Does Danny Seek Out Abuse? (Revisited)

Top41

Top41

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We discussed this before back in season three, with regards to Danny's behavior and how he tried to please both Mac and Lindsay (obviously in different ways ;) ) despite getting repeatedly shut down by both (Mac in season one, Lindsay in season three).

But I think after all the drama-rama-trouble with Danny this season, it was time to bring this topic up again.

I said yes last time, and I'm even more sure of it now. First, there's Lindsay. Danny seemed to lose all interest in her when she was treating him nicely. He shut her down in the lab in "The Deep" when she was trying to compliment him and he pulled away from her after Ruben's death in "Child's Play." He turned her down for lunch in "Right Next Door," and it wasn't until she got angry at him, told him she had to get over being in love with him and started refusing to talk to him that he got interested in her again.

And when he finally got her to talk to him and she said to him, "Do you have any idea how hard you are to love?" he smiled, because of course, that's what Danny believes--that he's difficult, perhaps even impossible, to love.

And then there's Rikki. Much as I get why they turned to each other in a physical way, if that wasn't self-flagellation for Danny, I don't know what was. She told him flat out she was just using him so she didn't have to be alone, but Danny was fine with that, because if there's one thing Danny is good at, it's letting others use him. Yes, he was trying to ease his own guilt by letting her use him, but I do think Danny is most comfortable in a relationship where he's being taken advantage of or made to feel bad in some way or another.

What do you guys think?
 
I think he probably does subconsciously seek out abuse, and I think it probably stems a lot from his interactions with Louie. I also think a lot of his behavior stems from deep abandonment issues which can also be attributed to his interactions with Louie.

With Lindsay I think it was just as much her comment about having to "let go" of her love of him as it was her being nasty to him. He was fine with things as they were even if they were screwed up, but the minute she suggested she might "leave" him he freaked. The same holds true to some extent with Rikki as well. He clung to her in the aftermath of Ruben's death and although he admitted they were wrong to sleep together his reaction to her saying she was moving was not a good one. Here's the one person who truly understands what he's going through with Ruben and now she's leaving him alone with his guilt.

With Mac he was definitely trying to prove himself and I can see how Mac not being proud of him would look like abandonment in Danny's eyes. Also, when we've seen Mac praise him he gets quiet and seems embarrassed. He seems to react more to Mac's anger and frustration than his praise, which makes it appear like he's used to having people behave abusively toward him.

ETA: It's not drama-rama, it's Drama Llama!
 
PerfectAnomaly said:
I think he probably does subconsciously seek out abuse, and I think it probably stems a lot from his interactions with Louie. I also think a lot of his behavior stems from deep abandonment issues which can also be attributed to his interactions with Louie.

With Lindsay I think it was just as much her comment about having to "let go" of her love of him as it was her being nasty to him. He was fine with things as they were even if they were screwed up, but the minute she suggested she might "leave" him he freaked. The same holds true to some extent with Rikki as well. He clung to her in the aftermath of Ruben's death and although he admitted they were wrong to sleep together his reaction to her saying she was moving was not a good one. Here's the one person who truly understands what he's going through with Ruben and now she's leaving him alone with his guilt.
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I definitely think Danny has abandonment issues. Good point about Danny having his change of heart after Lindsay said she had to "let go" of being in love with him and therefore him. And he immediately got upset when Rikki told him she was leaving.

With Mac he was definitely trying to prove himself and I can see how Mac not being proud of him would look like abandonment in Danny's eyes. Also, when we've seen Mac praise him he gets quiet and seems embarrassed. He seems to react more to Mac's anger and frustration than his praise, which makes it appear like he's used to having people behave abusively toward him.
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Danny does seem to shy away from praise, doesn't he? He crumples up when people get mad or upset with him, but he seems to expect it and almost be comfortable with it. Danny simply thinks he deserves to be treated badly and chastised.

ETA: It's not drama-rama, it's Drama Llama!
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I stand corrected! :lol: :D
 
It seems like Danny never wants someone in his life more than when that person has decided (for whatever reason) it's time to pull away or move on or it happens that he's lost them. When they're right under his nose and would go out of their way for him (Lindsey and Flack, even Ricki and Ruben) he could care less, or at the very least, takes them for granted. I guess that's part of his whole "fuckedupness" and how he's still a little bit of a child.
 
I think Danny's abandonment issues go back to his upbringing - and not just the stuff with Louie, probably further. He supposedly grew up in a family under surveillance - so his parents were probably more occupied with other things, leaving him starved for the attention kids need.

Kids starved of parental attention generally tend to seek attention any way they can, even if it is negative. If Danny got enough of that as a kid, I can see why he'd grow used to it and behave in a way that gets more of it.

One of the key features of the continuing effects of abandonment as a kid is resistance to others. Danny probably finds it hard to take praise because it means allowing others in. And when you allow someone in, there is always the risk of more abandonment.
 
I think he does it without realizing it.

It's like a woman who constantly seek out the same kind of man, even though they're bad for her. It's just a pattern that can't be broken. It's all they know.

I think it's the same thing for Danny. He doesn't realize he's doing it, it's just subconscious, and he probable needs help (weather from a counselor of some type, or a good friend) to break the pattern.
 
DragonflyDreamer said:
I think he does it without realizing it.

It's like a woman who constantly seek out the same kind of man, even though they're bad for her. It's just a pattern that can't be broken. It's all they know.

