Will the REAL Horatio Caine Please Stand Up? *SPOILERS*

Discussion in 'CSI: Miami' started by Griffyn, Nov 13, 2005.

  1. Griffyn

    Griffyn Victim

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    I need to ask something…..

    What in hell has happened to the Horatio Caine from Seasons 1-3? You know, that 6-foot, vulture-esque, pale as the icy Tundra, flame-haired, china-blue eyed, 40-ish bristling protector of the vanquished & downtrodden, incandescent with righteousness and self-flagellation, who was last seen in late May 2005 doing a particularly wrenching Humphrey Bogart impression?

    7 episodes into Season 4 and especially after that ridiculous "let’s do a crossover to prop up NY ratings and because WE haven’t the creative wit God gave a sea cucumber" rubbish, I’m convinced THEY have stuck us with some Horatio Caine Doppelganger. It’s almost like THEY are trying, in a destructive Frankenstein-like fashion, to re-create Horatio into something decidedly un-Horatio from Seasons 1 –3.

    THEY had the entire summer to creatively explore, in Parfait-like style, the myriad Miami storytelling options that were so delectably dished up in Season 1-3 e.g. Eric and Ryan’s XY jousting; Ryan’s obsessive-compulsive tendencies; Calleigh and her lying on the job; Calleigh dealing (or not) with John killing himself in her lab; Calleigh and her Dad; Eric, Calleigh and Alexx and Tim’s death; H and his crew; H and Stetler; H and Frank; H and Rebecca, H and Suzie and Madison; H and his not-so-dead and on-the-take brother, Raymond; and, of course, H and Yelina and Ray Jr.

    But instead THEY decimate the premise, foundations and developed storyarcs of the entire Season 1-3 as if it all never existed, like an astonishingly demented and viewership insulting "do-over"; introduce new characters when the existing ones should be getting more screen time to develop their storylines; and in an inspired lack of originality and creativity, have a "let’s all go to NY and hang with the Dementor Crew", and then boomerang with an utterly wasteful, "let’s have the Dementor Crew go to Miami!" Well, damn. How I wish Greg House were THEIR boss!

    And…. What on earth could be accomplished by having H all lust-ish with Stella? Aside from the appealing to the lowest common denominator, why prostitute Horatio in this way? So is Stella moving to Miami or H moving to NY on a "won’t-you-be-my-enforced valentine-until-we-each-get-a-new-dumbass-storyline" CSI Exchange Program? Since when did Horatio become THEIR “Rentboy”? It is an appalling character assassination of Horatio by THEM.

    You know, I have to keep reminding myself that there are women (who, IMO, are generally much more civilized decision makers compared to my gender) as executive producers & writers for this series. Alas, our poor bastardized Horatio, so screwed over by his creators. Frankenstein, indeed. Honestly, I ask you!

    Hey, Steven Maeda! Is there any chance of you returning to rescue this lot from themselves, restoring our sanity and redeeming Horatio before "Reverse Pinocchiosis" becomes permanent for our H? Did you see this lunacy coming, Steven? Hence you shoving off to join "Lost"?

    Crikey, the Las Vegas outfit must really be laughing at the way these two eastern outfits cannot seem to survive off their own merits without being forced to hold-hands-across-America several times a season. Talk about having a blatant "no vote of confidence" by both the tptbs for their respective spin offs. Miami. New York. Neither the twain should ever have met or continue to meet.
     
  2. Lucy

    Lucy Colonial Fleet Librarian Premium Member

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    Re: Will the REAL Horatio Caine Please Stand Up?

    Wow, Griffyn, great post! Refreshing, enlightening and very, um, different (if I may say so!). Welcome to the Forum btw. :)
    Very good question. I actually think he got on the plane to Brazil too and lives on in fan-fiction. Disillusioned by the lack of creativity possessed by the Miami writers, some of us have indeed started to resort to FF! Season 4 H is certainly not quite the same H I've grown to know and love. The writers have decided to indulge in a bizarre change of direction. Most unnecessary, in view of the fact that there were many existing storylines left to deal with. A grave misjudgement on their part so far, as currently, few fans seem particularly impressed with this new approach.
    Exactly. Again, I really don't think the writers have a fair grasp of what the fans want. I find it all very frustrating and disappointing. I'm all for new storylines, but they need to be combined with previous, unresolved ones too. As for H's 'new' past in NY, which has never been previously referred to, I find it all very contrived and unconvincing. Also, how can Yelina getting on a plane to Brazil be considered a 'resolution' to the whole H/Y/R storyarc? There are so many unanswered questions on that score.
    :lol: Well, there has been a bit of a debate in this regard on the NY Forum, and if you can read between the insults aimed at H, I don't think the fans were too happy about this either! I have no idea what they were hoping to accomplish really. I actually quite enjoyed their screentime together (I love both characters), but as for the flirtatious nature of it, it was a little forced, in my opinion.
    Yay, another Maeda fan! Indeed, as a good friend said to me this weekend, CSI:Miami seems, ironically, quite 'lost' without him. :(
     
