Relationship in Retrospect. DL

dstined4gr8ness

dstined4gr8ness

Police Officer
Just in case you couldn't tell. I am a diehard DL fan. That said, this is my first actual multi-chapter fic. Hear Your Voice was a series of oneshots.

Rating:T
Spoilers: Up to and including Snow Day
Disclaimer: Trust me, if I owned Carmine Giovinazzo I would not be writing fanfiction. ;)

Mountains of thanks to SallyJetson for the beta.
Enjoy!!


Chapter 1

Life had never been this kind. For the first time since she could remember, Lindsay Monroe was absolutely happy. The past was behind her and the future stretched out -bright and limitless. It was simple really. Simple as the daisy that smiled at her from its perch in the water glass. Simple as the fact that he’d left her breakfast. Simple as the fact that two years of tension and repressed desire had finally culminated into one perfect night.

Her thoughts wandered as she quickly washed and dried her dishes. It really was a deceptively small apartment. At first glance it screamed money, but if you looked closely it was a glorified studio. Truth be told the pool table pretty much took up the entire room. She had only been up here one other time, briefly. They had been on their way to the hospital to see Flack, and Danny had needed some new clothes.

Hawkes sat in the back of the truck and Lindsay in the passenger’s seat as Danny drove. The silence was pregnant with worry and each was lost in their own thoughts.

Danny was the first to speak; “You guys mind if we swing by my place real quick?”

“No” came the soft reply from both. Honestly, all three were dreading actually arriving at the hospital. Once they got there and saw Flack it would make it all real; all compartmentalization would be lost.

Silence once again consumed the vehicle until they pulled up to his apartment building. It was Danny, once again who broke the strained quiet.

“You wanna come up for a minute while I change, or you gonna stay out here?”

“I’ll come up,” Lindsay said softly, with a backward glance.

“I’ll stay here” Hawkes responded somberly. He had no desire to move; it had been an emotionally heavy day and a few minutes alone sounded like heaven.

Not a word was spoken as they ascended the stairs, but this time it was a companionable silence. Lindsay didn’t want to be alone, didn’t want to be away from him. Danny didn’t want to let her out of his sight just yet, afraid that once she left his sight she’d disappear for good. She stood so close to him as he unlocked the door that he could have sworn that his skin was burning through the sleeve of his shirt.

“Nice place.” She commented quietly, a small smile on her lips. Suddenly her eyes lit up. Turning to him with a teasing glint in her eye she asked ‘ I know I’m going to regret asking, but how on God’s green earth did you get both a motorcycle AND a pool table up those stairs?”

Danny was grateful for her attempt to lighten the mood and winked at her, “Maybe if you’re good I’ll tell you one day.”

Rolling her eyes, Lindsay turned to meander through his apartment. “I thought you wanted to change?”

“I did, I do, I am.” He fumbled. How could she look so right in his apartment? When she turned to look at him, a quizzical brow lifted, he caught sight of the gash on her forehead. For the second time that day his stomach dropped to his toes and it hit him. It hit him deep that it could have been her. She could have been the one that was in surgery, unconscious, at death’s door. His breath caught in his throat and he walked over to stand before her, gently reaching up to brush back the hair from her forehead, letting his fingers tangle in the soft waves.

Her hand came to rest tentatively on his arm; “Danny?” came the whispered question.

He couldn’t formulate a reply. “I. It could. Just give me a second Lindsay.” Her name was muffled in her hair as he pulled her gently towards him and held on tight. She was powerless to do anything but clutch him right back. Her fingers dug into his back as they clung to each other, because she could have lost him today too. All it would have taken was one wrong wire cut, one moment’s hesitation. So she buried her face in his neck and let him hold her, for as long as he needed. When his breathing steadied she felt him lean back a little and brush his lips against her forehead, lingering there, steadying himself.

“You’d better hurry and get changed, before Hawkes comes looking for us” she said, her gaze unwavering. Steady. Strong. Open.

“Yeah” murmured Danny. He swept his hand down her hair one last time before walking to his room.

Lindsay shook herself out of the reverie and headed toward the bathroom. She would take a shower, then drop by her place to change. By then it should be almost time for her to head in to work. To see Danny.


Thanks for reading!!
 
Okay, so this is actually the third chapter. I can't post the second because of the rating restrictions on this forum. It's a tad smutty..so, if anyone wants to read it it is posted at ff.net and dlchem.net. Or if you want i can pm it to you. just let me know :) the story continuity is not in anyway affected by skipping it.It's also the last chapter that contains actual events from Snow Day, just FYI ;).

Thanks to everyone who has read and especially those who have reviewed.I am truly humbled by your comments, and they do not go unappreciated.


Many thanks to SallyJetson for the beta. I appreciate the honest feedback:)




Chapter 3
-------------

Hordes of people were crowded outside the building when Lindsay finally made it into work. She was about an hour early, but had figured that she might as well do something other than sit around and reminisce about last night. She caught a brief glimpse of Peyton through the crowd.She was talking to someone who, judging from the hat and glasses, she assumed was Sid. She maneuvered her way throught the throngs of people murmering absent apologies until she reached them.

“Hey you guys. This is crazy. What’s going on?”

Something Peyton’s expression made her insides go cold.

“Hey,” Sid said with some incredulity. “What are you doing here?”

Head cocked, Lindsay studied her co-workers stunned faces warily.

“Danny and I traded shifts. What’s going on? Why’s everyone outside? Where’s Dan- everyone?”

Apparently the rapid fire questions snapped Peyton out of her stupor because she answered, “There was a gas leak in the crime lab, everyone was evacuated. Wait, you said you switched with Danny? So that means…”

“Means what?” Frantically she looked from one ME to the next. “Tell me. what’s going on?”

“There’s a hostage situation at the warehouse in Brooklyn. Hawkes said that you and Adam were over there processing. But since you’re here I guess that means…” Sid trailed off as Lindsay spun and ran, grabbing the nearest uniform and taking off in a squad car. Well, that's an interesting development, He thought. It’s about time.


- - -

Meanwhile Lindsay sat in the front seat of a patrol car headed to Brooklyn. Nothing, nothing could calm her racing mind at this point. She had to know if he was okay. Rounding on the officer next to her she asked

“What do we know about the situation so far?”

To his credit, he merely raised a brow at her and answered, “Just that Detective Flack received a call from one of the hostages, I think it was the CSI, saying that they were being held hostage at the crime scene.”

Relief small as it was washed over her.Danny. It had to have been Danny. He was okay. He had to be. How ironic that their situations were reversed. A few months ago, he had been the one on the outside- worried, panicked, helpless.


Lindsay? Lindsay!

That was her name being shouted. At least she thought it was being shouted. At the moment everything sounded like it was being sent through a couple of tin cans and a string.

Danny?

The fog started to clear and he came into view. Without a second thought Lindsay surged to her feet and into his arms. The room was spinning and her head was ringing but her focus was centered on his eyes as his hands grasped her head, checking for injuries, making sure she was okay before pulling her back to his chest.

Her hands clung to his arms of their own volition. He was solid. Warm. Real. Trembling. He was shaking.

“Sweet Jesus, Lindsay” she heard him murmur, more to himself than anyone else. “You tryin’ to kill me?”

The joke fell flat, but served its intended purpose. Her lips curved almost imperceptibly as she burrowed deeper into his shoulder. Reality was swiftly closing in and she allowed Danny to guide her outside to where EMS was waiting. No amount of objection had been able to persuade him that she didn’t need to go to the hospital. Adamantly, Danny sat on the bench next to the paramedic and held her hand. She had decided it wasn’t worth the fight and closed her eyes, focusing on something other that what had almost happened. Focusing, instead, on the feel of her fingers laced with Danny’s. Unspoken comfort, unyielding resolve.



Before the car had even come to a complete halt, Lindsay was out the door and headed toward the post Flack had set up.

“Flack”

“Hey” the strain was unmistakable in his voice “we’ve just initiated contact. No word on the condition of the hostages.”

Her eyes flew to his, “But you talked to Danny, right? He’s the one that called you?”


Please say yes. Please Don.

“He didn’t sound good, Linds.”

The informal use of her name spoke of how severe the situation really was and he fact that he didn’t meet her eyes when he said it made her blood run cold. Though he tried to hide it, she saw the terror behind his eyes.

Well, she was no feeble, flimsy female that freaked out when ‘her man’ was in danger. She could handle it. She was strong. She could be just as levelheaded as he could. She hoped.

“I thought Mac would be here by now.”


So, he didn’t know either. “There was a gas leak at the crime lab. Everyone’s been evacuated, it’s a mess.”

A voice crackled over the two-way, “Nice toy.”

Flack, bless him, was quick with his retort. “Why don’t you come outside, I’ll show you how to use it.” Lindsay had always admired his ability to diffuse an otherwise tense situation with swift and sublte humor.

As Flack negotiated with the suspects, Lindsay focused on the thermal imaging screen in front of her. Shapes and colors registered in her brain, butshe just couldn't make anything of it. She couldn’t discern who was who. From what she could tell there were three people being held in some kind of compartment, but which one was Danny?

When she’s heard Don try to negotiate himself for the hostages her heart melted. For a homicide detective and the son of a cop he was, deep down, a remarkably decent guy.

But it was the screaming coming from the other end of the connection that held her frozen in place. The words registered slowly as chaos erupted around her. Flack jumped over the barricade, gun drawn, and she stood rooted to her spot for seemingly an eternity before she rushed forward. Her hand was trembling as she drew her gun. As she made the connection. Guinea cop. Guinea. Italian. Danny. Shit.

Silhouettes and shadows were all she could see when she entered the warehouse behind the line of armed officers. The acrid smell of burned gunpowder assaulted her senses. Adam was running, yelling, but all she could focus on was finding him. At last she caught sight of him, struggling to stand in what seemed to be the back end of a semi. Paying no attention to the men around her, coworkers or otherwise she hurried over.


“Danny! Oh my God. Oh my God, Danny.”

“Lindsay.” She had never heard more relief, panic, or pain in one word.

His arm came around her neck as she helped him down from the truck.She was abruptly struck by the realization that for him to accept her help without protest meant one of two things. Either he was either seriously injured or he had decided to trust her enough to let her help. Praying to God that it was the latter, she told Flack she’d bring him to EMS.

“I’m sorry.” The words came before she could stop them.

“What? What are you sorry about?”

She really hadn’t meant to say that out loud. The last thing he needed to deal with right now was her issues.

“You weren’t supposed to be here. You took my shift.”

Relief came but just as quickly left his face as he looked to the scene behind him.She could tell he was thinking about what had happened. Wanting to distract him she pulled him forward; one hand clinging tightly to his uninjured fingers, and one hooked on his shoulder. It was her turn to be the unspoken comfort, the quietly resolved, unyielding support.
 
You guys are so great!!!. Here's chapter four. I think there'll be six altogether *shrugs* we'll see.


Much wub to SallyJetson for the beta.

Once outside, Lindsay brought Danny over to the paramedics. She stepped back as he sat on the stretcher and let them go to work patching him up. From her vantage point she could assess the injuries that covered him. Judging by the look he shot the guy that was probing his rib cage, she could only assume that –at the very least- his ribs had been seriously bruised . Aside from that and his broken fingers, the rest of his injuries looked to be superficial.

Thank God. The last thing she needed was something else to feel guilty about.

For so long Lindsay had lived her life as an apology. Only after she moved to New York had the guilt begun to ease. Slowly at first, but increasingly swifter since the trial. She hadn’t grasped just how much liberation and closure she would get from confronting what had happened. How heavy the burden was until it was lifted. Her eyes caught Danny’s- the connection between them strong as a pulse despite the distance.



It had been touch and go there for a while.

No matter where she looked she could feel the ice cold gaze of the monster that had made her adolescence a living hell. No matter how much she blocked it out, the biting smell of blood, the deafening sound of the faucet dripping berated her. Every step of the attorney took echoed like a gunshot, and every whisper was as loud as her friends’ screams.

Years of panic and terror swirled in her head breaking her composure. A creaking toward the back of the room caught her attention. Fear, reflection, agony and, oxygen all escaped when he walked through the door. Trepidation was evident in his eyes, but he needn’t worry.

Strength. Power. Confidence. He all but oozed them.

Suddenly she wasn’t afraid anymore. She wasn’t a scared little girl; she was a successful, vivacious woman.

The bastard wasn’t going to control her life anymore.

Most of the medical activity around Danny had calmed down, and Lindsay cautiously made her way over. She could feel his eyes on her, but her gaze remained trained on his uninjured hand. Gathering her courage, she slowly allowed her eyes to travel up his body, finally making contact with his. She searched his eyes, for what she had no idea. Comfort, she thought. Reassurance; that he was still alive, that he still wanted her; that the tentative start they had made was strong enough.

He must have seen the insecurity in her eyes, because his good hand came up to brush over her hair, his thumb traced her cheekbone. His touch light as a feather. When he tugged gently she allowed her self to be brought up against him, her forehead resting against his jaw. The gentle rhythm of his heartbeat alleviated the tension that had built in her for the last few hours.

If there was one thing Lindsay hated it was being stereotypical. Acting, reacting, thinking in a way that people would expect. Yet, here she stood. Wrapped up in a man. The man, she corrected. The man who, though she had known him only a short time, defined a huge part of her life. It had taken almost losing him for her to realize it. Typical reaction, but at the moment she couldn’t have cared less.

She heard the medic say that Danny would have to go to the ER to get his fingers X-rayed and set. With a weary nod, she felt his body shift and helped ease him to the ground. They made their way to the ambulance in silence, but his fingers remained tangled in hers as they walked- anchoring her to him, wordlessly affirming that he wanted her with him.
 
*blushes* thanks.

As always thanks to everyone who reads and reviews. I truly appreciate the feedback. SallyJetson = the best beta ever!!

Chapter 5


Chapter 5

It was peculiar really, to be brought to the hospital in an ambulance and step out instead of being rolled out on a stretcher. But that’s how it happened. Granted he was immediately seated in a wheelchair, but still.

As the orderly rolled him down the hallway his brother’s hospital stay flashed in his memory. He could remember it, bright as day. But what stood out even more in his memory was her visit.

Beep. Beep. Beep.

How could a sound be so encouraging and terrifying all at once? It affirmed life, and yet brought the threat of death.

Danny sat in his brother’s hospital room, silent. He didn’t really know what to think. The actual details of the fight were unknown to him, and he couldn’t for the life of him figure out why the Tanglewood boys would attack one of their own. Louie was no traitor. At least he wasn’t when it came to his boys. Family? That was another story altogether.

With a tired sigh, Danny scrubbed his hands over his face and stood. If he was going to be here all night, he might as well get some coffee and an extra blanket. At least he could pretend to sleep until his parents got there.

Something about the smell of a hospital always nauseated him slightly. Disinfectants mixed with sickness and a healthy dose of excrement thrown in. Ironically, the sterilized and pristinely white environment only made the events of the day more vivid in his memory. Terror had swept over him when he’d gotten the news about Louie, but had since dulled to the gnawing fear that the he might never see his brother awake or aware again.

The coffee in the hospital café looked to be about as fresh as his Uncle Ernie’s breath but he poured himself a cup anyway. If anything the rancid smell would keep him awake.

He felt her presence before he saw her, walking solemnly down the hallway toward him. She hadn’t spotted him yet.

“Hey.” His voice was so rough that he was surprised she heard him, but her gaze snapped to his immediately.

“Hey, Danny. How’s he doing?”

He intently searched her eyes for a hint, something that would clue him in as to why she was here in the wee morning hours. What he found was hope. Something to make him believe that in spite of the worst day of his life, everything would be okay. Actually, just the fact that she was there at all lifted his spirits and made him believe that no matter what, as long as she was on his side he would make it.

Wearily, he led her over to a couple of empty chairs. They sat there, facing each other, knees brushing, until finally she broke the silence.

“Is there any change?”

“No. Nothing. He’s been unconscious ever since they revived him at the scene. The doctor said that if he wakes up within the next 72 hours his chances will improve by 70 percent, but if not…” He trailed off as his voice broke. Leaning forward he rested his elbows on his knees and bowed his head. “What if he doesn’t wake up, Lindsay? What if I never get to tell him I forgive him? What if I never know what really happened?”

The gentle brush of her hand through his hair brought the tears perilously close to the surface. To breakdown in front of her would be the final nail in the coffin of the worst day of his life.

Reaching up, he gripped her hand in his. Desperate for contact, for her touch, he entwined his fingers with hers and let them rest on his temple.

They stayed just so for what seemed like eons. Their relationship had never required words, not in the normal, expected sense anyway. Solace, support and understanding were all conveyed through a simple touch, a brief glance. Perhaps it was because of his tendency to use words as a weapon or hers to use them as a barrier, that when it really counted it was the silence that meant the most.
He was the first to break the quiet.

“Thank you.”

“You’re welcome.”

She’d always hated when people brushed away thanks, like they were of no consequence. Sometimes, the only thing more comforting than being comforted was knowing that it came from someplace real and not from obligation.

“So, what are you doing here in the middle of the night, Montana? The coffee’s sludge and the company’s not much better. What’s up?”

“Well, I’ll agree with you about the coffee, but I happen to think the company is just fine.” That brought a glimmer of a smile to his eyes and encouraged her to go on. “I have something that I though you should hear. When your brother was beaten he was wearing a wire. The device was damaged in the fight, but Mac was able to preserve the recording. I made a copy. I know you’re dealing with a lot right now, so if you want to listen to it later I totally understand but I just…”

She stopped abruptly when his finger tipped her chin up to meet his eyes.

“I’ll listen to it now.”

“Okay.” She slipped the recorder out of her pocket and handed it to him. “Well, it’s all on here.” Awkwardly she stood, still held captive by his gaze. “I guess I’ll see you sometime tomorrow or something, Call if you need-”

“Lindsay?” For the millionth time that night he interrupted her.

“Yeah?” Uncertainty spilled out of her eyes in the form of a single teardrop.

“Stay? With me. Stay while I listen. I need someone- I need you to be here.”

After a brief hesitation she nodded and sat beside him. Instinct had him reaching for her hand, holding tightly before pressing play.

As the voices began, Lindsay’s eyes remained trained on their twined hands. She’d already heard the tape a couple times, but that didn’t do anything to diminish the horrific sounds and images they conjured in her mind. Danny’s hand tightened on hers so quickly that she gasped in surprise.

She heard the whispered ‘No’ slip from his lips over and over. His whole body was shaking with repressed emotions. They danced across his face as she watched. Rage. Grief. Pain. Fury. The pulse at the base of his neck was unsteady, and his breathing became more ragged as he struggled to hold back the flood.

Finally, she couldn’t take it anymore. Following her instincts she pried her hand from his and wrapped her arms around him. Sobs wracked his body, violent and deep. She didn’t try to soothe, didn’t try to make it okay she simply held. And when he pulled her into his lap to hold on tighter she didn’t resist. This moment wasn’t about what they were; it was about who they were. What he needed. And at that moment all he needed was her.

The memory brought a bittersweet smile to his face. He hadn’t realized it then, but that was the moment he fell in love with her. When she was simply there for him, with no expectations or comfort with conditions attatched, his heart had become hers

While they were on the way back from x-ray he heard Lindsay’s phone beep. No way. No way are they calling her in.

“It’s Stella.”

His shoulder’s sagged visibly with relief.

“I’ll be right in.”

He watched her walk outside to take the call and sighed. He was bone weary, gloriously happy and in excruciating pain all at once. He really wasn’t looking forward to having the bones in his hand set, but it had to be done. Apparently. His face was set in grim determination as the doctor breezed through the door, chart in hand.

“Well Detective, all things considered your x-rays don’t look too bad. Only your middle finger will have to be set, the rest of the bones only suffered fractures. I’d say you’re a very lucky man.”

“You got no idea, Doc,” was Danny’s reply as Lindsay peeked around the door.

“Well? What’s the verdict?”

As the doctor spouted his medical jargon Lindsay came to stand beside Danny. One hand toyed with the hair at the nape of his neck, and the other he grasped tightly. It was still a foreign, but not an unwelcome sensation to have someone there for him when he needed it. Someone who genuinely cared, not someone who was getting paid to be there. With any luck, he thought, I’ll have a lifetime to get used to it.
 
So tell me what you think, should I end it here, should I continue? Let me know.

As always a huge thanks to SallyJetson for the beta.


Chapter 6

An inky darkness blanketed the city, one world slumbering while another awakened. Lindsay stood at the window, looking but not really seeing the dance of lights on the streets below. Behind her Danny lay on his bed deeply asleep. The past 24 hours had taken a toll on him; on her as well, but for some reason she couldn’t sleep. Every time she closed her eyes the same loop of nightmares played in her head:

They hadn’t arrived in time.

Danny hadn’t been quick enough with the gun, and he and Adam had died on the way to the hospital.

He blamed her for what happened.

She knew better than to let what ifs control her life, but for tonight she would think of what might have been and be thankful that he was okay.

Turning, she rested her shoulder on the window frame and studied Danny’s sleeping form, letting the faint sound of his breathing soothe her frazzled nerves.

Everything about him fascinated her. Such a complex mix of contradictions. Sure, he exuded confidence and oozed charm, but underneath that paper-thin façade was a lonely, insecure little boy who only wanted to measure up. He hid his sensitivity behind sarcasm and wit, and behind the shiny veneer of the tough, in your face, NYC cop laid an incredible man with a heart of gold.

To truly capture and understand Danny Messer – the real Danny Messer, not the one he let everyone see- you had to get close. Closer than he let most. And to do that, he had to trust you. Therein lay the real challenge. When he had finally let her in- just a little- it had humbled her. Most days she felt as though she had been given a gift, but there were some times, on days like today, when it struck her right to the soul just how blessed she was to love and be loved by him.

Thinking back, she could pinpoint the exact moment she had started to see just what made Danny Messer tick. When he had decided to let his guard down –albeit just a fraction- with her.


“Maybe you didn’t know him as well as you thought.”

Danny studied her for a moment- considering- before giving a slight nod and turning his attention back to the stage.

It seemed she had passed some sort of test. She just didn’t know whether to be relieved or worried.

--

Mac spotted them shortly after his set was finished and stopped by the table briefly. Impressed as he was that Lindsay had figured him out; a faint blush stained his cheeks when they teased him – more for show than anything else. Both Danny and Lindsay knew that in their line of work, if you didn’t find an outlet, a way to decompress, after a while you would simply implode.

They had been talking for a few minutes when Danny’s cell rang. he stood up with a soft sigh. “I gotta take this.” His tone was apologetic, but Lindsay couldn’t quite read his expression. Curious, she followed him with her gaze as he walked outside. The tension in his shoulders had been unmistakable.

When she sat back she caught Mac’s eyes on her, studying her, gauging her.

“He’s been through a lot, Lindsay” he started, holding up a hand when she began to speak.

“Last year was rough, work wise. His integrity was called into question more times than should happen to one person. When I fired Aiden, he took it pretty hard. They were close. She was the sister he never had. They confided in each other, stuck up for one another.”

When Lindsay nodded he continued, “When he comes back, don’t push. You’ll only push him away. When he’s ready, when he’s sure that he can trust you, he’ll open up on his own.”

“Thanks, Mac.”

With one last wave to his band Mac stood, squeezed her shoulder and left.

If someone had asked her how long she sat there playing that conversation over and over in her mind she couldn’t have told them. But when Danny came back in, she simply smiled at him and nudged over a fresh beer.

---

Ten minutes later, they still hadn’t spoken. Lindsay studied Danny who studied his beer. He wasn’t the kind of man who whined about his problems, expecting sympathy, but something was weighing on him, of that she was certain.

With Mac’s advice fresh in her mind, she made a decision- to be there for him even if he didn’t want her support or didn’t think he needed it. Everyone needed a sounding board, a safe place to run.

