SandleDL
CSI Level One
Hey, I thought it might be easier to open a thread just for me and my little Sandle world than always open a new thread for each fic I write. My one-shots are mostly connected to the previous ones so this might make it easier not only for me but for you as well. I'm gonna post my previous stories here again, too, so that you remember the backstory, okay?
Well, what else?
Disclaimer: I don't own anything of CSI, the idea and characters aren't mine. Of course I don't want to earn any money with this stuff, it's just for entertainment.
I'd like you to review, and please feel free to critizise and correct, I want to learn!
And now... here we go!
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1. Midnight Talk
Something was wrong. Totally wrong.
He knew that for sure, but at first he couldn’t tell what it was. Then he realized that his doorbell was ringing.
That wouldn’t have been unusual, hadn’t it been for the fact that it was 1 am and he had been sleeping for an hour. He blinked a few times, trying to switch on the light. Finally he succeeded. He got up fast, putting on his shirt and sprinted downwards.
Never before had someone been at his door at this time, and suddenly he was afraid. What if something had happended?
In a second he was at the door, took a deep breath and opened it.
“Sara?!”
“Greg.”
It was only one word, but it was enough for Greg to know that something was totally wrong indeed, he could tell by the tone in her voice. In the dark he could hardly see her face, so he took her by the hand as she didn’t move.
“Come on, Sara, it’s cold out there.”
For a blink of an eye he thought of how stupid he had to look, wearing only his boxers and the shirt he’d been wearing all day, his hair undone, with bare feet. Then he pushed the thoughts aside and led Sara to his kitchen.
“Would you like some coffee?”
Sara nodded slightly, and in the dimlit light he could see that she had been crying. She was playing with a packet of paper tissues absent-mindedly, avoiding his enquiring look.
Greg put two cups of coffee onto the table and sat down opposite her. She took the cup und held it with both hands, as if to warm them.
“Are you cold?”, Greg asked anxiously. “I could…”
“It’s okay, thank you”, Sara said with a vague smile.
Not taking his eyes off the young woman, Greg took a sip of the steaming liquid.
“Ouch!”, he yelled, nearly dropping the cup. “Damn!”
Sara chuckled and for a moment she looked just as happy as everyday. But then the unfamliar, distant look crawled upon her tanned face again.
Carefully Greg took his coffee again, smiling at her.
“You can drink it, you know. You just have to ignore the fact that it burns your tongue like sulphuric acid.”
Sara didn’t reply, and there was nothing he would like to ask her more than why she had turned up at his house in the middle of the night. But somehow he had the notion that he shouldn’t ask. So he just sat there, watching her and thinking.
Finally he had got what he had been dreaming of for so long. She was here with him, they were alone, and obviously she needed him.
Well, in his dreams things had been easy, he would help her, she would be thankful and tell him that she’d loved him all along. They’d end up kissing and wake up in his bed the next morning.
Now he realized it wasn’t that simple.
“Must seem freaky, huh?”, Sara suddenly broke the silence. “Me waking you up and looking like crap and all.”
“I love freaky stuff”, Greg grinned.
“I’m sorry all the same”, she muttered and turned her head to look out of the kitchen window at the pitchdark night.
“No need to apologize”, the young man said and tried to look into her eyes. “Acually, I have to say sorry for welcoming you still with my boxers on, that’s no way to treat a lady, you know.”
Sara laughed quietly. “I’ve seen you before, Greg. Everything.”
Greg couldn’t help blushing a little, but he tried to forget about that long gone day.
For a few seconds there was silence again, until Sara finally looked at him.
“I didn’t know where else to go.” She sighed deeply. “It was just so…”
“So what?”, Greg asked, glad that she had made the first step.
“I’ve been thinking a lot, Greg”, Sara said quietly. “About me, about Grissom, just about everything and I… I felt like I didn’t get an answer, you know?” She hesitated. “I felt like standing on a cliff, without a way back, knowing that I’ll have to jump, fearing the abyss. – Got a little drunk, I suppose”, she added with a fake smile.
“I didn’t notice that”, Greg remarked.
“That’s self-control.”
“There’s a difference between self-control and pushing emotions aside. But…”
“I don’t…”, she interrupted him with an unfinished sentence, her voice a bit louder than usual, her fingers shakily holding the coffee cup. “Whatever I… fuck!” The cup slipped through her hands, spilling the liquid all over the table.
Quickly Greg jumped to his feet and grabbed some cloth from the sink.
“I’m sorry”, Sara whispered hoarsely.
“It’s okay”, he reassured her and wiped away the black coffee.
“It isn’t!”, she cried and buried her face in her hands. He could see the tears streaming down her face, she was shivering, and he just stood there motionless because he didn’t know what to do. “Damn sometimes I feel like… fuck… my life’s a mess…”
Greg sat down and carefully took her shaking hands away from her face.
“What I wanted to say was: you may be self-controlled as much as you like. But you don’t have to hide your feelings from me.” He smiled warmly.
“You don’t understand, Greg”, Sara sobbed desperately. “You just don’t understand…”
He squeezed her hands slightly, trying to make her feel better. He wouldn’t urge her to talk, she would tell him what she thought he needed to know when it was her time. Tenderly he caressed her fingers with his, feeling her soft skin underneath his fingertips.
