What is revenge?

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Hello ladies (and gentlemen if there are anythere!)

My friend has refered me to this site, becos i need some help. I have a fanfiction and i was wondering if anyone would mind readind it and letting me know what you think.

The link is....http://www.fanfiction.net/secure/live_preview.php?storyid=2872534

please let me know wat you think. If you don't want to post then please feel free to PM me.

Thanxs!!!!!

p.s if the link doesn't work then it is on the website www.fanfiction.net and the story is called What is Revenge, by Tabitha Caine.
 
You know what? i suggest you copy and paste your fic here, on this site so everyone will be able to read and review your story....What do you think? ;)

Sissi
 
Thanx for the suggestion. Thinking about it, it would be easier.... Thankyou
 
So instead of making you search the webite, I have decided to post on here. If you don't want to post your views on the thread, then please feel free to PM me.

Its written in the first person, so its not the normal third person pov. hope you all enjoy.

WHAT IS REVENGE?

Disclaimer: I do not own any of the recognised characters of CSI. They belong to the creators and writers at CBS! However the characters that are unfamiliar do belong to moi! Hope you enjoy!

AUTHOR'S NOTE: This ff is a little different as it is written in the first person. Me! I thought that I would give it a go! Hope you like it.

Chapter 1

“Mommy, I’m going to school…” Tabitha shouted as she collected her packed lunch from the fridge. Walking to the front door to meet her, I tiredly kissed my daughter on the forehead. Her strawberry blonde hair and her ocean blue eyes made her the image of her father.

“Have a good day sweetie; Daddy will pick you up from Jessie’s after cheerleading.” Her father didn’t have much of a childhood, with his mom dying and having to bring up his brother, so to make up for it (as he put it), he allowed Tabitha to do near enough anything she wanted.

“Bye Mommy,” running down the garden path, my angel jumped into the black SUV, which was waiting for her. Waving avidly, Tabby’s ‘goodbye’ was drowned out by Calleigh’s toot of the car horn.

“I’ll see you tomorrow,” was the message from one of my best friends. Closing the front door, I wandered about the house. Doing a general tidy, I collected the clothes that my daughter and husband manage to leave lying around. Sorting them from what isn’t dirty to what is, my next stop was the kitchen. I set the dishwasher and washing machine on quiet cycles. Finally I was able to get back to bed. The 3 hours sleep before Tabitha’s alarm went off was not going to keep me going for much longer. As I wandered up the stairs, my thoughts were lead to my own mother and how she managed to cope with 3 children and a husband.

--------------------

As Horatio sat quietly in the common room, his fellow CSI; whom he had work with for years; joined him for morning coffee. Eric Delko, resident law enforcement SCUBA instructor started the morning conversation.

“Any of you see the news last night?” He enquired as an unhealthy amount of sugar was poured into is decaf latte. Replying that she was too busy helping her son with his homework, Calleigh continued to multitask, making her breakfast and read the morning paper. Ryan Wolfe, the new trace expert, who had just recently returned from his second spell at College, informed that the baseball game had unfortunately taken priority. Horatio being the last to answer informed the crew what Delko was trying to get at.

“I caught the end of the report. It was something about the police dragging up the remains of an unidentified female out of the glades.”

“Ooh I bet the night shift had had fun with that one!” Calleigh cooed as she layered cream cheese over her toasted bagel. There was an unspoken rivalry between the night and day shifts.

“Well all I know is that they couldn’t be bothered to call in their own ballistics, so they kept Claire here till 5am going over the rounds that they pulled out of the body. Put it this way she wasn’t a happy bunny, as she would say.” The whole room jumped at the sound of Horatio’s cell phone going off.

“Caine…? WHAT! When? Are you sure? Have you called Claire? We are on our way.” Sitting quietly on the edge of the chair, Horatio’s face went very pale.

“This lab is not working any other case today.” The atmosphere went dull and concerned.

“Horatio? Who was that? What’s wrong?” Calleigh asked. She knew that he didn’t issue a one case day for no reason.

“Horatio?”

“That was Yalena. There was a phone call into the PD. Tabitha has been missing from school.” No one said a word.

