Back To You

M

MegBreanne

Police Officer
This is another story that I started earlier this week and posted at ff.net . . . it's a story about what if Nick hadn't been rescued??


Chapter 1:


Warrick sits in front of the computer monitor. He picks up his cup and drinks. He reaches for the mouse and clicks it back on.


Inside the dark box, the light goes back on. Nick looks at the vent as the fan shuts off. "No", he whispers. Panting, Nick looks down at the light near his feet. He looks at the light, then back to the vent. He's got to do something about this. He reaches into his back jeans pocket and takes out a pack of gum. He unwraps the gum and pops it into his mouth. He chews.


Warrick watches Nick chew the gun.


Nick puts the gum in his right ear.


Warrick watches as Nick puts the gum in his left ear.


"What are you doing, Nicky?" Warrick asks.


On the monitor, Warrick watches as Nick takes out the gun and cocks it.


Warrick gets to his feet, his eyes glued to the monitor.


"What are you doing, Nicky?" he asks, alarmed at his friends movements.


On the monitor, Warrick sees Nick rest the gun on his chest, the muzzle pointed near his own head. Nick turns to the side.


"Don't do it, Nicky!" Warrick yells at the monitor.


In the box, Nick looks down at the light, the tip of his gun muzzle near his chin.


Warrick grows alarmed and stands up.


Nick takes a breath and aims the gun down at the light beneath his feet. He fires.


Warrick jumps back as the monitor goes completely black.


"You son of a bitch!" Warrick yells, on the verge of tears. The screen is black.


He is startled by the sound of glass shattering on the floor behind him.


"Oh, God," her hand flies to her mouth as she struggles against the bile that is rising in her throat. But it's no use, she runs from the room, abandoning the once steaming mug of coffee that was now pooled and broken on the floor.


"What's going on?!" Grissom demands as he, Catherine and Bill and Jillian Stokes rush into the room. He notices the black screen and pushes past Warrick, trying to recover the feed.


Bill and Jillian lean on one another for support, and Catherine notices Warrick's gaze fixed on the broken coffee mug on the floor, the brown liquid slowly dispersing into a wider puddle. She takes a few long strides to be at Warrick's side. "What happened?" she whispers. She's not entirely sure that she wants to know, but it doesn't change the fact that at some point, she will. A sinking feeling settled in the pit of her stomach when Warrick's gaze finally settled on her. He reached out to touch her shoulder, his voice shaking. "He . . . .Nick . . . the . . . gun," he couldn't form a sentence. A single tear slipped down his face. "God, Cath," he said pulling her into his chest as tears streamed down her skin, "what the hell happened down there?"


"Mr. Grissom?" Judge Stokes asked, his voice stoic, though his eyes betrayed him as the worried father that he was.


Grissom sighed and ran a hand over the injuries on his face, trying to figure out the best case senario. "We lost the feed."


Jillian Stokes sobbed against her husbands chest, terrified that her baby boy was gone.


"We can't be sure of what happened," Grissom said calmly. "There's still a chance that we'll get him back." He could feel the sting of tears in his eyes. "We'll find him," he said, though he wasn't sure if it was for his benifits, or Nick's families . . . or everyone's. But he solemnly promised himself that no matter what, they'd get their answers, and someone would pay . . . . .



CSICSICSICSICSICSICSICSICSICSICSI





"Sara?" Catherine called softly as she entered the ladies restroom. She heard sniffling coming from inside a stall. "Sara," she said again, knocking on the door.


Sara looked up at the blond woman, and forced a smile. "I'm sorry," she spoke, but a fresh torrent of tears flooded their way out of her eyes. "I'll be out in a second."


"Take your time," Catherine said, stepping into the stall and bending down to rub her back soothingly. She flushed the toilet, Sara's stomach contents being flushed away leaving no trace that she'd even been sick.


The two woman had been friends for years, but since the shift split, they had had their differences. They had separately chalked it up to jealousy. Catherine was jealous because now Warrick and Nick, whom she'd considered friends above collegues, were now her employees. The three had drifted apart with her new title and authority and she'd noticed that Sara had become closer than ever with Warrick and Nick. And Sara was jealous that Catherine had not only been promoted, but that she'd taken away a part of her family. In reality, she knew that it wasn't Catherine's fault, but she had finally forged relationships that needed little work. They were all there for each other, no matter what. And as soon as the split had occured, suddenly the relationships that had been so easy required work.


"We can't give up, Catherine," she said after a moment of silence. "Nick is out there. I know he is."


Catherine smiled a little, and nodded her head. "I hope you're right."


"You're giving up, aren't you?" Sara asked, an edge in her voice.


"Sara," she was trying to find the words to say it delicately, but they just wouldn't present themselves. "We're going to do everything that we can, but our jobs just got harder. I know that you know the live feed was lost."


Sara nodded her head, "I saw it, Cath." She took a deep breath, feeling as if she was going to be sick again. "He's so scared, and I can't stand it." Her lips quivered.


Catherine pulled Sara into a tight embrace. The two women held onto one another, crying.



CSICSICSICSICSICSICSICSICSICSICSICSICSICSICSI


The rest of the investigation was finally going somewhere because of the thumb that Sara had found at the scene of Walter Gordon's death. DNA had been extracted and was found that he was an immediate relative of Kelly Gordon who was currently serving year three of a five year sentence for accessory to murder. While her and Brass' visit to see her had been seemingly useless at the time, it was extremely helpful when Archie had been able to find a general location of where the web cam had been located, and the travel radius from Walter Gordon's truck had given them two nurseries where Nick could've been . . .it was then that Sara remembered Kelly telling her that she'd been studying horticulture. That was how they knew which nursery Nick was at.


Hauling ass, everyone ran out of the lab and into their Denali's, speeding towards the nursery. It was then that their worlds crumbled.


"All units, I repeat, all units," the Police scanner crackled, "an explosion at Conner Nursery, there has been an explosion at Conner Nursery! All available units respond!"


Conner Nursery had been the one that Sara had figured Nick was at. It was outside of the Las Vegas city limits, and the police convoy was still at least a ten minute drive away, lights flashing.


When the CSI teams from the lab, and surrounding counties, as well as LVPD and other available officers got to the nursery, everyone set out running . . . . the only thing they found was a molar tooth and Nick's University ring.


With no signs of other life having been there recently, they were left with the conclusion that if Nick hadn't killed himself with the gun, the blast did. There was literally nothing left.


Grissom stood stoically to the side of the crater in the land where the blast had obviously originated from, while Greg tried controlled breathing to keep himself in check. Warrick held Catherine tight against him as she sobbed and he fought with himself silently guilty for having the good luck to have won the coin toss. Sara was numb as silent tears rolled down her face once again.
 
Thanks so much for the encouraging responses! :)

Chapter 2:




It had been two weeks since Nick's abduction and the explosion. While none of the Grave or Swing shift crew felt the investigation should be active, the Lab had no choice but to let the case be considered cold. There were other crimes being committed with hot leads disappearing . . .