After a while her sobs ebbed away and she rubbed her eyes in a vain attempt to make the tears forgotten, with the result that her eyes became even redder than before. Gently Greg wiped the tears away, following the silvery lines on her cheeks with his fingers.
Sara closed her eyes for a moment, then opened them again and looked directly at her friend.
“The problem is…” She inhaled deeply. “The problem is that I don’t know if I love him anymore.”
“You don’t know?”, he repeated, a bit confused. “How can you not know?”
“It’s so difficult sometimes. I like him, a lot, and I know he’s always there for me, he loves me with all his heart. And yet…”
Greg nodded understandingly, letting go of her hands, watching the expression on her face.
“There’s something missing, isn’t it?”
“I don’t even know what it is, but… I can’t tell him, Greg!” She sighed and turned her face away from him, as if there was something very fascinating about the white wall.
They were quiet for a while, as if they knew that both of them needed some time alone, lost in their own thoughts.
Greg was torn in a way he’d never experienced it before. Something told him that he shouldn’t be selfish but only be concerned about Sara, but still the little devil on his right wanted him to be happy about the development.
He loved Sara.
Sara used to be in love with Grissom, his supervisor.
Grissom loved Sara.
Sara didn’t know if she loved him anymore.
It was a tragic triangle, and one of them was going to lose it all. And Greg prayed with all his heart that it wouldn’t be him.
“Greg?”
“Hm?”
“Can I… sleep here? Please.”
“Sure”, he replied, surprised by the strange tone in his voice. “I guess I’ll take the couch, then?”, he added with a grin on his face.
And after what had seemed like an eternity, Sara gave the smile back to him, like an unexpected and yet so much wanted present he’d been longing for so long.
When he laid down on his old sofa he realized how cold he had become during the last hour. He hadn’t even noticed.
And as he covered himself with the thin blanket, he still saw her her, lying in the half lit room, a stray of her silky hair hiding her closed eyes, only revealing the peaceful smile on her beautiful face.
He wouldn’t wake up next to her.
But she had come there for him, because she needed him, and deep inside Greg knew that he had given her the best he could.
And maybe some day the best would be enough for her. Until then he would wait. There was no need to hurry.
Finally time was on their side.
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2. Stranded
“See ya, guys!“, he called and waved at the two CSI men who entered their SUV.
“Good luck with the scene!”, one of them laughed and Greg sighed silently. He looked over to the place where a female body had been lying only an hour ago. Now there were only some yellow plastic markers lost in the Nevada desert left to show where a young life had ended violently.
He checked his watch and cursed under his breath. It was already evening, and he ought to be sitting in front of his TV and watch his favorite show. Instead, an emergency call had spoiled it all.
His eyes spotted Sara who was already processing the scene, and for a split second a warm feeling rushed through his body and a smile appeared on his face. Only the two of them in the middle of the desert – that fact suddenly made the job much more attractive. Without taking his eyes off her, he put his vest into their car and closed the door. He locked it as he always did, it was a habit of his, he never left his car unlocked even if he was only a few feet away. After fetching some tools from the trunk, he went over to Sara.
“Found anything yet?”
“Nope”, she said and looked up at him.
The setting sun made her tanned skin shine almost golden and the rays of light were reflected by her silky hair. There was something about that picture which fascinated Greg so much that he only just stared at her for a few seconds.
“Greg?”
There was an amused tone in her voice, and he realized that he had to look very stupid. Immediately he turned his head.
“Uhm… I guess I’ll start with the area over there then?”
Without waiting for an answer, he walked away. He didn’t see the smile on Sara’s face that didn’t vanish when she, too, concentrated on the scene again.
Nearly three hours passed until every single square inch had been examined, bags had been filled with cigarettes, some hairs and a piece of a handkerchief. Greg had taken photos of two shoe prints on the sandy ground. He looked up and streched. The sky had darkened, the night was setting in. Not far away from him, Sara was still picking up things from the ground.
Sara… even only thinking of her and hearing the sound of her name inside his mind made Greg smile. He was happy seeing her happy, it was simple. One week had passed since that one night, a night he was sure he’d never forget.
Suddenly she had been there, at his door, and she had told him more than he’d ever thought she would.
And still he didn’t know everything.
One of his questions, the most important one of all, remained unanswered.
Sara looked up and scanned the area. It was getting dark, the sun had nearly completely vanished behind the horizon, and the last rays of light tried desperately to make their way into the open. Sara loved the sunset in the desert, how the blue sky turned into a mysterious grey and finally pitchdark, revealing the starry night which was nowhere as clear as here. She even liked the cool air crawling onto her, starting at her fingertips, crossing her arms and legs and finally reaching her face.
Suddenly she sensed a movement behind her back. She turned around and spotted Greg who was coming towards her. Inevitably, she began to smile. It was amazing, she realized, how just being near him gave her this strange feeling of easiness, of joy, of freedom. She couldn’t explain what exactly it was, or why it happened, but it felt good.
And she wondered if she’d ever felt this way with Grissom.
“Hey Greg!”, she called, trying to erase these thoughts from her mind. “Finished?”
“Yes!”, he replied and grinned at her the way he always did when he was satisfied with himself. “We can go now!”
Side by side they walked over to the SUV and Sara looked expectatly at her co-worker. He stared back at her.
“What?”
“Would you please open the door, darling?”, Sara asked with an artificial politeness in her voice.
“Although I really appreciate it when you’re calling me like this – I don’t have the keys!”
