~
L: Danny, I'm pregnant *passes over ultrasound*
D: Is that mine?
L: No. It's Sid's. I've been trying to find a way to tell you...
D: Wait, Lindsay, no!
L: I'm sorry Danny. I love you, but -
D: I don't believe you. It's mine. It has to be. If it weren't for you it would be Rikki's instead. How can all this be so wasted?
L: I know. I'd say it's my fault. But nothing's ever my fault.
D: I know. It's mine. It's all mine. But I'm the utility guy. It's what I do. Who else are they gonna dump this kind of complicated stuff on? So I musta screwed up again. But screwing up is fun.
L: It can be, with tequila. Okay the baby's yours. But Sid understands. I was just so tired of trying to hide it. I was, like, gosh, this is hard. Being pregnant, and having to stand behind furniture all the time. Sid didn't care. He sees the Montana behind the furniture. He's got that virtual scanning doohickey thing.
D: Marry me, Lindsay. We'll figure out a way to make this right. The writers are trying so hard to fix this.
L: No. I luvs u, but no. Not yet. I know you. I know you'll come crawling back.
D: But I luvs u too.
L: No. Not yet. I expect nothing from you. Besides crawling back.
D: Are you even hearing me?
L: No. Not yet.
D: *sighs* But we have an Uber Special Deep Connection, called TPTB. Or maybe TB. I hear TB's curable. What about TPTB?
L: No. Not yet.
D: *grumbles exasperatedly* But we have a Special Unique Bond. Called Suspension of Disbelief.
L: No. That's mine. I think in pretend. No one else needs that. Back off from my - whatever it is you just said. I can do this alone. I'm from Montana. I don't need anyone to hold me up. I've got furniture.
D: Lindsay, please. Aren't we being Open and Honest and Caring in how we handle this? It's the twenty first century. How can anyone raise a child alone? It's just not done. Is it? I mean, what *will* the other shows think? We wouldn't want to alienate any viewers now. So. Accept my ring?
L: No. Not yet.
D: Would it help if I put it thru my nose? Or somewhere else even?
L: No. Not yet.
D: But, but what about the ratings? What'll happen to them?
L: Trust me, they'll spike. They may crash after, but everyone will tune in. We're like a train wreck, absolutely grotesquely fasscinating. Even one night is worth it. Was for us, wasn't it?
D: I'm still trying to figure that out. Back to my question. I want us to be together. Work it out. Whaddaya say?
L: No. You're inconsiderate. You forgot my birthday. You know I wanted another fishing pole.
D: I what? I forgot? I know what your father gave you when you were a kid. I forget stuff? You left out evidence. Bolted from crime scenes. And, I think you stole my glasses. I want them back you know.
L: I gave them to Horatio. I'm looking for a solid, stand up guy with absolute Integrity to be my BabyDaddee. We've also been seeing each other for nearly two years now. We share similar tastes in acting and fromage. We have so much in common. Not like you and me. I want the father of my child to be... to be... tall.
D: WTF? You're nuts. Come back to me Lindsay. Stop running away. How long do I hafta chase you? I said I'll be there for you. I finally said I luv u. I even said that we ...we... er, um, that we're a Good Thing. Yeah. A Good Thing. That's what we are. I just asked you to marry me. I gave up my glasses, trying to find some new life for me, for us. I even rode emocycle and spilled my guts to complete strangers. What are you on? As a matter of fact, what the hell am I on? Hm. Mebbe I should think about this. I mean, maybe we're not such a Good Thing.
L: Yes, Danny, oh yes, I'll marry you! I love you with all my heart, and the whole state of Montana. It'll be a shotgun wedding like you've never seen before! It'll be fantabulous! We'll invite all the other franchises, everyone will be there!
D: Whoa. Wait a sec. I said I think -
L: First CSI baby! That's us! *claps excitedly* And the first CSI marriage! With flowers! And fishing poles!
D: - that I really need to think about this now -
L: And bowie knives. And - ...
Flack: Don't do it Danno! Don't leave me. Who will I swing with? I mean, sit on swings with?
Stella: Will there be stairs? I don't like stairs.
Mac: Will there be anyone to yell at? If so, I'm there. Hell, I'll give ya both away! Glad to. And didn't I tell ya, way back in S1? Danny? Eh eh eh? Ha. Pay up, Hawkes, I win the bet.
Sheldon: Yeah yeah yeah. Don't rub it in. I can't believe I've lost screen time for this. I mean, does anyone even know where I'm from?
Adam: Do you think glasses make good wedding gifts? And do you think I could DJ the reception?
Sid: You're really gonna say yes, Lindsay? What about us? You saying you prefer furniture now? I guess it was always about the pool table for you, wasn't it. But hey. No hard feelings. I'll even cater the wedding for you. I was a chef, ya know.
Sheldon: Ya know, there was a time I wanted to be a sculptor.
Mac: I know, Sheldon. There was a time I wanted to go to the moon. Never made it though. Bastards.
Aiden: Timing is everything, kids. Good luck. I'm so outta here. Suckas.
Oh My God. I just started laughing so hard at work. :guffaw::guffaw::guffaw: This is what helps me get thru my day..
before I make any more...murderous... puns :shifty:
