Hi!
With
LMH's permission, I've decided to post a prequel to my story in Horatio's Angels, which came to me shortly after reading it. When Luving mentioned an arguement, my head swam with scenarios, and I could see it so clearly and feel the emotions, so I had to write this. Angst fans will like!!
Hope you enjoy, and consider it as a little taster to keep you reading until tomorrow.
Songs used are 'Just A Little Girl' by Amy Studt, and 'Only A Menory Away' from Sailor Moon. Here we are!:
Horatio's Angels - Will You Miss Me?
It was a hot day in Miami. The Angels were relaxing at home. HCrazy was flipping through the channels, Angel was filing her nails, and Emerald was reading in the corner.
"What'cha reading, Emer?" asked Angel, looking over to the younger Angel. Emerald looked up slowly, having being completely absorbed by the novel she held. "It's 'A Place Called Here' by Cecilia Aherne. She's an Irish author, it's really good," said Emerald, her green eyes sparkiling. Crazy halted flicking for a second to regard Emerald fondly. "You're always reading, Emer! Anything and everything!" she laughed. Emerald shrugged. "I love books, what can I do?" she said, going back to reading again. The other two smiled at each other.
At that moment, Luving walked in. "Hey, Luving, what's up?" asked Crazy, leaning back on the sofa on seeing the P.A enter. "A lot, Crazy. Seems as if Eric is needed in Nevada on a high-profile case involving the Vegas crime-lab." "Really?" inquired Angel, putting down her nail-file to fix Luving with a curious expression. "Mmhmm. He just called me to ask if one of you Angels would go with him..."
Emerald looked over the top of her book, her fingers tapping on the cover as she listened.
"When's he leaving?" asked Angel. "Tomorrow morning. It was short-notice, but obviously he's really needed in Vegas. A suspect in his latest case, John Callaway, boarded a plane to Nevada yesterday afternoon, and was spotted in a casino late last night. CSI Willows of the nightshift of the LVPD called this morning with the positive ID. Eric really needs this guy who's shot a couple, and is on the run. Can one of you make it with him?"
Crazy looked doubtful. "I'm up to my ears in unfinished paperwork. No can do, Luving. Sorry." Luving looked to Angel. She shook her head. "I've got a case going to trial this Friday that's really important. I can't leave Miami this week." Luving pinched the bridge of her nose wearily. "That's too bad. I'll have to tell Eric that no one's available..."
A soft voice spoke up from the corner. "I could go." The other three looked over at Emerald who had put the book in her lap, and was gazing at them quietly. Luving blinked several times. "Umm, what did you say, Emer hon?" "I said I could go," repeated Emerald, putting the book on the table beside her.
Crazy and Angel looked flabbergasted. "Emerald, sweetie, I know you want to spread your wings, but you don't have to travel all that way across the country..." said Angel. "She's right. Don't think you have anything to prove. Besides, it's too far and you're too..." Crazy stopped. Emerald smiled slowly. "Young?" she finished. The others averted their eyes.
Emerald got up and walked over to the girls. Sitting down between her sisters, she looked at HCrazy, then at HAngel.
"I appreciate your concern, girls, but really, it's ok. It's about time I investigated a case by myself, give myself more experience in the field. I want to do this, I need to do this. It's time I learned how to go it alone, without someone holding my hand." She took Crazy's hand in her left hand, and Angel's in her right. "Believe me, it is a huge prospect, it's far away and I'm aware that risks exist. That does make me a bit nervous, but it makes it exciting as well. I want to see the world, see a new place that isn't home. I will miss you, angels..."
She squeezed their hands. Angel's eyes filled with tears, and Crazy bit her lip, blinking rapidly. "But it's time for me to move on, learn new things, I know you care for me, girls, but you have to let me grow up."
Luving moved around to kneel in front of Emer. "Emerald, I admire your bravery, and the maturity you displayed in making this decision. You're a fantastic Angel, and I'm certain you'll do us all proud, sweetie..." Emerald smiled brightly. "So I can go?" she asked excitedly. Luving looked to Crazy and Angel. They both nodded. "Yeah, you're going."
Emerald gave a shriek of joy, before quieting down and saying in a mature voice, "I mean, that's great, very much appreciated, thank you." She glanced at the others, and they all burst out laughing.
Emerald hugged her sisters and Luving, and raced off to pack, singing at the top of her voice.