Sara looked at him in disbelief and annoyment.
“That’s not funny, Greg”, she sighed. “I’m tired, it’s getting cold, I want to go home. Really.”
She emphasised the last word angrily. Greg put his hands into his pockets, emptied them and revealed some chewing gum, a lighter, some coins and to his embarassment and Sara’s amusement a slightly dusty condom still shrink-wrapped, but the keys were missing.
“I don’t understand that”, Greg mumbled. “I locked the doors and then… oh shit…”
“What? Greg?”
“Well, let’s say… the keys aren’t far. But…”
Sara glared at the young man and he gave her a weak smile.
“I’m afraid they are in the trunk. Must have slipped them when I fetched my stuff.”
“You’re kidding.”
“No. – Listen, Sara”, he added quickly as she kicked the SUV frustratedly. “I… I’m gonna call Nick. Or Catherine. Or… whoever.”
He took out his mobile while Sara sat down with her back on the cool metal of the van. He watched her while he did a bunch of frustrating phone calls. The wind was moving her dark hair like grass on an open field, or like waves on the sea. Her arms were resting on her knees and her fingers were playing with the fabric of her shirt. It was such a beautiful image that he hardly dared to disturb it, he could have spent the whole night like this, just looking at her.
She turned her head towards him, and although she was at least 5 metres away, her eyes hypnotized him with the spell he’d been hit with the first time he’d seen Sara Sidle. The spell that he had never wanted to break and that only he had been stunned by.
“Greg, are they gonna send someone?”
The blond man sighed and tried his best to give her his most innocent, forgive-me kind of look.
“Look, Sara, you know, they’ll send Nick but…”
“But what?”
“He’s still on a case on the other side of the town, Cath said he might make it here in about two hours when he’s done with the scene.”
“And…”
“The others? Negative”, Greg replied shortly to her hidden question.
“Damn.”
For a moment there was silence, only the soft, chilling breeze could be heard, and in the distance Greg spotted the lights of Las Vegas.
He sat down next to Sara, avoiding her look. And although he didn’t even touch her, he had shivers down his spine as he saw the air she was exhaling condensate in front of her sensuous lips.
“I’m sorry”, he muttered.
“It’s okay.”
“It isn’t, listen, I’m really sorry, Sara. I mean…”
“It’s okay Greg”, she interrupted him. “Sometimes things just happen and we only notice it when it’s too late. Then we can’t make these things undone, no matter how much we regret our mistakes, no matter how much we want to change it… It just happens.”
The last words she spoke quietly, in a convinced and yet unnaturally shy tone.
A strand of hair covered her face, and it was hard for him to resist stroking them away to sink again into the unfathomable ocean of her eyes.
Instead, he remained silent, listening to her breathing and the soft whisper of the cool wind.
“I wanted to break up with Grissom. But I couldn’t.”
Her voice was as shaky as her hands.
“Why?” He could have slapped himself for that question, it wasn’t his right to ask that. But it was too late to take the words back, and wasn’t this typical him?
To his surprise, Sara began speaking again.
“It was weird. I went to him because I wanted to tell him it’s over. And then I looked into his eyes, and I saw the love and – I just couldn’t do it.”
What was he supposed to say? All of his words would come out wrong, and he didn’t want to make it worse for her. He only wanted to see her smile again.
It was cold. If Sara had known they would be stock out there for so long, she would have taken her jacket with her, but now it was lying safely in the van while she was freezing. It amazed her how it could get so chilly in the desert when it had been hot all day. She rubbed her forearms, and after a minute it got a bit better. At least the cold had distracted her from everything else – like the worried look on Greg’s face and the emptiness she felt inside.
She was stranded on a lonely island of self-doubt and fear, and when you can’t find your way home, away from the island, you have to distract yourself before you go insane.
Sometimes Sara wondered if maybe it was already too late.
“Are you cold?”, a warm voice suddenly asked.
Sara shook her head to show that it was okay, but of course it was a vain attempt.
“You’re freezing”, Greg stated.
Without further explanations, he took off his jacket.
“What are you doing?”, Sara asked sceptically.
“Being a gentleman”, was the simple answer, and the next moment she was wrapped in the black jacket which was definitely over-sized for her, and Greg rubbed her arms carefully.
“Getting better?”
She smiled thankfully, and although she thought for one second that she should say something, she realized that words were unnecessary right now.
It was getting dark, the landscape was fading in the black, and as Greg’s face was so close to hers, she could hardly make out the outlines of his features. All she could see were his eyes and herself mirrored in them.
She saw her own silhouette in the deep sea of his eyes, and she remembered the saying that the eyes reflect the soul of a person.
Without asking, she knew that right now Greg was seeing himself in her eyes as well. In this moment Sara realized that there was something true about this saying.
She was stranded. But she wasn’t lost.
Greg had never thought that time could really stand still, he had taken it as one of those things some writer of fluffy novels would write, just to let the sweet lady be kissed by her hero. He had laughed about it.
But there was one thing he had forgotten. Sometimes we come to a point in our lives, a short moment only, when we feel the silence surround us and the one we love. It’s a peaceful silence that enchants us with all the non-spoken words, and we wish for this moment to last forever. And although we can’t stop the world turning, the magic of this moment makes us feel like time stands still.
He had never imagined, let alone experienced it.
