It's fine that you posted a long post,
QOTU. This place is to air your grievances and such.
BTW, I read
roximonoxide corrections (and
lostladyknight's mentions) to the list (Thanks! I wouldn't have caught some of that if you hadn't pointed it out. Heh.) So by no means is this list perfect, or even definite but here's what we got so far (edited and added some things.) If you spot any other mistakes, please tell me and feel free to add your own little rules to the list!
1001 Things You Don't Do In A Fanfic (so far)
1. In the immortal words of Ross Gellar: "Y-O-U-apostrophe-R-E means 'YOU ARE'. Y-O-U-R means 'YOUR.'" It's called a homonym. Please use it right.
2. Danny proposing 5 minutes after Danny and Lindsay's relationship starts, and then Lindsay finding out she is pregnant with triplets 5 minutes after that, isn't realistic.
3. Please, for the love of all things holy, don't use chatspeak in your fanfic.
4. No more westerns or musicals. There's only one exception for this rule, and that's a fic on ff.net called The Mysterious Ticking Noise. Kudos to whoever came up with the idea of parodying the Potter Puppet Pals.
5. Cross-overs can be interesting but a cross-over between 'CSI' and 'The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air' is a tad improbable. Same goes for 'My Little Pony'.
6. The the obvious "no Mary Sue" or the male equivelant "Gary Stu" rule. (That's those characters who are good at everything, have no flaws, super smart, look gorgeous...all at the same time.)
7. Please make sure there's at least halfway decent spelling and punctuation. (that's what spell checker and betas are for.)
8. Don't leave out "speech marks" ("quotation marks")
9. Plots don't have to be overly complicated. Simple is best.
10. Try and stay away from all smut, no plot in your stories (PWP). Unless that's the kind of thing that "floats your boat".
11. No "Out of Character" characteristics, PLEASE. (example: two characters who hate each other all of a sudden become all "lovey dovey" with no little to no explanation.)
12. Be original: don't use movie plots for fanfics (taking a movie plot and simply replacing character names is not good. Use your imagination!)
13. Avoid song fics that have more song than fanfic. If you must do one, don't be so dependent on the lyrics.
14. Related to the above: Verses and choruses that are littered throughout the fic can be a bit distracting. Perhaps you can put the lyrics at the end and just hang the fic loosely on the meaning of the song, rather than following it slavishly.
15. Characters that are often portrayed as jerks may eventually put off some readers. Don't stretch your credibility; unless the character is actually as bad as you are portraying him/her in your story, don't over-do it.
16. ANY website will tell you how to spell the characters' names (and it's on the back of the DVDs) so there should be no reason to spell them wrong!
17. You don't necessarily have to start a new paragraph when a new person speaks.
18. Along with OOC, there is total lack of characterization (ex: Calleigh is not going to break apart and burst into tears because someone messed up her desk and Grissom is not going to stop loving his bugs just becasue you don't like them.)
19. If you have an Original Character, please give them a purpose; a drive. Don't make them bland.
20. (More for the readers
There's a difference between being tactful and blindly encouraging bad writers to continue writing bad stories. Don't do it. It's called constructive criticism.
21. While we shouldn't only post "your story is awesome" reviews all the time, avoid flaming. (Obvious rule, but cannot be said enough).
22. Avoid incest. It's not only OOC, it's not pleasant to read for most.
23. Avoid rape in regards to female CSI characters. If you do write a fic like that, please, don't have a male character swoop in like a knight in shining armor, then have the female character and the hero have sex practically 2 weeks after her rape! (Not realistic, not healthy!)
24. If you're 14 years old (or younger) and you're about to write a smut fic... don't. Just no. (Lack of maturity among many reasons as to why not.)
25. Immature writers overall should try not to write a sappy, fairytale love type stories. Not to say "stay away from fluff." Just try and keep the stories realistic. (Or at least warn readers of "fluff" beforehand!)
26. Avoid "set in high school" fics whenever possible.
27. Do not say in your summary that you're bad at summarizing! If you can't write a decent summary, chances are, your story is not worth reading.
28. Betas who don't know how to spell "grammar" should not be betas. Sorry.
29. Research, research, research. (This is pivotal, especially for fics pertaining to CSI. Need to find out the crime rate in Vegas, Miami or NY? Spend a few minutes on Google. Want to explain how a bullet embalism works? Wikipedia is a Godsend.)
30. We, the readers, are glad you updated your story but if your authors notes are longer than the actual chapter, there is a problem.
31. A sentence always starts with a capital letter and ends in some form of punctuation.
32. The author's accent should not seep into a CSI fic. CSI is an American show with American characters, thus writing a fic using Canadian/British/Australian/whatever slang (especially when there's dialogue between the CSI characters) creates poor characterization.