~Miami-Dade PD~
Horatio signed his named for the twentieth time, rubbing his eyes tiredly. It had been a long day, and he looked forward to a long hot shower and his bed. Being the Lieutenant of a crimelab was no easy task. He had the tense shoulders and weariness to prove that. If only he could go home to a beautiful wife, fall into her gentle embrace and forget about the world and all its injustices. If only he could say 'I love you' every night and every morning to someone he truely and deeply loved...
Horatio closed his eyes. For now, it was a dream that kept him going through the endless grind of nine to five. *Heaven send me an angel,* he thought, smiling at the literalness of that.
After a minute of musing, He raised his head at the knock on his door.
"Come in..." "Hey there, Handsome," said Luving, coming in to stand at H's desk. Horatio smiled in greeting. "Hey, Luving, what's happening?" "As I said before, a lot. Seems Eric is going to Nevada tomorrow to work a case, and he needed one of the Angels to accompany him."
Horatio tapped his pen on the desk, nodding. "Mmhmm, it's top priority, I was talking to Catherine Willows this morning." "It's big alright. I can see why Eric needed an Angel," replied Luving. Horatio smiled slightly, though in his heart, he would miss whoever was going very much.
"So, who's going away?" he asked, leaning back in his chair. He had no doubt that Crazy and Angel were both willing and able to take the case, and catch Callaway. Either one of them would be suitable, both experienced and hard-working. It saddened him whenever any of his Angels went away, and he would miss her very much.
Luving sat down in a chair in front of the desk. "She's really excited to be heading off, and she jumped at the chance to go. It's Emerald..."
Horatio's eyes snapped open. He leaned forward sharply in the chair, pressing the pen so hard into the desk, it broke. Luving jumped.
"Emerald?" he repeated in a tight voice. Luving blinked, moistening her lips with her tongue slowly, slightly nervous. Attempting to calm her heartbeat, she replied, "Yeah, it's Emer, is that a problem, H?" "Yes, it is a problem," said Horatio lowly. "Why?" asked Luving suspiciously.
Horatio got up, turning away from her and looking out the window. "Nothing, forget I said anything..." mumbled Horatio, but Luving wanted answers. She walked over to stand behind him. "Horatio... don't you want her to go?"
Sighing, Horatio ducked his head. "No, Luving, I don't. She's... she's so wide-eyed and innocent... something might happen to her..." Luving let out a huffy laugh. "Horatio, she's not a child! She put Thomas Cliverson in a leg-lock to save her sister, and she has witnessed so much beyond her years. She is more than capable of taking this case, and Eric will be with her. She'll be fine."
Horatio remained silent, but he was thinking, *I wish I could believe you...* He finally spoke after a moment, "Umm, Luving, could you tell Emerald that I'm making dinner for her before she leaves... just so we can talk..." "Sure thing, H. She'll be happy to see you."
Luving put her hand on Horatio's shoulder. "Don't worry so much. She'll be fine, okay Handsome?" She squeezed his shoulder. Horatio nodded. "Thanks, Luving," he said with a smile.
After Luving left, Horatio sat down at his desk and out his head in his hands. "Emerald... why Emerald?"
Later...
Horatio and Emerald were having dinner at his house. All the sounds in the room were the clinking and scraping of cutlery against plates. Other than that, there was silence. Not a word was spoken between them.
Emerald looked up from her plate at Horatio. "You're really quiet, Handsome, even for you..." she smiled. Horatio cleared his throat slightly. "Sorry... just thinking..." Emerald lowered her eyes. "Thinking about what?" she asked gently. "Just things," he answered shortly. Emerald wished she had never asked.
Pressing her lips together, she lightly plucked her napkin. "Dinner was lovely, thank you for having me." Horatio forced a tight smile. "Of course, you're always welcome. But I suppose the food in Las Vegas will be much better..." Emerald looked up in surprise, before she dipped her head shyly. "Oh, so you heard. Luving tell you?" "Mmhmm..." he answered, running his finger around the rim of his wineglass.
Emerald smiled widely. "Horatio, it's so exciting. This is my chance to test my skills as an angel and as a person, to see a new environment, learn more in the field and to really test myself..."
As Emerald rambled on excitedly, Horatio downed his wine in one swallow, giving her a brief glance. Emer continued, "... but it's also a little scary, because it's a big case. It's a daunting task, and I feel nervous and a bit afraid and I'll miss everyone and..." "Then don't go."
Emerald stopped, her eyebrows arched in confusion. She looked at Horatio, tilting her head. "Pardon, Handsome?" Horatio looked at her, his eyes burning into her. "You heard me... I said don't go."
