CSI:MIAMI - The Rebel side- Comedy skits

MacsLovlyAngl

MacsLovlyAngl

Head of the Graveyard Shift
The Rebel Side of CSI: Miami.

This is little comedy skits that I'm doing all about Horatio, Calleigh, Eric and Ryan who are all Rebel's looking for trouble. Their main enjoyment is torturing Stetler. Though they are bound by law to find other helpless people to make fun of. I hope you enjoy first in a series of skits I plan to do. Eventually, I'll include all 3 CSI's. This is for anyone and everyone who love a little humor in their lives.

Mild Language


It was a hot night in Miami as "H" was out and about looking for trouble . He knew it would be easy to find someone to manipulate. As he pulled up to Eric's place he got out of the Hummer and pressed Eric's buzzer.

""Let's go Eric", we have lives to disrupt".

"Hold your horses "H", or I'll kick your ass, we are off duty".

"Promise's, promise's Eric". said "H".

"Is Calleigh and Ryan coming with us tonight"? asked Eric.

"Yeah"! "If you ever get your ass down here".

"You're pushing it "H", said Eric.

Eric finally came down the stairs dressed in jeans and a t-shirt.

"Jesus Eric, it's about time".

"Let's go "H", said Eric.

Once they arrived at Calleigh's she was standing outside playing with her lipstick.

"Come on Calleigh, shake your hot ass over here, we need to pick up Ryan". said Eric.

"Screw you Eric, I'm coming". "H" do we get to go annoy Stetler tonight"?

"More and likely Calleigh, we need to get Ryan first". said "H".

As they drove along the path to Ryan's place Calleigh noticed her shirt was ripped.

"SHIT", said Calleigh, "Look at my shirt, it's ripped". "We need to go back Horatio".

"Yeah right, that's not going to happen", we are late as it is".

Ryan was waiting outside.

"It's about bloody time", "What the hell took you all so long"?

"Calleigh was busy painting her face", said Eric laughing.

"Eric, kiss my Bullet"

"Anytime Sweet cheeks".

Once they were on their way they seen two guy's crossing the street kitty corner. Pulling over the Hummer "H" got out and approached them.

"FREEZE", Slime balls", said "H". "You are under arrest for crossing kitty corner", said "H".

"Right", What ever Dude"!, they said.

Eric, Ryan and Calleigh got out of the Hummer and stood beside "H".

"He's totally serious Numbnuts", said Eric.

Once they had them spread across the wall, they told them to count to ten and keep thier eye's closed as they pulled down their pants

"One, two, three.......

As they were counting, "H, Calleigh, Eric and Ryan took off.

"That was a great start to the night", said "H", "Now let's go find Stetler and his date".

Looking for the bar Stetler was at, turned out to be harder then they thought. As they got to a place called HOTHANDS, they got out and walked in.

"Holy christ "H", "Look at this place", "Calleigh you should work here", said Ryan.

"Listen Ryan, I have a Bullet just ripe enough to shoot up your ass", said Calleigh.

"Don't do that Calleigh, Ryan will like that", said Eric.

"Knock it off, said "H", "I don't see Stetler, let's get the hell out of here".

Horatio was getting pissed because he couldn't find Stetler.

"Look "H" across the street", said Eric.

When they looked across the street, Stetler was standing on the corner of the bar with Peter and they were in their Stilleto's waiting to get in.

"Oh my God"! said Calleigh, is that Peter Elliot with Stetler"?

"Yes it is Calleigh, "Holy cow", Peter is a cake boy", said Ryan.

"This is gonna be good, said "H". "Let's go".

As they exited the Hummer, Calleigh, Ryan and Eric couldn't contain thier laughter.

"Jesus Calleigh, look at Peter, is that fire red lipstick he's wearing"?

"You'd know", said Eric laughing.

"Kiss my ........." "don't say it" , said Calleigh to Ryan.

"Stetler", called "H".

