MacsGirlMel
Mac's Personal Assistant
poor both of them. I'm glad you posted more.
Scars of Fannysmackin
- Thread starter SandleDL
- Start date
SandleDL
CSI Level One
New part, a bit longer this time. Hope someone's still reading this..?
***
Sara was clutching the cup of coffee as if it was the only rope that prevented her from falling into the black, icy abyss. And maybe it was something like that, she didn’t know it.
What did she know at all?
Where had she gone wrong, what had she done so that he didn’t want her near him anymore?
“Damn it, Greg”, she muttered and choked hard to hold back the tears.
How often had he been there for her, how many times had they laughed together, smiling at each other? Had all this meant nothing to him?
She shook her head, not caring about how stupid she had to look to the other people in the canteen.
It had not meant nothing to him, and she knew it, even though she might have forgotten it over the past hours. But if he cared for her like she did for him, then why had he sent her away? She didn’t want to ask questions, she didn’t want him to talk about it, she only wanted to be there for him. Why did he reject her like this?
The coffee had gone cold, but she didn’t care. Actually, she thought, she didn’t care about anything than Greg, and he didn’t care about anything at all.
The tears began to fall with this thought, and she knew she had done him wrong, but who else should she blame? There was nothing left she could accuse herself of, it was all said and thought and cried.
***
Softly she knocked on his door, and it took a while until she heard his voice.
“Come in!”
Slowly Catherine entered Grissom’s office, intuitively scanning the room, but not noticing anything odd. What had she expected? She didn’t know, but she was still worried since Nick had told her to have a look at her oldest friend.
“Hey Gil”, she said and he smiled vaguely.
“Hey Cath.”
“You’re okay?”, the woman asked and fetched a chair. She sat down and supported herself on the desk.
“Sure”, was the simple answer, but Cath could filter out the hidden emotions, and it didn’t even surprise her. She had known him for much too long, she could tell when he was okay and when he wasn’t. She saw the dark circles around his eyes and the exhausted expression on his face, and that was all she needed.
“When was the last time you slept, Gil?”, she asked kindly and carefully.
“Does it matter?”, he replied shortly. “Well, listen Cath”, he added quickly when she was just about to say something. “Don’t worry about me, I’m fine. But I couldn’t rest until we got those kids. It was my duty to finish this first.”
Catherine didn’t even try to deny this, he was right. None of them had really gotten some rest during the last days, but at least she had been home for a few hours. She sighed at the thought of finding her daughter sleeping when she had come home, it had been a strange feeling, a mix of deep love and loneliness. She would lie if she said that the events hadn’t affected her, and she had needed someone, not to talk to but just to be there. Had her returning to work in fact been a flight, a search for refuge?
“I understand you, Gil”, she nodded.
Without asking, he handed her a cup of tea.
“I’m afraid it’s cold, but better than nothing, isn’t it?”
“I guess better than nothing is more than we could ask for sometimes…”
They sat there in silence for a few minutes, sipping their tea and getting lost in their own thoughts.
“Have you ever thought that you had failed?”, Grissom suddenly asked.
Cath looked up and hesitated. She wasn’t good at showing her feelings, but this was Gil, her friend, and she knew she could trust in him.
“Yes”, she admitted. “I’ve thought that more than once. Maybe it’s normal when you raise a child, I don’t know, but… Do you remember when Lindsey tried to hitch-hike? In this moment I doubted myself and I asked myself what I had done wrong. The thought crossed my mind that something terrible could have happened, and it scared me to realize that I couldn’t have done anything to prevent it. What if she had been picked up just a minute earlier, joining someone she didn’t know, and then…” She shook her head. “I don’t even want to imagine it.”
“But she was fine, and you always did your best for her.”
“Did I really?”, the woman asked. “Sometimes I’m not so sure about it. I’m a CSI, but at first place I’m a mother, and maybe I don’t do good enough at this.”
“You’re doing a great job, Cath”, Grissom persisted.
“So do you.”
Grissom sighed and stirred his tea.
“If I really do, then why did this happen? I know Greg, and I should have known that…”
“You couldn’t have known”, Catherine interrupted him softly. “Bad things happen, and we can’t tell it before it’s too late. That’s just life, Gil. And life isn’t about what happens to you. It’s about how you handle what happens.”
He took a deep breath and stood up. To her surprise, he hugged Catherine, resting in this embrace for a moment.
“Thank you.”
Then he let go of her and went towards the door. Catherine remained on her seat, looking rather stunned and confused.
“Erm… where are you going?”