33. On a related note, don't go overboard with the "accents". Trying to type a Brooklyn accent or a Texan drawl in every line a character says makes their dialogue hard to read.
34. Use appropriate formatting when you’re writing. A proper story does not consist of one big paragraph, but several smaller paragraphs.
35. Don't post something you're not happy about. Go back and make the effort to fix it.
36. If you're working on a multi-chapter story, don't post 200 words per update and drag out one scene over ten "chapters". Nobody cares if you "UPDATE DAILY LOL" if you post three lines of dialogue and call it a chapter. It really breaks the flow of the story.
37. There is no such thing as "simultaneous realization". (ex: Eric and Calleigh both realized at the same time that they were in love simultaneous in the exact same moment together.
38. Don't spend your whole authors notes (A/N) talking about how, if you don't get a certain number of reviews, you'll quit writing the story. That's just really crappy.
39. Please make the distinction between the CSI Hummers and Denalis and the character's personal cars. (Sara drives a Sedan, Nick drives a truck.)
40. (More for the readers, again
One line reviews are virtually an insult to the author who spends so much time on their story. It's understandable if there really isn't much to say, but a lot of writers appreciate some girth to their feedback.
41. If you've only been watching CSI (or Miami/NY) for a week, please don't write a story. Take the time to actually figure out what the show is about, and the backstories on the characters before you write a story that's completely OOC.
42. Understand the character a little more before you attempt to write about them; even though there could be a decent plot to the story, some readers may stop reading.
43: If you watch enough of the show you should know at least the basics of a character's accent/speech pattern. If you can't hear the character saying a phrase in your head, then they probably wouldn't say it.
44. Slash fics where they go from straight to gay in a matter of a few minutes and by the 10th chapter they are driving up to Canada to tie the knot is inconcievable and should not be done like that.
45. On a related note: Don't ignore the latest shippings if you're writing a slash story. (ex: If you're currently writing a Danny/Flack story, note the fact that TPTB paired Danny off with Lindsay and Flack is currently flirting with Angell. Two options could be: place the story before Danny and Lindsay hooked up, or show a break-up because of Flack.)
46. Most characters have a back story or have some indication of what their lives were like. If you don't know, ask someone.
47. Related to the above: if your character doesn't have much of a back story, creativity is a big plus. Just try not to be too outrageous!
48. If you're going to ignore something that happened in the show, clearly state that in your A/N.
49. Tell us when you're going to have spoilers for certian episodes; a little 'if you haven't seen past this episode' or 'this story has references to...' "heads up" is a good idea.
50. If you write a slash story, be wary of your "defensive A/N". It's one thing to be defensive, it's another thing to be on the attack before anyone even says anything.
51. Remember physical characteristics! Example: Calleigh has green eyes, not blue eyes, and Speedle is rarely clean shaven.
52. Punctuate dialogue properly, please. (It's: "Hey, Delko," said Ryan.) The comma comes before the quotation marks.
53.. When it comes to angst: if your not sure about it, don't do it. It's annoying.
54. Avoid the accidental pregnancies! These are responsible adults we are writing about. By now they should have learned about safe sex.
55. Please avoid cliches whenever possible.
56. It's incredibly OOC to make your characters so horny all the time. They don't randomly make out in the lab/the showers/the broom closet/ ad nauseum. Don't do it.
57. Don't jump back and forth between narratives in stories. It's really hard to keep up with a fic if it's constantly skipping from first person, to third person and back again. Not to mention, it totally messes with the flow of the story.
58. DO NOT include personal author's notes in the story's text! Stick to having it at the beginning or end.
59. Don't have your stories drag on and on and on... (particularly angst. How much of it can a character continually go through?)
60. (For the readers, yet again
Asking a question about the fic (ex: "Are Danny and Lindsay gonna have a baby?") seems silly. Does it really make a difference? Are you going to stop reading the story if the answer is no? This applies to all questions in the form, "Are they gonna/Is there gonna be/Will they _____." Maybe you should read the story and find out!
61. Besides a beta, you can also use a peer editor. (Hand it off to a friend and say
'is this readable? Is my grammar okay? Is my spelling alright?')
62. Angst stories might work well if you mix it up a bit, especially in a multi chapter fic. Some funny moments (perhaps from the other characters) are a refreshing breath of fresh air.
63. Your idea on the characterization is not the one and only. An author's note explaining why the character acted that way and it can't be argued will turn a reader off the story.
64. If it's your first fanfic, you can write that if you want but it's not necessary to do so. If you do, don't make a big deal about it.