They had been too close to Nick to take the leads on the investigation, so Ecklie had put Day Shift on it. Even though there was always rivalry between the teams, Nick was one of their own and his loss was felt overwhelmingly through out the building and LVPD. They had done their best, and hadn't found any clue that Nick was still alive, and there were no potential new leads to bring any form of closure, or a happy ending. No DNA evidence had been found, but based on the explosives that the Day Shift had recovered and reconstructed, it was enough to bring down a building. Nick was literally gone.


Even though Ecklie had agreed to place the remaining team members back together on Grave, they were all required to take a mandatory two week paid leave to deal with their grief, as well as two mandatory PEAP sessions prior to returning to work, and at least three within a month of starting to work again. And now, it was their first night back and it had been routine and easy. A couple of B&E's and a Gas Station robbery, which was quickly discovered as being an Insurance Scam. All three cases had been closed and they were only a few hours away from shift being over. And no one was looking forward to going home to be alone with their thoughts.


Grissom watched everyone closely. Greg flipped through a Sporting Magazine, folding over a few edges of paper giving Grissom the idea that he would go back at a later time and read the articles more thoroughly -- but he suspected that perhaps Greg was just doing that to throw him off as Greg had caught him a number of times watching him. Warrick was reading the newspaper and Catherine was perusing an old InStyle Magazine, but he suspected that neither of them were truly seeing what was on the pages infront of them. They both had glazed over looks in their eyes. It was Sara that he was the most concerned about though. Normally, she would've put up a brave front like the rest of the team, but she wasn't. It was like she didn't even have the energy to try. She just sat on the couch in Nick's usual spot, and stared out the window at the sun rising over the horizon.


Hodges breezed calmly into the room, careful not to intentionally upset or irritate any of the fragile emotions of the people in the room. He walked over to one of the cupboards and opened the door looking for something to to munch on to hold him over until his shift finally ended and he could grab some breakfast. He grabbed a box of Chocolate Chip Marshmellow granola bars and took one of the wrapped delights out of the box. He started to open the protective foil wrapper, but everyone's heads snapped in his direction.


Sara's heart beat increased rapidly when she heard the crinkling noise, but upon seeing it was just Hodges, her attention turned back out the window.


"What?" he asked, wondering why people were staring at him with such fury in their eyes. He hadn't done anything to piss them off all shift.


"Those are Nick's," Warrick's voice teetered dangerously on being too well controlled.


Hodges glanced down at the now unwrapped granola bar then back to the box. "Oh," he managed. "I didn't realize. I -"


"Didn't think?" Catherine snapped. "Well that's obvious."


David was now becoming frustrated. It wasn't like he was trying to hurt them, but he hated walking on egg shells. But feeling like the people in the room blamed him for Nick's not being there, or for reminding them that he was gone -- not like anyone could forget. "Well, it's not like he'll be eating them," he sneered. He regretted the words as soon as they were out of his mouth.


Sara sniffed a little, but her attention was still trained out the window.


"Just go," Grissom barked. David rolled his eyes and quickly left the break room.


"How dare he?!" Catherine fumed, angrily closing the magazine and thowing it to the table with a loud thunk. "He has some nerve!"


Greg too placed his Sports Magazine down on the table and rubbed his eyes. The logical part of him knew, as did everyone else, that David hadn't meant to upset anyone. But they were all dealing with their grief as best they knew how, and lashing out was natural.


Silently, the team sat there for a few minutes, each lost in their own thoughts. Suddenly, Warrick started to laugh.


Catherine looked at him incrediously, but soon, she dissolved into giggles. Warrick's laugh was infectious and although she had no idea why he was laughing, she was laughing with him. "What?" she asked between giggles.


"I was just thinking about a few months ago, Nick and I caught Hodges sleeping. He was leaning up against his microscope so it looked like he was working, but he was just out like a light. We startled him awake, and he told Nick and I that he'd been seeing this new chick and she was keeping him up all night and he wasn't getting any sleep. Neither of us believed him. Then the next night, during a break, we came in here and he was passed out on the couch with a Hotrod Magazine on his chest. His cell phone started to ring suddenly and he jumped in surprise. The magazine fell to the floor. Turns out, it was just a cover. He wasn't reading a Hot Rod Magazine -- he was actually reading the personal classifieds!" Warrick hooted. "He was mortified, but Nick just ribbed him, saying that it was an improvement over those Phone Sex hot line calls he'd been making!"


Greg started to laugh, "Nick told me about that. And afterwards, we shoved a blow up doll into his locker with a note that said 'Just to Hold You Over Until you Get the Real Thing!'"


Catherine was laughing so hard her stomach hurt, she was barely making any sound, but had tears running out of her eyes. Grissom even had a smirk on his face. Sara didn't react.


"Sara?" Warrick called her name softly. "You OK?" Still no response.


Catherine sombered quickly, and got up from the chair, slowly walked over to the couch and took a seat beside the brunette. "Sara? Honey?" She reached out and placed a hand on her shoulder.


Sara jumped when she felt a hand on her shoulder. "Hmm?" she mumbled, turning to face the woman.


Catherine noticed the unshed tears in her eyes. She was concerned for her. She hadn't seen Sara cry since the night of the explosion, and to her knowledge, no one else had either. Not even at the funeral.


"How are you doing?" Her voice had taken on a motherly quality to it.


Sara took a deep breath, steeling herself. "I'm fine." That couldn't have been a bigger lie, but truth be told, she was there. And Nick wasn't. If she said she wasn't OK, she felt like what Nick had gone through would've been trivialized. At the moment, she was sure she was doing better than Nick.


"What're you thinking?" Warrick asked her quietly as he stood up and moved towards the two on the couch.


She was silent for a moment, turning her gaze back out the window, watching the gentle morning glow of the sun bathe the Las Vegas sky. "It's Nick's favorite time of day," she finally answered.


Grissom and Greg shared a look. So far, Sara had been the only one to avoid talking about Nick in a past tense. It was almost like she thought he was going to walk through the door at any moment and like everything would just go back to normal. They had all discussed it, and it concerned them all. The PEAP therapist had even spoken with Grissom about it.


"He says it's like the sun rises again, wiping the slate clean. A fresh start," she offered. She swallowed around the lump in her throat, willing it away, and trying to force back the unshed tears that were glistening in her eyes. She nervously chewed the inside of her cheek. She knew she was barely holding it together.


Suddenly, Grissom's watch started to beep and he looked down at the face, noting the time. "Shifts over. Everyone is free to go," he said, pushing himself up and out of the chair. "Sara?" He noticed that she turned to look at him, tearing her gaze from the sun that had her transfixed by its beauty. "I'd like to see you in my office, please."


She nodded her head mutely, accepting Warrick's hand helping her up. He did the same for Catherine. Ever the gentleman. She smiled sadly at Warrick, knowing that it is the exact same thing that Nick would do.


"I'll wait for you," Greg said, "and we can grab some breakfast at the diner. That sound good?"


"Perfect," Catherine smiled. "We'll all go."


Warrick agreed that breakfast was a good idea.


"You guys go ahead," Sara said. "I'm not really hungry. I just want to get some sleep."


Everyone looked at her, not wanting her to be alone, but not wanting to push the subject either. Nick was the only one who really had the magic touch with Sara -- getting her to open up, or agree to something when she said she didn't feel like it. And with him gone, she'd been steadily withdrawing from everyone.