Taking a deep breath she asked, “So, you want to stay for a bit, or you do you want to go?”

His eyes met hers for a split second- unguarded, raw- before looking back at his beer.

“I’m good. You can go if you want.”

Something was seriously up, and she wasn’t going to push him to share, but neither was she going to let him sit around and drink himself into oblivion.

“C’mon, let’s walk for a while.”

“Walk for a while? Montana it’s like 11:30 at night.”

“Aw, is it past your bedtime Messer? Give it up. I thought this city never slept. It’s a beautiful night and I’m not ready to go home just yet. Just walk with me, I promise it won’t kill you.”

She couldn’t decipher any of his mumbling, but he got up and led the way out. The cool night air rushed to meet them as they stepped outside the club.

“So where to?”

She made a production of choosing a direction; first looking one way, considering, then looking the other. Back and forth until a trace of a smile crept into his eyes. She felt a sliver of satisfaction settle in hers. That was a start.

“This way,” she said, grabbing his jacket sleeve, prompting him to follow her.

---

They walked, not talking, arms occasionally brushing. The silence was a bit strained, but she refused to pester him. If he wanted to talk he’d talk. Until then she’d be content to enjoy the walk, grateful to have someone to share it with.

Despite having lived in New York for ten months, the city still fascinated her- not unlike the man beside her. She’d discovered that the closer you looked, the more layers you peeled off, the more barriers you removed, the more complex and compelling the city became. Just when you thought you understood when you began to feel like you belonged, a new facet presented itself and you were a visitor yet again. She wondered if Danny realized just how closely he resembled the city he loved so much.

She could feel his eyes on her, but kept her eyes ahead. Focusing instead on how many blocks were between them and her apartment. Five

“I’m sorry Mont- Lindsay.”

At the use of her given name she looked over at him, curious.

“For tonight. The call. I wasn’t very good company, and I’m sorry.”

She simply nodded. Her resolve to support but not push him firm in her mind. Mac’s words echoed in back again. ‘He’ll open up on his own’

They walked a few more yards before he spoke again. “It was my brother, on the phone. It was my older brother Louie. He’s back in the city again.”

His gaze flitted briefly to hers before continuing. “We have never been that close. I mean, when we were younger, I idolized him. Kid stuff, you know? He was my big bro. I looked up to him, wanted to be him. But something changed. At the time I couldn’t see it, but looking back it started about the time he joined the Tanglewood Boys.”

She could hear the resignation in his sigh, could see the frustration in the stiffness of his body as he ran his hand through his hair.

“It’s a gang, well more like a modern day mob actually. Anyway, he started hanging with Sonny and Sal when I was about 16. Suddenly he wanted nothing to do with me. I tried to hang with them a couple times, but he always shooed me away. Told me to get home like I was a stray dog or something, not worth his time. Hurt more than I let on. Tried to be tough.” His smirk was half hearted at best and his laugh self-deprecating. “ Stupid. Finally I stopped trying, stopped caring. I worked hard to graduate high school and busted my ass at the academy. I guess I wanted to be the opposite of Louie, seems childish now…” His voice drifted off.

To comfort herself as much as him, Lindsay slipped her fingers beneath the sleeve of his jacket circling his wrist, gently stroking his forearm with her thumb.

Sorrow welled up in her; for him, for a little boy who had tried so desperately to belong only to be rejected by the one person he looked up to the most. But she pushed it back down. He didn’t need her pity, didn’t want it, she was sure. And he deserved more than that.

He didn’t look at her, he simply slid his fingers up to hers. Not the romantic joining of hands that was usually full of nerves and newness and discovery. No, this was the desperate grasp of a man ho needed a lifeline. Who needed a friend. She squeezed his hand, silently urging him to continue.

“Louie’s been back for about two weeks now. God only knows where he was before that. He never contacts the family unless he needs something. We’ve talked a couple of times, but I just- I can’t shake the feeling that something’s off. As far as I know he hasn’t ran with Tanglewood for years, but tonight he was going on and on about how he and Szabo were rollin’ down to AC and maybe Sassone was gonna come with them. It sounds crazy, I know, but I have a bad feeling deep down about it. Scares me a little. You know? If something happens there’s nothing I can do, I can’t fix it, I can’t protect him. No matter what he’s done he’s still my brother.”

Understanding was not long in coming. That would torture him. Not that his brother was in trouble, or that as kids they’d grown apart, but that despite his position and accomplishments he couldn’t fix it. To his thinking, being helpless was probably the worst thing that could happen. God help her if she didn’t understand that.

Lindsay remained silent for a moment, weighing and choosing her words carefully. When she spoke her voice was soft, strong and certain. “You’ll do what you do, Danny. No matter what happens you’ll do all you can. No one can expect more than that. Not your brother, not your parents, not Mac.” She paused before saying, “Not me.”

His stride slowed to a crawl. He released her hand to wrap his arm around her shoulders, pulling her to his side in a tight embrace. She could quite literally feel the tension drain from his body as she locked her arms around his waist.

Her hair muffled his whispered, “Thanks Montana”, but she heard it and smiled.

“For what?”

“For just listening. For understanding. For not pressuring me into a confession.”

“No thanks required” and with that they continued to her apartment, still wrapped up in each other, in the city.




The events of the following week were forever burned into her memory. He’d made it through though. Not completely unharmed, his pride had been wounded. His integrity called into question yet again. But he was was whole. He was a better person, a better cop for it.

Lindsay pushed off the sill and eased on to the bed slowly crawling over to his side. In slumber he looked so innocent, almost childlike. But she knew from experience that he was all man.

Carefully, she brushed her fingers through his hair, content to simply be near him, to feel the warmth of his skin, the steady beat of his heart. The hand that slid slowly up her thigh had her rolling her eyes.

“Don’t start something you can’t finish, Messer.” She purred, earning a groan from him.

“…‘s not fair.” The words were slurred, his voice thick with sleep.

“What?” She murmured absently her lips brushing his temple.

“I finally get you in my bed and boom. Injured. No encore performance.”

Her laugh was loud, and rich, and full. “Tell you what. When you can play rock, paper, scissors again you can cash in a raincheck for an encore performance. Deal?”

“Deal.”

She started to shift back to her side of the bed, and protested when he tried to pull her down to his side.

“Danny. I can’t lie all over you. You’re hurt.”

“'Tis only a flesh wound.” His appalling British accent had her laughing again.

“Seriously, Linds. I’ve got a busted hand and some bruised ribs. I’m hurt, not broken. Besides you weigh all of what, 95 pounds soaking wet? I can handle it. Having you next to me trumps any discomfort it might cause.”

Unconvinced, she shook her head again, was prepared to argue, but he interrupted her. “I need you, Linds. I need you right here so I can hear you breathe. So if I wake up I’ll know for sure that you’re okay. Just lay here, please.”

Her resolve didn’t melt, it dissolved altogether and she settled in next to him careful to avoid bumping the angry bruises that were starting to surface.

Gingerly, she shifted and pressed her lips to his ribs, trailing a line of soft kisses up his neck to his mouth, lingering there for a moment, then making her way back down to his chest.

“What was that?” He asked when she’d settled next to him again.

“I was kissing it better. My mom always said that it didn’t hurt as bad with a kiss”.

Ridiculously touched he groped with his good hand, wound his fingers between hers; resting their joined hands on her shoulder.

There was a hint of wonder in his voice. “In my whole life, no one has ever kissed me where it hurt.” He pressed a kiss to her forehead, lingered there for a moment, losing himself in the smell of her hair, the feel of her soft body against him, before settling back against the pillows.

He felt her shift closer, felt the gentle kiss she pressed to his chest, heard her whispered, “You just have to tell me where it hurts, and I will.”

Suddenly he was very grateful to Mac for making the tough decision to fire Aiden because, had he not, he wouldn’t be here; wouldn’t have her. Fate, it seemed knew what she was doing. Sleep was not long in coming, but it was a tranquil slumber of two people who had finally found a peaceful place to rest. Whatever came, they would always have each other.



Thank you so much for reading!! I hope you enjoyed it.
 
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