  3. midnight_tiptoes

    midnight_tiptoes Head of the Day Shift

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    Re: Will the REAL Horatio Caine Please Stand Up?

    Word, word, WORD! Hugh Laurie as the lead would've been so glorious. One of the best actors in the history of ever.

    I would give away my first born male child to Steve if he agreed to come back. His absence is really affecting the series. I didn't think it would, but it is. The writers who remain on the show just aren't strong enough to carry this series. Every episode thus far has been written by more than one writer (sometimes 3), and yet the episodes are still left with many holes, the characters are completely unrecognizable, and the plots lack in imagination. It's like the writers have a personal vendetta against doing research. Maeda could write entire episodes on his own and he never had this problem.

    Oh, the writers of Miami love doing this. First it was Catherine, now Stella. They love writing Horatio as some sort of babe magnet. Notice that ugly women never hit on him (well, ugly or overweight women don't exist in Miami, but that's another rant), it's always super models who are half his age and fall for him hard and it's not because he's got money or anything. In a world of tanned, young, muscular men, the women of Miami gravitate towards the paleness. I wasn't surprised at all when they pulled this.

    What pissed me off about that was: didn't Horatio's girlfriend die a couple of weeks ago? And here he is, all up in another woman's business, just seemed kinda sleazy. Very out of character. Jeez, man, at least mourn for like an hour or so. Hell, I bet Yelina isn't even done unpacking yet, and in, what, 6 episodes? He's already had one girlfriend and was wooing another. Ooookay. The sunglasses he never changes, but the ladies come and go like cheap keychains.

    I think the problem with CSI: Miami, especially in seasons 3 and 4, is that it's trying to take itself way too seriously, but that doesn't work. The writing doesn't lend itself to that. During seasons 1 & 2 it was very light-headed, there was a lot of humor, the characters liked to joke around. You kinda got the feeling the show was laughing at itself and it really worked. But then they decided that wasn't good enough, and they turned all morose and somber. But to have that kind of tone on a show you need superb writing. If it's not there, it's just gonna fall flat and that's what's happening right now. You still have the great caricature of a character as the lead, only tragedies keep happening all around him and you have no idea what to make of it. He's still saying the most ridiculous lines with the most laughable mannerisms, but the writers don't want you to laugh at that, they want you to feel sorry for him and the victims and it's just... ah! Make up your mind! I can't feel sorry for someone I'm laughing at, I just can't. And I KNOW they want me to laugh at him, cause even Caruso makes fun of Horatio. So either keep the morose storylines and drop the stupid lines, or keep the stupid lines and go back to the silly.

    I vote for the latter. I mean, I don't have a problem with angst, but again, you have to know how to pull it off. And just because something happens in our lives doesn't mean we turn into zombies. Yeah, bad things happen every day but people are resilient and they get through. But look at, say, Calleigh. Good God, the woman doesn't smile to save her own life. Eric makes me wanna cut myself. There is absolutely no reason why these characters should be acting like this. Nick Stokes was kidnapped and buried alive last season, and though he's still having some problems with that he manages to smile and laugh, and appreciate his life. That's what people do. Miami just drives it too hard. It's like they don't know anything about human psychology.

    Maeda, baby, come back! You can blame it all on me...
     
  4. Ducky

    Ducky Master of the Moos Moderator

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    Re: Will the REAL Horatio Caine Please Stand Up?

    Is there something wrong with us, people who have pale skin? :p
     
  5. midnight_tiptoes

    midnight_tiptoes Head of the Day Shift

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    Re: Will the REAL Horatio Caine Please Stand Up?

    No, but women in Miami are so shallow they practically walk on air. It's unrealistic, is all I'm saying.
     
  6. Ducky

    Ducky Master of the Moos Moderator

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    Re: Will the REAL Horatio Caine Please Stand Up?