"You sure?" Greg asked.


She forced a smile. "Positive."


"What about you?" Warrick addressed Grissom.


"Go ahead, I'll be there in a few minutes," he agreed, walking out the door, silently telling Sara to follow him.


Sara quietly followed him, wanting nothing more than to leave the confines of the building. She wasn't exactly sure where she wanted to go when she left, she just knew that she wanted to leave.


"Close the door," Grissom instructed softly as he took a seat in the leather chair behind his desk. She did as he said then took a seat across from him. He looked at her for a moment, not really sure of how, or even where, to start. He pinched the bridge of his nose. "Sara, we're concerned about you. I don't think that you've even begun to deal with Nick's -"


"Don't say it," she cut him off. "Just don't."


"It's not healthy, Sara," he told her bluntly. "I know it's difficult, but -"


"I can't," she said softly. She felt the tears building, but refused to allow them to fall.


"Why?"


"Because I don't feel it in my heart. If he were gone, I'd know," she said, her lips quivering and her eyebrows furrowing together as she fought with the emotions that were struggling to bubble over. He sighed, rubbing his hands over his face, and tired eyes. "He's not gone."


"I wish that were the case," he said.


"Well it's the truth!" she said, her voice rising.


"Sara, you have to accept it," he saw that she was about to interrupt him again, "and until you do, you can't come to work."


The words of protest fell from her lips and she sat in stunned silence. Tears finally cascaded down her cheeks, unable to hold them at bay any longer. "Please don't do this," she begged like a broken little girl. "It's the only thing that I have. It's the only thing that makes sense."


"I'm sorry," he said quietly, but sincerely. "But if I let you come to work, go out in the field, or whatever, you could be a danger to yourself. Or someone else. I'm not only doing this as your supervisor Sara, but because I'm your friend as well." He pulled out a form from his desk drawer. "I'm placing you on a leave of absense for an undisclosed amount of time, starting immediately."


"No," she whispered shaking her head, "you can't do this to me."


He didn't want too, but he didn't have any other choice. It was not only protocol for situations like this, but it was his duty as her friend. "Take as much time as you need, Sara." He finished the paperwork, handing over her copy of the signed form for her own records.


She snatched it out of his grasp before angrily standing and turning towards the door.


"Sara?" She stopped, but didn't turn around. He could feel how angry she was. Partly at him, and partly at the circumstances of the last few weeks. "You know that Nick would want you to take care of yourself. If you don't want to, or can't, do this for yourself . . . . do it for Nick."


She bit the inside of her cheek. "You're the last person who should be telling me what Nick would want. I know what he would want." And with that, she yanked open the office door and let it close heavily behind her.


Grissom's gaze fell to the newest photo of the 'old' team . . . it had been taken shortly before the shift was split. It had been at a company picnic. The entire lab had been in attendance that afternoon. Catherine had brought along Lindsay and her mother and her mom had insisted on taking a group photo, so they posed together. He stood like the proud father of the team. To his right was Catherine, who was smiling brightly, and Warrick was beside her, his hand snaked it's way around her back and rested on her hip. Greg was standing to his left. Beside him was Sara, and Nick was beside her, his arm slung casually over her shoulders, pulling her to him protectively . . . and she didn't seem to mind. At the time, he hadn't thought much of it, but now . . . now he couldn't help but wonder.


TBC . . . . .
 
ack...actually I didn't realize there'd be more of this. I hope you update faster than the last one...I want more soon!
 
She didn't really know how she got there. She just drove knowing that going back to her apartment was out of the question. It was quiet, and she had been confined inside since just after it happened. She hadn't been back here since the afternoon of the day that it happened.


Her body had been on autopilot as she drove through the streets and finally she started making the framiliar journey to his house. For a while, she just sat in the driveway, staring out the windshield, studying the townhouse, willing him to just waltz through the front door, flash her a dazzling smile and tell her in his Texas drawl that it had all been just one big misunderstanding. That he had been away on a fishing trip, or visiting his family. But he didn't.


"I suppose your going to have to do it sometime, Sidle," she quietly chided herself, her heart pounding with anxiety. "It's never going to get easier," she told herself. She opened the drivers door, her foot hitting the pavement. Once she closed the door, she leaned against the vehicle, trying to convince herself to just go in. A warm breeze kicked up off the still Nevada air. It was early June and the temperature was stiffling. She always loved the heat, but lately, she just hated it. She felt like it was zapping her of all her energy. She double checked that she'd locked the doors before slowly making her way to the front door.


When she had used her key to let herself in, she was overwhelmed by his presense. Only two things missing. Sparky, Nick's dog whom had been adopted by his parents and taken back to Texas, and Nick himself. Other than that, it was hard to tell that anything was amiss.


Warrick had come over with Nick's parents late in the morning, following the explosion. Jillian Stokes removed perishable items from Nick's kitchen like milk and meat, and then she and Bill put together a few of Sparky's things, like his leash and collar, a chew toy for the flight to Texas and of course, his kennel.

She wandered over to the deck, noticing Sparky's food and water bowls sitting empty. She almost bent down to pick them up for a refill, but stopped herself. Sparky was her honorary dog since Nick had gotten him as a puppy. He decided after the Nigel Crane incident that he'd move out of his old townhouse and buy a new one with a slightly larger backyard so he could have a dog. Partly for protection, and partly for companionship. But, his plans for a canine addition to his home were put on hold indefinitely because he couldn't find just the right one. And eventually, he got back into the swing of things and was able to return to his life as it had been before.


*Flashback - Ten months earlier*


"Aren't you a cutie!" Sara cooed at the black and tan German Shepard Rottweiler mix. The puppy barked innocently up at Sara as she picked him up, wagging his tail excitedly. The puppy licked her face, causing her to giggle.


"Sara Sidle," Nick smirked, approaching her. "Who would've thought you to be such a softie!"


"Don't tell anyone, you'll ruin my reputation," she kidded. Nick smirk turned into a smile and then a laugh. He reached out to pet the puppy in her arms, and he stretched out his paw to Nick in greeting. "Aw, that's so cute. I think he likes you."


"You too," he returned.


"Well the feeling is mutual," she looked down into the dogs soft brown eyes. "Isn't it, buddy?" she asked the puppy in baby talk.


Nick laughed heartily at the sound of her voice as she talked to the sweet animal in her arms. "You thinking about getting one too?"


She looked up at him, her eyes wide with shock.


"I'll take that as a no."


"I live in an apartment, Nick. It's hardly the place for a dog."


"Lots of people do it," he pointed out.


"Most people don't have our schedule. Plus he's not exactly a lap dog. It would be mean to have him confined in my apartment." She looked at the puppy with a sad smile, not wanting to put him down. "Besides not being the right time for me to have a dog, and not having a great invironment for him to live in, I wouldn't know the first thing about caring for a dog."


It was his turn to be shocked. "You never had a dog?" She shook her head. "Never?" He couldn't wrap his head around that information.


"Not everyone grew up on thousands of acres of land in the Texas heartland," she reminded him, smiling. "I had a couple of cats though. Well, actually, they were stray cats that kept coming around the Bed and Breakfast 'cause I kept feeding them."


