In keeping with Halloween, here is a remake of Edgar Allan Poe's The Raven starring Nick Stokes Code: [CENTER]THE RAVEN [/CENTER] [CENTER] Once upon a midnight dreary, while I sauntered weak and weary, Over many a beer and Sports Illustrated lore While I nodded, nearly napping, suddenly there came a tapping As of someone gently rapping, rapping at my front door. “Must be some...v…v…v…visitor,” I gulped. “Tapping at my door.” Only this, and nothing more. Ah, distinctly I remember it was in the bleak December And each football team I routed, wrought their ghosts upon the floor Eagerly, I wished for tomorrow and vainly, I had sought to borrow My Sports Illustrated swimsuit edition as I sit in sorrow And was just about to drift into a snore. And sad uncertain rustling of each of my mom’s purple curtains Filled me with terrors, only felt six feet under before. So that now, to calm the beating of my heart, I stood repeating “Okay, Nicky, just some visitor knocking at my door Just some idiot visitor knocking at my door Just this and nothing more. Presently my soul grew stronger; hesitating then no longer, I called, ”Hey! Who’s there. Sorry I did not answer; But the fact is I was napping, And so faintly you came tapping, tapping at my door With my gun in tow, I opened the door but Darkness there, and nothing more. Back into my house, churning, all my soul within me burning, Soon again I heard a tapping somewhat louder than before. `Okay,' said I, `surely that is something at my window; Greg or Hodges making my temper soar- So I’ll just calm down and look at this window some more; - 'Course it could be the wind and nothing more!' Open here I flung the shutter, when, with many a flirt and flutter, In flew a raven Grissom would compare from some poem galore This bird made no sound, as flew through my front door But, with mien of lord or lady, perched above door - Perched upon a Dallas Cowboys banner just above my door Perched, and sat, and nothing more. So this bird makes me laugh, as I wasn’t sure if it was my beer Or years of stress, or politics or Grissom’s bugs or fear Was this bird for real I thought, and gave voice to these thoughts as I said. “Tell me, what are you doing above my door? Do you have a name? And if so what is it I implore? Quoth the Raven, “Nevermore!” Now I know I’m losing my mind as I marveled at this fugly fowl Hearing him use such meaningless discourse I abhor Did Discovery Channel or Animal Planet ever show such a bird Sitting above a CSI’s front door? Uttering words like “Nevermore!” But the raven, sitting lonely on my beloved banner, spoke on, That one word, as if his soul in that one word he did outpour Wondering if I should switch alcoholic beverages at the store But I thought, he’ll be gone by tomorrow as other birds before Quoth the Raven, “Nevermore!” Damn bird, I thought he’s screwing with my mind Straight I wheeled a chair in front of the bird, poster and door Sat into thinking, “I should have gone to the shrink because Now I’ve got this bird sitting there in front of me quoting crap like “Nevermore” Then, I swear on my grave the air grew denser from an unseen censer Whose footsteps creak along my living room floor. “Dammit!” I cried, “Am I being haunted by the ghosts of stalkers, kidnappers and and dead prostitutes. I seem to have that allure’ Respite-respite and nepenthe from these memories of Kristi, my long lost whore Quoth the Raven, “Nevermore!” “Oh you little freakin thing of evil, said I, “Or are you some kind of prophet of evil or the devil.’ Am I finally losing my marbles as everyone swore Or have you been sent by Hodges and his lab rats, Tell me, tell me I implore Quoth the Raven, “Nevermore!” “Okay, so you’re not gonna tell me, must I beat it out of your little head?” And then send you back to the Lab with a note saying to Hodges, “Hahaha your bird is dead.” Or maybe, just maybe you are here to give me a message from my lost radiant Kristi, My fair and heavenly whore Of why my life in Vegas as always been such a chore! Or that promotion I so should have gotten Or the stalker who was stalkin Or the Tahoe that got stolen Or the coffin and the ants who ate me swollen Or the Supervisor who is so sullen Will you answer me this while I call you from the floor Tell me, Raven, who the hell are you? Will you tell me? Am I ever gonna know what it is you’re here for? Quoth the Raven, “Nevermore!” “Be that word of our departure, you freakin bird!” I shrieked upstarting “Get your beak back out into the night by Lake Mead’s shore!” Don’t leave bird crap on my Tahoe or the Denali Leave my loneliness unbroken, get your ass off my door. Take that freakin beak out of my shredded heart and take yourself off my door” Quote the raven, “Nevermore!” So the raven, never flitting, is still sitting, Sitting on my Dallas Cowboys banner just above my door And his eyes have this all seeming of a demon, that is dreamin And the light from my TV over him, streaming throws his shadow on the floor; And my broken soul from out his shade lies floating on the floor And it shall be lifted-nevermore! [/CENTER]