It had always been a big thing that Horatio had finally gotten married, and when Claire had announced that she was pregnant, the whole lab wrapped her in cotton wool. The day that Tabitha was born, she had made her first appearance at the lab, via phone camera of course. She even learnt to walk in the break room. Grabbing their boxes, all of the team knew that it was going to be a very long day.

Please let me know what you think?????? :confused:
 
ohhhhhhhhhh Horatio has a little girl? adorable!! i hope you're going write more!! some little mistakes but i've understood the story ;)

Sissi
 
i have 4 more chapters ifyou want me to post. Mistakes? Spelling or theory?
 
This is a great story so far, you should really consider posting the next chapters. :)

I can't wait to read more, I'm at the edge of my seat. :D
 
Chapter 2

The lights and television crews were out in their thousands. I knew from the moment that I had answered the call from Yelena, something was wrong. My mind raced through everything that could go wrong. Was Horatio hurt? Had he been shot? Was he dead? Is it Tabitha? Is she ok? I hated the press; they make up what they don’t get or what they don’t understand.

As I barked orders at anyone who wasn’t moving, Horatio’s hummer screeched to a halt. Controlling myself, I didn’t want to loose face in front of the press. As I waited for him to meet me inside the school, the strain to keep my composure was taking its toll. Seeing him, I knew that couldn’t control it. He was everything, my rock, my soul mate. Falling to my knees, Horatio knelt down to pick me up. As tears stung my face, his voice was consoling me.

“Claire listen to me…Honey please look at me…” I couldn’t look at him, my tears showing my weakness; that even with all my training I was going to find it hard to be strong. At that moment I just didn’t have it in me.

“Horatio, please find our daughter.” As I tried to regain some dignity, the fellow members of the team came to pass on their feelings of sorrow. I had worked with these people my whole career, they knew me and I knew them. Calleigh approached me with open arms. I could tell that she had been crying, her nose was red. I knew that I had to work this case. Following my husband and colleagues outside, the principal officer and the school headmaster were standing on the steps.

“Ok Brian. What have you got? Where the hell is my daughter?” the detective had been a friend of mine since I had moved to the states nine years ago. We had been through the academy together. He stuck by me, as I was finding it hard being away from home.

“Claire…I erm, well the PD got a call from the school’s security saying that they couldn’t locate on of its students after an hours search.” This wasn’t registering. Tabitha was missing for an hour before anyone noticed that she was gone.

“How can this be? Its 11:30. She’s been missing for what two hours? So you’re telling me that she never showed up for class? That’s crazy! Calleigh dropped Tabitha off on the way to the junior high, Brian you know that!” My brain wasn’t working properly, telling me everything will be ok. Horatio invited Brian to continue.

“Tabitha did show up for school and attended the math lesson and cheerleading practise that was scheduled for the girls instead of normal Phys Ed. But when they were released for recess at 10:00 that was the last anyone saw of her.”

“So technically she has only been missing officially for 90 minutes. The school called the police after they searched for an hour.” I didn’t want to hear this; all I wanted was my daughter. She was seven years old. My mind was racing, there were too many thought for me to distinguish which one needed processing and which ones didn’t. I was a wreck inside and was trying very hard not to show it. I knew now, how my own mother must have felt when I was sent away. Not knowing where I was, what I was doing. My only thought now could be of my own daughter and the bastard that had her.

I turned to Horatio; he knew the thoughts that plagued my mind. It is taught in the academy, that the first two hours during a kidnap are the most crucial. The abductor either issues a ransom demand or he doesn’t care and just does as he wishes. Checking my watch, it was 11:45; we had 15 minutes before the first two hours were up. I swear to you lord, that if you keep my angel safe, I promise to attend mass every Sunday for the rest of my life, that I will make sure I confess all my sins before I die and that Tabitha will live a true catholic life.
---------------------

Not hearing anything around me, my thoughts began to make sense; they took me back to the beginning of Horatio and I. Even though he was a lot older then me and also a lieutenant, nobody seemed to care. It never interfered with our work, always strictly professional. I had been with the crime lab a little over 6 months before we stared dating. I was horribly scared that the governor was going to sack me or demote Horatio, which lead to no one knowing about us at first. But eventually people (Alexx and Calleigh) managed to figure it out. How I will never know, but they did. It was four months after our first anniversary that Horatio asked me to marry him.