But it felt good when his lips tenderly met hers, and time stood still for them.
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3. Lights in the Dark
Her lips were soft and tasted like cinnamon. In a weird way this reminded him of his childhood days when he used to bake cookies with his mother at Christmas time. He’d been happy then.
And he was happy now.
They barely touched each other, drowning in the sweet embrace. Her hair was smooth as silk as he felt it beneath his palms. Her breathing sent shivers down his spine.
Then they parted. Her silhouette seemed to have a silvery lining, and for a moment Greg was stunned by what he saw. The whole scenery was so almost unreal that he thought it might as well be a dream.
Sara’s sensuous lips were smiling at him, and she squeezed his hand.
“Look at the sky”, she said and pointed upwards with her right hand. “Isn’t it beautiful?”
There were millions of stars pinned at the black velvet sky, shining down at them and erasing the lights of Las Vegas from their own little world. The air was cold and crystal-clear. The wind softly caressed their bodies and formed a melody in their minds.
He bent forward and kissed her tenderly.
“It’s just as beautiful as you.”
They remained like this for a moment, so close, skin on skin, breathing in each other’s spirit. Tentatively Greg’s left hand wandered to her back, feeling every inch of her backbone under his fingers through her shirt. He noticed the goosebumps on her arms and hesitated.
“Are you still cold?”, he asked anxiously.
Sara replied with a seducing smile.
“It’s not the cold that drives me insane.”
“Oh…”
He continued massaging her back and she closed her eyes. Her hands on his hips were like a current pulse making him shiver. She let them crawl underneath his shirt, searching their way up. Her lips found his, and this time their kiss was passionate and hungry. Greg closed his eyes to keep out everything that didn’t belong to them, it was only him and Sara and the stars above. They were about to get lost in each other, and Greg never wanted to get back to the place called reality.
Caught by affection and desire, Sara had stopped thinking long ago, letting herself go in this moment of truth. Every part of her was filled with a feeling she thought she’d lost somewhere between her doubts and hate. She held on tight to Greg’s body and drew him closer, inhaling his scent and getting drunk by their feverish kiss. His tender hands found their way beneath her shirt and sent hot impulses through her body. They painted invisible circles on her stomach while his lips went deeper to rest on her neck. She moaned quietly, and as she looked up, their eyes met, melting her inside. She was like liquid glass in his hands, and she enjoyed it. Everything was erased from her surrendering mind when her hands stroked his abdominal muscles, then slowly went deeper and…
“Sara!” His voice was breathless as he took her hands.
She stared at him in confusion.
“Sara”, Greg repeated. “I… I can’t do this.”
“Can’t do what, Greg? Save me from myself? I know you can.” Her words were a whisper, she was hurt, he could tell by her voice and by the way she looked at him. And hadn’t he always only wanted to mend her broken heart? Why was he now the one to cause her pain?
“Believe me, Sara, ever since the first moment I saw you I’ve been dreaming about us being together like this, but… it wouldn’t be right now. You’re the most honest person I know, and that’s only one of your virtues that made me fall in love with you, and it isn’t your way to cheat on someone you care about. And you do care about Grissom, you know it. Are you even sure you don’t love him?”
He had tried to sound calm, but he couldn’t manage to keep up the pretense. It wasn’t rage that filled him, though, it was love, a deep, desperate love that hated himself for his words.
“Greg”, she said quietly. “I’m sorry… It just – I don’t know, I stopped thinking, maybe you’re right, I shouldn’t… but…” Her incoherent words died away in the wide open of the desert, leaving behind a little girl lost in a deserted life.
She backed away, pulling her knees towards her chest, clutching them almost violently with her white hands. Her body was shaken by shudders as she stared at the starry sky with her eyes wide open.
For an instant Greg thought she would say something as she opened her mouth, but no words came. The place was as silent as a grave, and it made him feel just as numb. He reached out for her hand, but she flinched and he froze.
“Sara, please”, he begged. “Let me just…” What was it he wanted? Talk to her? Tell her – what? Touch her? He had touched her, and got burnt. Look into her eyes? To see – what?
“I always knew I’m not good with people”, the young woman muttered. “I always do the wrong things at the wrong time, and I don’t know why.”
“You don’t…”
“You said you loved my for my honesty?” She was crying now. “I’m a liar, Greg, I’m a goddamn liar, especially when it comes to me. I’m a coward for not doing what I need to do. I’m a…”
“You’re the most wonderful person in the world, Sara. Don’t even think about anything different. You’re perfect the way you are.”
The words had just came out, without thinking. Only the simple truth that had been hidden inside his heart for far too long. Again he reached for her hands, and this time she didn’t move. He laid his fingers on her soft skin. Not more, not less, it was a slight touch, but it was enough to catch her from her fall before she hit the ground. Gently he wiped away her tears.
She smiled a little, and Greg would have loved to kiss her right now, but he knew it would be wrong. They had all the time in the world, and he was willing to wait. He had learned something important through the years: no matter how long the dark would surround him, there would always be light someday. It was only a matter of time.
In the distance, they could see the headlights of a van approaching.
“That must be Nick”, Sara noticed. She looked at Greg and grinned. “Do I still look like crap?”
He shook hs head.
“You look beautiful. Just amazing.”
“I am amazing”, she replied, and Greg knew that this time she meant it. It was the moment when they were illuminated with the bright light and their eyes met for the last time this night, that Greg could feel it again. The cinnamon happiness. But this time he didn’t remember the past. He dreamed about the future.