I think it's the same thing for Danny. He doesn't realize he's doing it, it's just subconscious, and he probable needs help (weather from a counselor of some type, or a good friend) to break the pattern.
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It actually reminds me a little of 'Battered Person's Syndrome'...a person gets abused, yet they defend the person who does it and go back for more. They even push away people who try and help them out of the situation...
 
I wonder if its a kind of self defence mechanism... If Danny puts himself into situations/relationships when he is knowingly being used it reduces the risk of being hurt. I also wonder if Danny is drawn to people with 'problems' as it subconsciously allows him to concentrate on the other persons problems/issues rather than deal with his own... Slighlty OT (apologies) but I would love to see someone call Danny on his actions/behaviour and try to find out why he acts the way he does...
 
I think he may have been physically or mentally abused as a child. He certainly behaves as though he feels like he does not deserve better. He likes to be a pillar of stength for everyone else, but does not open up well to others. To me that says that he got burned really bad in the past I mean someone really did a number on this guy.

Even when he broke down in RSRD he leaves his hands in his pockets and never fully lets Mac in to lean on him...it like he though he only deserved a little bit of comfort. He leaned into the embrace as to accept it but could never really open himself up to be completly exposed.
 
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It is a fact that Danny was hurt by Louie when he pushed him away. I also think that Danny doesn't do i on purpose, but it's in his nature. I get the vibe from him that he is constantly trying to reach other people and help them with their problems, so that they don't feel neglected like he did when he was younger.

I think that by becoming emotionally involved with other people's problems makes him feel better about himself, he feels like he has a purpose in life, and I think that's where his thirst for justice is coming from.

As for the relationship choices he made, I don't think he made good ones or bad ones. I think he tried to get close to Lindsay because there was something that was troubling her deeply and it's in his nature to jump and offer help. I never thought that they were on a relationship, and I will never call whatever was between them a relationship. Lindsay is not a good choice for Danny, and when he looked out for comfort with Rikki, I guess that he knew that it wasn't the best choice either. But the guilt overpowered him and that was his last resort in trying to make Rikki feel better although he knew that it wasn't going to end very well.
 
I pretty much agree with everything that's been said in this thread. Danny doesn't think he deserves any better, so he repeats dangerous or destructive patterns of behavior. It is similar to battered person's syndrome, and I do think it's a self-defense mechanism...if he doesn't expect anything but mistreatment and abandonment, he won't be surprised when that's exactly what he gets.

PalmettoHunna said:
I think he may have been physically or mentally abused as a child. He certainly behaves as though he feels like he does not deserve better. He likes to be a pillar of stength for everyone else, but does not open up well to others. To me that says that he got burned really bad in the past I mean someone really did a number on this guy.
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I've long thought he was severely abused in some way as a kid. His behavior throughout the course of the show really suggests it.

Even when he broke down in RSRD he leaves his hands in his pockets and never fully lets Mac in to lean on him...it like he though he only deserved a little bit of comfort. He leaned into the embrace as to except it but could never really open himself up to be completly exposed.
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Really astute observation and something I hadn't considered, but it sounds right on the money.
 
Top41 said:
...and I do think it's a self-defense mechanism...if he doesn't expect anything but mistreatment and abandonment, he won't be surprised when that's exactly what he gets.
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Keeping your expectations low is the easiest way to avoid disappointment in life. Not expecting anything more than the bare minimum of decency from people means you don't get stung so often. Unless you happen upon real pond scum...
 
I am beginning to think that an abusive past is a big part of the reason Danny puts up with Lindsay's drama...not to bash her but most other men would have let that go a LONG time ago. He seems complacent as if he will take whatever he can get and does not care if the person is being fair to him or not.

You see the guilt he feels when Louie is beaten even if it was never his fault. Even when he is a victim of circumstane he takes blame like a typical victim of abuse...it is always their fault. The only person who ever gets through to him even partically is Flack and with Don he puts up blocks to stop him from really being let in. He is guarded and vulnerable at the same time.
 
I feel like he subconsciously does. I think he jumps into a situation thinking he's going to make everything better, and while it doesn't backfire for everyone else, it does for him. I think he can make everyone in the world feel better but himself.

I really think Danny is the type to help everyone else while running from his own problems. Take, for example, ...Comes Around. He was so focused on what could be done to help Mac. However, what was going on with Mac was affecting him deeply, as evidenced by his conversation with Flack in the pub. He seems to spend his time trying to solve everyone else's problems, sometimes in lieu of dealing with his own.

He has trust issues, as evidenced throughout the show. He doesn't readily trust everyone with everything. He trusted Mac enough to cry in front of him, but didn't really want to be held by him, as mentioned by PalmettoHunna. Flack is his best friend, but how much does he trust him? Occasionally, Flack has to force him to talk about his problems.

Danny seems to keep his true feelings and thoughts locked inside of him with the scars of his past. He keeps adding his problems up until they finally boil over, and he explodes. So far, it seems like the only people he trusts when he does is Mac and Flack (please, correct me if I'm wrong). He's always got his wall up.

But his wall only seems to protect him from saying too much, which is why I want to believe he may have been always told his feelings, thoughts, and problems are not important and that no one cares. I think that's part of what he guards himself against.

Also, the show has done a good job portraying that he does not like when people are disappointed in him. He doesn't like knowing that his actions have hurt someone. He guards himself against that by doing what it takes to make everyone else happy. He makes everyone else feel better, at his own expense.
 
Do you guys have any idea how amazing this thread is for fanfic research? Seriously. I've pointed a few writers this way; it's a god-send for characterization. Thanks!

And you're all so accurate. I went into my psychology recap lecture on attachment, and I could quote about ten different things that perfectly backup what you've already said.

Great insights!
 
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