Panic attacks

Misery

Misery

Pathologist
Anyway, I'm wondering if any of you had problems with panic attacks and how did you deal with them.

My boyfriend had a panic attack 3 years ago in a train which caused him to develop a phobia - he can't ride trains again which really reflects on his life, because it's hard to find a good job when you can't even consider anything that isn't in your walking distance.

I read some books regarding panic attaks with agoraphobia, because I want to help him. I know that without actually knowing what that feels like, I can't really understand what it must feel like; wanting to enter a train, but not being able to.

And actually, 2 weeks ago, after a lot of talking, he managed to enter a train and he walked till the end and he got out. I thought that was a big success, but he thinks that it's not a big deal since the doors were opened and he knew he can get out whenever he wants.

So, what I'm asking is some advice from people who had some experience.

Thanks!
 
I've had a panic attack before. It was 7 years ago on my first flight and it totally freaked me out. Paper bag came out, whole malarkey. :rolleyes: I'm fine on planes now though, so I don't know what that was about.
Anywho, with me I just had to wait until it passed.

As for helping him with his fear, just let him go at his own speed, there is nothing worse than someone making you rush. :S
I can talk though, I'm scared of my own shadow. :lol:
 
I have some experience . Once I was at my aunt and I took the elevator , and it stopped , trapping me in . I was alone . But then someone pressed by mistake the fire alarm(but there was no fire) . You can imagine my nightmare -trapped in an elevator and believing I was going to be burned alive , it's horrid-and I was so scared I began to hit the doors and yell for help . I was thinking I was going to die in a fire , even though I couldn't smell the smoke . My feet were not able to hold me and I feel to the ground . I was all trembling and sweaty , I began to panic and felt like I wasn't able to breath . I thought -in my mind I was even feeling the heat .
It was horror and in the moment they came and opened the elevator doors they found me almost passed out .
Since that day I was afraid to even touch an elevator -I was thinking that I was going to get stuck inside and a big flame was going to cover me , I even had nightmares about that - and I remained with claustrophobia (which I hate so much ). I couldn't even stay in a room with the door closed because I was remembering that scene over and over again .
What it feels like ? In my case , I fell I cannot breath and I can pass out easily .
How I fought it (even though the claustrophobia is still there )? My boyfriend found out from my best friend about my experience and said that I must understand that it's going to be okay ; he made me enter an elevator and I began to tremble . He closed the doors and I was feeling the fear forming in my head . After a couple of seconds he pressed the button and we got out at the next floor . He told me there is nothing to be afraid of . It helped me , now I can close the door to my room and feel that I am not going to suffocate . He proved me that was just an experience that need to be forgotten .
He tells me to think at something that I like when I am in some elevator and the fear is gonna pass . To think that is no danger . And I listen to him . I always think he's there to save me if anything wrong happens and it helped me so much .
Well this is what happened to me - I don't know if it'll help , but I hope so .
 
ericloca, thank you for your experience.
If you don't mind me asking...did you visit any doctors and did they prescribed you any pills? My boyfriend has to drink Xanax, which is an antidepressive prescribed for panic attacks with agoraphobia and it really changed him. I mean, I didn't know him before that experience, but I take his word for it.

My boyfriend is a bit stubborn. He knows that he doesn't actually have a fear of trains, but having another panic attack where there are people who can't help him, which is called agoraphobia. The worst part is that after that he also developed social phobia - places where there are a lot of people freak him out. And he was a sports fan, going to games, going to away games with buses....dealing with people was something what made him-him. And that was taken away from him. He can deal with people now, no problem. We even went on a few games, and every time he was a bit freaked at the beginning, but later he relaxed. With trains it's different. He knows he needs them, because right now he can't go anywhere where he can't get with his bike or on foot, and he is too stubborn because he's afraid of what will happen. Unfortunately, it's hard to arrange an empty train. There will always be people there, and he doesn't want to be in a position where he will depend on someone else.
The only thing that's on his mind is that even if he manages to ride a train with me there, he won't be able to do it alone, and that's what's blocking him.
 
Glad to help .
Yeah he gave me something .. it was called Bromazepam . For my insomnia and the panic attacks . It helped me get some sleep , because I had weeks I couldn't go and close my eyes ; I was affraid of the nightmares . But like I told you , the one that helped me was my boyfriend who helped me so much .
I understand what your boyfriend feels . I was in a state of shock for one day after that . It was the most horrid thing that happened in my life . Now the nightmares are gone , I have the claustrophobia , but I can manage it also .
It's good that he has you . Another person to help is a very good thing - not even my parents understood what was wrong with me - but Steve did .
He's afraid of what will happen . A question : does he have a panic attack just by entering a train where are people inside ?
 
He had panic attacks, or better to say early symptoms in places where there were a lot of people and the door were closed.