65. If you're going to do a cliche plot idea, at least try to go about it a different way. (Try and tweak it to make the plot somewhat new and exciting).
66. Make sure you know the difference between homonyms. (words that sound alike but are spelled differently and have a different meaning).
67. Don't put in large chunks of the dialogue that comes straight out of an actual episode. You're writing a fanfic, not a transcript.
68. Either action or sex written blow-by-blow robs it of all the effect it might possibly have had. There are times when a little poetical glossing-over says much more than descibing every move can.
69. For God's sake. If you're going to curse or use his name, type it all the way out! (None if this F*** and G-d business.) If you're not comfortable using the language, it doesn't need to be used. It's as simple as that.
70. It's really annoying to readers when an author posts a multi-chapter story but NEVER finishes it (whether it's because of writer's block or simply growing bored with it). It's leaves the readers hanging and that's just not cool. (Have your story already written out or at least have an outline of it done).
71. Lack of emotions/descriptions is boring. (Examples: He said, "...". Then she said, "...". "...", he answered.) You can say something loudly, quietly, agressively, tenderly, with your eyes cast down or with a wrinkled forehead etc. (Just make sure not to over do it)
72. Make sure to listen to constructive criticism. Readers give this advice to help you, not to insult me.
73. Please try and use hyphens (-) correctly. If you're unsure about how to use it, ust ask.
74. Also, please use apostrophes (’) correctly.
75. Conflict is key to any story. The thing to keep in mind is 'balance'. Too much or too little conflict is not very believable. Remember the "short story pyramid": Exposition (aka Introduction), Rising Action (or Obstacles to overcome), Climax (aka Turning Point), Falling action (Conflict unravels), and the Dénoument (aka Resolution).
76. Do not combine words together. For example: "Themorningafter" or "aroundthecorner".
77. Don't make your fics so long. Break them up into chapters,
78. Having the characters act like love-struck, angst-filled teenagers is a big "don't". It's really annoying. (the female CSI characters don't cry at the drop of a hat and the male CSI characters don't fly into jealous rages).
79. If you do cross-overs, it's just as important to have down the characterizations of the secondary show as it is with the primary show.
80. (Once again, specifically for the readers
If you take the time to favorite a story try and make some time to leave a review. (A simple: "I love how you characterized Nick," or "Great story so far but I think it's kinda jumping around a lot," is not difficult.)
81. Five-line "stories" are not stories.
82. Try not to rush your ending. That screams poor writing.
83. Slave stories and other Alternate Universe (AU) stories are particularly difficult to write. Don't attempt to do so unless you're surre what you're doing. (And have writing experience).
84. Do not write/rewrite anything to do with another person's fic without asking for permission first. This includes your own "version" of their story or any form of sequel or prequel.
85. Don't give characters pets/children if they have openly expressed a distaste for them on the show. Doc. Robbins hates rats, he wouldn't have pet mice called "Pinky and the Brain." Sara Sidle hasn't ever said she doesn't like kids... but she's openly "not the mom" and "bad with kids." So she probably wouldn't jump for joy if she found out she was pregnant.
86. Consider medical concerns when having characters become pregnant. Grissom is 50+ and every year after age 40, even for fathers, increases the risk that a child may be born with Downs Syndrome. Catherine is a higher-risk for pregnancy than a lot of the other CSI women because she's over 40.
87. Going off of my last rule... it's not impossible for Grissom to father a child or for Catherine to become pregnant. Men can father children their entire lives and women have to go through the physical "change" before they are unable. Moreover a lot of women and men have children at their ages. It's just difficult... so don't assume it's impossible and have them having vast amounts of unprotected sex. That leads to babies.
88. Try to be original with plot lines. Collecting ideas from different stories are fine, it'll help you create new scenarios but copying an idea/plot from start to finish, just wording it slightly different is a big no no!
89. Don't create a "Series" where each 'section' is posted as a one shot, so it looks like it can be read alone, when in fact it's a chapter. Post it as a book with chapters, it makes it easier for the reader, and they don't have to search for chapter 2. You'll keep more readers that way. It's annoying to find chapter 5 and realize you have no clue where 1-4 are.
~~~
(A few less after deleting the repeats - hope I got all of them - but there's the list.)
Oh, and I think
umbrello's "rule" would be a good thing to note. Either it should be the very last entry or it should be a stand-alone:
umbrello said:
I'm not sure if this is entirely appropriate, but I think it needs to said.
Forgetting why we read and write fan fiction in the first place. I hope that whilst in the midst of our nitpickery we don't forget the spirit of fan fiction. That ultimately this is a labor of love, and if your not enjoying yourself, you might as well find a different hobby.
Edit: Thanks for the correction, QOTU!