"Did you ever have any pets?" he asked her.


"We had a couple of horses so if the guests wanted, the could go horseback riding. But they weren't pets that I was allowed to play with. I wasn't even supposed to ride them." He looked at her in shock. "My Dad always thought that my brother or I would do something to spook them. Of course, he made sure that we knew our duties in the horse barn was to feed and water them, brush their manes and clean out the stalls."


"You've never ridden?" Boy, today, she was full of shockers!


She cocked a manicured eyebrow at him and she tried to hide the smirk on her own face. "Did I say that?" She laughed. "I rode a few times. Generally when Dad pissed me off about something.". Of course, he pissed her off a lot of the time. But every now and again, she would rebel and do as she pleased. But generally, she'd only do it after he'd passed out drunk, or was gone for a few hours to tend to business at the bank or something. She only did it when she was sure he wouldn't find out. It was her own little secret. "Wait . . . you're still thinking about getting a dog?"


Nick smiled. "Yeah, I never stopped thinking about getting one, it just became less of a priority as time went on and things got back to normal.


"Miss?" a young twenty something girl said, with a little attitude. "Did you want that dog or not? We have other people interested in puppies too, you know." She snapped her pink bubble gum with annoyance.


Sara looked down at the puppy in her arms that had started to drift off to sleep. "Sorry little guy," she said quietly, "but you can't come home with me."


"No, but he can come home with me," Nick said, stopping Sara from placing the now discontent puppy back into its box.


"Nick!" she gasped. "No, don't."


"Why not? I've been looking for just the right dog, and besides being a perfect mixed breed, anything that puts that smile on your face is worth it."


Her cheeks tinted a rosy pink as Nick grabbed his wallet to pay for the transaction, and grabbing a couple of other things that lined the fold up table, like a red collar and leash.


After a few minutes, Nick and Sara, puppy in her arms soundly sleeping, walked away from the ASPCA set up at the open air market. Every once in a while, local merchants, both normal and odd, would come together in a large open air market, selling things cheaper than usual just to get a little exposure for clients that wouldn't normally shop at their outlets.


"So, aside from buying a puppy that I love," she smiled, "what're you doing here?"


"I left the Lab and went home, but quickly realized that I was too keyed up to sleep," he answered. They had a huge bust the night before, catching a serial rapist and murderer. He noticed her nod her head in agreement, but the intensity and happiness that had shone in her eyes immediately after the perp being hauled away was now gone. "You OK?" She nodded her head, but stayed silent. "You know, Greg told me what he said." He noticed her eyes close tightly. He told Sara that he wished he'd had a chance to go a few rounds with her, but since he believed the legal system to be such a joke, he said he'd be out in a few years and he'd find her and he'd get his chance. "If I had been in the room when he said that, he wouldn't have even made it to his jail cell," he balled his fists, his knuckles turning white. Just the thought of what the monster had said to Sara made him sick.


Sara smiled a little. For the first time in her life, she finally felt like she mattered. Not to just one person. But to a bunch of them. "Well, I appreciate that, but Greg rattled his cage. As soon as the words left his mouth, Greg grabbed him by his neck and just about broke it. Brass and I were both stunned that Greg had that much strength."


"Well, I owe Greg a beer then," he said seriously. They walked along in a comfortable silence for a while. "So, you never did tell me why you came here."


She smirked. "You never asked." She looked at him out of the corner of her eye.


"You're right. I'm sorry. Sara? Why are you here on this beauiful late summer day?"


"The A/C in my apartment is broken. Felt like a sauna. I figured if I'm going to bake my brains out, I may as well get a tan," she smiled.


"Tell you what, you go back to your apartment and grab a change of clothes and some essentials and you can come back to my place. I'm going to have to get this little guy settled before shift tonight, so I could use a hand. We could grab some lunch, catch some sleep and then head into work."


"You sure?" she asked.


"Mmmm Hmm," he a twinkle in his eye. "What do you say?"


She pretended to think it over, but couldn't stop the smirk from spreading across her face. "Sounds good."


"Well good," he smiled at her genuinely. Together they walked towards the car park, the rest of the open air market forgotten.


It was a few hours later when they were sitting on Nick's sofa, full from lunch, dinner plates pushed away from them on the coffee table. He was leaning back against the leather made cool by his A/C, his feet propped up on the table beside the plates. Sara was laying on the couch, her head propped up under a pillow that was resting on the arm of the couch, her feet in Nick's lap.


"Oh, this is nice," she mumbled tiredly as Nick's fingers slowly massaged her feet. She hadn't asked him to, nor had he offered. He just sort of started.


"Yeah it is," he agreed. "You know, we have just one problem though."


"What's that?" she asked, glancing over at him, her eyes drooping shut tiredly.


"We have to name him." She furrowed her brow. "Him," he repeated, pointing at the puppy who lay sleeping on the floor between the couch and coffee table.


"Oh . . . . I don't know," she shrugged. "Whatever you decide will be great, I'm sure."


"Any suggestions?" he inquired.


"Um . . . ." she searched her hazy mind, the need for sleep making itself known. "Sparky?"


The puppy lifted it's head and peered at the two sleepily. Yeah, the heat was draining them all.


"I think he likes it," Nick mumbled as sleep started to pull at his conciousness.


The shrill noise of a quickly rotating piece of metal on another stationary piece of metal started to grind, shocking both Nick and Sara awake. They stared at the TV wide-eyed as sparks flew across the screen as the people on the Discovery Channel of some show were building something. The puppy, who was also scared upon hearing the noise, sat up and watched the TV curiously. When the sparks started to fly a second time, he stood up and ran to the TV, placing his two front paws on the entertainment unit, balancing on his hind legs. He barked a little and Nick laughed, while Sara giggled.


"Sparky it is," Nick said, grabbing the remote and turning down the volume. Soon, the two drifted off to dreamland.


It was that day that would alter the entire course of their lives.


*End flashback*


Sara sat on the couch, taking in her surroundings. She could still smell him. His cologne had seeped into a cotton t-shirt he'd warn, then taken off and draped on the back of the leather recliner beside her. Tiredly, she reached out and grabbed the article of clothing, clutching it against her chest, and bringing the collar of the shirt up to his nose, inhaling deeply. Tears silently cascaded out of her eyes. She felt like the heat was suffocating her and the emotions that were now pouring from her veins started to make her hyperventilate. She moved forward, placing her head between her legs, breathing deeply.


She opened her eyes, her head still between her legs and her blurry, tear stained vision zeroed in on a gift bag wedged between the couch and the side table. She reached for it. It was light. She lifted the bag up and placed it in front of her on the coffee table, finding the tag attached to the string. "Just because I love you, Always. Nick."


She pulled the contents out of the bag and looked at the CD-R and it's clear case, allowing herself to smile genuinely and a small laugh escaped her lips. She remembered walking into the smallest of the three bedrooms in Nick's house that he used as an office. He had been working on a project for weeks in his spare time and no matter how many times she asked, he wouldn't tell her what it was. He'd just smile at her, the laugh lines around his eyes making her melt and tell her that she'd fine out when the time was right. She'd actually gotten to the point where her curiousity was getting the better of her and she'd just barge into the office, unannounced trying to find out what he was doing. He would still just laugh it off, but one day, when she tried to barge in again, she couldn't. Nick had locked the door. She always wondered what he was doing because she could hear him mumbling something . . . . she also knew that he worked on it when she wasn't around. They were on two different shifts, so there were times when he was alone and he could work in peace, knowing that she couldn't walk in on whatever he was doing . . . .


