Survival Of The Loners: Can You Make It On Your Own?

Roka4csi

Roka4csi

Coroner
So, we've all fought with our parents at one point or another when it comes to "leaving us alone". Have you ever stopped to think, however, if you really would like to be left alone? Could you survive without having friends around when you're bored or upset? Can you bear with changing your car tire on your own should you get a flat tire while driving on the high way one day? (yes, even you, ladies).
We speak of independence and of having the maturity to be able to do things on our own, but to what level can we really survive alone?
Most people that I have spoken to say they want to go out with friends this weekend, celebrate Christmas with family, get married eventually... and when I ask why they want their lives to be shared with others I usually get a "because I don't want to be alone". So now I ask you, should you wake up one day to find that you have no one around... that your family is gone, your friends have ditched you or passed away, people in the streets were too rude and demanding for you to ever ask them to help you change your tire.... would you survive?
On a deeper note, could you ever choose to be a loner, to accept that you do not enjoy the presence of other people?


Can you make it on your own?
 
There's no way in hell that I would like to be alone for the rest of my life. If I'm by myself for more then a good couple of hours I go crazy. I enjoy being in others company whether it be the ones of aquitances, family, friends, boyfriends etc.

I just don't feel complete if I'm by myself. I'm one that loves any affection so it would be weird to not receive at least one hug and kiss from a loved one. I want somebody beside me when I'm scared, when I cry or when I have big news to share. I want someone to share all my emotions with.

I also think there's a big difference between being independent & being a loner. Sure, it's fantastic that you can do things alone but at the end of the day I want to be surrounded by someone whom I care about.

Marriage to me is more then just not dying alone. I wanna get married because I love the guy & want to spend the rest of my life with him & have his kids. It's not because I have a fear of dying alone which I'll admit that I do.

Basically, I want my own space just like everyone but I need people around me so I can function properly. If I can't see them the sound of their voice almost makes up for it. When I die I want to be remembered as a best friend & loving grandmother, not someone who had nobody but their side.

I hope that answered the question.
 
Good topic Roka HMMMMM... I like both.. I'm with people all day.. and gab my mouth off.. so love the solitude and serenity & peace of being alone at home..the tranquiltity of putterring about in my garden.. or on here ;)and family.. they're busy doing their own thing.. I love them with all my heart and soul.. but am glad when they go home.. or I go home..my brain needs calmness.. so I'm social when I want to be, and alone when I want to be.. and as far as being lonely.. I'm my own best friend and like it that way..so there is a big difference in being lonely and being alone.. and loving it ;) oh, and on the changing your own tires.. I've done that... and built a barbecue.. and oil change.. and assembeled and put together my wall unit.. TV and DVD and VCR.. there's probably not much I can't do.. I did hire a handy man to hang plant hooks outside.. cause I didn't have the proper drill.. but mostly people annoy me and do it wrong .. so I'd rather do things myself.. very independent ;)and on friends.. I've still got friends from 20 yrs ago.. and where I live now.. I do.. but I can live without that.. beings my job gives me the fullfillment of the "social chatting"' "I'm not a leader..not a follower..I stand alone" ;)
 
Interesting question.

I think that depends on the definition of alone. I don't really like having people around all the time and I have absolutely no problem with being alone, but if you incude online friends for example I'd say I would get bored pretty quickly.

I wouldn't want to be all alone really. I don't depend on people around me and I can survive without my family and friends, but it would kill me if there wasn't any way to share my thoughts with anyone. I do talk to myself a lot, so the talking wouldn't be a big issue, but I do need a response every now and then.

And every once in a while I just need to hang out with friends and do silly things.

I'm not afraid of being alone though. I wouldn't want to be in a relationship or be with a friend just so I'm not alone. The thought of living by myself is connected to peace, not lonliness in my mind.

However, I would never want to wake up and find my sister of my friends gone. I'd miss them, not because I wouldn't have anyone to talk to or share my life with but just because I love them and I enjoy the good and bad times that we have.
 