"Ah hell", "What the hell are you doing here Horatio"?

"Hi Peter", said Calleigh laughing. "you look cute tonight, is that Hot red lipstick you're wearing"?

Peter looked embaressed, he wasn't expecting Calleigh to see him like this.

"Calleigh, how have you been"? asked Peter.

"Oh you know, "Listen I have a nice blush you can borrow".

"Calleigh, it's not what you think, I'm undercover".

"Of course you are and Stetler is your Bitch".

"How dare you Calleigh", I'm not his bitch, he's mine", yelled Stetler.

Just as Peter was ready to reply, they all were let in to the bar. Eric and Ryan couldn't stop laughing at Stetler and Peter. While Calleigh and Horatio were exchaning ideas on how to mess with them.

"Come on Peter, let's dance, said Stetler.

As they were on the dance floor, Calleigh and Horatio paid another male couple to disrupt Stetler and Peter.

"Excuse me my name is Terry and I want to dance with you", he said pointing at Stetler.

"No thanks I'm here with someone", said Stetler.

"I said I want to dance with you" , and he grabbed Stetler and pulled him onto the dance floor.

"I'm Hank and you dance with me", said Hank to Peter.

"I'm sorry, I ..........

Poor Peter couldn't get a word in , he was freaken out. Running as fast as he could, he took off out of the bar as fast as his Stilleto's would let him, leaving Stetler to fend for himself.

"Good one "H" and Calleigh, said Eric.

As they got ready to leave and reek more Havic in Miami, they seen the two guys fighting over who was going to get Stetler tonight.

In the background they could here Stetler saying , "Don't worry there is enough of StetMan to go around.
 
:lol::lol::lol: i love it! although the mental picture of Stetler in drag is slightly (okay REALLY) disturbing. still hilarious. great start. :D can't wait for more!
 
:lol: :lol: :lol: Man, this is awesome! I was actually laugghing out loud! Great start...Stetler visual is kind of...ew. Can't wait for more!
 
The next day.... :D

"H", What's up for today"? said Eric

"Well, we have a crime scene on McDonald farm , grab your bag and call Calleigh.

"Calleigh", Shake your tail, we have a crime scene on McDonald Farm". said Eric.

"Oh, EYEYEYEYOO, maybe we'll see Porkey Pig". said Calleigh. :lol:

"Where in the world is Ryan"? asked "H". :mad:

"He's most likely busy with the left hand again"? said Eric :lol:

Calleigh couldn't help but laugh, poor Ryan was the only one who went home withot a date last night. :p

"I'm right here Eric, and I have a size ten to shove up your ass, if you don't back off". :mad:

"Enough, let's go". said "H".

At the Crime Scene....

"What have we got Tripp"? asked "H". :cool:

"What do you think"? "God you're such an ass, :mad: can't you see". "Why is it you alway's say, "What have we got Tripp". When you know what is when dispatch call you". :mad:

"You don't have to yell at me Tripp. I just like to sound professional". :(

"Whatever "H".

"Ohhh!, said Eric, look's like Tripp didn't get any last night". :devil:

"Shut your trap Eric", said Tripp pointing his finger. :mad:

"You know Tripp, either did Ryan, maybe the two of you would like 5 minutes in "H"s Hummer". said Calleigh :devil:

"Like Hell, said "H", their ain't gonna be no pumping in my Hummer". :mad: :mad:

"Listen you dumb blonde, I've got a pair a cuff's with your name on them". Said Tripp. :mad:

Calleigh laughed "Like you'd know what to do with them". :lol:

"Calleigh, Eric, Ryan, start processing, Tripp, go play in the corner or something , we have real work to do". said "H"

"You CSI's are all the same, "bunch of mixed nuts". said Frank.

"Look Eric, what does that look like to you"? asked Calleigh. :eek:

"I'm not sure, could be blood", said Eric. :eek:

As Ryan walked over to check it out he tripped and fell into a pile of dung.