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Well, what else?
Disclaimer: I don't own anything of CSI, the idea and characters aren't mine. Of course I don't want to earn any money with this stuff, it's just for entertainment.
I'd like you to review, and please feel free to critizise and correct, I want to learn!
And now... here we go!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
1. Midnight Talk
Something was wrong. Totally wrong.
He knew that for sure, but at first he couldn’t tell what it was. Then he realized that his doorbell was ringing.
That wouldn’t have been unusual, hadn’t it been for the fact that it was 1 am and he had been sleeping for an hour. He blinked a few times, trying to switch on the light. Finally he succeeded. He got up fast, putting on his shirt and sprinted downwards.
Never before had someone been at his door at this time, and suddenly he was afraid. What if something had happended?
In a second he was at the door, took a deep breath and opened it.
“Sara?!”
“Greg.”
It was only one word, but it was enough for Greg to know that something was totally wrong indeed, he could tell by the tone in her voice. In the dark he could hardly see her face, so he took her by the hand as she didn’t move.
“Come on, Sara, it’s cold out there.”
For a blink of an eye he thought of how stupid he had to look, wearing only his boxers and the shirt he’d been wearing all day, his hair undone, with bare feet. Then he pushed the thoughts aside and led Sara to his kitchen.
“Would you like some coffee?”
Sara nodded slightly, and in the dimlit light he could see that she had been crying. She was playing with a packet of paper tissues absent-mindedly, avoiding his enquiring look.
Greg put two cups of coffee onto the table and sat down opposite her. She took the cup und held it with both hands, as if to warm them.
“Are you cold?”, Greg asked anxiously. “I could…”
“It’s okay, thank you”, Sara said with a vague smile.
Not taking his eyes off the young woman, Greg took a sip of the steaming liquid.
“Ouch!”, he yelled, nearly dropping the cup. “Damn!”
Sara chuckled and for a moment she looked just as happy as everyday. But then the unfamliar, distant look crawled upon her tanned face again.
Carefully Greg took his coffee again, smiling at her.
“You can drink it, you know. You just have to ignore the fact that it burns your tongue like sulphuric acid.”
Sara didn’t reply, and there was nothing he would like to ask her more than why she had turned up at his house in the middle of the night. But somehow he had the notion that he shouldn’t ask. So he just sat there, watching her and thinking.
Finally he had got what he had been dreaming of for so long. She was here with him, they were alone, and obviously she needed him.
Well, in his dreams things had been easy, he would help her, she would be thankful and tell him that she’d loved him all along. They’d end up kissing and wake up in his bed the next morning.
Now he realized it wasn’t that simple.
“Must seem freaky, huh?”, Sara suddenly broke the silence. “Me waking you up and looking like crap and all.”
“I love freaky stuff”, Greg grinned.
“I’m sorry all the same”, she muttered and turned her head to look out of the kitchen window at the pitchdark night.
“No need to apologize”, the young man said and tried to look into her eyes. “Acually, I have to say sorry for welcoming you still with my boxers on, that’s no way to treat a lady, you know.”
Sara laughed quietly. “I’ve seen you before, Greg. Everything.”
Greg couldn’t help blushing a little, but he tried to forget about that long gone day.
For a few seconds there was silence again, until Sara finally looked at him.
“I didn’t know where else to go.” She sighed deeply. “It was just so…”
“So what?”, Greg asked, glad that she had made the first step.
“I’ve been thinking a lot, Greg”, Sara said quietly. “About me, about Grissom, just about everything and I… I felt like I didn’t get an answer, you know?” She hesitated. “I felt like standing on a cliff, without a way back, knowing that I’ll have to jump, fearing the abyss. – Got a little drunk, I suppose”, she added with a fake smile.
“I didn’t notice that”, Greg remarked.
“That’s self-control.”
“There’s a difference between self-control and pushing emotions aside. But…”
“I don’t…”, she interrupted him with an unfinished sentence, her voice a bit louder than usual, her fingers shakily holding the coffee cup. “Whatever I… fuck!” The cup slipped through her hands, spilling the liquid all over the table.
Quickly Greg jumped to his feet and grabbed some cloth from the sink.
“I’m sorry”, Sara whispered hoarsely.
“It’s okay”, he reassured her and wiped away the black coffee.
“It isn’t!”, she cried and buried her face in her hands. He could see the tears streaming down her face, she was shivering, and he just stood there motionless because he didn’t know what to do. “Damn sometimes I feel like… fuck… my life’s a mess…”
Greg sat down and carefully took her shaking hands away from her face.
“What I wanted to say was: you may be self-controlled as much as you like. But you don’t have to hide your feelings from me.” He smiled warmly.
“You don’t understand, Greg”, Sara sobbed desperately. “You just don’t understand…”
He squeezed her hands slightly, trying to make her feel better. He wouldn’t urge her to talk, she would tell him what she thought he needed to know when it was her time. Tenderly he caressed her fingers with his, feeling her soft skin underneath his fingertips.
After a while her sobs ebbed away and she rubbed her eyes in a vain attempt to make the tears forgotten, with the result that her eyes became even redder than before. Gently Greg wiped the tears away, following the silvery lines on her cheeks with his fingers.
Sara closed her eyes for a moment, then opened them again and looked directly at her friend.