I agree - depends how you define alone. I lived alone for a few years. Tried to anyway - had a boyfriend/fiance who never go home. All I ever wanted to do was live on my own for a year or two. I never wanted to go from my Father's house to my husband's house. He couldn't understand that. My not wanting to "live" with him was a rejection of him. To this day I long to live alone again. When I get home after a bad day - I would just as soon be alone. I don't want to talk to anyone. I appreciate silence - it does not scare me. I am not afraid of being alone. It is quite different than being lonely.
 
I love to be alone. I'm a Finn, I've been trained to survive alone (seriously, it's old way to raise kids here... teach them very young to understand you have to survive alone)

But yeah, there's somewhere out there a scare that comes to my mind sometimes that I'm afraid I'll be alone rest of my life. Would help if I wasn't so closed person.

In general I don't think human could take long being "all alone". I mean, if you go outside what needed and even then people would be rude... you'd fall into depression pretty soon. And if you dont' have a reason to get up from bed in the morning... why to get up at all? And eventually we either die or end up taking our own lives way before our time.
 
Don´t know if this meets the topic, but I think it´s possible to live alone.

I´m alone plenty of times. From time to time I miss my friends so hard. But such moments keep getting rarer. I found out solitude can devastate self-consciousness totally.

Nothing bad about lone moments, but walking alone again and again only made me forget how to gain new contacts. Today I´m really unskilled and insecure whenever I talk to someone.
 
Difficult to imagine being completely alone! I can't imagine life without (particularly) my husband and my sister. It would be awful to never have anyone to share the memories with, laugh about the stupid things you used to do or say! ;)

That said, if you asked my family to describe me they would say (and they are right) that I like spending time on my own and have few friends. I have always liked being alone with my thoughts and could quite happily spend days without talking to anyone. I also really like travelling on my own sometimes and have been to a number of very interesting cities and countries. My husband knows that I often need my own space and we work around that, in fact getting married was very strange as we didn't live together before hand and I was suddenly forced to go home every day with him and get no time to myself!! (Not that I regret it of course.)

It's funny, but my sister and I (we work together) were out on a visit to the middle of nowhere and we passed a really isolated house and she said, 'oh, that would be perfect for you. No one else within five miles you would be really on your own there'. And I fully agreed.

Sorry, rambled on a bit there! In conclusion, it's not really a tough question because I would hate to be without them forever, but just for a few days... maybe... :p

Also, I am never truly alone because I am also a mad cat lady and have regular conversations with the little ones if there are no humans to chat to! :D
 
DaWacko said: ^But you still know that your friends _are_there_ even they may be away.
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I´m more a lonely fighter. I always say good friends are rare. Of course my good friends are still there, even if they are away.
I just said too much solitude eats up openness. If you´re lonely too long, you forget how to start contacts on your own.
 
I consider myself to be pretty self sufficient and I could manage day to day living fine alone, I can change tires and do ‘stuff’ to my car and fix things around the house, and although my cooking is crap-bags I think that I wouldn’t exactly starve to death (those little green things in chicken 2 minute noodles count as veggies right?) So if it were just about surviving physically it would suck but I would manage. I definitely could not survive for long without interaction with other people though. I think that for me the important part is having the choice. I like the idea of being able to spend time alone if I feel the need to. But I think that if I was forced to be alone that would be a much different thing.

So to conclude my seemingly endless thought stream - I would hate to be forced to be completely solitary. I think that it is human nature to be social, not necessarily spending every waking moment with others, but you need to have interaction to stay sane.
 
Wow this turned out much more interesting than I expected.

To start off, yes you all answered the question,so don't worry about that.

And yes, independence and being a loner are two different topics, my question is more about being a loner, and that pretty much includes independence, but the other way around is not true. You can be independent and be very sociable. Being a loner means you don't like to incorporate yourself with other people, you try to avoid socializing as much as possible, doing things on your own so you don't have to call others to help you, mainly so you do not depend on others, but if you're anti-social, it is more so you don't have to interact with others.