"SHIT", said Ryan. :eek:

"That's exactly what it is Ryan", said Calleigh laughing. :lol: :lol:

"Come on Ryan this is no time to be rolling in the mud", said "H". :mad:

At that moment Stetler walked over.

"What's that funky smell", said Stetler. :confused:

Calleigh was laughing so hard she dropped her gum from her mouth. :lol: :lol: :lol:

"It's Ryan, he fell in the shit". said Calleigh. :p

"Never mind that, "What the hell do you want Stetler"? :mad:

"I came to see what you had". :)

"We have two dead cows, and one dead human", said "H", it looks like someone possitioned the cows on top of the body".

"That's different", said Stetler. :eek:

"That it is, that it is". said "H". :cool:

"Why the hell do you do that "H", say everything twice"? said Stetler.

"Because you crossdressing lover girl, It's in case you don't hear me the first time". "Now get the hell out of my Crime scene, said "H". :mad: :mad:
 
This is so freaking funny! Telling Frank to go play in the corner. I'm loving it, especially the part with H's Hummer. :lol: More soon! *begs*
 
Later back at the Lab Calleigh was processing the cow with Eric. :)

"Calleigh look at this", said Eric. :eek:

"What the hell is that on the cows utter"? said Calleigh :eek :eek:

"Beats me said Eric, kind of crusty". :confused:

Eric bent down to have a closer look while Caleigh held the Utter. :p

"SQUIRT", :devil: "Jesus Calleigh, you damn bimbo, look what the hell you did", said Eric. :mad:

"What did you call me, you Cuban dip stick. :mad:

"Damn Bimbo, grabbing an utter Eric squirted her back :lol:

"SQUIRT", :devil: you back of a donkey's ass, "SQUIRT,SQUIRT," :lol: :lol:

"SQUIRT, SQUIRT, Horatio and Ryan walk in to milk flying everywhere and ryan falls on his ass. :cool: :(

"What the *uc* Eric and Calleigh, knock it off, yelled "H" "And Ryan get the hell off the ground. :mad:

"I can't you dumb ass, the milk is to slippery". :mad:

Horatio went to pull Ryan up and fell on top of him while Stetler walked in. :eek:

"Well, well, lookie here, I guess I'm not the only Miami cakeboy". Said Stetler. :devil:

"Up your's Stetler, said Ryan. :mad:

"get the hell over here Stetler and help us up", said "H". :mad:

As Stetler went to pull up "H" Ryan came up with him, "Christ let go Ryan", said "H". :mad: :mad:

"I can't I'm stuck to you somehow, what the hell is this stuff"? :confused:

Eric and Calleigh couldn't release their hands from the utters. :eek:

"What the hell Eric, I'm stuck, said Calleigh. :eek:

"So am I, Calleigh, "What the hell is this stuff"? :confused:

As Horatio and Ryan tried to seperate, Stetler still had ryan hand. :devil:

"You can let go now Stetler, said Ryan. :eek:

"I Can't I'm stuck to your hand". "By the way Ryan, they are very soft". :devil: :devil:

"Keep it down Stetler, I can still kick you in the nuts", said Ryan. :mad:

"Horatio what the hell are we going to do, we are all stuck and I need to pee", said Calleigh. :eek: :eek:

"Listen Ryan and Stetler, we are going to hop over to the phone and call Tripp". "On my count we hop, ONE, TWO, THREE, hop. :lol: :lol: :lol:

"God damn "H" we are stuck to the floor", said Ryan. :eek: :eek:

"I have to pee", said Calleigh again. :eek:

"Shut the hell up Calleigh, yelled "H". :mad:

At that moment Tripp opened the Lab door. :confused:

"NO", STAY WHERE YOU ARE TRIPP", yelled everyone at the same time. :mad: :mad:

"What the hell is this"? asked Tripp. :confused: :confused:

"There was something in the cows milk, some kind of glue or sticky substance, we are all stuck together, get some warm water and grab a couple extinglishers", said "H". :cool:

To be continued :lol:
 
OMFG! :lol: That's hilarious! :lol: Man, I haven't laughed so much since RT! My gawd, how they get unstuck. :lol: I'm high off laughing now and my parents are wondering what's wrong with me. :lol: Genius, awesome!
 