"So you were working on this, huh?" she asked out loud to the room, flipping the jewel case open gingerly and running her fingers over his neatly printed label on the top of the disc. "To my Sunshine."


*Flashback*


"Hey," Sara said as Nick walked into the locker room.


He glanced around the room, making sure they were alone. Satisfied that they were, he took two strides towards her, their bodies flush together. "Hey baby," he smiled against her lips before capturing them in a short, but amazing searing kiss. "I've missed you."


"Me too," she said, her eyes slowly fluttering open. "I can't wait for the weekend."


Nick grinned. "I never thought I'd hear the day when Sara Sidle announced that she was looking forward to a weekend off."


"Not just any weekend," she corrected him. "Our weekend off. I feel like we've hardly seen each other this past week."


"I know," he sighed. "We just have to get through shift tonight and then we can be together." He brought her knuckles up to his lips, kissing the back of her hand tenderly. "I got us a room at that Spa Resort that you were checking out online."


Her eyes nearly popped out of her head. "The one in Scottsdale?" He nodded his head, a smile tugging at his lips. She squealed a little and launched herself at him, attacking his lips with fervor. "God I love you!"


He laughed happily. "Well that's good, 'cause I love you too. So," he said, leaning back to look her in the eyes, "I take it you approve of our getaway destination?"


"Mmm hmm," she smiled. "I just wish you'd said something earlier, 'cause then I could've gone shopping and bought a little present for you," she arched her eyebrows suggestively.


He laughed again. "Ah, no need. While they are very hot, we don't need 'em. They are a waste of money anyways. You never wear them for any length of time."


"And whose fault is that?" she challenged him, a smile of her own tugging at her lips. Even after being together for nine months, it still felt like it was there first time.


"Hmm . . ." he pretended to think. "Yours, actually. If you were so damned beautiful and irresistable."


She giggled, and slapped his bicep muscle, biting her lip.


"All I need is you, Sara," he said, turning slightly serious.


She groaned. "I wish were back at home," she leaned her forehead against his chest, avoiding looking into his eyes. If she did, she wouldn't be able to keep her hands off of him in that moment.


"Me too," he said huskily in her ear, his breath sending shivers down her spine. He gently took her ear lobe between his teeth, sucking and grazing gently, turning her knees to jelly.


"Nick, you have to stop," she said breathlessly, though her voice wasn't at all convincing.


"Aw, but I don't want too," he pouted, placing a trail of kisses down her neck and finding her jaw bone, placing chaste kisses all over her skin until he found her red lips.


Their lips collided against in a deep, soul searching kiss. The clung on to one another, never wanting to let go. Both sure they never would.


Nick's pager started to go off and he reluctantly pulled away from Sara's lips. He looked down at the screen, sighing.


"What's going on?" she asked, turning back to her open locker, trying to calm her rapidly beating heart. She grabbed her cell phone which she'd placed on the top shelf, and clipped it to her belt.


"It's Catherine," he answered. "Apparently Warrick and I are pulling a double tonight."


"Poor baby," she pouted back at him.


"As much as I'd like to catch up on sleep tonight, since I know I'm going to need it this weekend," he waggled his eyebrows, "I get to stick around here tonight. Maybe I'll get to spend some time with my beautiful girlfriend."


"Always looking at the bright side, huh?" she closed her locker with a thud. "Well, don't tell her about us, OK? I think she'd be jealous."


"What you think she doesn't know how to share?" he teased.


"Oh, I'm sure she does, but who would want to share you? I certainly wouldn't!"


He laughed whole heartedly. "I'd say the feeling is mutual," he grinned, leaning in to capture her lips again. "Oh, and I have a surprise for you this weekend."


"Kinky," she smirked.


"Sara," he drawled, amused. "It's something you've been bugging me about for a while now, actually."


She thought about it for a moment, "Oh! The project you've been working on. You're finally going to tell me what it is?" He shook his head and she pouted.


"Nope, I'm going to give it to you," he winked. "It's all yours."


"Nicky," she smiled wide, leaning it to capture his lips again.


When they pulled apart, Sara's ID clip fluttered to the ground, the metal clip making a slight noise when it hit the titled floor. Before Nick could reach down to grab it for her, she crouched down, grasping it firmly in her hands. When she stood up, she nearly lost her balance. On reflex, she reached out to grab Nick for support, and he automatically slipped his arms around her waist.


"Sar?" he asked protectively. "You OK?"


She brought her hand up to her forehead, her eyebrows pinching together slightly. "Yeah, I'm fine. Just, ah, a little dizzy."


"You feeling OK?" he felt her forehead, checking for a fever. She didn't feel warm.


"I haven't eaten anything all day," she supplied. "That's all it is."


"You have to eat, Honey," he admonished her.


'I'm going to grab an apple in the break room right now," she smiled at him once she felt like she'd regained her composure. She didn't want to tell him that the thought of food was making her sick. He was always overly concerned and while she appreciated it, it wasn't needed.


"OK," he said, raising one eyebrow, not really convinced. He sighed, letting his hands fall from her waist. "I'd better go find Warrick. And you -- you go eat something." She winked at him, nodding her head. "Good." He leaned down and placed another quick kiss on her waiting lips. "I'll make you breakfast after shift. Love you."


"Love you too," she smiled. They kissed quickly once more, having gotten used to testing the boundaries of their secret relationship at work. Truth be told, it was kind of exciting. They put some distance between themselves and walked out of the locker room, side by side. They said curt, but friendly goodbyes to one another as to not raise any suspicions and went in separate directions. Both turning around and smiling at each other before turning down another corridor of the lab.


Neither realized it would be the last time they'd see each other.


*End Flashback*


Sara wiped away the tears that were still streaming down her face as she now clutched the t-shirt and CD in her hands. Suddenly, the over whelming urge of sickness washed over her and she sprinted towards the nearest bathroom in the townhouse, purging herself of all the contents of her stomach. When she was done, she sat back on her heels, flushing the toilet. "I hate this."

She slowly stood up, fighting the dizzyness that was fighting her for control. She stood on shaky legs as she rinsed out her mouth with some tap water and then splashed some of the cool liquid on her face. When she looked up in to the mirror, a realization hit her. The sickness, dizzyness, the smells, the tiredness . . . . "Oh, God!" And with that, another wave of nausea hit her.


Five minutes later, she repeated rinsing out her mouth and splashing water on her face. She heard a car door shut, and then another, and then another. She raced out to the living room and noticed Warrick, Catherine and Greg all making their way up to the front door of the townhouse.


Quickly, she shoved the CD into her purse, and wiped her eyes. The front door opened. "Hey," she said tiredly, trying not to break down again.


Warrick smiled at her and Greg nodded.


"We thought you'd be here," Catherine said quietly. "Grissom told us what happened."


She nodded her head, turning away from the group, not able to look them in the eyes. She allowed her hair to fall beside her cheek, acting like a curtain - hiding her face.