She blinked, completely surprised. "Horatio, my plane is booked, I'm packed, there's no one else, I'm needed, I..." "I don't care," said Horatio, getting up out of his chair and standing beside the table, feet from her. "Don't go." Emerald shut her eyes. "Horatio, I can't abandon my responsibilites. I have to go, I need to go, there's nothing I can do..." Horatio gave a huff, sounding exasperated. "You don't have to go. I'll find someone else, and you don't need to fly across the country across thousands of miles to prove your worth as an Angel. You do that every day, here. You don't have to do this."
Emerald got up, attempting to keep the shaking out of her voice. "Don't tell me what I need and don't need. And you certainly won't tell me what I want. Did you actually think for a minute that I might want this? That I might want a challenge?"
Horatio fixed her with a hard look, moving into her personal space. Emer placed her hand on the table to steady herself. "You have no idea, do you Emerald? You will be practically by yourself in a place you've never been. We won't be there to help you, you will be on your own." "I know that..." "But I don't think you realise the scale of this, you don't understand the enormity of the situation."
Emerald gave him a hard stare of her own. "So you don't think I'm up to it? Why not?" she demanded. Horatio stepped back, running a hand through his hair. "I just fell you need more time. If you're not ready..." "I am ready!" she interjected, putting her hands on her hips. "I am more than ready, and I have had plenty of time. I'm tired of waiting, and if I let this slip by." "There'll be other cases," said Horatio quietly, yet firmly. "Not in another state, not across juristictions. Chances like this come and go. I'm not going to let it go by. I'm ready, Horatio."
Horatio gave a half laugh, before saying with a hint of anger, "I say when you're ready." Emerald was shocked. He was being so irrational, so unfair. Crazy and Angel wouldn't get this talk. Why was it always her? "Don't you dare order me around. I am not some subordinate at your beck and call." Horatio was stung at her boldness. He said angrily, "I am still your superior, Emerald, whether you like it or not."
Sometimes I feel you're not listening
Sometimes I feel you don't understand
But I think I've got the answer
Already I know what you're gonna say
Emerald began to get frustrated. "Listen to yourself. You just won't give me a chance! I am not a little girl, I am a woman, and I have a right to make my own decisions."
She stepped towards Horatio again, looking into his eyes. "You still see me as that fresh faced trainee that walked into your office all that time ago, don't you?" Horatio shut his eyes, giving her the slightest nod. "Is that why you won't let me go? That I'm still that inexperienced kid? Horatio... believe me when I say this: I have changed since that day, I have grown up so much. I can handle thise case, I am capable of flying solo. I can do this." She sounded like she was trying to convice herself as well as Horatio of this. "You can't shelter me from the world, Horatio. I need to see the bad side of things as well as the good. You can't protect me forever."
Horatio leaned in close to her, speaking dangerously low, "I can try." Emerald glared at him. "Stop it. You want to smother me, I will fight it." Horatio flinched slightly, giving her a shake of his head, his eyes never leaving her. Emerald clenched her fist. "You don't think so, H? Fine... but I'm leaving tomorrow, and you'll just have to accept it."
'Cos I'm just a little girl you see
But there's a hell of a lot more to me
Don't ever underestimate what I can do
Don't ever tell me how I'm meant to be
She turned from him, but Horatio took hold of her arm, not gently but not roughly either, pulling her back to him. "No... you're not going. I won't let you." Emerald could feel her temper rising. As calmly as she could, she said, "I'm going to Nevada, Horatio. Let go of my arm." Horatio didn't. If anything, he tightened his grip. Emerald fought the urge to scream and claw his hand. She stayed calm and composed. He would have to lock her in a cell to keep her from leaving. She would be mature about this. If he wanted to be childish, he could go right ahead.
Speaking in a tight whisper, she said again, "Let me go, Horatio, right now. Or I swear..." "What? Are you going to hit me, Emer? Truth is it's a big bad world out there, and I don't think you're ready to face it." "Yes I am! Let go!" said Emerald angrily, pulling away from him and wrenching her arm away. "You have a serious problem, Horatio, so you'd better resolve it!!" she half shouted, clutching her arm where he had gripped her. It hurt, but not as badly as the emotional pain that coursed through her body
The tension could be cut with a knife. Never before had Horatio laid a hand on any of his Angels, not like this. Emerald was trying not to burst into tears at the realisation that he had grabbed her like that. Her sadness was replaced by anger immediately.