The older man smiled at her.
“I’ll do what you told me to: get some sleep.”
And with these words he left the office. Cath couldn’t help it. She started to laugh, and she didn’t even care about what the others might be thinking.
***
***
Sara was clutching the cup of coffee as if it was the only rope that prevented her from falling into the black, icy abyss. And maybe it was something like that, she didn’t know it.
What did she know at all?
Where had she gone wrong, what had she done so that he didn’t want her near him anymore?
“Damn it, Greg”, she muttered and choked hard to hold back the tears.
How often had he been there for her, how many times had they laughed together, smiling at each other? Had all this meant nothing to him?
She shook her head, not caring about how stupid she had to look to the other people in the canteen.
It had not meant nothing to him, and she knew it, even though she might have forgotten it over the past hours. But if he cared for her like she did for him, then why had he sent her away? She didn’t want to ask questions, she didn’t want him to talk about it, she only wanted to be there for him. Why did he reject her like this?
The coffee had gone cold, but she didn’t care. Actually, she thought, she didn’t care about anything than Greg, and he didn’t care about anything at all.
The tears began to fall with this thought, and she knew she had done him wrong, but who else should she blame? There was nothing left she could accuse herself of, it was all said and thought and cried.
***
Softly she knocked on his door, and it took a while until she heard his voice.
“Come in!”
Slowly Catherine entered Grissom’s office, intuitively scanning the room, but not noticing anything odd. What had she expected? She didn’t know, but she was still worried since Nick had told her to have a look at her oldest friend.
“Hey Gil”, she said and he smiled vaguely.
“Hey Cath.”
“You’re okay?”, the woman asked and fetched a chair. She sat down and supported herself on the desk.
“Sure”, was the simple answer, but Cath could filter out the hidden emotions, and it didn’t even surprise her. She had known him for much too long, she could tell when he was okay and when he wasn’t. She saw the dark circles around his eyes and the exhausted expression on his face, and that was all she needed.
“When was the last time you slept, Gil?”, she asked kindly and carefully.
“Does it matter?”, he replied shortly. “Well, listen Cath”, he added quickly when she was just about to say something. “Don’t worry about me, I’m fine. But I couldn’t rest until we got those kids. It was my duty to finish this first.”
Catherine didn’t even try to deny this, he was right. None of them had really gotten some rest during the last days, but at least she had been home for a few hours. She sighed at the thought of finding her daughter sleeping when she had come home, it had been a strange feeling, a mix of deep love and loneliness. She would lie if she said that the events hadn’t affected her, and she had needed someone, not to talk to but just to be there. Had her returning to work in fact been a flight, a search for refuge?
“I understand you, Gil”, she nodded.
Without asking, he handed her a cup of tea.
“I’m afraid it’s cold, but better than nothing, isn’t it?”
“I guess better than nothing is more than we could ask for sometimes…”
They sat there in silence for a few minutes, sipping their tea and getting lost in their own thoughts.
“Have you ever thought that you had failed?”, Grissom suddenly asked.
Cath looked up and hesitated. She wasn’t good at showing her feelings, but this was Gil, her friend, and she knew she could trust in him.
“Yes”, she admitted. “I’ve thought that more than once. Maybe it’s normal when you raise a child, I don’t know, but… Do you remember when Lindsey tried to hitch-hike? In this moment I doubted myself and I asked myself what I had done wrong. The thought crossed my mind that something terrible could have happened, and it scared me to realize that I couldn’t have done anything to prevent it. What if she had been picked up just a minute earlier, joining someone she didn’t know, and then…” She shook her head. “I don’t even want to imagine it.”
“But she was fine, and you always did your best for her.”
“Did I really?”, the woman asked. “Sometimes I’m not so sure about it. I’m a CSI, but at first place I’m a mother, and maybe I don’t do good enough at this.”
“You’re doing a great job, Cath”, Grissom persisted.
“So do you.”
Grissom sighed and stirred his tea.
“If I really do, then why did this happen? I know Greg, and I should have known that…”
“You couldn’t have known”, Catherine interrupted him softly. “Bad things happen, and we can’t tell it before it’s too late. That’s just life, Gil. And life isn’t about what happens to you. It’s about how you handle what happens.”
He took a deep breath and stood up. To her surprise, he hugged Catherine, resting in this embrace for a moment.
“Thank you.”
Then he let go of her and went towards the door. Catherine remained on her seat, looking rather stunned and confused.
“Erm… where are you going?”
The older man smiled at her.
“I’ll do what you told me to: get some sleep.”