I think of all the replies, the one person I could never find myself sharing many common characteristics with is jorja_fan :lol:. I love your honesty about the situation and that you weren't ashamed to admit that you could never be alone, but I could never be like that.
A while ago I was talking to a class-mate, who has, since learning that i'm anti-social, tried to find some psychological approach to use on me so I could change (I'd love to hang him :) ). A couple of weeks ago he asked if I was socio-phobic... and that's when I started to think of it. When too many people are around or any amount of attention is focused on me, my heart races, I get angry and irritated, feel pathetic and constantly think of a way out of the situation. Its something I've felt my whole life through, even when I tried to pretend it didn't exist by trying to socialize and the likes, I would get home hating myself for being a hypocrite... and decided to cut all ties with humans as much as possible.

Lately, I noticed that I found an inbetween. I won't lie, I hate humanity. I think the more I'm surrounded by people, the more i realize I would much rather live and die alone. Yes I could go my whole life through without speaking to anyone, I could survive without my family, and any "friends" I have know that they aren't my "friends" because I don't believe in "friendship" between people, I only believe in getting to know yourself and accept yourself... you can help others in the process, but don't pretend you understand them and KNOW that they cannot understand you. This may come off as offensive to some, but to me, humans are a mere experiment. I go to university,and I travel using public transportation, I may not have friends but from time to time I converse with some classmates - and I realized, I do all of it for research purposes ONLY. Just so i know how they think, and why they do what they do. I would feel much better if everyone ceased to exist.


Just to quote kiwi_kid on this:
I think that it is human nature to be social, not necessarily spending every waking moment with others, but you need to have interaction to stay sane.
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I don't believe in need. I dont NEED to interact, and I dont believe that anyone needs it either. The word need is for things that you cannot survive without (food, water, air). Everything else is an "extra", and if humanity would stop teaching themselves to suffer, the word need would not be used as much as it is today. I only feel sane when I'm alone, interacting with others makes me feel like I have lost all sanity and rationality.
 
Just give me one cat for comfort and a credit card and I can live on my own until I get hit by that Bus that wants to kill me.
 
Hey Roka! And everyone else.

I am starting to become used to being alone. School has become havoc because I spend most of my time alone or tagging alone like some discarded bug. It annoys me now but I like having the time to think.

But to answer your question, if I got left alone to live in the house that I live in now.... I would have a nervous breakdown.

When I graduate high school, I wanna travel round the world for a year (with who ever wants to come) and then I am going to college in.... actually I don't know that yet:p. But I am staying in a dorm or housing. But never on my own.

I think what people mean when they say they can't wait to leave home, is that they don't want their parents looking over their shoulders. To be able to do what you want when you want. To feel like you are a real person and not someone who is zapping their parents of all their money :p.

Well, those are my thoughts:)
 
desertwind said:
Good topic Roka HMMMMM... I like both.. I'm with people all day.. and gab my mouth off.. so love the solitude and serenity & peace of being alone at home..the tranquiltity of putterring about in my garden.. or on here ;)and family.. they're busy doing their own thing.. I love them with all my heart and soul.. but am glad when they go home.. or I go home..my brain needs calmness.. so I'm social when I want to be, and alone when I want to be.. and as far as being lonely.. I'm my own best friend and like it that way..so there is a big difference in being lonely and being alone.. and loving it ;) oh, and on the changing your own tires.. I've done that... and built a barbecue.. and oil change.. and assembeled and put together my wall unit.. TV and DVD and VCR.. there's probably not much I can't do.. I did hire a handy man to hang plant hooks outside.. cause I didn't have the proper drill.. but mostly people annoy me and do it wrong .. so I'd rather do things myself.. very independent ;)and on friends.. I've still got friends from 20 yrs ago.. and where I live now.. I do.. but I can live without that.. beings my job gives me the fullfillment of the "social chatting"' "I'm not a leader..not a follower..I stand alone" ;)
Click to expand...

This is my life exactly too! However, I do prefer being alone more often when I'm at home; just to go over my thoughts. I can be a little like a robot where I don't emote things like everyone else, eg. I'll only cry because I think I should. So people consider me weird and avoid me anyway, so I've adapted to be a loner without going completely crazy.
 
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