“The problem is…” She inhaled deeply. “The problem is that I don’t know if I love him anymore.”
“You don’t know?”, he repeated, a bit confused. “How can you not know?”
“It’s so difficult sometimes. I like him, a lot, and I know he’s always there for me, he loves me with all his heart. And yet…”
Greg nodded understandingly, letting go of her hands, watching the expression on her face.
“There’s something missing, isn’t it?”
“I don’t even know what it is, but… I can’t tell him, Greg!” She sighed and turned her face away from him, as if there was something very fascinating about the white wall.
They were quiet for a while, as if they knew that both of them needed some time alone, lost in their own thoughts.
Greg was torn in a way he’d never experienced it before. Something told him that he shouldn’t be selfish but only be concerned about Sara, but still the little devil on his right wanted him to be happy about the development.
He loved Sara.
Sara used to be in love with Grissom, his supervisor.
Grissom loved Sara.
Sara didn’t know if she loved him anymore.
It was a tragic triangle, and one of them was going to lose it all. And Greg prayed with all his heart that it wouldn’t be him.
“Greg?”
“Hm?”
“Can I… sleep here? Please.”
“Sure”, he replied, surprised by the strange tone in his voice. “I guess I’ll take the couch, then?”, he added with a grin on his face.
And after what had seemed like an eternity, Sara gave the smile back to him, like an unexpected and yet so much wanted present he’d been longing for so long.
When he laid down on his old sofa he realized how cold he had become during the last hour. He hadn’t even noticed.
And as he covered himself with the thin blanket, he still saw her her, lying in the half lit room, a stray of her silky hair hiding her closed eyes, only revealing the peaceful smile on her beautiful face.
He wouldn’t wake up next to her.
But she had come there for him, because she needed him, and deep inside Greg knew that he had given her the best he could.
And maybe some day the best would be enough for her. Until then he would wait. There was no need to hurry.
Finally time was on their side.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
2. Stranded
“See ya, guys!“, he called and waved at the two CSI men who entered their SUV.
“Good luck with the scene!”, one of them laughed and Greg sighed silently. He looked over to the place where a female body had been lying only an hour ago. Now there were only some yellow plastic markers lost in the Nevada desert left to show where a young life had ended violently.
He checked his watch and cursed under his breath. It was already evening, and he ought to be sitting in front of his TV and watch his favorite show. Instead, an emergency call had spoiled it all.
His eyes spotted Sara who was already processing the scene, and for a split second a warm feeling rushed through his body and a smile appeared on his face. Only the two of them in the middle of the desert – that fact suddenly made the job much more attractive. Without taking his eyes off her, he put his vest into their car and closed the door. He locked it as he always did, it was a habit of his, he never left his car unlocked even if he was only a few feet away. After fetching some tools from the trunk, he went over to Sara.
“Found anything yet?”
“Nope”, she said and looked up at him.
The setting sun made her tanned skin shine almost golden and the rays of light were reflected by her silky hair. There was something about that picture which fascinated Greg so much that he only just stared at her for a few seconds.
“Greg?”
There was an amused tone in her voice, and he realized that he had to look very stupid. Immediately he turned his head.
“Uhm… I guess I’ll start with the area over there then?”
Without waiting for an answer, he walked away. He didn’t see the smile on Sara’s face that didn’t vanish when she, too, concentrated on the scene again.
Nearly three hours passed until every single square inch had been examined, bags had been filled with cigarettes, some hairs and a piece of a handkerchief. Greg had taken photos of two shoe prints on the sandy ground. He looked up and streched. The sky had darkened, the night was setting in. Not far away from him, Sara was still picking up things from the ground.
Sara… even only thinking of her and hearing the sound of her name inside his mind made Greg smile. He was happy seeing her happy, it was simple. One week had passed since that one night, a night he was sure he’d never forget.
Suddenly she had been there, at his door, and she had told him more than he’d ever thought she would.
And still he didn’t know everything.
One of his questions, the most important one of all, remained unanswered.
Sara looked up and scanned the area. It was getting dark, the sun had nearly completely vanished behind the horizon, and the last rays of light tried desperately to make their way into the open. Sara loved the sunset in the desert, how the blue sky turned into a mysterious grey and finally pitchdark, revealing the starry night which was nowhere as clear as here. She even liked the cool air crawling onto her, starting at her fingertips, crossing her arms and legs and finally reaching her face.
Suddenly she sensed a movement behind her back. She turned around and spotted Greg who was coming towards her. Inevitably, she began to smile. It was amazing, she realized, how just being near him gave her this strange feeling of easiness, of joy, of freedom. She couldn’t explain what exactly it was, or why it happened, but it felt good.
And she wondered if she’d ever felt this way with Grissom.
“Hey Greg!”, she called, trying to erase these thoughts from her mind. “Finished?”
“Yes!”, he replied and grinned at her the way he always did when he was satisfied with himself. “We can go now!”
Side by side they walked over to the SUV and Sara looked expectatly at her co-worker. He stared back at her.
“What?”
“Would you please open the door, darling?”, Sara asked with an artificial politeness in her voice.
“Although I really appreciate it when you’re calling me like this – I don’t have the keys!”
Sara looked at him in disbelief and annoyment.
“That’s not funny, Greg”, she sighed. “I’m tired, it’s getting cold, I want to go home. Really.”