And with these words he left the office. Cath couldn’t help it. She started to laugh, and she didn’t even care about what the others might be thinking.
***
MacsGirlMel
Mac's Personal Assistant
I'm still reading it, even though it's looking a little Sandle-ish. More soon!
SandleDL
CSI Level One
Yes,it is Sandle, Mel 
Well I had almost given up on this (note to self: never ever post a story again before it is finished!), but I think it'll be finished soon. Maybe someone's still reading, whatever, I'll post it till the end no matter if anyone reads it or not *lol*
***
Nick rushed through the entrance door and entered the hospital. He didn’t like such places, he had seen them too often, and most of the memories were of pain, either physical or psychological. He was always glad when he could finally get out of it again, but now it was a different situation. It wasn’t about him this time, it was about a friend.
He took a deep breath and went to the information desk. A young woman looked up at him with a smile.
“Can I help you, Sir?”
“I want to visit Greg Sanders, he was brought here today.”
She checked some files on the computer and nodded.
“The brave guy they beat up? Are you a relative?”
“A friend.” Greg was more than just a co-worker, somehow he wanted to make that plain.
“I see. Second floor, room 472.”
“Thanks ma’am”, Nick replied shortly and turned round. He scanned the hall for the elevator, when his eyes suddenly fell onto a familiar face.
“Sara?”
Immediately he was at her side, and her fingers let go of the empty coffee mug that was in front of her.
“Hey Nick”, she greeted him with a weak and apparently fake smile. “You’ve seen Greg?”
“Not yet”, the young investigator said. “I was just on my way when I saw you.”
She turned her face away and seemed very interested in the offered drinks at the cafeteria. Her eyes were red, Nick noticed, and he knew she had cried not so long ago.
“Are you alright?”, he inquired cautiously.
“What? Yes, of course I am. I’m fine, really.”
Nick sighed.
“Don’t lie to me, honey. I know you’re not alright.”
“Then why did you ask?”
“Because I want to know the reason why, so that I can give the one who made you cry a good kick in the ass!”, he joked.
Sara chuckled a little.
“I don’t think that’ll shock him anymore.”
Nick gave her a quizzical look.
“So you’ve talked to Greg, haven’t you? How is he?” And how did he make you cry?, he would have liked to add, but he thought this wouldn’t be the best idea.
“Yes, I talked to him.” She hesitated and clutched the mug again. “Until he told me to go.”
“He did what?”
“He told… no, he asked me to go. So I left.” She felt her lip beginning to tremble again, and she choked hard to suppress the tears that began to dwell in her eyes. She wouldn’t cry. Not again.
“Hey”, Nick muttered softly. “You can tell me. Only if you want to, of course”, he added quickly.
It was only then that Sara slowly began to talk.
***
Well I had almost given up on this (note to self: never ever post a story again before it is finished!), but I think it'll be finished soon. Maybe someone's still reading, whatever, I'll post it till the end no matter if anyone reads it or not *lol****
Nick rushed through the entrance door and entered the hospital. He didn’t like such places, he had seen them too often, and most of the memories were of pain, either physical or psychological. He was always glad when he could finally get out of it again, but now it was a different situation. It wasn’t about him this time, it was about a friend.
He took a deep breath and went to the information desk. A young woman looked up at him with a smile.
“Can I help you, Sir?”
“I want to visit Greg Sanders, he was brought here today.”
She checked some files on the computer and nodded.
“The brave guy they beat up? Are you a relative?”
“A friend.” Greg was more than just a co-worker, somehow he wanted to make that plain.
“I see. Second floor, room 472.”
“Thanks ma’am”, Nick replied shortly and turned round. He scanned the hall for the elevator, when his eyes suddenly fell onto a familiar face.
“Sara?”
Immediately he was at her side, and her fingers let go of the empty coffee mug that was in front of her.
“Hey Nick”, she greeted him with a weak and apparently fake smile. “You’ve seen Greg?”
“Not yet”, the young investigator said. “I was just on my way when I saw you.”
She turned her face away and seemed very interested in the offered drinks at the cafeteria. Her eyes were red, Nick noticed, and he knew she had cried not so long ago.
“Are you alright?”, he inquired cautiously.
“What? Yes, of course I am. I’m fine, really.”
Nick sighed.
“Don’t lie to me, honey. I know you’re not alright.”
“Then why did you ask?”
“Because I want to know the reason why, so that I can give the one who made you cry a good kick in the ass!”, he joked.
Sara chuckled a little.
“I don’t think that’ll shock him anymore.”
Nick gave her a quizzical look.
“So you’ve talked to Greg, haven’t you? How is he?” And how did he make you cry?, he would have liked to add, but he thought this wouldn’t be the best idea.
“Yes, I talked to him.” She hesitated and clutched the mug again. “Until he told me to go.”
“He did what?”
“He told… no, he asked me to go. So I left.” She felt her lip beginning to tremble again, and she choked hard to suppress the tears that began to dwell in her eyes. She wouldn’t cry. Not again.
“Hey”, Nick muttered softly. “You can tell me. Only if you want to, of course”, he added quickly.
It was only then that Sara slowly began to talk.
***
MacsGirlMel
Mac's Personal Assistant
I'm still reading it...glad you finally updated again
GunsNRoses259
CSI Level One
I agree, glad you finally updated.
SandleDL
CSI Level One
A new part, nice Greg and Nick conversation It won't be long till the end!
--------------------------------
Greg opened his eyes when he heard a knock on the door. For a moment he thought that it might be Sara, but he wasn’t sure if he would like that or not.
“Come in!”
It wasn’t Sara, and Greg couldn’t tell whether or not he was disappointed about that. One part of him wanted to see her agan, the other part was afraid to look her into the eye. Maybe it was good after all that it was only Nick.
The older CSI approached the bed and sat down on a nearby stool.
“Hey man”, he said. “How are you?”
“Well, I won’t be Sexiest Man Alive this year, but at least that’ll give Brad Pitt a chance”, the younger one joked. He was even more surprised than Nick of this reaction. It felt good to smile again. But it wouldn’t last long.
Nick looked down on his friend and couldn’t quite hide his shock. The white bandages around his head and arm, the dark bruises on the normally happy face, the swollen eye – he had seen this before, but this time it was Greg who was lying there. And it was Greg whose eyes were dark as if they’d never seen the sunlight.
“You got it really bad, huh?” In the very moment Nick could’ve slapped himself for these words, they sounded so stupid, but he didn’t know what to say.
“I’m alive, ain’t I?”
What about telling the truth?
“Listen Greg”, Nick spurted out. “I… I’m sorry, really, I mean I should’ve… Damn I shouldn’t have let this happen, I…”
“Hello?!”, Greg interrupted him. “I don’t know what you’re trying to tell me but… nothing, absolutely nothing of the whole shit was your fault. It was either mine or Demetrius James’s fault but not yours!”
Nick shook his head.
“I don’t know. Everything’s so… strange right now. When Warrick and me were at the crime scene, I kinda freaked out. I felt like I had abandoned you when you needed me the most.”
Greg smiled weakly.
“Hey, I’m a big boy now, I don’t need anyone.”
“Really?”
Nick stresses this single word extremely, and he looked directly at Greg. This word was more than just a simple yes/ no question, there was something underneath the letters
“What do you mean?”, he answered in defense.
“I mean that I’m sure that there is someone you need, and who needs you, and believe me Greg, you may not be able to look properly but you cannot be so blind not to see that!”
Greg didn’t answer and turned his head.
So he had talked to Sara.
He didn’t want to show Nick how he felt inside, he had never been very good at showing emotions such as fear, pain or simply insecurity. Everything was fine as long as he could be the fun guy, make his jokes and hide his feelings under silly haircuts and comic remarks. But without himself even noticing, he had grown up, and he had had to learn that the world wasn’t always the bright place he had got to know. Sometimes it was dark, and the demons that were hiding in its corners finally came to see the light.
Greg had always thought that every crime had a reason, although he didn’t look for excuses for the criminals, but wasn’t it their task to find out the motive in order to get the heathen? Now he had to face the fact that people didn’t need reasons, and maybe that was what frightened him the most. Because if there wasn’t a cause, then there was no way to prevent such things, was there?
“Greg?”
He had almost forgotten about Nick who was still looking at him with concerned eyes.
The young man took a deep breath. His ribs ached because of the movement.
“Nick, I… I don’t think I’m ready for this.”
“Ready for what?”
“For… everything.” He gave Nick a small, lopsided grin. “Not really helpful, am I?”
The dark haired man sighed.
“Greg, this isn’t only about you, and it definitely isn’t about me.”
“I’m just not sure if…” Greg hesitated.
“If what?”
“If I can give her what she needs. I mean, she’s been with so many guys and somehow they all failed, and I don’t wanna be the next one.”
“Do you trust her?”
Greg nearly laughed about this stupid question. Of course he trusted her, he would believe everything she said or did, he’d willingly give his life if she said he needed to – yes, he was sure about that.
