something to do with our families, if its something genetic or just because our parents didn't encourage us to associate with people much.
 
Roka4csi said:
I had asked something about that earlier, if anyone thinks it has something to do with our families, if its something genetic or just because our parents didn't encourage us to associate with people much.
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I think it depends, sometimes it's nature, sometimes it's nurture.

For me it was nurture, it was because my family was very isolated due to a number of issues, and also my parents were just dysfunctional people in general. I really wasn't comfortable bringing friends to my house due to the dysunctionalism (if that' s word?), I wasn't comfortable allowing people into my life. So I made very few friends

Plus I grew up in the city and found it hard to make friends.

Some habits die hard.

Now over the years, I've become much more sociable, but I also relish my alone time. I still think I"m a loner, but I'm not as much of a loner as I used to be because I realize the value of good friendships. I'm careful about the kind of people that come into my life, but I do have a wider circle of friends. I've moved to a smaller community and that's helped a great deal.
 
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