    Perhaps they just like the change :p

    Ah well, I leave it here because I do have a big people problem when it comes to Miami. Like you said, there's only pretty people. And everytime they start a scene with some kind of beach/pool party (or any other party) first shots are either women's boobs or ass.
     
  7. Leannethemouse

    Leannethemouse CSI Level Three

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    Re: Will the REAL Horatio Caine Please Stand Up?

    wow there are some great and true points here :D I agree with all of you :D
     
  8. Lucy

    Lucy Colonial Fleet Librarian Premium Member

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    Re: Will the REAL Horatio Caine Please Stand Up?

    That's a very good point Carol. It didn't really sit comfortably with me at all. I was mildly curious, but more bewildered really. The writers are almost bordering on portraying H as a womanizer. Indeed, will the real Horatio please stand up! Or is this supposed to be how he's dealing with Yelina's departure? I sincerely hope not. I also get the feeling that another woman will be on the horizon for him soon too. *sigh*
    Well, I know DC is amused at how saintly Horatio is, but he seems to have plenty of respect for the character otherwise (certainly in the interviews I've seen/read, but I stand to be corrected if he's said other things that I'm not aware of).
     
  9. midnight_tiptoes

    midnight_tiptoes Head of the Day Shift

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    Re: Will the REAL Horatio Caine Please Stand Up?

    Heh, Horatio's toothing! Pretty soon he'll come into da hizzy wearing a pimp hat and carrying a cane. Cuz hes got da zkillz 2 pay da billz, beyotch!
     
  10. Lucy

    Lucy Colonial Fleet Librarian Premium Member

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    Re: Will the REAL Horatio Caine Please Stand Up?

    What an image! I'm still trying to get the one of him being NY's 'Rentboy' out of my head! :lol:
     
  11. Finch

    Finch Funnier in Enochian Super Moderator

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    Re: Will the REAL Horatio Caine Please Stand Up?

    :lol: Wow I just read everything and these points are so strong. It makes the writers of CSI:Miami look juvinile. I think we should all pull together and write and episode. It seems they can't make us happy no matter what they do and you know why? Because they're doing it ALL WRONG. :lol: Okay yeah, that was meant to be funny so laugh. Oh yeah wait, we can't laugh. We have to take the show seriously and not even crack a smile because the writers are slowly turning the characters and the viewers into zombies. Okay, you know what I can't believe? The top three writers come together to write the Miami/NY crossover and they can't even get HORATIO's character down?? What the shmoo is with that?? He would not have said some of the things that he did say. I wonder what they were smoking to come up with that lame episode. They probably stole some of Delko's pot *angry sigh* Yeah, I was a little brutal there, but when the top three writers for the show can't even get Horatio down anymore, they have some serious management problems.
     
  12. MiamiDade

    MiamiDade Pathologist

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    Re: Will the REAL Horatio Caine Please Stand Up?

    Awesome post Griffyn. midnight_tiptoes, that was almost a snarkless post! Don't get me wrong, the snark can be very funny, but I think your post here benefits so much from the lack of it. I mean that respectfully.

    I was touched by Horatio's clear devastation at the death of Rachel in 'Under Suspicion'. In 'Manhatten Manhunt' he did indeed seem to be lusting after Stella (she returned the compliment, it was no way one-sided). So, I reckon we have two Horatios at large. The imposter and the H from Seasons 1, 2 and most of Season 3. The writers need to sort that out. No question about it. I wonder which H we'll see in tonight's episode?

    They also need to sort the other characters out too, but I'll leave that alone for now, as the topic here is Horatio.
     
  13. Guest

    Guest Guest

    Re: Will the REAL Horatio Caine Please Stand Up?

    Hmmmm .... I would say after the latest eppy ... H is back! Yippee!!
     
  14. midnight_tiptoes

    midnight_tiptoes Head of the Day Shift

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    Re: Will the REAL Horatio Caine Please Stand Up?

    Okay, tonight. Eric tells Horatio he's having personal problems, Horatio is dismissive and indifferent. Ryan gets shot in the eye and is at the hospital, Horatio seems completely unsympathetic.

    What have they DONE to this guy?! I feel like we should post his picture on the side of milk cartons.
     
  15. Finch

    Finch Funnier in Enochian Super Moderator

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    Re: Will the REAL Horatio Caine Please Stand Up?

    Yes I will start that. I am going to buy milk cartons and post his picture and maybe the real Horatio can buy the milk and see that HE'S MISSING! Anyway..carry on.
     

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