Still Waters

Discussion in 'Fan Fiction' started by althea, May 24, 2007.

  1. althea

    althea Lab Technician

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    I've dabbled a bit in writing short stories. scripts and novels for my own pleasure and some of my friends. Recently i started writing my own versions of CSI NY scripts this one below is only the opening scene I could post the rest if anyone is interested afterward. You will notice a character called Alyx Devine who is not in CSI NY I kinda just made her up also I have taken a lot of liberties in jargon and technical things.

    Scene1

    Images of clouds appearing across the New York skyline, its morning and it looks like a dull autumn day. Sheldon Hawkes climbs out of a car, throws door closed, moves to open passenger door of vehicle and takes out his kit throws door shut, activates the car alarm from the key chain holding it toward the car. Car alarm beeps twice then goes off. He starts walking, goes under yellow crime scene tape. A woman comes walking toward him this is Alyx Devine. She is dressed in a three quarter sleeve grey sweater, blue jeans, All Star black sneakers, and on her belt is a police badge, on her hip is a gun tells us she is also a cop. Hair cut pixie cut, longish fringe which she constantly adjusts. She is perhaps too pretty to be a cop but there is an underlying masculinity about her mannerism and the way she handles herself. A tomboy.

    Alyx Devine
    CSI?

    Her face is screwed up as she asks the question pointing a finger at Hawkes her other hand on her hip. She appears to be highly annoyed. Hawkes puts his kit down.

    Hawkes
    Yes.

    Alyx Devine
    I called you guys nearly…

    She looks down at her watch on her wrists and looks back up at him outwardly pissed off.

    Alyx Devine
    Two hours ago.

    Hawkes snaps on his latex gloves.

    Hawkes
    Unfortunately, yours is not the only crime scene this morning. PAUSE. Its just one of those days.

    She is snubbed by him and he picks up on this. He manages a smile.


    Hawkes
    Why don’t we start over?

    He strikes out his right hand at her.

    Hawkes
    Sheldon Hawkes.

    She continues staring at his hand then looks up at him without bothering to shake it.

    Alyx Devine
    Alyx Devine. BEAT. Body's over here.

    She throws her thumb back and she’s already walking away from him and he is left there holding his hand out to nothing but fresh air. He reaches back down and he picks up his kit annoyed and walks after her.
    She walks to a dumpster standing askew in the middle of the alley and she points at something and he walks up to her. Camera swings around and we see a pale white hand exposed from under black bags of dirt. The nails on the hand is long and painted red.

    Alyx Devine
    Guy collecting cans for recycling found her around eight, called 911.

    Hawkes moves past her and he starts lifting the black bags off from the body. The more bags he lifts the better the body is exposed to our vision.

    Hawkes
    Where is he now?

    Alyx Devine standing with her hands on her hips looks up and down the alley at nothing in particular.

    Alyx Devine
    I let him go.

    Hawkes looks up at her from tossing the black bags off from the body. He seems surprised.


    Hawkes
    You let him go?

    She looks at him irritated because she doesn’t like his tone of voice.

    Alyx Devine
    Guy had things to do like the rest of us who can’t hang around waiting for better days. BEAT. Anyways I have his statement and I know where to find him if we need him.

    Hawkes looks at her for just a moment and then goes back to getting the black bags off from the body.

    Hawkes
    For your sake I hope so.

    Down the alley comes Stella walking with her kit in her hand dressed for cooler weather.

    Stella
    Morning.

    Alyx Devine gives her an up and down look smiles but there’s no humor in it. She points at Stella.

    Alyx Devine
    CSI? BEAT. Wonderful the whole gang is here I’m going to find some coffee.

    She walks away down the alley and Stella watches her leave. She and Hawkes share an amused look. Stella points after Alyx Devine.

    Stella
    Who the hell was that?

    Hawkes stands up now that the entire body is exposed.

    Hawkes
    Alyx Devine.

    Stella nods knowingly.


    Stella
    Ah yes Flack mentioned her the other day said she just started.

    Hawkes
    Did he mention the huge chip on her shoulder?

    Stella smiles looks around and Hawkes turns the body over. Camera zooms in. A blond woman with a lot of blood on her she is dressed in pink and there is a golden locket around her neck which is marred by the fact that her throat is slit.

    Hawkes
    Defensive wounds.

    He holds up her arms. FLASHBACK shows a knife being wielded at arms hands held palm out and then the screaming of female voice as knife connects. END FLASHBACK.

    Stella
    She was dumped here. Attack like this there should be a lot more blood around but there’s no indication of the trauma she suffered.

    Stella looks around and Hawkes checks for how long she’s been dead.

    Hawkes
    She’s been dead for over 12 hours.

    Stella stands up and we see her view sweeping up and down the body.

    Alyx
    Find anything?

    The voice comes from behind Stella and Hawkes its Alyx Devine coffee in hand leaning against a wall.

    Stella turns around to look at her.

    Stella
    Have you canvassed the area yet?

    Alyx Devine nods and takes a sip from the Styrofoam cup of coffee.

    Alyx Devine
    Sure in the ages it took you two to show up. BEAT. It’s the story of my life no one saw or heard a thing.

    She stands up straight and looks past Stella at the body mesmerized by the site almost. And then she kind of snaps out of it and snaps her fingers.

    Alyx Devine
    Um did I mention that there’s a handbag behind the dumpster? Maybe it belongs to her.

    Hawkes
    You should have told me that when I got here.

    Alyx Devine
    I’m telling you now what difference does it make.

    She pushes back the dumpster with one hand coffee still in the other and there’s a pink small handbag which Hawkes picks up and opens Stella looks through it.

    Stella
    Rules out robbery as motive.

    Stella holds up a wallet opens it and there is a lot of cash inside. She gets make up and mints but that is about it.

    Alyx Devine
    No ID?

    Stella shakes her head goes back to the body. She lifts the heart shaped locket that is dangling from a golden chain around the victim’s neck. She opens the locket and the camera zooms in on a picture of a smiling baby. Stella inhales sharply shakes her head looking sad camera zooms from dead body to baby picture. END SCENE.
     
  2. MacsGirlMel

    MacsGirlMel Mac's Personal Assistant

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    interesting start. Can't wait to see where you take it.
     

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