He only entered a train a week ago (after 3 and a half years). The train was on a stop and there were only a few people there. He entered on the front door walked through a train, even sat down a bit, and then he exited on the back door before the train closed the door. And he didn't feel anything. Actually, he basically jumped into a train (probably knowing it would be better than slowly entering it). He said that he doesn't know what would happen if the doors actually closed.

And I was so proud of him, especially since he hasn't entered in one for that long.

His life was pretty much non-existent for 3 years. The first year he pretty much stayed at home, being afraid to leave his comfort zone and having another attack where there was no one who can help him. Then his mother "kicked him out", knowing that he could stay like that permanently. He only chose places where he felt "at home", and avoided places with a lot of people, having slight symptoms when it got too crowded for him.

We're dating for 4 months now, so I'm not in his life for a long time, so I don't feel comfortable giving advices since I have no idea what he's going through exactly. I can imagine, but without experiencing that I will never truly know.

And his friends who I've met don't even understand that his fear is a real sickness. It can be noticed from the sound in their voice that they don't understand and that they think he's making things worse than they are. And that criticism is not positive...

So, tell me; can you be in an elevator alone now? And do you still have panic attacks?
 
Is hard for people who didn't experience , it to imagine what that person is going through , that's true . My mom called me stubborn because I didn't want to even look at a elevator , but if she would've known that I was breathing heard even seeing it , she would have understood .
What I feel is like someone is putting a plastic bag on my head and doesn't allow me to breath .
I think you're very sweet to worry so much about him . You should always be with him to encourage him . He should maybe try once to enter with you the train and let the doors close ... and get out at the first station , just to see what reaction he's going to have . This is what I did and it worked , but I see that your boyfriend's situation is a little different . I don't know , this is your choice , but I think he just try and fight his phobia . He should never think that he's gonna have a panic attack when he enters a train , he should be optimistic .
Okay , he should do whatever he wants , but this is just my humble opinion .
 
I've had a few panic attacks in my day. The first was at home, in my bedroom. I'm going to tell you a little story about it... so you understand what caused the onset.

It was my senior year and I had a lot going on in my life, outside of home. My relationship with my boyfriend was pretty much in the toilet and I was trying to figure out how to break up with him. My friend had stopped talking to all of us because she'd been dumped by her first ever boyfriend and just couldn't handle it. She had been accusing me of helping him cheat on her, he was my boyfriend's best friend. He and I were close but not involved. I had been seeing my boyfriend for two years at that point to the knowledge that I was going to end the relationship at that time wasn't exactly happy knowledge. I was doing two plays at the time, which meant I had a schedule that resembled this: I left the house every day at 7, 8-3 school. 3-7 rehearsal 730-11 or 12 rehearsal. I wasn't home until 12:30 or 1 because I lived so far away from my second rehearsal and the school, then phone time with my boyfriend, homework, and sleep. So anyway... I'd just ended it with Michael, and came home for a few hours before rehearsal because by the grace of God it was a half day.

I walked into the house and started on homework at the kitchen table, I've always preferred doing it there. I was doing math, I had an A in the class but I had a lot of work to do and wanted to get it done before rehearsal so I could get to sleep at a decent hour. I remember that specifically. Anyway... my guardian (I didn't live with my parents) came in the house and I had the following conversation with her:

Chris: "Oh you're home, would you mind doing me a favor?"
Me: "Sure, no problem, just let me finish up my math homework."
Chris: "I need you to take this into town by five, and drop it off at the attorney's office"
Me: "No problem, just leave it here, I'll take it with me when I go to rehearsal, I'll give myself an extra twenty minutes."
*beat*
Chris:"Well are you going to go"
Me:"Yeah, as soon as I finish my homework and grab some lunch, I haven't had anything from home in DAYS"
Chris:"I thought you said you'd do it for me"
Me: "Yeah, it's no problem"
Chris:"why aren't you leaving?"
Me: "I'm doing homework"
Chris: "I told you to go"
Me: "Hey, I don't want to fight about this... I'll do it, I don't mind"
Chris:"You told me you'd do it."
Me: "I just want to do my homework first, if I go now I'll waste an hour and a half and I won’t have any time to eat or get my work done."
Chris: “You’re so ungrateful sometimes, I just asked for a simple favor”
Me: *stands to go up stairs* “Look, I’m really stressed, I don’t want to fight about this, just leave it on the table and I’ll take care of it for you like I said I would” *goes up stairs*
*two minutes pass*
Chris: *Barges in my room* “Get your ass down stairs and take that into town, now. And don’t walk out of the room when I’m talking to you.”
Me: “Look, I’ve got a lot going on right now with school, please just leave me alone, and get out of my room. I’ll do it.”
Chris: “You’re so damn selfish sometimes.”
Me: “Look, dammit, I’m too stressed to take this crap right now... get the hell out of my room”
Chris: “This is my house and my room and I told you to do something for me.”
Me: “I’m still going to do it, but get the hell out.”
Chris: *takes pencil out of my hand. I was still doing my math homework, that 100 average was a pretty big deal to me and I wanted to keep it.* “Get off your lazy ass and do it, right now.”
Me: *Throws math book at her* “Get the hell out of my room, I told you I can’t deal with this right now.

Then I physically pushed her out of the room and slammed the door on her. I broke down crying, started heaving, and passed out on my floor. I came too about an hour later and couldn’t feel anything. I took me about 20 minutes and serious cognitive exercise to get myself moving.

I know I was being a little obstonant but I swear I tried to be nice about it. I really didn't want to take my bad mood home and be mean to my family for no reason. I really really wanted to be kind and I was overly nice at home that week, because I tried. I did NOT want to take it home with me, it was't fair. I tried my but off. The anxiety attack was the result of too much stress. I couldn’t handle being yelled at from home and school, by a bunch of different people I cared about. Then being a stage manager, carpenter which was really physically tiring, and a costumer. Then going to the next play and being a stage manager and stand in actress for a few hours... I just... couldn’t handle the stress.

The second one was in a class last January. I have a pretty bad case of agoraphobia, demophobia, and xenophobia. Anywho... I was in class and there were about 60 other people and I was alright until we were given group assignments and told that our projects were due soon. She didn’t give us a date and I started freaking out about it when I realized I’d have to sift through a crowd of strangers to figure out who my group was. I had to leave the room and go out into the hall. I had another, much more mild, panic attack. Shortness of breath, crying, and I fainted... but it wasn’t nearly as bad as the first time.

I've had a few more since, and I can sense when they're comeing on now. My muscles all feel tighter and I'll be sad and worried for days before hand. I'll start to want to cry for no reason, my chest feels constricted non stop, and I'll get shaky for no reson. These are symptoms that I'm having "high stress" or "high anxiety" and though they don't suggest the onset of an attack, I do know that I'm much more sensitive and I have to be overly protective of myself for a few days... until I do something that makes me feel better. Often it's spending time with my nephew or best friend. Taking a day off of school and work and spending time with the two year old light of my life helps a great deal. Having a release is vital.

Anyway... yeah... that’s my story. I don’t take any drugs for it because I’m afraid of going to the doctors... my family would make fun of me mercilessly until the end of time. I know I NEED to though. My anxiety is starting to effect my everyday life. I can’t even go to the bank without someone with me because I’m so afraid of talking to strangers without friends around....


It's really scary and really the best thing any of my friends have ever done for me is just be there for me through the weird things I'm afraid of. The fears are getting worse... but just listening to me when I'm scared, and doing the little things I need people to do for and with me really helps. Like having people go grocery shopping with me. I love being alone... just at home. In public it has to be with someone I know who doesn't mind me being clingy. And absolutely no parties, even if it's all friends. The most people I can stand at one time is three, beside myself. I'm much more comfortable with one on one time... or being with two friends.


Anyway... really the best thing anyone could do for me, and I assume someone else with anxiety problems like myself, is just be there. Don't make fun, listen, and help when you can. The rest is up to our doctors, and us.
 
lostladyknight , thank you for your story. I really appreciate you being this honest. Most people who suffer from psychological problems have tendencies to keep it all in, because they feel embarrassed. My boyfriend was also under a lot of stress when he had his first (and the worst) panic attack. His gf with whom he was with for 3 years and who he wanted to ask to marry him dumped him one day. After that he started drinking more, he was out all the time, barely eating and what's the worst, keeping it all to himself. And then one day, his organism said: No more. IMO, our body knows when we push ourselves too far, and it warns us, one way or another.

Anyway, when he had that attack, he didn't understand what was going on, and his mother called an ambulance, so he had to go to the doctors.

Besides medical therapy, the doctor also prescribed him group therapy where he was forced to talk about his problems. He felt a lot better then.

I don't think you should be ashamed of going to the doctor, because it's also an illness like any other. You would go if you had a severe cough, right?

It's good you have friends who know not to push you.

I just wish I will know the time when it will be ok to give him a little push without him putting his guard up. Because, I was mentioning to him for 2 months that we can go to the train station. And every time we were scheduled to go, a thing happened in his house, regarding his step dad, an alcoholic, and he just didn't want to. I could see in his eyes that he was so tense, his pupils were dilated, he was nervous. And 2 weeks ago, he and his mother moved (or better to say, they ran away), and just 2 days after that, we were walking and I saw him glancing at trains, and I asked if he wanted to try. And he said how he was thinking the same thing. And he did it. A small step, but a huge one nevertheless.

Now, I don't know what's your life situation right now, but I'm guessing you still don't have peace in your private life.
 
i used to have panic attacks almost daily but now they've slowed down to maybe one every few months. this is a big improvement to me. my problem were large groups of people. crowded stores, the hallways at school, band competitions. that was a big big problem...since i was in band. it could happen at those places or even when i was by myself and only thinking of those places. eventually i got to where i wouldn't go anywhere. my junior year of high school i missed 57 days. i wouldn't go in stores or anywhere really. i know what he is feeling, you want to do those things and you know that the actual event itself isn't scary but the thought of having an attack in those places is terrifying. you feel like you are going to die.

so my therapist devised a plan of trial and error. he would give me breathing excersizes and tell me to go to a basketball game. i wouldn't even get through the door before i bolted. so i ended up on a cocktail of medication. my problem wasn't just the panic attacks so i was on antidepressants (zoloft, lexapro, wellbutrin), antipyschotics (seroquel) and nerve pills (visteril and atarex). finally i was able to go out and do things but unfortunately not only was i not nervous but i was barely walking. i was a zombie.

i found that time and taking things slow was the biggest help. i still get nervous when i'm around a lot of people but i fight off the panic attack. its something i deal with everyday. i'm bigger than the attack, i can control it. i just say that to myself over and over.

my problems decreased considerably when i moved out of my moms house. it sounds like he didn't live in the most stable home and i know exactly what thats like. leaving isn't always an option but that was probably the biggest step in helping that he could have taken. it was almost like a switch being flipped when i left that environment. its not suprising that he chose to try it after that.


be patient and give him support which it sounds like you are doing that now. not many people would go to that much trouble to help someone with this kind of problem. my girlfriend broke up with me over it. he's lucky that he has you and chances are that if you do give him a nudge in the right direction he will recognize that you are only trying to help him. good luck. :)
 
Hey, I just wanted to add something.

I'm not an aggressive person. That was the first and only time I have ever in my life been angry enough to throw something. I don't even yell. I could just tell that something was very wrong and I was desperate to be left alone. I don't even yell, it's not like me. I'm a very passive person and fights with me aren't any fun because I just talk through them. I have also never beofore, or since then, touched anyone while I was angry. And... I think that was one of the only times in the 7 years of knowing her that I've ever touched Chris... probably the first. I don't break the touch boundries with people unless I have to.

Anyway... so I was a lot more aggressive, and though I didn't hit her, thank goodness because I'd still feel horrible, my body and mind were working tripple time without me. I knew, even without knowing it, that something was going to happen and that I had to be alone... so I got what I needed.
 
ilh214 , thank you for that.
I can see that your situation resembles my boyfriends'. And I'm sorry your gf wasn't understanding about it.
When he started taking his medications he was also out of it. The doctor also prescribed him Zoloft, but his organism wasn't able to adapt. He threw up everything he ate, so they switched him to Xanax again.

I also hope I will be able to recognize when he'll be acceptive of my suggestions and when it will be just best to leave him be.


lostladyknight:
Yeah, my boyfriend also told me that when he had his first attack he knew for days that something wasn't right.
You just needed a right outlet for your emotions. I guess that is what every person needs, so his mind can relax.
And when everything just keeps on coming, mind can't deal with everything and our body just has to react.

From what I've heard, panic attacks are probably one of the worst warnings our body can give us. It leaves very serious consequences. Some are bad, like phobias, and some are bad, like people stop taking things for granted, especially their health.

F.e. my boyfriend didn't even drink one sip of anything alcoholic for 3 and a half years, because a few days before he had his first attack he practically drowned himself in alcohol and that was what contributed to his attack.
 
I had one when actually ironically was going to Las Vegas. It got triggered for me when the plane started backing up on the gate.

What happend when I was younger, one of those prop planes did a nose dive, and then come back up and I'd hit my head on the ceiling. I kept tightening my seatbelt trying to stay in it. This was happening pretty much the entire flight, and there was no doubt in my mother's mind or mine we were going to die. But we didn't, we made it back to land.

So few years passed, and I got on a flight with my friend and their family. As it backed up I just started breathing incredibly hard, I tightened my seatbelt until it was unbearable and Amber's father kept asking me if I was all right. I just stuck my thumbs up and said I was fine. lol I didn't know I had such a fear that had lingered.

For me and I've read in my psychology class, not for all but if you meet your fear head on and just do it, that generally helps. I had no choice. That was my only panic attack, but I was get jitter bugs before I'd fly, now I'm cool with it again like it never happened.

Everybody has their own way of dealing with things. For me I just kept doing till I had no fear, samething with Rollercoasters. I did them till I have no fear, he has to find his cure and I'm sure one of us will have the right answer.

P.S. I love your banner ;) so adorable!
 
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