She emphasised the last word angrily. Greg put his hands into his pockets, emptied them and revealed some chewing gum, a lighter, some coins and to his embarassment and Sara’s amusement a slightly dusty condom still shrink-wrapped, but the keys were missing.
“I don’t understand that”, Greg mumbled. “I locked the doors and then… oh shit…”
“What? Greg?”
“Well, let’s say… the keys aren’t far. But…”
Sara glared at the young man and he gave her a weak smile.
“I’m afraid they are in the trunk. Must have slipped them when I fetched my stuff.”
“You’re kidding.”
“No. – Listen, Sara”, he added quickly as she kicked the SUV frustratedly. “I… I’m gonna call Nick. Or Catherine. Or… whoever.”
He took out his mobile while Sara sat down with her back on the cool metal of the van. He watched her while he did a bunch of frustrating phone calls. The wind was moving her dark hair like grass on an open field, or like waves on the sea. Her arms were resting on her knees and her fingers were playing with the fabric of her shirt. It was such a beautiful image that he hardly dared to disturb it, he could have spent the whole night like this, just looking at her.
She turned her head towards him, and although she was at least 5 metres away, her eyes hypnotized him with the spell he’d been hit with the first time he’d seen Sara Sidle. The spell that he had never wanted to break and that only he had been stunned by.
“Greg, are they gonna send someone?”
The blond man sighed and tried his best to give her his most innocent, forgive-me kind of look.
“Look, Sara, you know, they’ll send Nick but…”
“But what?”
“He’s still on a case on the other side of the town, Cath said he might make it here in about two hours when he’s done with the scene.”
“And…”
“The others? Negative”, Greg replied shortly to her hidden question.
“Damn.”
For a moment there was silence, only the soft, chilling breeze could be heard, and in the distance Greg spotted the lights of Las Vegas.
He sat down next to Sara, avoiding her look. And although he didn’t even touch her, he had shivers down his spine as he saw the air she was exhaling condensate in front of her sensuous lips.
“I’m sorry”, he muttered.
“It’s okay.”
“It isn’t, listen, I’m really sorry, Sara. I mean…”
“It’s okay Greg”, she interrupted him. “Sometimes things just happen and we only notice it when it’s too late. Then we can’t make these things undone, no matter how much we regret our mistakes, no matter how much we want to change it… It just happens.”
The last words she spoke quietly, in a convinced and yet unnaturally shy tone.
A strand of hair covered her face, and it was hard for him to resist stroking them away to sink again into the unfathomable ocean of her eyes.
Instead, he remained silent, listening to her breathing and the soft whisper of the cool wind.
“I wanted to break up with Grissom. But I couldn’t.”
Her voice was as shaky as her hands.
“Why?” He could have slapped himself for that question, it wasn’t his right to ask that. But it was too late to take the words back, and wasn’t this typical him?
To his surprise, Sara began speaking again.
“It was weird. I went to him because I wanted to tell him it’s over. And then I looked into his eyes, and I saw the love and – I just couldn’t do it.”
What was he supposed to say? All of his words would come out wrong, and he didn’t want to make it worse for her. He only wanted to see her smile again.
It was cold. If Sara had known they would be stock out there for so long, she would have taken her jacket with her, but now it was lying safely in the van while she was freezing. It amazed her how it could get so chilly in the desert when it had been hot all day. She rubbed her forearms, and after a minute it got a bit better. At least the cold had distracted her from everything else – like the worried look on Greg’s face and the emptiness she felt inside.
She was stranded on a lonely island of self-doubt and fear, and when you can’t find your way home, away from the island, you have to distract yourself before you go insane.
Sometimes Sara wondered if maybe it was already too late.
“Are you cold?”, a warm voice suddenly asked.
Sara shook her head to show that it was okay, but of course it was a vain attempt.
“You’re freezing”, Greg stated.
Without further explanations, he took off his jacket.
“What are you doing?”, Sara asked sceptically.
“Being a gentleman”, was the simple answer, and the next moment she was wrapped in the black jacket which was definitely over-sized for her, and Greg rubbed her arms carefully.
“Getting better?”
She smiled thankfully, and although she thought for one second that she should say something, she realized that words were unnecessary right now.
It was getting dark, the landscape was fading in the black, and as Greg’s face was so close to hers, she could hardly make out the outlines of his features. All she could see were his eyes and herself mirrored in them.
She saw her own silhouette in the deep sea of his eyes, and she remembered the saying that the eyes reflect the soul of a person.
Without asking, she knew that right now Greg was seeing himself in her eyes as well. In this moment Sara realized that there was something true about this saying.
She was stranded. But she wasn’t lost.
Greg had never thought that time could really stand still, he had taken it as one of those things some writer of fluffy novels would write, just to let the sweet lady be kissed by her hero. He had laughed about it.
But there was one thing he had forgotten. Sometimes we come to a point in our lives, a short moment only, when we feel the silence surround us and the one we love. It’s a peaceful silence that enchants us with all the non-spoken words, and we wish for this moment to last forever. And although we can’t stop the world turning, the magic of this moment makes us feel like time stands still.
He had never imagined, let alone experienced it.
But it felt good when his lips tenderly met hers, and time stood still for them.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
3. Lights in the Dark
Her lips were soft and tasted like cinnamon. In a weird way this reminded him of his childhood days when he used to bake cookies with his mother at Christmas time. He’d been happy then.