It couldn’t have been more romantic. He had set the table outside on the beach front. Laid with candles and glasses of sweet white wine, rose petals laced the floor all the way to the table. It was beautiful. I had never in my life seen anything quite so amazing. He was the proper gentleman, as he always was. It was even before the meal; he took out a box and set it on the table. Taking hold of my hand, he just came out and asked me.

“Claire Elizabeth, will you marry me!” I couldn’t believe what I was hearing. Before my brain could process the question, my heart had answered for me.

“Yes Horatio, I will marry you!” It was the second happiest moment of my life. But as my thoughts slowly began to regain some normality, this day was beginning to become the worst one of my life. The shouting of the press brought me back, back to the reality that some evil bastard had taken my seven year old daughter.

Clutching my arm, Delko ushered me aside. He had gladly accepted the role of godfather to Tabitha. He believed that faith and understanding should be a big part of a child's life. We christened Tabitha as a baby, just as Horatio and I were, but it was whilst was a teen that I found my faith. Delko had faith since he was a child. As I called it, the expert can teach what he knows, I will happily watch.

"We are going to need to know everything that happened this morning." I knew that this had to take place, but it felt strange being on the other side of the questions.

"I got in from work at about 5am and the first thing I did was hit the sack. Tabby's alarm woke me at about 7am. I heard her get washed and dressed, listening to that darn music, anyway she got downstairs and must have made herself some breakfast, because there were dishes left everywhere. Anyway, Calleigh came and picked her up as normal at about 08:10 and that was the last time I saw her."

"Claire, you know that you can't work this case. You are emotionally involved."

"Are you fucking serious Eric? Do you really think I'm going to go home and play the paranoid mother, while my daughter is out there with some paedophile? It isn’t ever gonna happen. You should know that. And this emotionally involved crap, well on that ground you shouldn't work this case either, you're Tabby's godfather." Grabbing my box from the back of the car, I now had to answer Horatio's questions, as he collared me out of earshot of anyone else.

"Claire, what are you doing?" It was an obvious question as he could see what I was doing, but he had to ask.

"I'm working the scene H. What do you think I am doing? Standing on my head whistling dixie?" Horatio stood blocking my way from the car

"Honey, you know that you can't work this case. You were the last one to see Tabitha this morning, bar Calleigh and the governor isn't going to like it"

"To tell you the truth Horatio, I don't give flying f**k what the governor is going to like, he can shove it up his arse for all I care. I am working this case. If its good enough for you and Calleigh, who I might add was the last person to see Tabby then I am sure as hell am not gonna sit on the side line and watch. Now are you going to get out of my way or what?"

I could tell that my husband was just as upset and angry as I was, but for some reason he had a way of putting it to one side. He could be impartial even when it came to processing the scene of the disappearance of his own daughter. He held my face in his hands, looking me square in the eyes; I could see the pain that he was doing a good job of hiding.

"If you work this case, then you are strictly pro. I love you with my whole heart, but if you fall to pieces on me, then we can't catch the bastard that has our princess." I knew he was right, if I got too emotional I would be no use to anyone. Following the rest of the team, the first place to start was the playground.
 
I like this fic but its not the best. My main problems with it are, I think that you didn't get the characters personalities honestly, and the plot hasn't grabbed me but I'll continue to read it.
 
I really liked theses chapters. You can really tell that the team cares about this little girl, and it's hard for them to stay professional- Like it would be for anyone who lost a child, especially so close to them.

I can't wait for more. :)
 
Thanks for the support. This is my first fanfiction, so it isn't going to the best. But i hope that u all continue to enjoy the chapters.
 
The chapter two is fine :D i agree with Needmorecsi, sometimes OOC but it's good to see them acting like human and not like robots ;)

more :D

Sissi
 
Thanks. What does OOC mean? :confused: Am i getting the characters right? Do i need to change how i have written them? :confused: Have i done this all wrong?
 
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