Shadowfax
CSI Level One
TITLE: Jagged Little Memories 1/12
AUTHOR & BETA: Shadowfax27 (Yeah, Mistakes make me human...)
CHAPTER GENRE: Drama/Fluff/Romance
CHAPTER RATING: PG
DISCLAIMER: Me no own. You no sue. Blah, blah, blah…get the picture?
SUMMARY: CaRWaSh! Calleigh never would’ve imagined that an old, forgotten CD could say so much about her life. A drabble and introspection of sorts. Inspired by Alanis Morissette’s 3rd album, “Jagged Little Pill.”
A/N: My first attempt at writing CaRWash! Let me preface this by saying that the inspiration for this ficlet came about while I was reorganizing my CD rack. I stumbled upon my old copy of this CD and being the girly-girl that I am, I just had to look over the songs that were listed on the back. Well, it didn’t take long before a plot penguin jumped out and attacked me so freakin’ hard that I soon found myself writing this.
For some of these songs, pay more attention to the meaning behind the titles than the actual lyrics… comprende?
-----
Chapter 1 – All I Really Want
A door swung open and slammed against the wall with a loud thud as a large brown box, seemingly attached to a pair of legs clad in jeans and flip flops, stumbled into the near chaotic living room before kicking the door shut. The box, filled to the top with knick-knacks and the like, collided none-too-gently with the couch, nearly stumbling over the back of it and almost spilling its contents.
Re-adjusting itself with a grunt, the box backed up and walked around the couch only to stub its toe on one of the legs of the end table. A series of muffled expletives came tumbling out from behind the box as it hopped clownishly on one leg, the knick-knacks inside shifting and bumping against each other as the arms encircling it tightened its hold.
A few seconds later, the leg owning the stubbed toe came down with a noticeable limp, and the box attempted to walk again. It narrowly missed tripping over a pile of boxes to its right as it hobbled clumsily about in the living room, before it finally reached its destination, parking in front of a large CD rack between the television stand and the fireplace.
With another labored grunt, the legs bent at the knees and attempted to kneel on the floor as the box slowly descended. Unfortunately, heavy lifting throughout the day coupled with the previous accidents around the living room had taken their toll, and the box began to rattle unsteadily as the legs supporting it suddenly began to quiver with exhaustion while the knees buckled under the weight.
A muffled cry was heard along with another series of expletives as the weary legs finally gave out, and the very pregnant box came crashing down on the floor, taking the pair of legs and the arms still encircling it down with a sprawling thud. For a brief moment, there was complete silence amidst the chaos and the clutter dotting the living room, save for the barely audible panting coming from behind the box.
Another minute passed, and at long last, one of the arms lets go of its hold, tiredly slinging itself on top of the box as the other braced itself against the floor. And with an exhausted groan, the pony-tailed head of one Calleigh Duquesne finally emerged from behind the brown container, casually blowing off a wisp of blonde hair from her face as she pulled the rest of her body up into a sitting position in front of the box.
Her muscles ached, and she felt sorely tired. But she had never felt happier about moving into a new place. She felt slightly giddy with excitement, and she couldn’t help but to break out into a girlish grin as she thought about the endless possibilities that could happen now that she was embarking on a new chapter in her life.
And so, with a deep breath and still with that tired but relieved smile on her face, Calleigh opened the box in front of her and began to take out its contents, taking a brief moment to look over them wistfully before setting them down on the floor to be placed in their appropriate locations somewhere within the still messy living room.
She sorted through the different picture frames, books, and movie collections she owned, grouping them in neat little piles around her until she had gone through the whole box. She stood up, picked up the box, and was about to go outside to toss it away when she felt something shift somewhere within it.
Frowning, she shook the box slightly, trying to dislodge whatever it was that might have gotten stuck underneath or between the flaps. She caught sight of something that looked like the corner of a case, made of clear plastic. Setting the box down on the floor once more, she kneeled in front of it and reached in, pulling on the exposed corner to extricate the mysterious piece of knick-knack.