And he was happy now.
They barely touched each other, drowning in the sweet embrace. Her hair was smooth as silk as he felt it beneath his palms. Her breathing sent shivers down his spine.
Then they parted. Her silhouette seemed to have a silvery lining, and for a moment Greg was stunned by what he saw. The whole scenery was so almost unreal that he thought it might as well be a dream.
Sara’s sensuous lips were smiling at him, and she squeezed his hand.
“Look at the sky”, she said and pointed upwards with her right hand. “Isn’t it beautiful?”
There were millions of stars pinned at the black velvet sky, shining down at them and erasing the lights of Las Vegas from their own little world. The air was cold and crystal-clear. The wind softly caressed their bodies and formed a melody in their minds.
He bent forward and kissed her tenderly.
“It’s just as beautiful as you.”
They remained like this for a moment, so close, skin on skin, breathing in each other’s spirit. Tentatively Greg’s left hand wandered to her back, feeling every inch of her backbone under his fingers through her shirt. He noticed the goosebumps on her arms and hesitated.
“Are you still cold?”, he asked anxiously.
Sara replied with a seducing smile.
“It’s not the cold that drives me insane.”
“Oh…”
He continued massaging her back and she closed her eyes. Her hands on his hips were like a current pulse making him shiver. She let them crawl underneath his shirt, searching their way up. Her lips found his, and this time their kiss was passionate and hungry. Greg closed his eyes to keep out everything that didn’t belong to them, it was only him and Sara and the stars above. They were about to get lost in each other, and Greg never wanted to get back to the place called reality.
Caught by affection and desire, Sara had stopped thinking long ago, letting herself go in this moment of truth. Every part of her was filled with a feeling she thought she’d lost somewhere between her doubts and hate. She held on tight to Greg’s body and drew him closer, inhaling his scent and getting drunk by their feverish kiss. His tender hands found their way beneath her shirt and sent hot impulses through her body. They painted invisible circles on her stomach while his lips went deeper to rest on her neck. She moaned quietly, and as she looked up, their eyes met, melting her inside. She was like liquid glass in his hands, and she enjoyed it. Everything was erased from her surrendering mind when her hands stroked his abdominal muscles, then slowly went deeper and…
“Sara!” His voice was breathless as he took her hands.
She stared at him in confusion.
“Sara”, Greg repeated. “I… I can’t do this.”
“Can’t do what, Greg? Save me from myself? I know you can.” Her words were a whisper, she was hurt, he could tell by her voice and by the way she looked at him. And hadn’t he always only wanted to mend her broken heart? Why was he now the one to cause her pain?
“Believe me, Sara, ever since the first moment I saw you I’ve been dreaming about us being together like this, but… it wouldn’t be right now. You’re the most honest person I know, and that’s only one of your virtues that made me fall in love with you, and it isn’t your way to cheat on someone you care about. And you do care about Grissom, you know it. Are you even sure you don’t love him?”
He had tried to sound calm, but he couldn’t manage to keep up the pretense. It wasn’t rage that filled him, though, it was love, a deep, desperate love that hated himself for his words.
“Greg”, she said quietly. “I’m sorry… It just – I don’t know, I stopped thinking, maybe you’re right, I shouldn’t… but…” Her incoherent words died away in the wide open of the desert, leaving behind a little girl lost in a deserted life.
She backed away, pulling her knees towards her chest, clutching them almost violently with her white hands. Her body was shaken by shudders as she stared at the starry sky with her eyes wide open.
For an instant Greg thought she would say something as she opened her mouth, but no words came. The place was as silent as a grave, and it made him feel just as numb. He reached out for her hand, but she flinched and he froze.
“Sara, please”, he begged. “Let me just…” What was it he wanted? Talk to her? Tell her – what? Touch her? He had touched her, and got burnt. Look into her eyes? To see – what?
“I always knew I’m not good with people”, the young woman muttered. “I always do the wrong things at the wrong time, and I don’t know why.”
“You don’t…”
“You said you loved my for my honesty?” She was crying now. “I’m a liar, Greg, I’m a goddamn liar, especially when it comes to me. I’m a coward for not doing what I need to do. I’m a…”
“You’re the most wonderful person in the world, Sara. Don’t even think about anything different. You’re perfect the way you are.”
The words had just came out, without thinking. Only the simple truth that had been hidden inside his heart for far too long. Again he reached for her hands, and this time she didn’t move. He laid his fingers on her soft skin. Not more, not less, it was a slight touch, but it was enough to catch her from her fall before she hit the ground. Gently he wiped away her tears.
She smiled a little, and Greg would have loved to kiss her right now, but he knew it would be wrong. They had all the time in the world, and he was willing to wait. He had learned something important through the years: no matter how long the dark would surround him, there would always be light someday. It was only a matter of time.
In the distance, they could see the headlights of a van approaching.
“That must be Nick”, Sara noticed. She looked at Greg and grinned. “Do I still look like crap?”
He shook hs head.
“You look beautiful. Just amazing.”
“I am amazing”, she replied, and Greg knew that this time she meant it. It was the moment when they were illuminated with the bright light and their eyes met for the last time this night, that Greg could feel it again. The cinnamon happiness. But this time he didn’t remember the past. He dreamed about the future.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Dirty thoughts? Hehe that was my intention - I enjoyed writing this part! :devil:
