Source EW (Note: I am posting the descripts in a spoiler tag, for those who don't even want to know that much).
How does one make sense of the November Sweeps madness? Duh, it’s easy, silly: Just use our handy, complete-yet-only-the-stuff-you-care-about guide below:
How does one make sense of the November Sweeps madness? Duh, it’s easy, silly: Just use our handy, complete-yet-only-the-stuff-you-care-about guide below:
WEDNESDAY, NOV. 3
Oprah(Syndicated, check local listings): More of Oprah and Gayle’s camping trip at Yosemite National Park
Survivor: Nicaragua (CBS, 8 p.m.): Only 12 castaways remain as the tribes merge
In the Spotlight with Robin Roberts: All Access Nashville (ABC, 10 p.m.): This hour-long special features Roberts interviewing country music stars Brad Paisley, LeAnn Rimes, Carrie Underwood, and Kellie Pickler
Law & Order: SVU (NBC, 10 p.m.): A History of Violence‘s Maria Bello and ER‘s Alex Kingston guest star
THURSDAY, NOV. 4
The Big Bang Theory (CBS, 8 p.m.): Dollhouse‘s Eliza Dushku guest stars
Bones (Fox, 8 p.m.): So You Think You Can Dance‘s Stephen “tWitch” Boss guest stars
Community (NBC, 8 p.m.): Hilary Duff and Andy Dick guest star
30 Rock (NBC, 8:30 p.m.): Elizabeth Banks returns
FRIDAY, NOV. 5
Oprah(Syndicated, check local listings): First of two-part event featuring Madea‘s Tyler Perry and 200 men who are stepping up to speak out about the trauma of their childhood sexual abuse (the second part airs Friday, Nov. 12)
Medium (CBS, 8 p.m.): Scrubs‘ Judy Reyes and NCIS‘ Rena Sofer guest star
Supernanny (ABC, 8 p.m.): Season premiere!
CSI: NY (CBS, 9 p.m.): Night Court‘s John Larroquette guest stars as Deputy Chief of Manhattan Borough Detectives Ted Carver
SUNDAY, NOV. 7
The Simpsons (Fox, 7 p.m.): Glee‘s Lea Michele, Cory Monteith, and Amber Riley lend their voices to this musical-laced episode; and at 8 p.m., “Treehouse of Horror XXI”: The 21st annual installment of the animated series’ much-anticipated Halloween special, which features guest voicing from Harry Potter‘s Daniel Radcliffe and House‘s Hugh Laurie
Extreme Makeover: Home Edition (ABC, 8 p.m.): Australian pop star Kylie Minogue shows up
Undercover Boss (CBS, 9 p.m.): Undercover with Tom Ricketts, the owner of the Chicago Cubs
Brothers & Sisters (ABC, 10 p.m.): Full Metal Jacket‘s John Terry first appears as Dr. Karl, a fellow radio host and love interest for Nora
MONDAY, NOV. 8
Oprah (Syndicated, check local listings): Interview with Michael Jackson’s mother and father, Katherine and Joe, as well as the late superstar’s three children, Prince, Paris, and “Blanket” at Hayvenhurst, the family’s home in Encino, Calif.
House (Fox, 8 p.m.): Joan of Arcadia and Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants star Amber Tamblyn joins for the first of her multi-episode arc playing Martha Masters, a brilliant but inexperienced third-year medical student
Matt Lauer Reports (NBC, 8 p.m.): The Today show anchor sits down for an hour-long news special with President George W. Bush concerning his memoir, Decision Points
No Ordinary Family (ABC, 8 p.m.): Cybill Shepherd appears as Stephanie’s hard-to-please mother, while Twilight‘s Jackson Rathbone guest stars as Trent, whose parents are the victims of a home invasion
Rules of Engagement (CBS, 8:30 p.m.): As a member of Jeff’s softball team, Less Than Perfect‘s Sara Rue guest stars alongside Joan Collins, who plays Russell’s mother, Bunny Dunbar
90210 (The CW, 9 p.m.): Pop star Joe Jonas plays himself and helps Adrianna boost her image by going as her date to a party
TUESDAY, NOV. 9
Oprah(Syndicated, check local listings): President George W. Bush discusses his memoir Decision Points; President H.W. Bush and Barbara Bush also appear from the Bush family summer estate in Kennebunkport, Maine
Glee (Fox, 8 p.m.): Coach Beiste (guest star Dot-Marie Jones) returns! Chord Overstreet (Sam) also returns as a guest stars
One Tree Hill (The CW, 8 p.m.): Tony Gonzalez of the Atlanta Falcons appears in a cameo role; Desperate Housewives‘ Sharon Lawrence guest stars
Running Wilde (Fox, 9:30 p.m.): David Cross guest stars
The Good Wife (CBS, 10 p.m.): Michael J. Fox guest stars as attorney Louis Canning, a brilliant but disabled lawyer who uses his condition to sway a jury; High Fidelity‘s Lili Taylor appears as Donna Seabrook, a former friend of Kalinda’s who is now sharing secrets with Blake
Parenthood (NBC, 10 p.m.): William Baldwin returns
WEDNESDAY, NOV. 10
Country Music Awards (ABC, 8 p.m.): Another night of country stars from ABC! Hosted by Brad Paisley and Carrie Underwood and featuring the first-ever performance from Gwyneth Paltrow and Vince Gill together; Miranda Lambert, Sheryl Crow, Zac Brown Band, Alan Jackson, and many more also perform
Hell’s Kitchen (Fox, 8 p.m.): Battle of the sexes returns as the chefs serve two special guests: restaurateur Josiah Citrin and NFL quarterback Matt Cassel
Criminal Minds (CBS, 9 p.m.): Oscar-nominee Sally Kirkland guest stars as 1950s film actress, Kay, while Heroes‘ Robert Knepper appears as her devoted son, Rhett
Hellcats (The CW, 9 p.m.): Musical guest FeFe Dobson performs
Law & Order: SVU (NBC, 10 p.m.): Major Dad‘s Gerald McRaney guest stars
THURSDAY, NOV. 11
Oprah(Syndicated, check local listings): Marie Osmond talks about the loss of her son, Michael, for the first time
The Big Bang Theory (CBS, 8 p.m.): Star Trek: The Next Generation‘s Wil Wheaton guest stars
$#*! My Dad Says (CBS, 8:30 p.m.): Two and a Half Men‘s Missi Pyle guest stars as Vince and Bonnie’s boss, Katie
30 Rock (NBC, 8:30 p.m.): Mad Men‘s John Slattery guest stars
Grey’s Anatomy (ABC, 9 p.m.): 24 alum Peter MacNicol guest stars as the new pediatrics attending, Dr. Phil Stark
The Apprentice (NBC, 10 p.m.): Kim Kardashian appears
FRIDAY, NOV. 12
Oprah (Syndicated, check local listings): Second of two-part event featuring Tyler Perry and 200 men who are stepping up to speak out about the trauma of their childhood sexual abuse (the first part aired Friday, Nov. 5)
Smallville (The CW, 8 p.m.): Desperate Housewives‘ Teri Hatcher guest stars as Ella Lane, Lois’ mother
SUNDAY, NOV. 14
Extreme Makeover: Home Edition (ABC, 8 p.m.): Country music stars Carrie Underwood, Keith Urban, and LeAnn Rimes pitch in
The Cleveland Show (Fox, 8:30 p.m.): David Lynch shows up as a guest voice
Desperate Housewives (ABC, 9 p.m.): John Schneider and Nancy Travis appear as Keith’s parents, who are invited to Thanksgiving at Bree’s house
American Dad (Fox, 9:30 p.m.): Heroes‘ Hayden Panettiere guest voices a role as Ashley, the new girl in school who invites Steve over while her parents are out of town
MONDAY, NOV. 15
Oprah(Syndicated, check local listings): Whoopi Goldberg appears to discuss the Oscar-winning film, The Color Purple, that she stared in with Oprah on its 25th anniversary
Chuck (NBC, 8 p.m.): Saturday Night Live alum Rob Riggle, Dr. Kildare‘s Richard Chamberlain, and The Sarah Connor Chronicles‘ Summer Glau guest star
House (Fox, 8 p.m.): Amber Tamblyn (see House entry for Monday, Nov. 8), Dylan Baker, Cynthia Watros, and Devon Woods all guest star
How I Met Your Mother (CBS, 8 p.m.): Robin’s alter-ego Robin Sparkles returns! Pussycat Dolls leader Nicole Scherzinger appears as Robin’s old pal Jessica Glitter; and Alan Thicke returns as himselfThe Event (NBC, 9 p.m.): Into the Wild‘s Hal Holbrook guest stars
Castle (ABC, 10 p.m.): Lyle Lovett guest stars as a mysterious government agent intent on shutting down an investigation
TUESDAY, NOV. 16
Oprah(Syndicated, check local listings): Barbra Streisand will appear to perform and discuss her passion for design
Glee (Fox, 8 p.m.): Gwyneth Paltrow guest stars as a substitute teacher for Mr. Schuester (Matthew Morrison) and takes over both the glee club and his Spanish classes
Life Unexpected (The CW, 9 p.m.): Buffy the Vampire Slayer‘s Emma Caulfield and Parenthood‘s Krista Allen guest star
The Good Wife (Fox, 10 p.m.): iCarly‘s Miranda Cosgrove appears as a teen star who is accused of attempted murder after a night of underage drinking
Parenthood (NBC, 10 p.m.): William Baldwin guest stars
WEDNESDAY, NOV. 17
America’s Next Top Model (The CW, 8 p.m.): Down to the final four girls!
Human Target (Fox, 8 p.m.): Season premiere! Hellcats (The CW, 9 p.m.): Dance legend Debbie Allen directs!
Hell’s Kitchen (Fox, 9 p.m.): The amuse-bouche challenge!
The Defenders (CBS, 10 p.m.): Rapper Lil’ Romeo and Soul Food‘s Rockmond Dunbar guest star as rappers “Killa Diz” and “Bounce”
THURSDAY, NOV. 18
A Charlie Brown Thanksgiving (ABC, 8 p.m.): An hour of magic from Charlie Brown, featuring the classic A Charlie Brown Thanksgiving, followed by bonus cartoon from Charles M. Schulz, This is America, Charlie Brown: The Mayflower Voyagers, at 8:30 p.m.
FRIDAY, NOV. 19
20/20 (ABC, 10 p.m.): Cynthia McFadden interviews superstar Cher in anticipation of her latest movie, Burlesque
SUNDAY, NOV. 21
2010 American Music Awards (ABC, 8 p.m.): Justin Bieber, Katy Perry, Ke$ha, Christina Aguilera, Bon Jovi, Pink, and Usher are all set to performThe Cleveland Show (Fox, 8:30 p.m.): Niecy Nash guest voices
Family Guy (Fox, 9 p.m.): Bill Maher guest voices as himself
American Dad (Fox, 9:30 p.m.): Jason Alexander guest voices as a counselor Stan and Francine go to see
MONDAY, NOV. 22
Chuck (NBC, 8 p.m.): Dr. Kildare‘s Richard Chamberlain guest stars
Dancing with the Stars (ABC, 8 p.m.): Season finale, part one! The final three couples perform
House (Fox, 8 p.m.): Cynthia Watros returns as a guest star
Skating with the Stars (ABC, 9 p.m.): Season premiere, starring a cast that includes All My Children‘s Rebecca Budig, Bethenny Getting Married? star Bethenny Frankel, skier Jonny Moseley, rocker Vince Neil, Sonny With a Chance‘s Brandon Mychal Smith, and Blade Runner‘s Sean Young
TUESDAY, NOV. 23
Glee (Fox, 8 p.m.): Carol Burnett guest stars as Sue’s “Nazi-hunting mother”
Dancing with the Stars (ABC, 9 p.m.): Season finale, part two! One couple will be crowned the Mirror Ball Champions
Raising Hope (Fox, 9 p.m.): Greg Germann and Valerie Mahaffey guest star as Hope’s other grandparents, Dale and Margine
Running Wilde (Fox, 9:30 p.m.): Saturday Night Live alum Ana Gasteyer guest stars as a powerful magazine editor
WEDNESDAY, NOV. 24
The Middle (ABC, 8 p.m.): Saturday Night Live alum Norm MacDonald shows up for Thanksgiving as Mike’s brother Rusty
The Kung Fu Panda Holiday Special (NBC, 8:30 p.m.): New holiday special from DreamWorks Animation featuring the Kung Fu Panda
The Biggest Loser: Where Are They Now? (NBC, 9 p.m.): Catch up with your favorite past contestants in this special
Hell’s Kitchen (Fox, 9 p.m.): Contestants must serve their signature dish to the downtown L.A. lunch crowd from the city’s infamous food trucks
Oprah(Syndicated, check local listings): More of Oprah and Gayle’s camping trip at Yosemite National Park
Survivor: Nicaragua (CBS, 8 p.m.): Only 12 castaways remain as the tribes merge
In the Spotlight with Robin Roberts: All Access Nashville (ABC, 10 p.m.): This hour-long special features Roberts interviewing country music stars Brad Paisley, LeAnn Rimes, Carrie Underwood, and Kellie Pickler
Law & Order: SVU (NBC, 10 p.m.): A History of Violence‘s Maria Bello and ER‘s Alex Kingston guest star
THURSDAY, NOV. 4
The Big Bang Theory (CBS, 8 p.m.): Dollhouse‘s Eliza Dushku guest stars
Bones (Fox, 8 p.m.): So You Think You Can Dance‘s Stephen “tWitch” Boss guest stars
Community (NBC, 8 p.m.): Hilary Duff and Andy Dick guest star
30 Rock (NBC, 8:30 p.m.): Elizabeth Banks returns
FRIDAY, NOV. 5
Oprah(Syndicated, check local listings): First of two-part event featuring Madea‘s Tyler Perry and 200 men who are stepping up to speak out about the trauma of their childhood sexual abuse (the second part airs Friday, Nov. 12)
Medium (CBS, 8 p.m.): Scrubs‘ Judy Reyes and NCIS‘ Rena Sofer guest star
Supernanny (ABC, 8 p.m.): Season premiere!
CSI: NY (CBS, 9 p.m.): Night Court‘s John Larroquette guest stars as Deputy Chief of Manhattan Borough Detectives Ted Carver
SUNDAY, NOV. 7
The Simpsons (Fox, 7 p.m.): Glee‘s Lea Michele, Cory Monteith, and Amber Riley lend their voices to this musical-laced episode; and at 8 p.m., “Treehouse of Horror XXI”: The 21st annual installment of the animated series’ much-anticipated Halloween special, which features guest voicing from Harry Potter‘s Daniel Radcliffe and House‘s Hugh Laurie
Extreme Makeover: Home Edition (ABC, 8 p.m.): Australian pop star Kylie Minogue shows up
Undercover Boss (CBS, 9 p.m.): Undercover with Tom Ricketts, the owner of the Chicago Cubs
Brothers & Sisters (ABC, 10 p.m.): Full Metal Jacket‘s John Terry first appears as Dr. Karl, a fellow radio host and love interest for Nora
MONDAY, NOV. 8
Oprah (Syndicated, check local listings): Interview with Michael Jackson’s mother and father, Katherine and Joe, as well as the late superstar’s three children, Prince, Paris, and “Blanket” at Hayvenhurst, the family’s home in Encino, Calif.
House (Fox, 8 p.m.): Joan of Arcadia and Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants star Amber Tamblyn joins for the first of her multi-episode arc playing Martha Masters, a brilliant but inexperienced third-year medical student
Matt Lauer Reports (NBC, 8 p.m.): The Today show anchor sits down for an hour-long news special with President George W. Bush concerning his memoir, Decision Points
No Ordinary Family (ABC, 8 p.m.): Cybill Shepherd appears as Stephanie’s hard-to-please mother, while Twilight‘s Jackson Rathbone guest stars as Trent, whose parents are the victims of a home invasion
Rules of Engagement (CBS, 8:30 p.m.): As a member of Jeff’s softball team, Less Than Perfect‘s Sara Rue guest stars alongside Joan Collins, who plays Russell’s mother, Bunny Dunbar
90210 (The CW, 9 p.m.): Pop star Joe Jonas plays himself and helps Adrianna boost her image by going as her date to a party
TUESDAY, NOV. 9
Oprah(Syndicated, check local listings): President George W. Bush discusses his memoir Decision Points; President H.W. Bush and Barbara Bush also appear from the Bush family summer estate in Kennebunkport, Maine
Glee (Fox, 8 p.m.): Coach Beiste (guest star Dot-Marie Jones) returns! Chord Overstreet (Sam) also returns as a guest stars
One Tree Hill (The CW, 8 p.m.): Tony Gonzalez of the Atlanta Falcons appears in a cameo role; Desperate Housewives‘ Sharon Lawrence guest stars
Running Wilde (Fox, 9:30 p.m.): David Cross guest stars
The Good Wife (CBS, 10 p.m.): Michael J. Fox guest stars as attorney Louis Canning, a brilliant but disabled lawyer who uses his condition to sway a jury; High Fidelity‘s Lili Taylor appears as Donna Seabrook, a former friend of Kalinda’s who is now sharing secrets with Blake
Parenthood (NBC, 10 p.m.): William Baldwin returns
WEDNESDAY, NOV. 10
Country Music Awards (ABC, 8 p.m.): Another night of country stars from ABC! Hosted by Brad Paisley and Carrie Underwood and featuring the first-ever performance from Gwyneth Paltrow and Vince Gill together; Miranda Lambert, Sheryl Crow, Zac Brown Band, Alan Jackson, and many more also perform
Hell’s Kitchen (Fox, 8 p.m.): Battle of the sexes returns as the chefs serve two special guests: restaurateur Josiah Citrin and NFL quarterback Matt Cassel
Criminal Minds (CBS, 9 p.m.): Oscar-nominee Sally Kirkland guest stars as 1950s film actress, Kay, while Heroes‘ Robert Knepper appears as her devoted son, Rhett
Hellcats (The CW, 9 p.m.): Musical guest FeFe Dobson performs
Law & Order: SVU (NBC, 10 p.m.): Major Dad‘s Gerald McRaney guest stars
THURSDAY, NOV. 11
Oprah(Syndicated, check local listings): Marie Osmond talks about the loss of her son, Michael, for the first time
The Big Bang Theory (CBS, 8 p.m.): Star Trek: The Next Generation‘s Wil Wheaton guest stars
$#*! My Dad Says (CBS, 8:30 p.m.): Two and a Half Men‘s Missi Pyle guest stars as Vince and Bonnie’s boss, Katie
30 Rock (NBC, 8:30 p.m.): Mad Men‘s John Slattery guest stars
Grey’s Anatomy (ABC, 9 p.m.): 24 alum Peter MacNicol guest stars as the new pediatrics attending, Dr. Phil Stark
The Apprentice (NBC, 10 p.m.): Kim Kardashian appears
FRIDAY, NOV. 12
Oprah (Syndicated, check local listings): Second of two-part event featuring Tyler Perry and 200 men who are stepping up to speak out about the trauma of their childhood sexual abuse (the first part aired Friday, Nov. 5)
Smallville (The CW, 8 p.m.): Desperate Housewives‘ Teri Hatcher guest stars as Ella Lane, Lois’ mother
SUNDAY, NOV. 14
Extreme Makeover: Home Edition (ABC, 8 p.m.): Country music stars Carrie Underwood, Keith Urban, and LeAnn Rimes pitch in
The Cleveland Show (Fox, 8:30 p.m.): David Lynch shows up as a guest voice
Desperate Housewives (ABC, 9 p.m.): John Schneider and Nancy Travis appear as Keith’s parents, who are invited to Thanksgiving at Bree’s house
American Dad (Fox, 9:30 p.m.): Heroes‘ Hayden Panettiere guest voices a role as Ashley, the new girl in school who invites Steve over while her parents are out of town
MONDAY, NOV. 15
Oprah(Syndicated, check local listings): Whoopi Goldberg appears to discuss the Oscar-winning film, The Color Purple, that she stared in with Oprah on its 25th anniversary
Chuck (NBC, 8 p.m.): Saturday Night Live alum Rob Riggle, Dr. Kildare‘s Richard Chamberlain, and The Sarah Connor Chronicles‘ Summer Glau guest star
House (Fox, 8 p.m.): Amber Tamblyn (see House entry for Monday, Nov. 8), Dylan Baker, Cynthia Watros, and Devon Woods all guest star
How I Met Your Mother (CBS, 8 p.m.): Robin’s alter-ego Robin Sparkles returns! Pussycat Dolls leader Nicole Scherzinger appears as Robin’s old pal Jessica Glitter; and Alan Thicke returns as himselfThe Event (NBC, 9 p.m.): Into the Wild‘s Hal Holbrook guest stars
Castle (ABC, 10 p.m.): Lyle Lovett guest stars as a mysterious government agent intent on shutting down an investigation
TUESDAY, NOV. 16
Oprah(Syndicated, check local listings): Barbra Streisand will appear to perform and discuss her passion for design
Glee (Fox, 8 p.m.): Gwyneth Paltrow guest stars as a substitute teacher for Mr. Schuester (Matthew Morrison) and takes over both the glee club and his Spanish classes
Life Unexpected (The CW, 9 p.m.): Buffy the Vampire Slayer‘s Emma Caulfield and Parenthood‘s Krista Allen guest star
The Good Wife (Fox, 10 p.m.): iCarly‘s Miranda Cosgrove appears as a teen star who is accused of attempted murder after a night of underage drinking
Parenthood (NBC, 10 p.m.): William Baldwin guest stars
WEDNESDAY, NOV. 17
America’s Next Top Model (The CW, 8 p.m.): Down to the final four girls!
Human Target (Fox, 8 p.m.): Season premiere! Hellcats (The CW, 9 p.m.): Dance legend Debbie Allen directs!
Hell’s Kitchen (Fox, 9 p.m.): The amuse-bouche challenge!
The Defenders (CBS, 10 p.m.): Rapper Lil’ Romeo and Soul Food‘s Rockmond Dunbar guest star as rappers “Killa Diz” and “Bounce”
THURSDAY, NOV. 18
A Charlie Brown Thanksgiving (ABC, 8 p.m.): An hour of magic from Charlie Brown, featuring the classic A Charlie Brown Thanksgiving, followed by bonus cartoon from Charles M. Schulz, This is America, Charlie Brown: The Mayflower Voyagers, at 8:30 p.m.
FRIDAY, NOV. 19
20/20 (ABC, 10 p.m.): Cynthia McFadden interviews superstar Cher in anticipation of her latest movie, Burlesque
SUNDAY, NOV. 21
2010 American Music Awards (ABC, 8 p.m.): Justin Bieber, Katy Perry, Ke$ha, Christina Aguilera, Bon Jovi, Pink, and Usher are all set to performThe Cleveland Show (Fox, 8:30 p.m.): Niecy Nash guest voices
Family Guy (Fox, 9 p.m.): Bill Maher guest voices as himself
American Dad (Fox, 9:30 p.m.): Jason Alexander guest voices as a counselor Stan and Francine go to see
MONDAY, NOV. 22
Chuck (NBC, 8 p.m.): Dr. Kildare‘s Richard Chamberlain guest stars
Dancing with the Stars (ABC, 8 p.m.): Season finale, part one! The final three couples perform
House (Fox, 8 p.m.): Cynthia Watros returns as a guest star
Skating with the Stars (ABC, 9 p.m.): Season premiere, starring a cast that includes All My Children‘s Rebecca Budig, Bethenny Getting Married? star Bethenny Frankel, skier Jonny Moseley, rocker Vince Neil, Sonny With a Chance‘s Brandon Mychal Smith, and Blade Runner‘s Sean Young
TUESDAY, NOV. 23
Glee (Fox, 8 p.m.): Carol Burnett guest stars as Sue’s “Nazi-hunting mother”
Dancing with the Stars (ABC, 9 p.m.): Season finale, part two! One couple will be crowned the Mirror Ball Champions
Raising Hope (Fox, 9 p.m.): Greg Germann and Valerie Mahaffey guest star as Hope’s other grandparents, Dale and Margine
Running Wilde (Fox, 9:30 p.m.): Saturday Night Live alum Ana Gasteyer guest stars as a powerful magazine editor
WEDNESDAY, NOV. 24
The Middle (ABC, 8 p.m.): Saturday Night Live alum Norm MacDonald shows up for Thanksgiving as Mike’s brother Rusty
The Kung Fu Panda Holiday Special (NBC, 8:30 p.m.): New holiday special from DreamWorks Animation featuring the Kung Fu Panda
The Biggest Loser: Where Are They Now? (NBC, 9 p.m.): Catch up with your favorite past contestants in this special
Hell’s Kitchen (Fox, 9 p.m.): Contestants must serve their signature dish to the downtown L.A. lunch crowd from the city’s infamous food trucks