“I guess I do.”
“You guess, Greg?”
“I know”, Greg corrected himself. “Damn Nick, you know that I trust her. But I don’t know if she still trusts in me after what I’ve done.”
Nick laid his hand onto Greg’s arm and smiled.
“Believe me, Greg. She trusts in you more than ever. But you have to let her trust you.”
***
It won't be long till the end!--------------------------------
Greg opened his eyes when he heard a knock on the door. For a moment he thought that it might be Sara, but he wasn’t sure if he would like that or not.
“Come in!”
It wasn’t Sara, and Greg couldn’t tell whether or not he was disappointed about that. One part of him wanted to see her agan, the other part was afraid to look her into the eye. Maybe it was good after all that it was only Nick.
The older CSI approached the bed and sat down on a nearby stool.
“Hey man”, he said. “How are you?”
“Well, I won’t be Sexiest Man Alive this year, but at least that’ll give Brad Pitt a chance”, the younger one joked. He was even more surprised than Nick of this reaction. It felt good to smile again. But it wouldn’t last long.
Nick looked down on his friend and couldn’t quite hide his shock. The white bandages around his head and arm, the dark bruises on the normally happy face, the swollen eye – he had seen this before, but this time it was Greg who was lying there. And it was Greg whose eyes were dark as if they’d never seen the sunlight.
“You got it really bad, huh?” In the very moment Nick could’ve slapped himself for these words, they sounded so stupid, but he didn’t know what to say.
“I’m alive, ain’t I?”
What about telling the truth?
“Listen Greg”, Nick spurted out. “I… I’m sorry, really, I mean I should’ve… Damn I shouldn’t have let this happen, I…”
“Hello?!”, Greg interrupted him. “I don’t know what you’re trying to tell me but… nothing, absolutely nothing of the whole shit was your fault. It was either mine or Demetrius James’s fault but not yours!”
Nick shook his head.
“I don’t know. Everything’s so… strange right now. When Warrick and me were at the crime scene, I kinda freaked out. I felt like I had abandoned you when you needed me the most.”
Greg smiled weakly.
“Hey, I’m a big boy now, I don’t need anyone.”
“Really?”
Nick stresses this single word extremely, and he looked directly at Greg. This word was more than just a simple yes/ no question, there was something underneath the letters
“What do you mean?”, he answered in defense.
“I mean that I’m sure that there is someone you need, and who needs you, and believe me Greg, you may not be able to look properly but you cannot be so blind not to see that!”
Greg didn’t answer and turned his head.
So he had talked to Sara.
He didn’t want to show Nick how he felt inside, he had never been very good at showing emotions such as fear, pain or simply insecurity. Everything was fine as long as he could be the fun guy, make his jokes and hide his feelings under silly haircuts and comic remarks. But without himself even noticing, he had grown up, and he had had to learn that the world wasn’t always the bright place he had got to know. Sometimes it was dark, and the demons that were hiding in its corners finally came to see the light.
Greg had always thought that every crime had a reason, although he didn’t look for excuses for the criminals, but wasn’t it their task to find out the motive in order to get the heathen? Now he had to face the fact that people didn’t need reasons, and maybe that was what frightened him the most. Because if there wasn’t a cause, then there was no way to prevent such things, was there?
“Greg?”
He had almost forgotten about Nick who was still looking at him with concerned eyes.
The young man took a deep breath. His ribs ached because of the movement.
“Nick, I… I don’t think I’m ready for this.”
“Ready for what?”
“For… everything.” He gave Nick a small, lopsided grin. “Not really helpful, am I?”
The dark haired man sighed.
“Greg, this isn’t only about you, and it definitely isn’t about me.”
“I’m just not sure if…” Greg hesitated.
“If what?”
“If I can give her what she needs. I mean, she’s been with so many guys and somehow they all failed, and I don’t wanna be the next one.”
“Do you trust her?”
Greg nearly laughed about this stupid question. Of course he trusted her, he would believe everything she said or did, he’d willingly give his life if she said he needed to – yes, he was sure about that.
“I guess I do.”
“You guess, Greg?”
“I know”, Greg corrected himself. “Damn Nick, you know that I trust her. But I don’t know if she still trusts in me after what I’ve done.”
Nick laid his hand onto Greg’s arm and smiled.
“Believe me, Greg. She trusts in you more than ever. But you have to let her trust you.”
***
MacsGirlMel
Mac's Personal Assistant
I'm a GSR myself but still greatly enjoying the story. Post soon!