She grabbed a hold of something thin and smooth, and when she finally pulled her hand out of the box, she was delighted to see an old CD she had purchased several years ago: Alanis Morissette’s “Jagged Little Pill” album. She flipped the CD over, and a reminiscing smile tugged on her lips as she silently read the names of each one of the songs.
Without realizing it, she automatically sat back down on the floor as bits of thoughts, some long forgotten, some currently lurking somewhere in the busy forefront of her consciousness, filtered through her mind and flashed before her eyes, mixing in with pieces of jagged little memories from both her distant and nearby past…
There I go jumping before the gunshot has gone off…
Calleigh Duquesne is an intelligent woman. She is strong, beautiful, and independent. She handles firearms in a way that would put most men in the same field to shame, and she works in a profession typically dominated by men. She is strong-willed, motivated, and self-sufficient, and she walks in confident footsteps.
In a word, Calleigh Duquesne is a modern woman living in the 21st century. And she possesses all of the qualities needed not just to survive, but also to succeed.
So what does Calleigh Duquesne really want?
She wants what all modern women want: a successful and fulfilling career, a loving family, and an identity to call her own. She wants to seek out the dark forces and smash them into bleeding and insignificant smithereens, to walk in the path of truth and justice, and to battle against the villains and their hellish crusades.
She wants to become her… just her. And no one else. She wants to keep developing the nerve to conquer her well-hidden fears. She wants the will to overcome whatever obstacles people might place in front of her.
And all I really want is some patience
A way to calm the angry voice
And all I really want is deliverance...
A long time ago, back when she was still a teenager living in rural Louisiana, she remembers wanting to have the courage to move away from her parents’ home. She remembers wanting to finish her degree and then moving on to some place where jobs were plentiful. She remembers wanting to reinvent herself, to mark out her own path, and to stamp out a new identity.
Back then, she just wanted the courage to be herself and to survive on her own. She wanted to be strong and to not feel the fear and the vulnerability of being weak and helpless.
She wanted to learn to accept people's rejection without hanging her head in shame. She wanted to learn to have a higher sense of self-worth, to realize that she was more than okay and that she was going to be okay.
She wanted to quit hurting so much from her painful childhood, to quit watching her parents drown their disappointments with alcohol and fantasies.
She was tired of crying, and she wanted to quit.
What I wouldn’t give to find a soul mate
Someone else to catch this drift
And what I wouldn’t give to meet a kindred…
She chuckles lightly as a few lines of the popular lyrics flitted across her mind.
Soul mate.
Love.
Everyone hopes for both of these to come, begs for them to knock on their door. Others want to be wrapped around them in ecstasy, like a blanket that never loses its warmth and fuzzy feelings.
But what exactly are they?
What is a soul mate?
What is love?
She has never met anyone who has been able to define these terms appropriately, and most of the definitions she has heard in the past are so cliché that she finds herself tuning them out, shrugging them off as inconsequential, non-applicable, quoted entirely too much to mean anything significant anymore, too worn beyond their proper use.
Soul mate is a noun.
And love is both a noun and a verb.
That much she knows.
So, why do these change completely when “true” is added in front of it?
True soul mate?
True love?
She thinks that people are always using romance as a genre because it is what they deeply desire the most. Perhaps romance has a way of connecting people in such a way that most could identify with it: that first encounter… that first look… that first smile… that first ‘hello’… even the butterflies fluttering in a frenzy at that first touch.
She admits that as much as she proclaims herself to be a modern and independent woman, that she is still hopelessly captivated by the idea of “true love” and of meeting her “true soul mate.”
She admits she is guilty of being just as in awe of a couple’s first kiss as the girl next door, though she would never actually admit that to anyone.
No… she would keep that little secret to her modern self, thank you very much!
She giggles slightly at the thought: a first kiss.
Such a simple action…
Lips on lips.
Nothing spectacular or extraordinary about that. Right?
And yet, there she is, guilty for having dreamt about it, for fantasizing about it, and even for romanticizing it.
She sobers up after a while, and she remembers how during her most difficult times, when she was experiencing the worst heartache of her life, she thought that soul mates were merely fiction, something that she had conjured up in her lovesick mind and existed in her imagination – the only place where they could ever be real.
Back then, she had thought about giving up on the idea of love and soul mates altogether.
Back then… before she met him…
Of course, she has grown up a lot since then; she has matured in her way of thinking. And now she thinks that perhaps people could actually fall in love with anyone if they give him or her and themselves the chance… if she just gave herself the chance.
She wants to find true love and believes that it must surely be out there if everyone keeps talking about it. Right? And even though people might use vague words or tired clichés to describe it and might speak of it in circles and riddles, she is absolutely positive that it is a reality in this realm… not just in fantasy-fueled imaginations and movies and romance novels.
She agrees that the whole idea of one soul mate that can truly give her true love is undoubtedly romantic. And she has long ago vowed that she will never be the fool who shuns true love if it is staring her right in the eyes. As modern as she likes to believe she is, Calleigh Duquesne still believes wholeheartedly and is still fascinated by true love and soul mates.
Yes, she believes in both of these so much that even when “false loves” had unmercifully shattered her heart into a million pieces in the past, she patiently waited for the “true one” to come knocking on her door.
And she waited because…
She wants to not be afraid anymore: afraid to trust… afraid to take risks… afraid to become vulnerable… afraid to let someone in…
She wants to not be afraid to give herself and her heart over completely to someone… to him.
She wants to not be afraid to love… to fall deeply and passionately in love.
And so, she waited patiently. And one day, when she wasn’t looking for it and when it had become the farthest thing from her busy mind, they did come knocking quite unexpectedly (in the form of a handsome young patrol officer-turned CSI) on the once mangled and carefully guarded door of her heart.
And Calleigh Duquesne was never gladder than when she finally opened that door…
-----
TBC
Reviews feed my CaRWash addiction. Feed me…
A/N: Next update will take a while as I’m stepping into one of my busiest times of the year. I have several deadlines that are due in September, and it will be extremely difficult for me to put the time into writing, as my schedule will be insanely hectic. But I promise to work on these when I do find the time and hope to post updates every now and then. I hope you guys enjoyed this first chapter because I’m really excited about the other chapters as well. Until next time… stay tuned!
AUTHOR & BETA: Shadowfax27 (Yeah, Mistakes make me human...)
CHAPTER GENRE: Drama/Fluff/Romance
CHAPTER RATING: PG
DISCLAIMER: Me no own. You no sue. Blah, blah, blah…get the picture?
SUMMARY: CaRWaSh! Calleigh never would’ve imagined that an old, forgotten CD could say so much about her life. A drabble and introspection of sorts. Inspired by Alanis Morissette’s 3rd album, “Jagged Little Pill.”
A/N: My first attempt at writing CaRWash! Let me preface this by saying that the inspiration for this ficlet came about while I was reorganizing my CD rack. I stumbled upon my old copy of this CD and being the girly-girl that I am, I just had to look over the songs that were listed on the back. Well, it didn’t take long before a plot penguin jumped out and attacked me so freakin’ hard that I soon found myself writing this.
For some of these songs, pay more attention to the meaning behind the titles than the actual lyrics… comprende?
-----
Chapter 1 – All I Really Want
A door swung open and slammed against the wall with a loud thud as a large brown box, seemingly attached to a pair of legs clad in jeans and flip flops, stumbled into the near chaotic living room before kicking the door shut. The box, filled to the top with knick-knacks and the like, collided none-too-gently with the couch, nearly stumbling over the back of it and almost spilling its contents.
Re-adjusting itself with a grunt, the box backed up and walked around the couch only to stub its toe on one of the legs of the end table. A series of muffled expletives came tumbling out from behind the box as it hopped clownishly on one leg, the knick-knacks inside shifting and bumping against each other as the arms encircling it tightened its hold.
A few seconds later, the leg owning the stubbed toe came down with a noticeable limp, and the box attempted to walk again. It narrowly missed tripping over a pile of boxes to its right as it hobbled clumsily about in the living room, before it finally reached its destination, parking in front of a large CD rack between the television stand and the fireplace.
With another labored grunt, the legs bent at the knees and attempted to kneel on the floor as the box slowly descended. Unfortunately, heavy lifting throughout the day coupled with the previous accidents around the living room had taken their toll, and the box began to rattle unsteadily as the legs supporting it suddenly began to quiver with exhaustion while the knees buckled under the weight.
A muffled cry was heard along with another series of expletives as the weary legs finally gave out, and the very pregnant box came crashing down on the floor, taking the pair of legs and the arms still encircling it down with a sprawling thud. For a brief moment, there was complete silence amidst the chaos and the clutter dotting the living room, save for the barely audible panting coming from behind the box.
Another minute passed, and at long last, one of the arms lets go of its hold, tiredly slinging itself on top of the box as the other braced itself against the floor. And with an exhausted groan, the pony-tailed head of one Calleigh Duquesne finally emerged from behind the brown container, casually blowing off a wisp of blonde hair from her face as she pulled the rest of her body up into a sitting position in front of the box.
Her muscles ached, and she felt sorely tired. But she had never felt happier about moving into a new place. She felt slightly giddy with excitement, and she couldn’t help but to break out into a girlish grin as she thought about the endless possibilities that could happen now that she was embarking on a new chapter in her life.
And so, with a deep breath and still with that tired but relieved smile on her face, Calleigh opened the box in front of her and began to take out its contents, taking a brief moment to look over them wistfully before setting them down on the floor to be placed in their appropriate locations somewhere within the still messy living room.
She sorted through the different picture frames, books, and movie collections she owned, grouping them in neat little piles around her until she had gone through the whole box. She stood up, picked up the box, and was about to go outside to toss it away when she felt something shift somewhere within it.
Frowning, she shook the box slightly, trying to dislodge whatever it was that might have gotten stuck underneath or between the flaps. She caught sight of something that looked like the corner of a case, made of clear plastic. Setting the box down on the floor once more, she kneeled in front of it and reached in, pulling on the exposed corner to extricate the mysterious piece of knick-knack.
She grabbed a hold of something thin and smooth, and when she finally pulled her hand out of the box, she was delighted to see an old CD she had purchased several years ago: Alanis Morissette’s “Jagged Little Pill” album. She flipped the CD over, and a reminiscing smile tugged on her lips as she silently read the names of each one of the songs.
Without realizing it, she automatically sat back down on the floor as bits of thoughts, some long forgotten, some currently lurking somewhere in the busy forefront of her consciousness, filtered through her mind and flashed before her eyes, mixing in with pieces of jagged little memories from both her distant and nearby past…
There I go jumping before the gunshot has gone off…
Calleigh Duquesne is an intelligent woman. She is strong, beautiful, and independent. She handles firearms in a way that would put most men in the same field to shame, and she works in a profession typically dominated by men. She is strong-willed, motivated, and self-sufficient, and she walks in confident footsteps.
In a word, Calleigh Duquesne is a modern woman living in the 21st century. And she possesses all of the qualities needed not just to survive, but also to succeed.
So what does Calleigh Duquesne really want?
She wants what all modern women want: a successful and fulfilling career, a loving family, and an identity to call her own. She wants to seek out the dark forces and smash them into bleeding and insignificant smithereens, to walk in the path of truth and justice, and to battle against the villains and their hellish crusades.
She wants to become her… just her. And no one else. She wants to keep developing the nerve to conquer her well-hidden fears. She wants the will to overcome whatever obstacles people might place in front of her.
And all I really want is some patience
A way to calm the angry voice
And all I really want is deliverance...
A long time ago, back when she was still a teenager living in rural Louisiana, she remembers wanting to have the courage to move away from her parents’ home. She remembers wanting to finish her degree and then moving on to some place where jobs were plentiful. She remembers wanting to reinvent herself, to mark out her own path, and to stamp out a new identity.
Back then, she just wanted the courage to be herself and to survive on her own. She wanted to be strong and to not feel the fear and the vulnerability of being weak and helpless.
She wanted to learn to accept people's rejection without hanging her head in shame. She wanted to learn to have a higher sense of self-worth, to realize that she was more than okay and that she was going to be okay.
She wanted to quit hurting so much from her painful childhood, to quit watching her parents drown their disappointments with alcohol and fantasies.
She was tired of crying, and she wanted to quit.
What I wouldn’t give to find a soul mate
Someone else to catch this drift
And what I wouldn’t give to meet a kindred…
She chuckles lightly as a few lines of the popular lyrics flitted across her mind.
Soul mate.
Love.
Everyone hopes for both of these to come, begs for them to knock on their door. Others want to be wrapped around them in ecstasy, like a blanket that never loses its warmth and fuzzy feelings.
But what exactly are they?
What is a soul mate?
What is love?
She has never met anyone who has been able to define these terms appropriately, and most of the definitions she has heard in the past are so cliché that she finds herself tuning them out, shrugging them off as inconsequential, non-applicable, quoted entirely too much to mean anything significant anymore, too worn beyond their proper use.
Soul mate is a noun.
And love is both a noun and a verb.
That much she knows.
So, why do these change completely when “true” is added in front of it?
True soul mate?
True love?
She thinks that people are always using romance as a genre because it is what they deeply desire the most. Perhaps romance has a way of connecting people in such a way that most could identify with it: that first encounter… that first look… that first smile… that first ‘hello’… even the butterflies fluttering in a frenzy at that first touch.
She admits that as much as she proclaims herself to be a modern and independent woman, that she is still hopelessly captivated by the idea of “true love” and of meeting her “true soul mate.”
She admits she is guilty of being just as in awe of a couple’s first kiss as the girl next door, though she would never actually admit that to anyone.
No… she would keep that little secret to her modern self, thank you very much!
She giggles slightly at the thought: a first kiss.
Such a simple action…
Lips on lips.
Nothing spectacular or extraordinary about that. Right?
And yet, there she is, guilty for having dreamt about it, for fantasizing about it, and even for romanticizing it.
She sobers up after a while, and she remembers how during her most difficult times, when she was experiencing the worst heartache of her life, she thought that soul mates were merely fiction, something that she had conjured up in her lovesick mind and existed in her imagination – the only place where they could ever be real.
Back then, she had thought about giving up on the idea of love and soul mates altogether.
Back then… before she met him…
Of course, she has grown up a lot since then; she has matured in her way of thinking. And now she thinks that perhaps people could actually fall in love with anyone if they give him or her and themselves the chance… if she just gave herself the chance.
She wants to find true love and believes that it must surely be out there if everyone keeps talking about it. Right? And even though people might use vague words or tired clichés to describe it and might speak of it in circles and riddles, she is absolutely positive that it is a reality in this realm… not just in fantasy-fueled imaginations and movies and romance novels.
She agrees that the whole idea of one soul mate that can truly give her true love is undoubtedly romantic. And she has long ago vowed that she will never be the fool who shuns true love if it is staring her right in the eyes. As modern as she likes to believe she is, Calleigh Duquesne still believes wholeheartedly and is still fascinated by true love and soul mates.
Yes, she believes in both of these so much that even when “false loves” had unmercifully shattered her heart into a million pieces in the past, she patiently waited for the “true one” to come knocking on her door.
And she waited because…
She wants to not be afraid anymore: afraid to trust… afraid to take risks… afraid to become vulnerable… afraid to let someone in…
She wants to not be afraid to give herself and her heart over completely to someone… to him.
She wants to not be afraid to love… to fall deeply and passionately in love.
And so, she waited patiently. And one day, when she wasn’t looking for it and when it had become the farthest thing from her busy mind, they did come knocking quite unexpectedly (in the form of a handsome young patrol officer-turned CSI) on the once mangled and carefully guarded door of her heart.
And Calleigh Duquesne was never gladder than when she finally opened that door…
-----
TBC
Reviews feed my CaRWash addiction. Feed me…
A/N: Next update will take a while as I’m stepping into one of my busiest times of the year. I have several deadlines that are due in September, and it will be extremely difficult for me to put the time into writing, as my schedule will be insanely hectic. But I promise to work on these when I do find the time and hope to post updates every now and then. I hope you guys enjoyed this first chapter because I’m really excited about the other chapters as well. Until next time… stay tuned!