'Cos I'm just a little girl you see
But there's a hell of a lot more to me
Don't ever under estimate what I can do
Don't ever tell me how I'm meant to be
Horatio stood there, his control close to breaking. Emerald was so mad. She said in a cold voice, "I'm not like you, Horatio. I can't hide what I feel, I can't internalise my emotions and front bravery like a suit of armour. I am who I am, I can't change my heart, I won't compromise myself for anything. I can't be stoic and strong like you, I can't distance myself from the pain of others. That's not who I am. I'm sorry if this isn't what you want for me, but I'm leaving tomorrow. Don't try and stop me."
She stepped right up to him, holding his icy blue stare with her emerald glare. "You care about me? Then let me go. Let me spread my wings. Don't tie me down." Horatio could feel his eyes stinging. He gave no verbal answer. Instead, he stepped to the side, letting her pass by. He sat down at the table again, staring at the wall.
'Cos I'm just a little girl you see
But there's a hell of a lot more to me
Don't ever underestimate what I can do
Don't ever tell me how I'm meant to be
(Tell me how I'm meant to be)
Emerald walked towards the door, looking back at her Lieutenant. His back was turned to her. He looked so defeated. She felt her heart break. "Know this, Horatio. I'm doing this for you. Everything I do is for you. You made me do this." With that said, she walked out the door, clicking it closed quietly behind her. As she went to her car, she started hyperventialting halfway to tears.
Horatio looked at the door just as it closed, staring at it for the longest time, feeling his heart tearing to shreds as his beloved Emerald left him. "I'm sorry, sweetheart. I'm sorry."
Emerald got home, went upstairs with her hand on her heart, stumbling into her room and collapsing on her bed. Laying still for a moment, she exhaled sharply before starting to cry. Her body was wracked with sobs, the tears soaking her pillow. She felt afraid, naiive, hurt, and alone. She couldn't understand why Horatio didn't want her to go. He was so stubborn, telling her she wasn't ready.
*But what if I'm not... ?* she thought, giving a sniff, and turning over onto her back.
Staring at the ceiling for a long moment, she closed her eyes and thought of all the good times she had spent with her sisters, Luving and Horatio. She was going to miss them a lot, but when the case was finished, she could come home. She could come back to his arms...
Smiling through her tears, wiping away the tear tracks, Emerald whispered, "I know you want to protect me, Handsome. I can't stay a little girl forever, I have to grow up now, become the woman you want me to be, the woman you deserve. I hope you know that I care for you, and I love you, Horatio."
She closed her eyes, picturing him there with her, lying by her side, kissing away her tears...
"And I will come back to you. I could never leave you. I love you too much..." She prayed she hadn't hurt him with the things she said. It would destroy her if she ever caused Horatio pain.
Feeling completely drained of strength and tears, Emerald fell asleep, dreaming of the new case and of Horatio.
At the airport the next morning, the Angels and Luving hugged Emer, and before she knew it, she was on the plane. Her stomach was fluttering with butterflies, and her heart was pounding in her chest. She was sad, nervous, and excited all at the same time.
Sitting beside her, Eric gave her a smile, taking out the case file and reading it quietly. Horatio had called him before they left, telling him not to let Emer out of his sight, to protect her. Eric knew Horatio was against Emerald leaving, but he promised to look after her. He would bring her back to her sisters, and to H. If he didn't know any better, he'd call it love.
Will you miss me when I'm gone?
Will you remember all the good times we had?
The hardest thing about leaving is saying good-bye.
We'll always be the greatest of friends.
I'll miss you more then I can say.
And when I dream
I'll just dream about you
I'll be only a memory away.
Emer looked out the window at Miami below her, and her heart nearly stopped when she saw Horatio standing on the roof of Headquarters, his sunglasses shielding his eyes. He looked up and saw the plane.
From where she sat, Emerald could feel his presence near her, and see his smile. She put her hand up to the window, smiling tearfully. "Goodbye, Horatio. I'll miss you, Handsome."
Horatio watched the place fly away, praying for her safe return. "Goodbye, Emerald love. I'll miss you."
'Leaving is always such a hard thing to do,
It breaks my heart to leave you in this way,
I'll be in your heart,
And you will always be in mine.'
You're something special to me.
Friendship is something that money can't buy.
And if you need me, you know that I'll be there for you.
We'll always be the greatest of friends.
I'll miss you more than I can say.
And when I dream, I'll just dream about you
I'll only be a memory away.