Frank came back with a pail of hot water and two extinglishers, :lol: :lol:

"Now what "H"? , said Tripp. :confused:

"Step around the milk and pour the warm water on Ryan and I first", said "H". :( :cool:

As Frank poured the hot water between their waist, they screamed. :( :( :mad: :mad: :(

AAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!! "what the *UC* yelled "H", you burnt my packages, I told you warm you stupid piece of shit". :eek: :eek:

" *UC* You "H", try to do you a favour and you call me names". :mad:

"Well christ frank., that burned, I said warm, and now I'm going to have too go around with burned packages". And Ryan stop blubbering at least we are seperated". :( :mad:

WAAAAAA!!! "Stetler still has my hand". :( :(

"SHHHH! Ryan be a good boy and I'll make your pain go away, said Stetler. :devil:

"H","H","H", get this Cakeboy off me right now". yelled Ryan. :eek: :mad: :eek: :mad:

Frank brought over the water and poured it on Ryan and Stetler's hands, as they seperated. :lol:

"Come on Tripp, I need too pee, said Calleigh. :eek:

Once everyone seperated Calleigh ran into the bathroom, Eric used the extinglishers and froze the cows utters, Ryan rubbed his package, while "H" walked like he had just gotten off a horse. :lol: :lol: :lol:

"Where are you going "H"? asked Tripp. :confused:

"To my office to change my pants". "You Idiots finish processing". :cool:

Once the Lab was cleaned and everything was processed, Horatio called a meeting in his office. :)

"Where the hell is Ryan"?, asked "H". :mad:

"He said he needed to fix his package in the washroom", said Eric. :p

At the moment Ryan walked in with a buldge coming from his pants. :( :(

"What the hell is that in your pant's Ryan, asked "H" :confused: :eek:

"It's a God damn depend diaper stuffed with Ice cubes okay", I'm in pain here". :( :(

Calleigh was splitting herself laughing, "You look like that New Year baby", the one with the big ears on Rudulph's Shinning New Year". :lol: :lol: :lol:

*UC* YOU Calleigh", at least I didn't piss my pants on the way to the washroom", said Ryan. :p

"Okay you two that's enough", said "H". :mad:

"Eric what did you find"? asked "H" :cool:

"Nothing on the victim or the cow", said Eric. :confused:

"Calleigh what the hell was on the cows utter and in the milk"? :confused: :cool:

"It was a super glue base, I guess someone put it the cows milk", that would explain why the victims mouth was glued shut". :D

"Ryan, stop playing and concentrate on this case, God sometimes you are such a spazz", said "H". :mad:

"Screw you "H", you're not the one hurting here". :(

"Suck it back big boy, said calleigh, you could always see Stetler, he offered for you". :lol: :devil:

"Listen guy's, we'll meet here at 7 tonight and go disrupt Miami again", said "H". "Oh and Ryan lose the bloody diaper". :mad: :mad:

As they left the office, Eric ran into Natalia. :)

"Hey, hot pants, want some Delko play it time tonight" :eek: :devil:

"Screw you Eric, my cat's bigger then you". :lol:

Calleigh started laughing at Eric. "God Eric, you're such a loser". :lol: :lol:

"You'd know you Pissy Pants, Peter loving , Blonde Bimbo". :mad:

TBC
 
God these guys are so violent and insulting...but it's funny, it is. :lol: It's so unlike the real CSIs, very concerned with everything and precise and polite...most of the time...these guys are nuts. And not Ryan's. :lol:

Loving this!
 
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