A Letter of Longing --Oneshot (CATNIP)

Waiting

Waiting

CSI Level One
A Letter of Longing

My Dearest Nick,

My life felt so out of balance the moment I met you. At our first meeting, I didn't realize how much 'just meeting you' had affected me. I took you under my wing and our frienship blossomed into a wonderful close relationship. I will never forget the day that you opened up to me about being hurt as a child. The way your chin quivered and the look of hurt in your eyes was unbearable, and the comforting contact I provided didn't feel like enough. I knew then my feeling for you; yet I was afraid of them. In a sense it was a new beginning that I managed to screw up along the way. It took me many heart aches to finally make my way to you. But I did. I remembered feeling that everything felt so surreal when I finally allowed myself to be yours. It was terrifying for me because I was yet risking myself to you. It felt detrimental to have to handle a chance at being hurt all over again.

The risk was minor for the feeling of 'real' love that you embraced me with. I had never made love with anyone else like I did with you. Sex had always been more about the physical contact instead of the emotional aspect for me. I was so lost before I met you, but you provided me with a completeness I never knew existed.

I long for you to hold me the way you did before everything turned bitter. It hurts me so much that you would believe the worst in me. Keppler and I...there was never an 'us.' What Keppler and I had was a friendship. I can't and won't make any excuses for befriending someone when they needed a good friend. I'm at a loss for words here, but my heart aches like never before. I was with you...why on earth would you think I would sacrifice something so meaningful and true to me? I had you. I wanted you. Only you.

My life has a huge void now. You! Nothing seems to ease the pain of not having you. Alcohol doesn't work. Friendships don't work. I want you back. I'm begging you to hear me out, and since you won't give me the time of day...I slipped this letter into your locker. Hoping upon hope that you will read it. I love you Nickolas Stokes, and I pray that you will still take me as your wife.

Love you always,

Catherine Willows
 
wow, this is great! you did cath very well, i really imagined it to be her who wrote that letter.
this letter turned me into a first-person-fanfic-fan :D
a sequel would be <3!!!
 
I agree with all of the above, I would love to see a sequel of this fic. It was so heart felt, so emotional. It reminded me of when my boifriend broke up with me when word got round he was cheating on me, I was willing to forgive him, but he would never talk to me, he would come to my house soley to see his best friend who lived with me. I didn't get that love back, instead I got something better. A boi who loves me for me and is true and loyal. U captured the emotions of hurt and longing perfectly. It was such a great peice of writing. Please, Please I beg of you, do a seqeul. I want to see if catherine will get her love back, and have a happily ever after, Just like I got mine. *claps* what a great fic.
 
***Thanks everyone for all the kind reviews!!!! Okay...you have talked me into it, but I must say I'm being difficult! Enjoy...and maybe you will get another sequel.***


Devil Inside


2 weeks later following Catherine's letter…




Catherine,

I found your letter some time ago, and I set it aside because I wasn’t ready to read what you had to say. I’m sorry that I have somehow managed to hurt you in the process because that was never my intention. I wish I could say that I was over this Keppler business, but it has left an everlasting bitter taste in my mouth. This I know must be a sensitive topic at hand because you have lost this very friend. I haven’t been there for you like I should have been in your time of grievance. I don’t know how to be a better fiancé. If you still consider me this.

The anger I felt inside over the whole “reversed forensic ploy” was so deep that I knew then I just needed to walk away from you. Maybe my decision was harsh, but the betrayal I felt wasn’t anything I could control at the time. All I saw was someone else taking my place. Someone else placing distance between you and I. At first I thought it was just me, and that I was overreacting. But, then the others noticed the sudden closeness that developed between Keppler and you. Maybe I allowed it to get the best of me, considering the whole team was in the dark about us as well. Maybe they would have noticed something completely different if they knew we were together.

I honestly don’t know where we go from here. Or if you would want me back at this point after what happened yesterday. I know you saw me with her when she came to the lab and brought me breakfast. Her name is Julia, and I don’t know why I allowed that to happen. I saw the look of devastation on your face when you walked into the break room. I met her at a bar that night you explained reversed forensics to me. One thing led to another, and we sort have kept in contact. Yesterday, however made me wake up, and I know I have been a complete ass to you. I know I’ve hurt you more than what words can say. I’m sure I’m lucky if you even read this letter considering I’ve avoided all contact with you since that night when you explained the whole Keppler mess.

I do know what we had is not worth giving up on, and I miss us. I love you Cat.

Nick
 
**applauds** That was beautiful, and so touching. You are very talented. Keep up the good work, and I hope to read more.

So from me, hands up for a third. :D :D :D
 
I totally agree that a third one should be in order. Like I said I want to see cat get her happy ending but you show their hurt and their emotions again so well. Please consider doing a third one.
 
***Thank everyone!!! I wrote a sequel, but this one is sort of different because it dwelves into Catherine's mind.***



Catherine’s Diary…



My chest feels so tight that it literally hurts to breath. I just finished reading his dreadful letter, and I found myself rereading it in hopes that I read it completely wrong. By the time that I’ve read it for the fourth time, my hands are frantically shaking as I choke on my quiet sobs. What the hell does his letter mean exactly? Did he cheat on me? Deep down I know the answer to that question, but I desperately want to dismiss it. The thought of him with another woman sends me over the edge that I willfully rock myself back in forth on the bench in front of my locker. My hands find shelter over my eyes as my sobs turn into a world of hurt that now has a voice. I’m no longer crying silently as my shoulders harshly shake up and down from the intense emotional outburst. Damn him for sending my world into oblivion, and then without notice leaving me in an unsettling void.

I’m truly emotionally exhausted just from the note that every emotion that I’m now feeling is very taxing for me. I open up to him in a way I never have before, and he hits me with this? My anger feels like bile as it slowly builds inside me, and I find myself destroying the only evidence of his infidelity. His letter is now only tiny fragments of words that I wish meant nothing to me. Symbolic isn’t it? My heart feels like it has been shredded into tiny pieces of nothingness.

I hammer the door to my locker repeatedly that my knuckles have started to bleed. Lucky me, everyone has left already and I’m here alone. Otherwise they would have had quite a little show. I can’t help but think this can’t be real! It seems my mind has now jumped into the stage of denial, but my heart continues to ache because it knows better. I suddenly stand only wanting what is best for me—to get the hell out of here before I really loose it.

If my luck could have gotten any worse it did. I open the door, and come face to face with him. Nick…the only man capable of rendering me into such a low state of melancholy. I see the moment his eyes soften, and I quickly look away from him not wanting his pity for hurting me. My face feels like it has been set afire, and I’m sure it looks like a red punching bag. This is the last thing I need at the moment, and I find myself harshly pushing past him as I feel a new wave of emotions coming on. I ran away…and was gasping for air by the time I made it my vehicle. Once inside my car, I locked myself inside and cried as my fists hit at my steering wheel.

How I managed to get home was beyond me, and my depression soared even lower once I realized Lindsey was staying the day at a friend’s house. I took in the companionship of my bed as my body and mind slowly began to go numb, and the last thing I thought about before sleep took my body was that he wanted me back and I never realized we broke up.
 
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