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Chapter 7 - Hopelessly
Sara had not come back that day and neither had she the next. Most of Greg’s other friends from the lab had dropped by at the hospital though, but they had seldom experienced Greg as subdued as he was during these visits.
It was in the evening of the next day that Catherine came, but not for the first time. It was very obvious that she intended to stay longer, even bringing some food that she apparently considered as healthy choices for Greg.
“For a change from the hospital food,” she explained to him, smiling. Greg returned her smile weakly.
“I’m going to be released tomorrow morning,” he told her quietly. “I won’t need all this stuff,” he added. Catherine lifted her eyebrows.
“I didn’t want to sound ungrateful,” Greg apologized quickly. “I can take it with-“
“Who’s going to get you?” Catherine interrupted him with her question.
Greg shrugged. “I could take a taxi…” It was not the answer Catherine was waiting for.
“Where will you go?” she added softly, but intentionally raising the question that was mostly on her mind.
“Home, I guess.”
Catherine nodded quietly. “Are you going to be alright?” she asked then, and Greg knew she was not speaking about his health.
“I guess.”
“Greg… I heard about you and Sara…”
“You did?” He was rubbing his forehead, touched uncomfortably by her statement. It was an issue between him and Sara, something they had to clear between themselves, even though it was quite hopeless in Greg’s mind.
“Warrick told me.”
Greg nodded slowly. He picked up one of the bananas Catherine had brought with her, starting to peel it.
“I hope she didn’t leave our place,” he admitted then quietly, fiddling around quite vainly to get rid of the fibers on the fruit, focusing on this task just to avoid Catherine’s gaze.
“I don’t think she went anywhere,” she told him. She had not heard anything about Sara having left Greg’s place. Actually Sara had been burying herself so much in her work in the last two days that Catherine doubted that Sara had had time to find another place to stay. And neither Nick nor Warrick had mentioned anything about Sara staying at their places.
“I don’t know what to do,” Greg stated hopelessly. “I can’t blame her if she leaves, but I don’t want her to.”
Catherine shook her head. She actually would blame Sara if she just left Greg alone in a situation like this. Greg and Sara had been living together for more than a year. Sara just could not abandon him right when he needed her. And it was clear that Greg needed her. It was Sara who would have to convince him that Grissom’s death was not his fault. Catherine doubted that Greg would accept any attempt of convincement from any other person.
“Talk with her. Tell her about what you think and what you feel,” Catherine advised him. She sensed that only this way Sara would see why Greg was claiming so stubbornly that it was his fault. That only this way Sara would find out how she could take away his feeling of guilt; that only this way Greg would see that Sara was not blaming him, and that she did not intend to leave.
The last two points Catherine could only hope though. Warrick had told her that Sara was actually considering accepting Greg’s confession. Of course, if Sara forgave Greg, and convinced Greg that she was doing that, they would still be able to move on, to live on together. But Catherine feared that Greg would never be able to let go of the guilt then, something that might even affect his ability to work as a CSI, if he was afraid of making a mistake on a scene.
And Catherine did not want that. She was mourning for her friend. And it had been Grissom, next to Sara, who had helped Greg on the way to the position he was now. Catherine did not want that Greg gave up on all of that.
“We talked already. And see where it led us to,” Greg said now.
Catherine could not believe her ears. She had never seen Greg that hopeless and discouraged.
“Talk with her. If you fight again, then fight. Anything’s better than this,” Catherine waved undirected in the air, losing somewhat her patience. “And now eat your banana,” she added with a slightly threatening undertone.
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The next morning Greg was just signing his release forms, when he saw a brunette woman approaching him, but stopping then some distance away from him. His hand trembled slightly when he put his name on the paper in front of him. He was not quite prepared for that, having assumed that either somebody else from the lab would come to get him home or that he would have to take a taxi. At least he had expected that he had still some time to prepare until he would have to face Sara, if she was still at their home at all.
Now she was here, however, but maybe just to pick him up and bring him to the place, only to tell him that she had moved out or was just about doing it, or maybe she would even tell him to leave, but Greg could not imagine her being so harsh, since he was just being released from the hospital after all.
Greg took a deep breath, trying to calm his rushing thoughts. He smiled at the nurse who was taking the last form he had had to sign, and turned around to Sara then.
“Hey,” he greeted her, not really knowing what to say at all. The last thing she had said to him had been angry words, and they had been justified in a way. Much more anger from her would be justified actually; he was at least partly responsible for the death of Sara’s boss, her maybe longest friend, if that was the right word to use for their relationship, and the man she had possibly loved.
Nothing Greg could say seemed appropriate. So it was more than a relief when Sara came over to him and took his hand in hers. She was pulling him softly into the direction of the exit, without saying anything and Greg figured it was best to stay silent as well, until she said something. Or was she expecting something from him?
He glanced at her and saw that she was frowning slightly and it made him wonder if she was trying to find something to come up with as well. The silence was getting unbearable for Greg, so he was asking a helpless question.
“Where have you parked your car?”
“Right over there,” Sara pointed a little distance ahead. Greg felt strange that this had been the first exchange between them since two days ago. Sara did not let go of his hand until they reached her car. The drive was silent like most of the walk to the car had been. Greg switched through several radio stations, just to fill the silence, but one was more obnoxious than the other, at least to Greg’s ears right now.
Sara unlocked the door to their apartment, but let Greg enter at first. The apartment was tidy, but one thing Greg definitely noticed immediately.
“You’re still here,” it was half a statement, half a question and he turned to her, looking at her, the insecurity still shining on his face.
“Of course I am,” she responded. “Unless you want me to leave,” she added quietly. Greg stared at her, wondering why she was actually putting this choice in his hands. As if this question needed to be risen at all. Greg hoped that Sara knew that deep inside. And if she did not, he still would have to show her.
TBC