"We're all dealing with it as best we can," Warrick started. "Grissom is just concerned about you. We all are."


She nodded her head silently, still not turning to look at them.


Greg didn't really know what to say or do, so he sat down on the couch and picked up a frame photo -- it was back when he'd officially become a Level 1. Not all that long ago. Soon, they were talking about old times and how much fun Nick had, and how much they always enjoyed themselves when he was around.


About thirty minutes after they arrived, Sara couldn't take it anymore. She needed to get out of there. She needed to be on her own. She needed Nick, but he wasn't there. So, she silently decided what she had to do. She had to run.


"I have to go," she said suddenly, standing up. She wobbled slightly, but didn't loose her balance.


"Do you need a ride anywhere?" Greg asked her.


She shook her head slightly. "I've got my Denali."


"Oh, right," Greg nodded, remembering that it had been him who spotted her Denali in Nick's driveway. They had left the diner in search of Sara, first checking her apartment and finding no sign of her. Afterwards, it had been a silent agreement between the three to drive around looking for her. And there first place to look was Nick's. And they'd hit the jackpot.


Catherine noticed the vacant look in her eyes. Almost like she was trying to process something, but got stuck on a little piece of information and couldn't quite grasp it. "Are you sure you OK, Sara?"


She nodded her head and managed a tight smile. "Yeah, I'm," she took a deep breath to steady her nerves, "positive."


She nodded, not believing Sara one bit. "Alright. Call if you need anything."


She managed a genuine half smile at that and then turned and walked out of Nick's door one last time.



TBC . . . . .
 
One week later.

"Any news?" Warrick asked as he entered the break room.

"Nope," Greg sighed tiredly. It had been one week since they'd last seen her. "It's like she just disappeared off the face of the earth."

"She's fine," Grissom 's voice boomed. He sounded more confident than he felt though.

They all knew that she'd taken Nick's death especially hard. Even Warrick, who was dealing with the good luck of the coin toss, was doing better than she was.

"I feel so useless," Warrick muttered into the hot cup of coffee that he'd just poured himself. "We're supposed to be one of the best labs in the country, and yet we've lost two of our best CSIs in less than a month."

"We did everything we could for Nick," Grissom answered, absently scrawling a word into a crossword puzzle. "Who ever set up the kidnapping will slip up eventually and Nick will finally get his justice."

"And what about Sara?" Greg asked. "She's out there, only God knows where, and we can't find her. She won't even call us!"

"Greg, we're doing everything we can," Gris stated calmly. He wanted to yell at the world at how unfair it all was, but at this point, there was no reason to think that Sara was never coming back. They had put out an APB on her car, and had flagged her credit cards, and bank cards, so if and when she used them, they would know when and where.

"I thought she'd have had to use her credit cards by now," Catherine said as she entered the room.

Warrick nodded his head in agreement. "No phone calls?"

She sighed. "Not since the evening that she bolted from Nick's place suddenly."

Flashback

Cath absently grabbed her cordless phone from the cradle on the counter as she continued to prepare dinner for herself, Lindsay and her mother. "Hello?"

The only noise was a light sniffling on the other end.

"Sara?"

She involuntarily chuckled. "That obvious, huh?" she asked dryly.

"Sweetie, are you OK?" Catherine asked, a motherly tone in her voice. She was greeted by more sniffles, so she continued, "Look, I'm just making dinner now. Lindsay went to the video store to grab a couple of movies and we're going to have a girls night. Why don't you join us?"

"That's really sweet," Sara said, her voice wavering as she tried to control the tears and emotions that were overwhelming her. "But I can't. I'm, uh, going out of town."

"What?" Catherine dropped the spoon in the boiling pasta. "When did you decide this? Where are you going? When are you coming back?"

Again, she chuckled, but this time, it was a little more genuine. "Slow down, one question at a time." When Catherine mumbled an apology, she smiled and continued. "I just decided. Grissom won't let me go back to work, so . . . . I just, I have to go."

"Why?" She really didn't know what to say and she wanted to know what was going on.

"Because," was her simple answer. "Because everytime I turn around, I see him. Somewhere. And it hurts so bad."

"It won't always hurt this much," she tried to sooth the brunette over the phone lines.

"It doesn't feel that way," Sara said quickly. She sighed, "I just keep thinking about how scared he must've been in that box, and how we couldn't get to him. And I keep seeing the gun at his chin, and the feel of how my heart was pounding in my chest when the monitor went black. The memories hurt, Cath. And he's everywhere. On the street corner, at the lab, on the Strip. I was in the grocery store a couple of days ago -- and I saw a box of microwaveable burritos. The brand Nick always buys and puts in the freezer at the Lab. Well, I knew that he'd run out, and I reached in to grab a box . . . I had almost put it in my basket when I realized that he wasn't going to be eating them. I just put the basket on the ground in the freezer aisle and left." She moved the phone away from her to blow her nose without Cath being completely assaulted by the noise. "Everyone keeps telling me that I have to accept that he's gone -- but how can I when everything I do, everywhere I go . . . I see him?"

Cath nodded her head. She could understand that. "Where are you going?"

"I don't know," she sighed. "I figured I'd just drive. See where the road takes me."

"Sara Sidle doesn't have a plan?" Cath teased.

She smiled. "Shocking, huh?"

Her voice turned serious. "Not really. For a while now, you've changed. For the better. A bit more of a free spirit. You've been able to take things as they come. I don't why that is, but I hope you never loose it."

Sara nodded her head, though Cath couldn't see her. She knew why she'd changed. It was Nick. Being with him allowed her to let down her guard and just enjoy life. He showed her that sometimes in life, having a concrete plan just wouldn't work. And that if you constantly knew where life was going to take you, you'd be bored out of your mind. Half the fun of living are the little adventures along the way.

"So, do you know when you'll be back?" Catherine asked after a few minutes of silence.

"I hadn't really thought about it. Right now, I just need to get away. Clear my head. Get some perspective. Figure out what the next step is, you know? Grissom put me on leave indefinitely, so I don't have any time restraints."

"You know, I have some vacation time coming up. I could take a couple of days and drive to Arizona. We could have a Spa Weekend or something at one of those fancy resorts -- away from the glitz and glamor of Vegas."

Tears rolled down Sara's cheeks once again, and she furiously brushed them away from her eyes. Nick had surprised her, the last time they'd been together in the locker room, with a weekend spa getaway -- just the two of them, in Scottsdale, Arizona. "How about in Palm Springs?" she suggested. "A friend of mine from high school owns a Spa there. We could get some good rates."

"Sounds good," Cath supplied. She could hear the dull roar of a large engine in the background, followed by air suspension from brakes. "Sara? Where are you?"

"At a rest stop, a couple hours outside of the city," she answered quietly.

"You've left already?" She was shocked. She took Sara's silence as admission.

"I didn't want you to worry," she breathed deeply. "I haven't really thought this through, honestly. When I left Nick's, I-"

"You knew you were going to take off then, didn't you?" Her tone wasn't accusatory, just worried and a little shocked.

"Yeah," she whispered. "I didn't say anything because I didn't want you, or the guys to talk me out of it. I just went home, grabbed some clothes and left. I was half way here when I realized that I shouldn't have left without at least letting someone know what was going on. None of you should have to worry about me on top of everything else."

"You'll call, right?" Catherine waited. "When you get where ever it is that you're going, you'll call?"

"You don't need to worry about me," she answered. Truthfully, she wasn't sure she was ready and able to deal with everything yet, so how could she let her friends know what was possibly going on when she didn't even know how she felt about it? "Like I said, I have some things that I need to get perspective on. I have to go, Cath. Please tell everyone that I love them and will miss them. You too."


"Sara, you can tell them that yourself."

"Please!" she begged, starting to sound frantic. "Please do this for me. They need to know, and I have to do this for myself."

"Sara-" she tried again, but was cut off.


Sara realized that Catherine was going to try and talk her off of the ledge she was on . . . . part of her wanted Cath to succeed, but the other part was terrified that if she didn't run, she'd end up falling, anyway. "I have to go." And with that, she hung up the pay phone, jumped in her car and drove off into the dark, starless night.

"Sara?!" Catherine yelled into the phone, but the only answer she got was that of a dial tone. She sighed, placing the phone back in the cradle to charge the battery. She looked up at the ceiling, rubbing the back of her neck with her hand, "God help you," she muttered. Then she heard the slamming of the front door, signaling Lindsay's arrival back home.

End Flashback

"Do you think she's coming back?" Greg asked suddenly.

Cath looked at him, shrugging her shoulders. "I'd like to think so."

CSICSICSICSICSICSICSICSICSICSICSICSICSICSI

Sara sat on the hood of her car, her legs stretched out, her back resting against the windshield.

The Texas sky was setting over the Stokes Family Ranch and she couldn't help but take in it's beauty. She was in awe that such a beautiful place existed. And that Nick grew up here. It was a place that he'd talked about fondly over the years they'd known each other, and had begun to share photos of his home and family with her once they had begun their relationship. Since relationships within the Lab fell within a grey area of the policy, they'd decided to remain quiet and see where the relationship took them. It wasn't long after that decision that the team had been split. Time alone had become a precious commodity.

When she heard the roar of a truck engine behind her, she turned around. An older man climbed out of the drivers seat and approached her cautiously.

"Do you need help, Miss?" he asked her cautiously.

Sara felt a tight smile spread across her face. "Hello Mr. Stokes," she greeted casually as if seeing him, here, was an everyday occurance.

He stood still for a few minutes, taking her in, letting recognition wash over him. "Ms. Sidle?"

She nodded her head once in a silent confirmation. "You can call me Sara."

"What're you doing here?" he asked her, his tone softening as he approached her car slowly.

'It's kind of a long story," she offered him a half smile.

He nodded his head, not pushing her. "How long've you been here?" he tried again.

"Not really sure," she shrugged. "Nick once showed me a picture that he'd taken of the Ranch from somewhere around here. Told me it was one of his favorite spots to sit and think when he was a kid. I was just driving down the road, noticed it looked almost exactly like the picture, and stopped. I just sat down and the concept of time kind of disappeared."

He casually leaned against the hood of the car and nodded in understanding. "Yeah, I know what you mean. Since we lost Nicky, I just start thinking and time gets away from me too."

"How'd you know I was here?" she asked after a few minutes.

"I was in town doing some banking when Jillian called," he pointed towards the house which had a perfect view of the hill. "She said she noticed a car way out here, just sitting. It's not unusual. A lot of people pull off the highway for a detour and decide to take a nap on the side of a country road. But she was concerned when she looked out and it was still here a couple of hours later. I told her that I would check it out on my way back."

"I didn't mean to frighten her," Sara said, a little embarrassed.

"Why don't you follow me back?" Bill asked her, and continued without giving her a chance to answer. "You look like you could use a break from all this driving," he noticed her Nevada license plates, "maybe a decent nights sleep and a good meal."

"I don't want to impose," she responded.

Bill nodded his head. "I'm sure that's true, but you wouldn't be imposing on anyone. There must be a reason why you came here all the way from Las Vegas. I'm not going to push you, or anything, because that's your business. But I know that seeing you will put a smile on Jillian's face. She just hasn't been the same since we lost him." He made eye contact with her, "Seeing one of Nicky's friends might just be what the doctor ordered. For all of us."

"Mr. Stokes, I-"

"The name is Bill, darlin'," he said softly but firmly. She smiled -- Nick was definitely his fathers son. "And don't even think about turning me down. I won't hear of it." He reached out and gave her shoulder a friendly squeeze before turning back towards his truck. When he got the drivers side door, he called out to her, "You'll follow me?"

She sighed, knowing that there was no turning back now. She was stuck. They had to know. They had a right to know. She tried to put on a bright smile. "Yeah, I'll follow."

"Good," he smiled kindly at her before jumping in to his truck and starting off for home.

TBC . . . .
 
You had me nervous for a minute because I misread something...thought maybe she was in trouble. Now that it's all clear, post more soon :)
 
Chapter 5:


"Jillian?" Bill called, entering the house, Sara quietly entering behind him.


"In here," the elderly woman called from the kitchen.


Bill nodded his head for Sara to follow him. Quietly, the two entered the large, country style kitchen. Bill walked easily up behind his wife, hugging her from behind and planting a kiss on her cheek.


Sara smiled bitterly. That was how Nick greeted her from time to time.


"I found a surprise for you," she heard Bill whisper to Jillian. "Turn around."


It was then that Sara came face to face with the woman who shared Nick's eyes.


"Sara?" she asked quietly, not quite believing it to be her.


"Hello Mrs. Stokes. I hope I'm not intruding," she greeted as calmly as she could.


The older woman fought back a torrent of tears as she threw her tea towel onto the counter and took a few giants steps towards Sara. She brought the woman close to her chest, hugging her tightly. "It's so good to see you, dear."


Sara returned the hug a little uncomfortably, but grateful that so far she'd had a warm reception.


"Please," she whispered in Sara's ear, "call me Jillian."


When the woman stepped out of the hug, Sara smiled at her. "How are you doing?"


Nick's mother gave Sara a tired, half smile. "We're managing. It's hard. Sometimes it doesn't seem real. Nicky lived in Vegas for so long and we rarely saw him. Sometimes it just seems like he's forgotten to call home to check in. A parent should never loose their child. It's just not right." She stepped back to the cutting board, picked up her knife and started chopping vegetables for a salad. She motioned for Sara to take a seat across from her at the island on a stool. "I suppose it's harder for you and everyone back at the lab."


Sara looked down at her hands, not really sure of what to say.


"You all saw him every day and then suddenly, he'd just not around anymore," Jillian continued.


Sara nodded her head solemnly. "Yeah, it definitely doesn't seem real. Everyone loved him. Everyone misses him."


Jillian nodded her head. "The support we've been getting from people around here," she sniffed, pushing the tears back, "it's amazing. Nick was such a great man - but I guess I don't have to tell you that, now do I?"


Sara smiled warmly. "No. You don't."


