thanks Jorja_Rain I am sitting here with a gun in my hand, crying my eyes out. I’m still trying to piece it all together, trying to make sense of the horrible events that have been haunting me. She had been a loving mother, a beautiful wife and a damn good CSI. I had thought I would never love again, but I did…I fell in love with her and I loved her with all of my heart. She was my life, my love and my soul. And God knows she loved me like nobody else. I will never forget that fateful day, the day my life would change for the worst. ****************************************************** Everyone is in the waiting room, anxious to get some information. I am praying to God that she will pull through, that she will get out of this alive. Lindsey is wrapped in my arms and I notice she is not crying, in fact she is being something I am not…,strong, she is sitting next to me and tells me that everything is going to be okay. I am crying, even though she is the one who would lose another parent. I would have never fathomed that something like this could ever happen. One of the surgeons walks out and everyone is getting up but me. I feel dizzy, unable to stand so I just keep sitting there, holding Lindsey and letting her comfort me. He is talking but I cannot hear him…I see the look on his face and realize they could not help her. She had internal bleeding. I am just sitting here, everybody is looking at me, waiting for me to say something…anything, but nothing comes out. Greg makes his way over to me and offers his hand to walk me out. I wish I could say something, but still there is nothing. Lindsey is in the backseat. I am sure she will break down eventually, but she doesn’t, my baby is so strong. The car pulls into my driveway and comes to a stop. Greg comes over to my door and helps me out. Once we are inside Lindsey goes to her room without so much than a word, and Greg takes me to my room, helping me into bed. He is about to leave when I grab his hand and beg him to stay. He smiles at me, then he lies down next to me, pulling me close. I sob helplessly in his embrace until a wave of exhaustion washes over me and I finally fall into a dreamless sleep *********************************************************** I wish it had been me, though…me…I do not know why but…Hell, who am I kidding, I wish I could have died for my love, she had been my everything. I had loved her with all of my heart and would have gladly taken her place, dying for her was the least I could have done. Knowing her, though, things had happened exactly the way she would have wanted them to. She had always been the stronger one. Ten years have passed and still I am crying. Lindsey is starting med school this year and I am incredibly proud of her. She is moving on. I do not think that I will ever be able to do the same. Sara Sidle is dead and she will never come back. END