"Anyway, people are so saddened that he's gone. For a while, we were getting so many flower arrangements and casseroles. Finally, Bill just said that anyone who wanted to make one last gesture in Nick's honor should donate money to a charity of their choice in his name. He supported so many that it was hard to choose just one. And we've been getting so many pictures from his friends from high school. Takes us back. Makes me want to turn back time and hold my baby one more time." The tears rolled down her face and Sara couldn't stand it anymore. The tears cascaded down her cheeks. Sara stood up and walked around the island, pulling Jillian to her in a comforting embrace.


"Yeah," Sara whispered. "I know what you mean."


Bill stood back and watched as the two women clung to each other for comfort. He wasn't like his wife -- he didn't wear his heart on his sleeve. But he was torn up inside over the loss of his son.


"Would you like some coffee, Sara?" he asked suddenly, pulling out two coffee mugs from the cupboard, anticipating that she would. "Nick always said that you CSIs lived on coffee."


She inhaled deeply, enjoying the aroma. "Decaf?"


Bill scoffed slightly, but smiled at Sara. "That's not the way it's done in Texas. We either do it right, or not at all."


She chuckled. "Do you have any orange juice?"


"Sure do," he placed the mug back in the cupboard and reached for a regular drinking glass.


"So, what brings you to our fine State?" Jillian asked, resumming her vegetable chopping.


"Vegas just seemed too small," she answered evasively. She wanted to just tell them what she needed to, but how? She'd pondered that for nearly 1100 miles. She'd decided against just blurting it out. That would be a big shock. But how could she ease into it?


"And?" Jillian asked, throwing a quick glance at Sara. "Vegas seemed too small, and . . . "


Sara looked at the woman for a moment. She started to laugh.


"What's so funny?" Bill asked as he grabbed a few dinner plates from the cabinet, and some cutlery from the drawer.


"Nothing," she said between giggles. Her emotions were frayed and she felt dangerously close to just spilling the news in any fashion it chose to tumble out of mouth. Once she calmed down, she apologized. "Sorry, I'm just kind of all over the place right now. It's just . . . . being here, seeing you two . . . . I see Nick. He's definitely your son, Mr. St -" he raised an eyebrow at her, and she corrected herself, "Bill." She looked at Jillian who was smiling kindly again, obviously pleased that Sara could see her and her husband in their son. "And Nick always knew when there was something else. Something that I wasn't saying. Just like you did just now."


"He was always really perceptive," Bill nodded. "Intuition. I suppose that's what made him such a great CSI." Sara nodded.


"I don't mean to pry, Dear," Jillian said as she picked up the salad bowl and walked over the table with it, "but something big brought you to Texas. I can tell. Call it . . . . I guess mothers Intuition wouldn't be quite right . . . "


Sara fought the ironic smile that threatened to spread across her face. Mothers Intuition might actually be right . . . .


"It's lonely without him," she answered.


"Ah," Bill said suddenly, both women turning to look at him curiously. He looked at them like a kid caught with his hand in the cookie jar. "Sorry."


"No, no, no," Jillian said, failing miserably at hiding the smirk that was gracing her lips. "What was that all about?"


He shrugged.


"Oh, no you don't!" Jillian allowed a slight laugh to escape past her lips. "You're not getting off that easy!"


He glanced at Sara and realized she was just as confused as Jillian was. He sighed in defeat. "You must be the 'Ray of Sunshine' Nicky told me about."


Sara recoiled back a bit, remembering back to a few months after she first met him, when he called her Sunshine for the first time. And since they'd started dating, he had frequently called her Sunshine. "Excuse me?" she sat down at the dinner table, her knees going weak.


Jillian sat the rest of the food down on the table and took a seat as well. Bill took a seat after they were both firmly seated, and waiting for him to continue.


"Nick told me that he was seeing someone," Bill answered.


"What? Why didn't he tell me?" Jillian was shocked. "I asked him, but he was always evasive."


"Perhaps it's because you were always so eager to see him marry and start a family," Bill shrugged. He turned to Sara. "He was his own man when it came to matters of the heart. All of our other children are married and have families of their own. We both wanted to see him happy. Find a nice woman and have a couple of kids."


"Oh," she managed, feeling like the best thing in the world would be for the kitchen floor to open up and swallow her whole.


"I only wanted to see him happy," Jillian defended herself.


Bill placed a gentle hand on her arm. "I know, Darlin', I know. And Nick knew that. But he felt pressured sometimes by you and his sisters. He just needed someone to talk to and I guess he felt like his father was the best man for the job." He smiled at the thought.


Jillian glanced at Sara and noticed her eyes were glassy, and though she was staring at the orange juice in her glass, she was somewhere else entirely. She reached out and patted Sara's arm. "Whenever I spoke to him the last year or so, he seemed happy. And if that was because of you," her voice quivered, "I can't thank you enough."


"You raised an incredible son," Sara choked out. "But I had no idea that he had told you," she turned to Bill.


He nodded silently, putting a generous helping of meat on his plate. "He didn't really say much, just that he and his Sunshine were taking things slowly. I always asked for a name, but he said it was better this way."


Sara laughed. "We didn't tell anyone," she sighed. "Policy on co-workers dating was kind of a grey area, so we just kept it to ourselves. He always called me Sunshine though. Sometimes, we'd be in the break room and he'd say something -- no one would catch on, and we'd laugh. Twenty minutes later, we'd be at our separate crime scenes, and I'd get a voice message on my cell. He always called me Sunshine on the phone. Always. Unless it was work related, anyway." She took the bowl of salad that Jillian was offering and placed the greens on her dinner plate. "We agreed that it was best not to use our real names when calling each other the phone. Less chance of slipping up that way."


"How long were you two together?" Jillian asked quietly.


"A little over nine months," she answered.


Bill's smile became even broader. Sara noticed and smiled at him curiously. "He loved you. He never told me, but I could tell. I don't want to hurt you, or anything, but I was sure that he was going to bring you home to meet the family soon."


Her chin quivered at the thought, and she fought the tears even harder.


"I also thought that when you two did come for a visit, he'd pull me aside and ask me for his Grandmothers engagement ring."


She let the tears openly flow and a she sniffed a little, taking in a sudden gulp of air. She wiped the tears. "He was the best thing that ever happened to me."



"You were the best thing that happened to him, too," Bill said, placing a hand on top of hers.


"I have to tell you something," she blurted out, more tears flowing out of her eyes. "I don't really know how. This would've been hard enough telling Nick . . . " she pushed the salad around in her plate, then realized how that must've sounded. Her head shot up, "Not that I wouldn't have told him. I just . . . . God, this hard. Harder than I thought."


Both Jillian and Bill sat poker straight in their chairs, bracing themselves. "You can tell us," Jillian encouraged. "It can't be that bad, right?"


"I loved him with all of my heart," she said. "More than I thought I could love anyone. We never really talked about marriage, or the future. At least, no more than a couple of weeks at a time. And it's not like we were trying, or anything, but -"


"You're rambling, Dear," Jillian said, leaning foward and taking one of Sara's hands in hers.


"Sorry," she smiled apologetically. She looked down at her lap, glancing at her flat stomach. She looked up. "I'm pregnant."


Jillian and Bill sat there, stunned into silence.


"I'm sorry," she apologized, standing up and placing her napkin down beside her dinner plate. "I'll leave."



TBC . . . .
 
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